The Best Seven Years
by Blu Taiger
Summary: Calvin is eighteen and living in England with his folks. Now, he's faced with the task of telling Susie what he's been doing for the past seven years.
1. We meet Again

**Disclaimer: **The characters of Calvin and Hobbes and Harry Potter are belonging to Bill Watterson and J.K. Rowling, respectively. I have, however, taken the liberty of giving Calvin the surname of Mitchell. Anyway…

It was a quiet summer evening at the little house in England. Mr. Mitchell sat calmly in his chair; glancing over the newspaper in his lap, sipping his coffee and mostly, enjoying the quiet. Presently, he stretched and gave a content yawn. He really was enjoying the English town they were living in. _Being transferred_, he thought, _was the best thing that has happened_ _for a long time_.

The silence was broken by the opening of the front door.

"Mom, Dad, Hobbes, I'm home!" called out the man's son.

"Hi Calvin," he turned in his chair. "How was your day?"

"It was… interesting" Calving placed his hat on the coat hanger, revealing the blonde hair that still stood up every which way. His father began excepting the fact that nothing, in all of his son's eighteen years had made him even consider changing his hairstyle. So, it was likely that nothing ever would.

"Interesting, huh?"

"Yeah, a couple of cats found their way into the blood raven cages. You can just imagine the fiasco that followed."

"Uh, sure son." He said (Though, in all honesty, he couldn't.) "Oh Calvin, before I forget, you have a visitor."

"A visitor?" Calvin asked in surprise.

* * *

Calvin found his way into the kitchen, where two brown haired women were talking over a batch of sugar cookies. The older woman was Calvin's mother, and the younger one he knew immediately as…

"Susie?"

Her hair was longer than he remembered, but sure enough, Susie Derkins was sitting in kitchen. The sight of her brought a flood of memories back to Calvin. He could clearly see himself, at the age of six, hurling pine cones at her from within his tree fort. There he was at eight, seeing her at recess, and beginning to feel his feelings of apathy for her melting away. At nine, those feelings disappeard entirely and he and Susie actually became close friends. And then, then as he was halfway through his tenth year, he remembered all the sadness of telling his new friend that his dad had been transferred, and that they were moving to England. He remembered painfully the first – and last – hug he received from her just before climbing into the car to drive to the airport. He could all too clearly see, from the back seat of their car, Susie watching them leave, quickly – too quickly – shrinking into the distance. And now, here she was sitting in _his_ kitchen eating cookies.

"Susie, um… Hi."

"Hi Calvin." She said

"Oh Calvin, your home." His mother chimed in

"Honey… " Calvin's dad said from the doorway "Honey, could you come here for a minute? I need help straightening the pictures in the hallway."

"We just adjusted them this afternoon, Dear." His wife stated

"Well, I think they need to be fixed again." He said jerking his head in Calvin and Susie's direction.

"Oh, ooooh" She rose from her seat "You mean _those_ pictures. Yes, why don't we?"

They left the two alone together, but Calvin hadn't even noticed.

"S-s-so Susie, what brings you up this way?" Calvin said as he helped himself to a cookie

"My parents and I are visiting my Grandma." Susie replied, smiling

"Oh, she lives out here? Cool, so how long have you been here?"

"Well, I remembered that you were living close to where Grandma lives, so this afternoon, I thought I'd drop by. But, we've been in England for a couple of weeks now. Grandma and I have done all kinds of great things, like, when we first arrived she–"

"Ooh, wait!" Calvin jumped out of his seat "Let me go find Hobbes, then you can tell us both."

"Hobbes…?" Susie said, uncertainly "You mean that stuffed tiger you always used to drag around? That Hobbes?"

"That's him." He replied. Susie hesitated before saying

"Calvin, why are you still playing with stuffed toys? Even _I_ stopped playing with Mr. Bun after awhile."

"Well… Mr. Bun was an ordinary toy. Hobbes is… special."

"_Special?_… In what way?" Calvin sat completely motionless for a moment, contemplating the best thing to say.

"I'm sorry, I am not at liberty to share the information you have requested." He said finally

"Well, fine!" She started to rise, with the look one has when they're trying to hold back tears. "If you're going to be all secretive about it, then maybe I should just leave!"

"Susie no!" Calvin dashed in front of her "Susie please, don't go."

"Then, tell me what's going on with Hobbes!"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"I just… it's, y'know – that is… he, I… it's a funny thing it… _I just can't_!"

"I see." She said "Good night, Calvin."

"… Alright." Calvin said, defeated. "Alright, I'll tell you."

"You will?" Susie turned back

"Yes," He replied "but first, you have to promise me that what I'm about to tell you is going to remain between us."

"Okay, sure"

"I mean, really." Calvin said "Don't tell anyone. Not your parents, not your Grandma, not any of your friends, don't even write it in your diary. Okay?"

"Alright" She agreed

"I have your word?"

"You have my word, just please tell me what's going on."

"Okay" Calvin took a deep breath and thought of where to begin "Susie, do you believe in… _magic?_"

"Magic?" She asked, confused "You mean wand waving and pixie dust, 'Bibbity bobbity boo' kind of stuff? _That_ magic?"

"Yeah," Calvin answered "_that_ magic."

"… n, not really." She responded "Why?"

"Because… Hobbes is a magical creature. He's a tiger, but he can walk on his back legs and he can speak perfect English. Also, anyone without magical abilities can't see him that way. They can only see a toy."

"And you say you can see him this way?"

"That's right."

"But, only magical people can see him that way?"

"Yep."

"And that's because…?" She asked, not wanting to hear the answer.

"Because…" Calvin paused "because, I am… a wizard." Susie sat motionless

"A wizard?" She asked, anger beginning to bubble up within her "Calvin, it was bad enough when you wouldn't tell me, but to go and make up some stupid lie?" Calvin swallowed hard, knowing what he would have to do "I thought I knew you better than that. I'm leaving, goodnight."

Susie got up and walked to the open door, she stopped suddenly when the door swung closed without being touched. She turned around to see Calvin pointing a dark colored stick at the door

"Please don't go, Susie" He said "Here." He now pointed that stick into the air. At first, nothing happened, but then something green began to flow from the tip. It grew longer and straighter until the end began to ball up, and then it burst open revealing a bright, yellow Daffodil. Calvin picked the flower off of the wooden tip and handed it to Susie

"I know they're your favorite." He said

"_Oh Calvin," Susie said "This is, I – you… that was… it… I wish this kitchen was carpeted." _She then fell, unconscious. Calvin, in spite of this, smiled contently.


	2. Susie, I have something to tell you

Susie's eyes blinked open. Her head was swimming in a mass of confusion, and slight pain where her head met the tile floor. But her head was now laying on carpet. Slowly she sat up, remembering a strange dream she had. A dream where Calvin had been a wizard and did magic right in front of her.

"Just a dream." She breathed. She then felt something in her right hand. Turning her head, she saw a bright yellow daffodil sitting loosely in her small grip. Could it really be? She moved to touch it.

"Yeah, it's real." Susie whipped her head around to see Calvin standing behind her, smirking. "And for the record," he said "it wasn't _just_ a dream."

It took Susie a moment to fully come to her senses.

"So, it's true." She said at last "You really are a… a…"

"A wizard?" He finished for her "Yes, yes I am."

Susie stood up. Once on her feet, she noticed a an open chest filled with an assortment of items. _Magical items_ she thought to herself. And there, propped up against the chest, sat a stuffed tiger. A stuffed tiger she was all too familiar with.

"And Hobbes, he really is… alive?"

"Oh, sure." Calvin answered "Alive as usual. Quiet you!" He snapped at the tiger sitting there.

"Do your… do your parents know about him?" She asked

"Well…" He started "They've pretty much come to accept that he is what he is, but if you mean 'can they see him', no, they can't."

"I wish I could see him the way you do." Susie mused.

"Well, it's funny you should mention that." Calvin said "I've been working on developing a potion to do just that. For Mum and Dad y'know."

"Did you just say '_Mum_'?" Susie asked. Calvin laid an awkward expression on his face.

"… I might have" He said "What can I say? When you've lived in a place for eight years, it tends to wear off on ya."

"Right, so you say you have a potion that can make people see Hobbes?" She asked

"In theory." He answered "Hang on." He dashed out of the room. Within half a minute, he was back. In his hand, he held a glass vile containing a frothy, orange liquid. "This is the stuff." He said "I'm pretty sure I've got it right this time." Susie took the vile from his hand.

"'This time'?" She asked.

"Hey," Calvin snapped defensively "making potions isn't like mixing up lemonade! Especially when it's a potion you've invented."

"Oh, I see." Susie sniffed the contents. "So, your going to feed this to your parents?"

"If they'll take it. I think they've gotten a little reluctant after what happened last time."

"Oh" Susie looked at the liquid a little queasily now.

"Besides, it hasn't been tested." Calvin stated.

"Well, it's about to." She said.

"Susie, no –" Calvin yelled, but before he could do anything, Susie tossed her head back and swallowed the entire contents of the vile.

"Uh, um… H–how's it taste?" He asked nervously.

"Ugh, awful." Susie scrunched up her face "It – agh!"

"Susie!"

Susie dropped the vile on the floor as she let out a earth shattering scream. She fell to the floor, clamping her hands over her eyes and ears, all the while squirming and shaking. Calvin, although being used to this kind of reaction from his parents whenever he had given the potion to them, regained the shocked horror that had nullified so long ago after seeing Susie wrench and turn about in the pain she was obviously feeling. Still, all he could do was watch in his own pain as he saw Susie's twisting and shaking becoming more and more violent and her shrieks and screams becoming louder and more piercing. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the screams subsided, and Susie stopped shaking. Though her breathing was still heavy, she managed to pull herself back onto her feet.

"A – are you alright?" Calvin asked her

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine."

"How is she?" asked a voice Susie had never heard before.

Even though she knew what the potion was supposed to do, she was still surprised by what met her gaze when she turned around. There, looking so natural and yet, so out of place, stood a tiger – on his hind legs. The tiger grinned sort of sheepishly at her, and it was all she could do to grin back.

"Are – are you Hobbes?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's me." The tiger responded.

"Well,… it's nice to meet you, Hobbes." She said, extending her hand, which Hobbes shook happily.

"Wait," Calvin said "You can see him? So, it worked?" He shot his fists into the air, while jumping about in a sort of victory dance

"Yes! It worked!" He shouted "It worked! I finally got it right! Wait till Mom an' Dad see this!… Whoa, wait how did I do it? What were the ingredients?" He started rummaging through the chest, pulling out all sorts of… _oddities_ Susie thought

"So Hobbes," Susie said "Were you with Calvin when he learned magic?"

"Yeah, I was there with him through all of it. Every second of every day."

"Wow, cool!" She said "So, where exactly did he learn magic from?"

"Right here." Calvin presented her with a picture of a large castle, surrounded by a vast lake "Hogwarts; School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Calvin," Susie looked at the picture uncertainly "the picture is moving."

"I know, isn't it awesome!"

_Of coarse, more magic_ Susie thought. "So, just how did you find this, this… Hag – wares?"

"Hogwarts." Hobbes corrected her.

"And they found me, actually." Calvin added.

"Ah, so what was it all like?" She asked

"That's a _loooooong_ story." Calvin stated.

"I've got all night." Susie shrugged

"Well then, just take a seat," Calvin pointed that wand, (_What else could it be?_ Susie thought) and a chair suddenly appeared behind her. "And let me tell you about the best seven years of my life."


	3. Strange letters from strange people

It was nearing the end of July, one day, when Calvin and Hobbes had gone to the local park to play Calvin Ball.

"Snapshot!" Calvin hollered as he whacked the Calvin Ball against a tree.

"Backwash!" Hobbes responded after snagging a flag from under a bush.

"That was a fowl!" Calvin snapped angrily.

"You know there are no fowls in Calvin Ball." Answered Hobbes

"Says who?"

"Said you. Remember?"

"Oh – yeah. Well, it was still – hey, what's that?"

"Oh, I'm not falling for that – again." Said Hobbes.

"No really, look." Calvin pointed behind Hobbes, where a tawny owl was fluttering away. Just before clearing over the trees, something dropped from its beak. The item it dropped twirled and spun through the breeze before landing just in front of Hobbes's feet.

"Looks like some kind of letter, or something." He said, picking it up.

"Really?" Calvin asked "Who's it for?"

Hobbes examined the letter front closely. "It's for you." He handed it to his friend.

"For me?" Calvin asked as he took it. On the envelope was printed a crest of some sort with a lion, an eagle, a badger and a snake gathered around it. On the other side of this envelope was Calvin's name and his exact address written in glittering, green ink. Curiosity overpowered any caution Calvin received from this strange discovery. He therefore, decided to open it.

"Dear Mr. Mitchell," He read "We are pleased to inform you that you have been excepted to Hogwarts, school of witchcraft and wizardry –"

"_Witchcraft and wizardry!"_ Hobbes asked, not even trying to mask the doubt that lined his voice. Calvin examined the letter more closely.

"Uh, yeah. Witchcraft and wizardry." He said

"Now, don't tell me your actually going to buy into this." Hobbes said "There's no such thing as magic or other mumbo jumbo like that."

"This coming from a talking tiger." Responded Calvin

"… I don't get the connection." Hobbes stroked his chin.

"please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment." Calvin continued reading "Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. Yours sincerely, Minerva McGonagall, _Deputy Headmistress_." Calvin re-folded the letter. His hands, with the parchment in them, slowly drooped down. "Cool!" He said.

* * *

"So that's how it all began?" Susie asked in the large, comfy chair that Calvin had produced "With a simple letter?"

"Yeah." Calvin answered.

"Simple as that." Hobbes yawned, as he stretched in the couch.

"And Hobbes," She went on "you didn't believe it was real?"

"I have been chastised." He grinned. Susie sat for a moment

"So, how did your parents take it?"

"Ah, they thought someone was trying to play some kind of practical joke. Yeah know, typical muggle reaction." Susie paused for a moment.

"… Muggle… is that a word I should know?"

"It means someone who doesn't have magic." Hobbes explained.

"Ah." She said. "So, your parents didn't believe that there was a wizarding school? Then, how exactly, did you get to go?"

"Well, that very evening…"

* * *

The doorbell rang through the quiet evening at the Mitchell residence. Mr. Mitchell opened the door to see a woman clad in a green gown. Underneath the big, pointed hat she wore, was paling, red-ish hair rolled into a tight bun.

"Good evening, Mr. Mitchell." She said quite pleasantly, as if she was someone he had known all his life. "Is young, Calvin at home?"

"Uh,… who are you?" He asked uncertainly

"My name is Minerva McGonagall." She introduced herself

"Minerva McGonagall?" Calvin asked from the hallway "Y – you… you're the one that sent me that letter, right?"

"Yes." She said "May I come in?"

"Sure." Calvin said excitedly

"I, uh… you – your…" Calvin's dad stuttered as the strange woman crossed his threshold.

Minerva McGonagall entered the family room where Calvin's mom was busying herself with one of her projects. At a prompt from Calvin, the professor settled herself into one of their chairs.

"Now," She began "I trust you've gotten your letter?"

"Yeah, I did." Calvin answered "So, is this _really_ a school for wizards?" He asked

"Who is she?" Calvin's mom asked gesturing to the green clad woman.

"Apparently, she's a 'witch'." Calvin's dad made quotation movements with his fingers as he sat down next to his wife.

"Yes Mr. Mitchell, it _is_ a school for those who posses the skills of magic." McGonagall answered Calvin's question "That is why you have been selected to attend." Calvin sat quietly, unsure of how to phrase his next question.

"Are you sure I could really be a wizard?" He said at last. "I mean, I've never, I didn't – I don't… feel very… _magical_."

"And what of your striped friend, here?" McGonagall asked without hesitation.

"Hobbes? What about him?" Calvin asked.

"Am I correct in assuming that you are able to see him sitting uprightly beside you? As a living creature?"

"Well, yeah." Calvin said. Realization slowly dawned on him. "Wait, you mean _you_ can see him like that too?"

"Yes Mr. Mitchell," She stated simply "anyone who possesses magic can see creatures like him. And that is proof enough that you have what is necessary to learn magic."

"Cool!" Calvin cheered "_Sign me up!_ I –"

"Now wait one minute!" Calvin's dad rose from his seat, pointing an accusing finger at the professor. "Look lady, I don't buy all this '_magic_' and '_witch_' stuff for one minute. Oh sure, you can _say_ that you are a witch, and that you can do all this magic, but I'm on to you. You're a fraud! This is all some kind of trick! Granted, it's a well thought out trick, but I will not allow my son to be caught up in this prank of – this,… this, this... prank of…"

Right before their eyes, Minerva McGonagall had transformed into a cat, and was now looking up at Calvin's dad with great, green eyes.

"Dear," Calvin's mom said "I, I think you should sit down." Calvin's dad was still pointing his finger at the cat – Albeit limply – but his accusation had turned into dry throated, gasping breaths.

"Wow." Calvin said "Will I learn to do that?"

"This is advanced magic." McGonagall stated as she changed into a human again "But you will be able to learn this in time. If you wish to."

"How is this even possible?" Calvin's mom asked "Calvin being a wizard, I mean, neither up us have magic. No one in our family does. So just how could he be?"

"It is possible for witches and wizards to appear in the families of muggles –"

"What did you call us!" Calvin's dad found his voice again.

"Relax Mr. Mitchell," McGonagall said calmly "'muggle' simply means non-magical people." Mr. Mitchell sat down again.

"Now then," McGonagall turned her attention back to Calvin "If you are certain you want to attend, I will send an owl to back to Hogwarts at once."

"Of course!" Calvin jumped out of his chair excitedly. "Of course I want to attend!"

"Very well," McGonagall rose from her seat "now, all that is left is the matter of your school supplies." She turned her attention to Calvin's parents "Would the two of you bring Calvin to London tomorrow?"

"Uh,… Sure – I guess." Calvin's mom got out. "Can you actually get magic supplies in London?"

"Here," McGonagall handed her a piece of parchment. She unfolded it to find a sort of map. "Bring him to The Leaky Cauldron." She indicated a spot on the map marked in red. "Someone will be there to help Calvin with his supplies. And now, good night." And with that, she simply walked out the door, and vanished from everyone's sight.


	4. What Calvin heared at Ollivander's

"Are we sure this is the right place?" Calvin's dad asked as he looked around the dimly lit pub. Several oddly dressed people (At least, they seemed oddly dressed to him) turned to look at the new comers.

"It said The Leaky Cauldron outside, this should be the place." His wife stated as she rechecked the map and also looked around at the witches and wizards attending the pub. Calvin simply looked at his surroundings with an expression similar to that of a kid at Christmas.

"Good day." The bartender greeted them cheerfully. "Anything I can get f'you?"

Mr. Mitchell took on a sickly expression. "Uh, no thanks." He said, not even wanting to think about what went into wizard's drinks. He notices that his wife wore a similar expression.

"Ah, c'mon guys!" Calvin said energetically "Live a little!"

"Mr. Mitchell," came a familiar voice "Over here, please." Minerva McGonagall called to Calvin.

"Uh, her again." Calvin's dad muttered under his breath.

"It's nice to see you as well, sir." McGonagall said to him "And you, Mrs. Mitchell, and Hobbes." She nodded to the tiger standing calmly beside Calvin.

"Now," She said, turning back to Calvin "Are you ready to get your supplies?"

"Mmm, yeah" Calvin moved uncomfortably "See, I don't really have any British money – Pounds, or whatever they are." He shot an accusing look to his parents at this.

"It's just as well." McGonagall said simply "You wont be paying with muggle money."

"Huh?" Hobbes looked confused "Then how his he supposed to pay?"

"Why, with wizard money of course." She told the tiger.

Calvin's parents looked at each other. It was weird enough to see their son talking to a stuffed tiger, but to have a grown woman talking to him was just flat-out bizarre.

"Uh," Calvin interrupted "I don't have any of _that_ either." At this, McGonagall pulled a small pouch from her pocket and handed it to the boy. Calvin opened it to find several gold, silver and bronze coins within. He took a few, and examined some of the intricate patterns on them.

"There is a fund at the school for students such as yourself." She said "You may have to buy a few items second hand." She added. "Now, right this way if you please."

The professor lead them out through the back of the pub, into an alley. She walked up to a brick wall. Pulling out her wand, she tapped a few bricks and stood back. At once, the bricks in the wall began to move and rearrange themselves. Within seconds, a large archway opened before them. On the other side of the arch, there were several shops and stores and concourses of people going in and out of stores and looking about of everything.

"Oh my," Calvin's mom breathed

"I've never seen anything like this." Her husband said, removing his glasses and wiping them.

"Awesome!" Calvin exclaimed

"I'm hungry." Hobbes said. Calvin turned to look at his friend.

"Mr. Mitchell, parents, Hobbes…" McGonagall said, looking at each of them in turn. "This is Diagon Alley. It is here that you will find everything you will need at Hogwarts." She started walking down the street, indicating various shops, and explaining what would be found there. "And there's Flourish and Blotts, where you'll find your spell books. Over there is Ollivander's. You'll buy your wand there…" Calvin pulled out his supply list, trying to remember everything McGonagall was saying.

* * *

After a couple of hours, Calvin walked out of an other shop with his new robes. He gave the list one last look over.

"Looks like I just need –"

"A wand." Hobbes finished for him, while chewing on his sandwich.

"Right then, to Ollivander's!" Calvin declared.

Calvin let out a small gasp as he entered the wand shop. He was completely awed by the walls upon walls covered in small, rectangular boxes, each containing a wand he assumed. Calvin stepped forward, taking in everything sight, smell and sound of the wonder that surrounded him. Hobbes, noticing that he had finished his sandwich, looked around to see if he had anything else to eat.

Calvin wondered why there didn't seem to be anyone tending the shop. He started pulling out one of the little boxes.

"Good day, sir." Came a voice from behind. Calvin jumped nearly a foot into the air as he turned around. The box he held – and it's contents – fell to the floor. Behind him stood a stiff, stern, yet kind looking elderly gentleman.

"Come for your first wand then, eh?" The man asked.

"Uh,… yes." Calvin answered. The man smiled.

"Right then, let's get started." He said as he pulled something out from his pocket.

"What's that for?" Calvin asked, uneasily.

"I shall need to take your measurements." Mr. Ollivander said as he measured Calvin's arm.

"Is that really necessary?" Calvin asked.

"Oh, quite." The old man said ,calmly taking more measurements. "Now then, you seemed interested in that little beauty," He pointed to the one Calvin had dropped on the floor. "why don't we start with that one?" He went and picked it up from the floor and handed it to the young wizard. "Eleven and a quarter inches, made from maple wood with a core of dragon heartstring."

"Cool." Calvin said "So, do I just go with this one, or what?"

"Well, we have to make sure it's the right one." Ollivander said.

"The _right one?_" Calvin was confused.

"You see," Mr. Ollivander started "The wand chooses the wizard. We need to know if this is the one for you." Calvin looked up at the man, not understanding what he was saying. "Just give it a wave." The old man said. Calvin barely moved his wand, when Mr. Olivander snatched it away from him.

"No. That won't do a'tall." He said as he laid the wand back into it's box and set it onto it's shelf.

"Try this one." He gave Calvin an other wand "Made of yellow cedar. A full foot long with a core of unicorn hair." Calvin gave his wand a slight flick, and the wand was taken from him again.

"I'm afraid not." Ollivander said "No matter, we'll find your wand eventually."

* * *

Calvin didn't know how much time he had spent in the shop. At his feet, sat many, many boxes from the wands that hadn't worked for him. He wasn't sure how many there were, He had lost count after the sixty-eighth one.

Meanwhile, Hobbes had busied himself with constructing the wand boxes into Asian ruins. He sat back, and admired his handiwork – then the latest one that hadn't worked was tossed into his wall, causing his entire project to tumble down. Hobbes gave a pouting grunt.

"I must say," Ollivander said "I haven't had this much trouble finding a wand since Harry Potter."

"Who?" Calvin asked

"What?" He said "You don't know about Harry Potter? Everyone knows about him."

"I'm uh, kinda new to this whole wizarding… thing."

"Muggle Born." Hobbes mouthed to Mr. Ollivander.

"Ah, well Harry Potter is the only wizard to have ever survived the Avada Kedavra – the killing curse."

"That's special, is it?" Calvin asked, contemplatively.

"Oh yes," Ollivander confirmed. "What's even more wondrous, is that when he survived, somehow in doing so, he managed to defeat the dark wizard-" Here, he seemed to have trouble finding his voice "The dark wizard… you know who."

"Um, no… I don't." Calvin stated.

"Oh, well…" The old man seemed to be trying to muster up his courage for… something "The dark wizard,… Voldemort." He cringed as he said it. Calvin looked puzzled.

"What kind of a name is Vold –"

"Shhhh." Ollivander silenced the boy. "He who must not be named was just about _the_ worst wizard ever to have lived. People everywhere lived in a constant state of mortal fear when he was at large – though, most still do, even after his defeat – Anyway, when he went to kill Harry Potter, he somehow was defeated that night. And what is really miraculous, is that Harry Potter was no more than a year old when this happened."

Calvin stood wide eyed at this new information. Hobbes gave an impressed whistle.

"Whoa, this is heavy." Calvin said.

"It has nothing to do with weight, boy." Ollivander said "Anyway, we ought to get back to the task at hand." He paused for a bit, as if contemplating something. "I wonder…" He handed Calvin another wand. "Let's see if this will do the trick."

Calvin gave a quick flick of the wrist, expecting Mr. Ollivander to grab it away again. Instead, some form of energetic light shot out of the wand tip. Calvin looked up to see that the energy had shaped itself into the form of a green pteranodon. the reptile flew around Ollivander's head a couple of times before it crackled and popped out of existence.

"Ah, it's about time." Ollivander said as he took the wand back from Calvin and examined it.

"Huh?" Calvin looked slightly confused. "What do you mean 'about time'?"

"You see, sir," Ollivander continued. "In this shop we utilize three different wand cores. Dragon heartstring, unicorn hair and phoenix tail feathers.

"Now once, – a very long time ago – I experimented with a new potential core that (as far as I know) has never been used before.

"It proved to be a perfectly capable wand – excellent for charms and defensive spells, however, it never quite worked for anyone. So it's been sitting here idle for quite some time."

"So, what kind of wand is it?" Calvin asked excitedly. The thought of having a wand core that potentially no one else had was quite invigorating to him.

Ollivander gave him a warm smile. "Ten inches of walnut wood, with a core of griffin talon. An excellent wand indeed."

* * *

Outside the wand shop, Calvin and Hobbes met up with his parents and McGonagall.

"Gotten everything then," McGonagall asked "Very good. Term begins on September first. You will need to be at Kings Cross station, no later than eleven o' clock that day. Now, before I go, do any of you have any questions?"

"Yeah, teach?" Calvin asked. McGonagall looked at him distastefully.

"I would prefer 'professor' if you don't mind."

"Right. So prof, I was wondering if… maybe… Hobbes could… come?" Calvin was expecting a flat out rejection for this question he posed. Which is why it surprised him when the professor said

"Your list of supplies says that you may bring a cat if you wish. It's a bit of a stretch, but the last time I checked, tigers were considered to be cats."

* * *

"So, she actually allowed Hobbes to go with you, then?" Susie asked "They would really let a tiger in a school like that?"

"Well in case you haven't figured it out already, Hobbes isn't your average everyday tiger." Calvin answered her.

"Of course. So, just how did you actually get to Hogwarts?"

"Why, by the Hogwarts Express, of course." Hobbes informed her as he lay spread out on the sofa.

"The what?"


	5. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Draco

Calvin gazed up at the sign in kings Cross station. Platform 9, it said. He glanced anxiously at his watch – 10:49, the train was supposed to leave at eleven o' clock, precisely. He wasn't sure how exact wizard trains were, still, he thought it best to be on board well before it was time to leave. He pushed his cart, with all his supplies – and Hobbes – in it over to the next platform. Glancing at the sign of this platform, he read the words Platform 10.

"Ugh, I don't get it." He sank to the floor "She told me to get on the platform, but she didn't give me instructions on _how_ to get on it!"

"Well, lets just think about this…" Hobbes spoke up from the cart. "McGonagall said it was on platform 9 ¾, right?"

"Right…"

"Well then, logically, Platform 9 ¾ would be somewhere between Platforms 9 and 10, wouldn't it?"

"I see a flaw in your logic, though." Calvin responded.

"Yeah, what's that?"

"It's that between platforms 9 and 10 lies a solid, brick barrier." Calvin walked up to the barrier and gave it a quick, hard kick. Across the station, a yelp of pain – that sounded suspiciously like someone had kicked a brick wall – could be heard.

"C'mon Calvin," Hobbes went on "Think like a wizard. How would you get onto a magic train platform?"

"I don't know!" Calvin snapped "That's the whole point, she should have given me some kind of instructions!"

Meanwhile, Calvin's parents were hoping not to be identified as the parents of the boy who was arguing with a stuffed toy.

* * *

In the midst of his rant, Calvin's attention was caught by something. A young girl and an older man – probably her father – came toward the platform barrier. The girl was pushing a cart with contents similar to Calvin's, but he hadn't noticed because her appearance was a bit… distracting. Her bright, blonde hair was set onto a great, curled mass. She wore a necklace of what looked like bottle caps, and all up and down her arms, were various bracelets of all sorts of colors and sizes.

Before Calvin even realized it, the man and the girl had walked into the barrier and just… vanished.

"There's something you don't see every day." Hobbes whistled at the sight he had seen. "How'd they do that?"

Calvin walked up to the barrier and put his hand against it – it felt quite solid. "I think they just walked into it." He said.

"You sure?" Hobbes asked, uncertainly. Calvin looked at his watch again – 10:55

"There's one way to find out." He said as he grabbed his cart and started to build up momentum toward the barrier.

"Calvin wait," Hobbes yelled "You aren't really going to – are you… **oh no**." Hobbes noticed the barrier was mere centimeters in front of him. He covered his face, bracing for impact. He began wondering why impact was taking so long. Finally, he worked up the courage to remove his paws from his face. What met his eyes was an enormous, scarlet steam engine with the words Hogwarts express written on its side in large, friendly letters. Hobbes turned around to see Calvin with an expression similar to that of a child at Christmas plastered onto his face.

* * *

This expression was quickly removed when a young man with red hair came through the barrier, and strait into Calvin. This young man mumbled a barley audible _Excuse me_ and went on his way. Right after him, an older man – who looked as though he could be that guys father, since he also had red hair – came through the barrier. He was followed by two younger men who looked like they could be twins. And _they_ had red hair too. After them, came a young girl and an older woman who were both adorned with red hair like all the others.

"Sheesh, what is this, a clown convention?" Calvin muttered as he observed the small crowd that had appeared around him.

His grumbles were interrupted by a crash that sounded like it came from outside the barrier.

"What was that?" Hobbes asked as he whipped his head around toward the sound.

"Who cares what it was." Calvin said as he pushed his cart forward toward the train. "C'mon, it's ten fifty eight already, we need to get on board."

* * *

Calvin watched the faces of anxious parents waving their good-byes to their respective children. He watched as the faces began to move by and became lost from all view into the distance.

Calvin walked down the corridor of the train with Hobbes right behind him. They looked in all the compartments, trying to find one – an empty one, preferably – they could sit in. But no matter where they looked, each compartment seemed to have people already occupying it. In one compartment, there was a small group of wizards and a witch – all of them, looking like first years – talking amongst themselves and, apparently, having a good time. Overall, it seemed like a nice enough compartment to join – if it weren't for the scent of burning materials, and the fact that one of their shirts was smoking. The next one they found had a group that all looked too old for Calvin's taste. Another Compartment held only one very round boy. This boy was bent over, looking under the seats, calling for someone named Trevor. Calvin didn't know – or care – who this Trevor was, why this Trevor would be under the seats in the first place, or why there was a toad sitting calmly on the boys back.

"C'mon Hobbes, lets keep looking."

"Shouldn't we tell that guy he's got a frog on his back?"

"Ah, he'll figure it out soon enough."

Another compartment had only two girls in it. One of them – the one with red hair – looked familiar to Calvin. He could swear he had seen her before, but he couldn't think where. The other girl, who had curly, untidy, brown hair, didn't look familiar at all. Calvin moved on, continuing his search, while Hobbes was content to continue looking at the two females in front of him. That ended when Calvin had to walk back and physically motivate him. Finally, Calvin and Hobbes managed to find a nice, empty compartment, which they promptly filed in to.

* * *

Hobbes looked out the window at scenic country side that was quickly moving past them. Meanwhile, Calvin was occupying his time by bouncing a little rubber ball off the wall of the compartment.

"Boo-o-o-ooing." He moaned. Hobbes turned to his friend.

"Well, why don't you do something to entertain yourself?"

"Like what, huh?"

"Well, like – er – um… the window. Why don't you look out the window? There's some nice scenery out the window."

Calvin caught his ball. "Ah, its all just a bunch 'a green… what's so great about that?"

Hobbes opened his mouth to reply, but was cut short when voices appeared outside the compartment. Each of them reflectively turned to listen to what the voices – or voice – were saying.

"I haven't seen Potty, _or_ the Weasel yet, maybe they've done us a favor and dropped out of –"

At this point, a skinny boy with very light hair followed by two heavily built, gorilla – like cohorts found there way into the same compartment as the spiky haired young wizard. The three newcomers stared at Calvin, Calvin stared at the three newcomers. After a few moments of this, the light haired one spread a sneer across his pointed face.

"I haven't seen you on board the Hogwarts Express before." He sneered

"I haven't seen you aboard this train before either." Calvin said "Which isn't surprising, since it's my first time on here."

"What's with your accent?" the new comer demanded "You're not British."

"Nope." Calvin answered "One hundred percent made in America… out of parts pre-assembled in Japan."

A smile slowly appeared on the light haired boys face.

"Look at this," He said to his associates "We have a comedian in our midst." He then turned to Calvin "This is Vincent Crabb, and Gregory Goyle." He gestured to his side kicks. "And I'm Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."

"Nice to meet you, MalfoyDracoMalfoy, I'm MitchellCalvinMitchell." Calvin grinned mischievously, Crabb and Goyle couldn't help but snicker.

"Think you're right clever, don't you?" Malfoy sneered. Calvin grinned.

"Hey, you're the one that labeled me as a comedian." He answered, innocently.

"Of course. So, this is your first year at Hogwarts, then?"

Calvin made a face like one that was talking to an idiot. "I believe that was already established. Weren't you paying attention?"

Malfoy's expression hardened. "Well, when we get to Hogwarts, you better watch yourself, Mitchell. Rest assured, if you end up in the same house as me, I'd have _you_ whipped into shape in no time."

"Really. And what, pray – tell, _is_ that house?"

Malfoy's smile broadened. "Why, Slytherin, the greatest of the four."

"Funny," Calvin mused "I imagine that anyone from those other three houses would say something close to the same."

"You just watch yourself, Mitchell. I'll have you know that that _I'm_ from one of the most respected _pureblood_ families in the wizarding world."

Calvin tried very hard to restrain his laughter. "_Pureblood?_ That sounds like somebody bragging about his dog! You sayin' you're a _dog?_ Huh, Malfoy?"

Malfoys face began to turn a shade of red, while his hands balled themselves into fists. "Quiet, you little –"

"Has anyone trained you to do any tricks?"

"I'm warning you –"

"If I throw you a stick, will you fetch it?"

"Quiet –"

"Y'ever chased the mail man?"

"Insolent worm! It's time I taught you some respect!"

"Go nuts, my parents wasted eleven years tryin' to teach it to me." Calvin didn't even flinch from the seat he was in. He soon found Malfoy less then three inches from him, he face contorted into a savage, primitive mask of a bright, crimson hue.

"You will soon regret this, Mitchell." Malfoy spat through clenched teeth. "Count on it."

"Okay, okay." Calvin said, backing off slightly. "I'm sorry. Your not a dog."

After hearing this, Malfoys expression seemed to soften, ever so slightly. He signaled to Crabb and Goyle and they made their way toward the compartment door.

"You're clearly more of the weasel type." Calvin called to Malfoys retreating back. Malfoy spun around with a look of cold fury in his eyes.

"What!" He snarled.

"No seriously, dude. You even… look like a weasel."

"You filthy little –"

"I mean, really… Pointed face, large ears, all that soft, light colored fur. Check a mirror sometime then look at a – um… ferret or something. You'll find the similarities astounding."

Now Malfoy had completely lost all sense of reason, or sanity, or… anything. He made a mad lunge at Calvin, with the intent of snapping him in two. However, a split second after making his attack, he felt himself slammed into the wall of the compartment with his arms pinned down. After his brief daze, he found himself staring into an orange and white face marked with black stripes. A pair of beady, wild eyes were staring back at his own with fiery contempt gleaming in them. Moving his gaze downward, Malfoy saw – to his despair – a mouth that had opened into a great snarl. Inside the mouth, were several bone-white pointed fangs, the biggest of which, were larger than his fathers thumbs.

Crabb and Goyle could naught, but stand in fearful awe at the appearance of this new monster. Calvin, after the initial shock, recovered quickly.

"We-he-he-hell, looks like the ol' top purebred dog's not so hot anymore, eh Malfoy?"

"C-crabb, Goyle… d-do something." Malfoy was trembling with fright.

"Let me ask ya something, Homey." Calvin strutted up to the petrified Malfoy. "Do you know what a guar is? Oh, don't answer, I'll tell you. A guar is a wild ox native to India. And it weighs nearly a ton."

"W-why are you telling me this?" Malfoy managed to get out.

"Because, a tiger – that's the striped cat that has you pinned to the wall – can wrestle a guar to the ground and choke it to death without even using _half_ of its physical power.

"So, if a tiger can do that to an animal that almost weighs a ton, I imagine that he could easily snap your little buddies like twigs. I don't know about them, but I sure wouldn't want to go up against his mandibles of death… especially with the mood he's in."

"What mood is that?" Malfoy whimpered.

Calvin leaned in close "He's hungry." He informed Malfoy "You know what he likes to eat more than anything in the world?"

"_Guar?_" squeaked Malfoy.

Calvin grinned an evil grin "_Weasel_." He told him.

Malfoy turned ghostly white upon hearing this. His breathing became quick and shallow and beads of sweat began forming on his brow. "Call him off! Please don't let him kill me! _Call him off!_" Malfoy was begging.

"Tell ya what," Calvin said "you leave _me_ alone, and I'll make sure that he leaves _you_ alone. Sound fair?"

"Yes, sounds fair! Just call him off!" Malfoy shrieked.

Calvin turned to the tiger. "Hobbes, let him go." Hobbes did not let Malfoy go. Instead, he let out a soft growl and began sniffing Malfoy's shirt.

Malfoy was already near panicking from having a large predator smelling him, but when he looked up to see Hobbes's great red tongue lick his fanged upper lip, he nearly fainted.

Calvin went up to Hobbes, and with a voice like someone consoling a difficult child said "I know you really had your heart set on eating this guy Hobbes, but he's gonna be better. He's not gonna bother us ever again, so you should just put him down."

Hobbes let out a moan that sounded like Auwwww… and Malfoy gracelessly landed on the floor. Hobbes then quickly turned and bounded onto the seat in one fluid motion.

"Alright, I called him off." Calvin said "Now go."

Crabb and Goyle helped Malfoy onto his feet and they slowly made their way to the door, eyeing Hobbes suspiciously. When they didn't leave quite fast enough… rrrrROOAAAaaooorrrr!

Hobbes roared, opening his mouth to its fullest extent and revealing every one of his dagger-like teeth in all their terrible glory. Even Calvin couldn't help but stare wide-eyed at this spectacle. Malfoy, Crabb and Goyle, however, decided not to stare wide eyed, but to run as fast as their legs could possibly carry them.

As soon as the door was closed, anyone passing by would've heard laughter coming from within the compartment.

"Great job, Buddy!" Calvin said "Kudos on a convincing performance."

"You think the bit with the tongue was a bit too over the top?"

"Nah, that was perfect! Absolutely brilliant!"

* * *

Before either Calvin or Hobbes knew it, they could look out their window to see the silhouette of a castle pasted against the evening sky. They had arrived at Hogwarts.

Calvin stepped off of the train, a little uncertain. He had been assured that Hobbes would be taken to the school along with all of his gear, but he still would have felt better to have his friend by his side. His thoughts were interrupted by a loud voice calling

"Firs' years this way! Firs' years, over here!"

Calvin followed the voice over to the shore of the lake. He was… surprised by the look of the person the voice belonged to.

"Whoa, this guy's tall." He said to himself when he was met with the sight of a simply enormous man with a wild, shaggy beard and hair.

The giant of a man directed Calvin to one of the boats by the lakeside. Before long, Calvin and the other first years were sailing across the lake, in boats propelled by magic, to the grand castle that stood towering before them.

* * *

"Welcome to Hogwarts." The familiar sight of Professor McGonagall was addressing the large group of first year witches and wizards. "In a few moments, you will pass through these doors, and be sorted into your houses. They are Gryffindore, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. While you are here, your houses will be like your family: your triumphs will earn your house points, any rule breaking will lose you points."

Calvin nearly gagged as he heard the word Slytherin. the thought of being in a house with jerk-wads like Draco Malfoy was just sickening to him. But he didn't have time to be ill right now, they were all being ushered into the great hall.

Calvin had a difficult time staying put while the sorting process went on. To entertain himself, he decided to count how many times that old hat sorted for each house. Currently, Gryffindore had fifteen new members, while Hufflepuff had eleven – oops, make that twelve. Ravenclaw had ten, while Slytherin was in the lead with no fewer than eighteen.

"Luna Lovegood." McGonagall called out.

Calvin nearly fell over, Sitting on the stool now was the same girl he had seen at Kings Cross station. The one he had seen get through the barrier. He couldn't believe it, he looked real closely. Sure enough, it was her. He couldn't see her eyes because the hat was covering them, but he definitely recognized the untidy, wispy blonde hair, her bottle cap necklace and all the bangles going up and down her arms.

"Ravenclaw." The had called out.

Calvin watched as she made her way to the table decorated with blue and bronze, the table at which, everyone was cheering. McGonagall was calling someone else now, but Calvin wasn't listening. There was just something about this girl that held his attention. McGonagall called the name again. What was it about her that held his attention so? McGonagall called out the name again – sounding rather annoyed now. Gosh, why wasn't this idiot she was calling answering her? Was he deaf? Or just stupid? Or both? And just who was this moron anyway?

"CALVIN MITCHELL!" McGonagall shouted cantankerously.

At this point, Calvin's ego dropped like a stone. He grinned, rather sheepishly, and made his way to the three legged stool. He sat upon it as the Sorting Hat was placed over his head.

"Hmmm… interesting" a voice within Calvin's head was saying "A difficult one, indeed. There's no shortage of talent here. That much is certain, you also have a strong will and much determination." Calvin smiled inwardly. "Now, where shall I put you? Hmmm, not brave enough for Griffindore."

"Hey!" Calvin said indignantly.

"I see that you are capable of working hard," The hat went on "but only at the things you _want_ to work hard at. So… Hufflepuff will not likely be best suited for you."

Now, Calvin realized that only Ravenclaw and Slytherin remained. Suddenly, an image of Draco Malfoy appeared in his mind. He envisioned him – along with other Slytherins – barking at him, making him do things for them. And those that weren't were giving him the cold shoulder. Above all thing on earth, Calvin hated bullies and this scene that was before him now, caused him to cry out with all of his mind power. He did not want to go to Slytherin, he would not. He would do all in his power not to be put there. He called out to the hat as loud as he could.

"You don't want to be in Slytherin, eh?" said the hat "Ah, I've heard this before. So, not Slytherin, then? Are you sure? Very well, I believe that leaves _RAVENCLAW!_"


	6. Let's be Friends

"Ravenclaw?" Susie asked inquisitively at the young man across from her.

"Uh huh, Ravenclaw. That's where I was sorted." Calvin answered.

"I see, so just how _did_ you get sorted into that house, exactly?"

"Simple, the Sorting Hat looked into my mind and determined which of the houses I was best suited for. The Hat can tell everything about everyone, there isn't a single thing at all that you can hide from it." Said Calvin.

"Which is kind of disturbing, when you think about it." Hobbes added.

"No, no, no. I mean what characteristics does the hat look for when it sorts people?" Asked Susie.

"Oh, well why didn't you say so?" Calvin asked.

"I di- oh, never mind, just answer the question."

"Well, let's see… Gryffindor tends to attract the brave and courageous, while Slytherin houses those who are ambitious –"

"Seems like you'd be more prone to that house, then." Susie laughed. Calvin shot her a disgruntled look.

"Moving on…" He said "The hard working kind usually end up in Hufflepuff –"

"Good thing you didn't get sorted there!" Susie shouted. "You wouldn't have survived!" She began laughing uncontrollably. Calvin sat staring at her, dumbfounded, as she laughed up a storm, clutching her sides and shaking all about. After several minutes, she finally seemed to be winding down.

"Are you _quite_ finished?" He asked her.

"Not yet." She managed to gasp out as she started laughing again.

"Unbelievable." Calvin said to Hobbes as he slouched back into the couch. Just then, Calvin looked at his striped friend to see that he was engaged in a fit of laughter, as well.

_You'd think they'd have to take a breath sometime_. Calvin thought in bewilderment after several more minutes of perpetual laughing.

"You guys finished _now?_" He asked bitterly.

"Yeah, we're done." Susie breathed as Hobbes and she climbed back into their seats.

"Alright then, so Gryffindor has courage, Slytherin has ambition, Hufflepuff has hard workers… and Ravenclaw brings in wizards who have brilliant, or innovative _minds_."

"So Ravenclaw's the house where all the wise guys hang out, huh?" Susie asked.

"Pretty much, yeah. In fact, that kind of inspired the shirt I'm wearing." Calvin said.

"Really? I can't see it."

"Oh, well here."

Calvin stood up and spread his shirt out. On its front, was a blue shield in front of which, was a bronze eagle with outspread wings that looked like it was embossed. In the eagles talons was a scroll with Ravenclaw written on it. Above the shield were the words "_Proud to be_", and below it were the words "_a Bird Brain_".

"Cute." Susie chuckled. "So, what's it like in Hogwarts? Did you make any friends?"

"Well, I'd say the only real friend I had…" He began " –Other than Hobbes –" He added, seeing the tigers expression "Was Luna Lovegood."

"_Really?_" Susie said, narrowing her eyes.

"Yeah, she was a real cool person." He contemplated "She has this really bizarre sense of style and a… uh, _unique_ perception of the world and stuff. A lot of people thought of her as a bit of an oddball… I guess that's why we got along so well, we – What was that for!" He snapped at Hobbes who had elbowed him in the ribs. Hobbes gestured toward Susie, who had her arms crossed and was shooting daggers at Calvin with the look in her eyes.

"**Oh**…" Calvin realized what it was about. "Hey, you don't need to worry Susie, Luna and I were never anything more than just friends."

"Really?" Susie asked in an unbelieving tone, while still glaring at him.

"Really." He answered. "Believe it or not, it _is_ possible for a guy to be friends with a girl and _not_ be all flirty and stuff."

"Hmmm…" Susie thought "Not." She said.

Calvin sunk his face into his hand and let out a muffled sigh.

"Okay, so maybe I did think about it once or twice, but it never went anywhere. After all, butterflies should not mate with moths, because both are light and fluttered about by the wind. They must be mated with one that is firm and steadfast."

He looked up, hopefully at Susie.

"… Huh?" She looked at him confused.

"It's something Luna said once, regarding our friendship."

"Which one of you was the moth, again?" Asked Hobbes.

"I think it was – that's not important right now! Anyway, Luna and I both have a sort of care free lifestyle. So, a relationship other than friendship between us wouldn't work. Since we're both like that, we would both need a partner that has a more solid character. One that would anchor down when we've floated too far."

Susie seemed to ponder this.

"Get it now?" Calvin asked

"…No." Susie answered. "Your friend sounds like a very… interesting character." She said.

"Yeah, she was." Said Calvin.

"So how, exactly, did you meet?"

"Well, it was during second year. Hobbes was helping me with my Defense Against the Dark Arts homework

* * *

"I'm telling you, Batman would totally kick Spider-Man's butt!" Hobbes was saying.

"Shows what you know," Calvin retorted while levitating his quill and several other items "Batman doesn't even have any powers, while Spider-Man can shoot webs _and_ has super human strength. I guaranty, two minutes in, ol' Batty would be maggot fodder."

"Pfft, _Powers_. Batman doesn't _need_ these special powers. He use's his intellect to overthrow – Hey, what're they doing?"

"They're levitating." Said Calvin. "That's what the spell do –"

"I'm not talking about your writing supplies." The tiger responded. "look there."

"Huh?"

Across the common room, a small group of girls were gathering around one of the couches. One of them slid something underneath it and they all galloped off, giggling.

"… Girls are so weird." Calvin said after witnessing this spectacle.

"Yeah well, not much you can do about it, is there." Spoke Hobbes.

"Yeah… C'mon, let's go see what they were doing."

"You sure about that? I mean, it's probably nothing we should be interfering… – Okay."

Calvin looked under the couch where the girls had just been. He didn't see anything you wouldn't normally find under a couch – not that he really _could_ see anything. But then, he could _just_ make out the outline of something. Something fairly large, that didn't look like it belonged there.

"Uh oh." He said when he found that it was too big to be pulled out. He pulled and yanked at it, turned it different directions, twisted and pushed it, but it still wouldn't budge.

"Sheesh, how'd these girls get it under here in the first place? Hobbes, I'm gonna need some help. Just reach under here and grab the other end of it, then –"

Hobbes clapped his front paws together, then seized the couch by its underside and without so much as a groan of effort, lifted it up so Calvin could easily remove the object.

"– Or… you could do that."

Calvin pulled out the set of brass scales he had found and examined them.

"Hmmm… these appear to be brand new. Now, why would they be stuffed under some sofa?"

"Maybe they were playing some sort of treasure hunt, or something." Hobbes suggested.

"I don't think so. Did you hear the way they were giggling?"

"Yeah," Said Hobbes "I didn't like it. They sounded like you whenever you're up to something."

"Exactly!"

"Exactly what?"

"They sounded like they were up to something."

"So,… what are you getting at?"

"Call me suspicious, but I think they might be hiding this from someone."

Calvin examined the scales. He looked along the stem, nothing was there. He inspected one of the dishes, there was nothing. He looked at the other dish, ooh, there's something – no wait, just a scratch. Finally, he turned it over to look at the base.

"Found something."

Calvin and Hobbes looked down at the markings written on the base of the scales. Calvin looked from one end, while Hobbes looked at the other.

"It says… 'poobanoZ eun7'" Declared Calvin. Hobbes scrunched his brow.

"Looks more like it says 'Luna Lovegood' to me." He said. Calvin turned the scales around.

"… Of coarse it does." Calvin agreed, as he looked at it from the right angle.

"So now," Hobbes said "we just need to find out where this Luna Lovegood is."

"Whoa, wait a minute, wait a minute." Went Calvin "Luna Lovegood… I remember her from last year."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I saw her get sorted. She's in… actually, she's in Ravenclaw!"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"Well, that's great!" Hobbes said "So, we can just ask around and see if anyone knows who Luna Lovegood is."

"I know who Luna Lovegood is." Came a voice from behind them.

"Whoa jeeze, where'd you come from?" Said Calvin, as he spun around to the girl that was suddenly behind him.

"I came from the outer side." She said, smiling. "Where everyone comes from, originally."

The boy and tiger stood blinking at her.

"R-r-r-right…" Calvin said. "So, you say you know Luna Lovegood?"

"That is my name." Said Luna.

"_Well, that was easy_." Calvin mumbled to himself. "So, are these yours?" He asked, handing her the scales. She looked at them.

"They bare the aura of those that were whisked from their place of belonging." She said, dreamily.

"… So,… are they yours?" Calvin asked again.

"They are." Luna said.

"Well then, here." He handed them to her. "… I'm Calvin, by the way."

"Pleased to meet you, Calvin Bytheway." She said

"Wha – no, Mitchell. It's Calvin Mitchell… and this is Hobbes." He gestured to the tiger.

* * *

"… And the rest, as they say, is history."

"Wow…" Susie mused. "So, she had her things stolen from her?"

"Yeah, it happened pretty much every year she was there. People would take most – if not all – of her supplies and hide them from her."

"… That's horrible." Susie said, without a trace of the resentment she had been holding. "How could anyone do something like that? It's just… wrong."

"Well, people can be pretty… wrong sometimes."

"But still, why would they do that?" Susie went on. Calvin thought a bit.

"Because, Luna behaved differently than other people. And when people act differently than others, the others tend to make fun of them. On top of stealing from her, they also called her 'Loony' Lovegood."

"Oh, that's just not right." Said Susie.

"It's better than 'Twinkie'." Calvin shrugged.

"Hmmm… did anyone ever try to steal from you?" Susie asked.

"Nah, no one in their right mind steals from a guy who has a tiger for a friend." Said Calvin. Hobbes wore a very smug grin.

"A see." Susie said. "So, Luna was your _only_ friend?"

"I'm just not a social type of guy." Calvin shrugged again.

"Still, you must have at least _met_ some other people."

"Hmmm… well, now that you mention it…"

* * *

"Are you _sure_ the kitchen's this way?" Calvin said, as he felt his way through the dark corridor.

"Yeah, it's gotta be." Hobbes answered, sniffing the air.

"May I ask just _why_ we're going to the kitchen in the middle of the night?"

"Cause I'm hungry."

"_You're always hungry!_" Calvin snapped, impatiently. "I'm just say'n, couldn't we wait for a more decent hour to do this! I really don't like fumbling around in the middle of the night."

"Ah, what are you complaining about?" Asked Hobbes. "It's just a simple walk."

"Yeah, easy for _you_ to say, _you_ can see in the dark!"

"Shhh…"

"Don't you 'shhh' me when I'm ranting." Calvin snapped.

"No really, I heard something."

Calvin listened very quietly. All he heard was his own breathing, mingled with the snores of the paintings lining the walls. Suddenly, he did hear something. It was the muffled sound of walking feet.

In an instant, he felt a body touch his own. Acting out of pure instinct, he seized the body and started wrestling with it. Quickly, an other body joined the first. Within seconds, All Calvin knew was a twisting, rolling, punching mass of pure chaos built up of robes, fists, feet, teeth, fangs, fur and claws. The only sounds he heard were those of fists impacting skin, moans, grunts and cries of pain, gasps for breath, rapid breathing and the occasional growl or yelp from Hobbes.

Almost as soon as the fight had started, it had ended again.

"I got him, Calvin."

"No, you've got me!"

"Then, who do I have?"

"My foot."

"I don't have a foot, it's an arm."

"That's mine!"

"Get off of my chest!"

"I'm not on your chest."

"Yeah, you're on mine!"

"Ouch!"

"Sorry."

"And what's this, then?"

"That's my tail, I'd like it back!"

"Get out from under me."

"I can't see a thing."

"_LUMOS!_" Three voices called out at once. The ends of three wands lit up in unison, shining three beams of light, which caused Hobbes's eyes to illuminate into two glowing, jade spheres; a sight that made everyone – even Calvin – jump.

Calvin stood up, very shakily, and examined the two intruders. They were two young men, about equal height, that both had freckles and red hair.

"Who are you?" one of them said to Calvin.

"You first." Calvin replied.

"Alright, I'm George Weasly. This is my twin, Fred."

"Okay… I'm Calvin Mitchell. This is my friend, Hobbes."

"Wow, your friend has a lot of hair." Fred – or was it George – said.

"Yeah, tigers do tend to have that." Calvin remarked.

"Whoa, a tiger? For real?"

"Yeah, a tiger." Hobbes answered. "Y'have a problem with that?"

"No… So, what are you doing out here?"

"We might ask _you_ the same question." Calvin retorted. They seemed to ponder whether or not to tell him what they were up to.

"We were,… Alright, we were going to the kitchen."

"Hey, so were we!" Hobbes gasped.

"So, do you guys know how to get there?" Asked Calvin.

"Sure, follow us." One of them said.

Calvin wasn't sure whether, or not to believe them. But since Hobbes was already following them, he decided he might as well.

"Now, here's the entrance to the kitchen." George said… or maybe Fred. _Man_, why'd they have to look so much alike?

"Can we be sure this is the right painting?" Calvin whispered to Hobbes

"Gotta be, it's a painting of food." Hobbes answered, his mouth watering.

One of the twins reached up to pair in the picture and began… _tickling_ it? Calvin couldn't believe what that guy was doing, but his doubt left when the pair turned into a handle which was then opened.

_Well, whadda ya know?_ Calvin thought as he looked at a room that was most certainly a kitchen. _Looks like they know what they're doing after all._


	7. Having fun with ignorance

**A/N:** So a while ago, I got a couple of reviews of this chapter telling me that the Room of Requirement was incapable of making food items. These readers were obviously new to the story, else they would have known that I originally wrote this chapter _before_ Deathly Hallows came out and therefore had no way of knowing fact. So I replied to their reviews and told them as much and added that I left it that way because I didn't feel like going back and fixing it.

But then I thought, that's just a cop-out; something a mediocre author would stoop to. And I thought to myself, I should be able to to better than that. So I went back and revised it all. So enjoy.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were wandering the corridors of Hogwarts one Saturday afternoon in early spring. As he walked, Calvin looked warily at a group of Hufflepuffs that were eying him suspiciously. Specifically, they were eying what he had in his hand – that thing that leaped and returned with every movement of his hand. Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Sheesh, you'd think they've never seen a yo-yo before."

"They're wizards, they probably _haven't_ seen a yo-yo before." Hobbes grunted. Calvin's eyes widened.

_Did I say that out loud?_ He thought, catching his yo-yo again.

"Boy, all this time I've been thinking of how deprived muggles are with all these things wizards have and they don't. But it never really occurred to me how many things muggles have that would boggle wizards minds."

"Yeah," Said Hobbes "like airplanes."

"And computers." Calvin added

"And lasers."

"Or _guns!_"

"Then, there's lawnmowers."

"Yo-yos." Calvin chuckled as he did a particularly fancy trick.

"And pizza." Said Hobbes. Calvin's mouth began to water.

"Yeah… pizza." He sighed. "Ah, it's been so long since I've had one of those.

"You're tellin' me." Hobbes rubbed his stomach.

"All that cheese…" Calvin reminisced.

"Tomato…" Added Hobbes.

"In a deep dish…"

"Or thin crust…"

"With pepperoni…"

"And anchovies…"

"And anch – ewww,… you _like_ those things?" Calvin gagged.

"Hmph, heathen." Hobbes sneered.

"Anyway, what I wouldn't give for just a slice of one, right now. Just a _taste_ even." he sighed heavily. "If only there were someone here who could – hmmm..."

Hobbes looked at his friend warily. "Was that a good _hmmm_ or a bad _hmmm_?"

"What're you talking about? All my _hmmms _are good _hmmms_. C'mon."

* * *

That night, Calvin and Hobbes made their way down to the kitchens where the Hogwarts house elves greeted them warmly. "Good evening Mr. Mitchell, sir." the foremost of the elves greeted them. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Yes, I was wondering if any of you know anything about pizza." Calvin stated.

He was not terribly surprised when the elves' ears drooped and his bulbous eyes darted about uncertainly. "Er,... _'peet-sa'_, sir?"

"Yeah, pizza. It's like a flat bread that you pour tomato sauce on, then cover it with cheese and an assortment of other toppings."

The elf looked around again sheepishly. None of his comrades seemed to have any thoughts on the matter either."Er, we has not heard of this 'peet-sa', we is sad to say."

"I see... Well in that case, there's something I can do for you. Where do you keep your supplies?" he then transfigured a dish towel into an apron and proceeded to give the house elves a lesson on the fine art of pizza making.

A cacophony of protests arose from the elves. Exclamations of '_Oh no, sir!_', '_You mustn't!_', '_We is meant to serve_ you,_ sir!_' bombarded his ears.

"Will you relax?" he finally shouted. "Look, I'm only going to demonstrate how pizza is made. That way, if I or someone else ever feels like having pizza sometime, You'll be prepared to accommodate them. Capish?"

The protests died down to a low murmur as Calvin started mixing the dough. He then began orating his instructions to his audience who listened intently. Hobbes noticed that as he was speaking, Calvin slowly slipped into a New York-like accent. "Now when the dough has all mixed together, you'd set it in a warm, dry area to let it rise. Optimally, this'd take about an hour or so, but since we're pressed for time, we'll proceed immediately.

"Now, we take the dough and stretch it out a bit. Then work it from underneath with your knuckles. Then you _toss_ it up in the air, and make sure you get a good spin on it – that's important!

"_Now..._" he said slowly, in an enticing manner. "Now we come to the construction of the pizza. First we take a little of this tomato sauce here, and _BAM!_" he slammed a huge ladle full of tomato sauce on the pizza, spreading it around the entire surface.

"Now we come to the cheese. Traditionally, mozzarella is the cheese of choice, but I'm gonna kick things up a notch with a dash of provolone.

"Next we'll spice it up with a bit of basil – _bam!_ And a bit of oregano – _bam!_

"Now, when it comes to toppings, the sky's the limit! You can put pepperoni on there, you can put chicken, hamburger, mushrooms, peppers, fish – only don't ever do that when you're cooking for me! Anything at all you can imagine, it can go on a pizza!"

After a time, Calvin had finished his orientation and he and Hobbes had took a large pizza as their prize back to the common room.

"Well, that went well." Calvin commented.

"I guess." Hobbes added.

"And those house elves, are they great or what? So accommodating. You know what, I want one. In fact, I've decided right now, I'm gonna get a house elf one day."

"Yeah, they are a sharp bunch." Hobbes agreed. "'Course, I think your Emril impersonation went a bit over their heads."

"You know what, you're right." Calvin agreed. "I totally should've gone Swedish Chef! 'Ệspern dü gergen der pizza pie. Ỵbern ě bőrne dü süsé, und dü borbun der cheesey weesey. Sprinklett un dü süsé..."

"Uh-huh." Hobbes groaned. "I don't think they're likely to have understood you in that case."

Ỵbern ě şmāken der pizza pie! Ệspern dü bourgen dü dō. Ệseevy bőm den tossin dü dō, ě flippity flőppitiŉ ěsburbon düsey."

Hobbes sighed exasperatedly. "You're gonna do this all the way back to the common room now, aren't you?"

"Høø høø høø."

* * *

The next morning, Calvin and Hobbes placed their pizza on a table in the Ravenclaw common room and laid themselves on the couches, munching happily.

"So when did you learn to make pizza, anyway?" Hobbes asked absently.

"Found some recipes somewhere." Calvin shrugged. "Mom and Dad hardly ever order pizza, and they're always so regulatory and... less than enthusiastic about it, I figured it could save trouble by learning to make it myself."

"Well, I suppose suppose there are worse things you could waste your time with." Hobbes thought aloud.

"Absolutely – wait, whaddaya mean _'waste my time'_?"

"Nothing – Oh, hey Luna."

"Hello." Luna came up to the two "What is that on the table, there?" She asked, indicating the half eaten pie.

"It's pizza." Calvin answered. "You can have some, if you want it." Luna looked puzzled.

"What is pizza?" She asked.

Calvin sat upright. "What is it? _WHAT_ is it? Why it's only the _rarest_ of all muggle delicacies!"

* * *

"The rarest of all muggle _what!_" Susie repeated, her eyes wide.

"Uh… _delicacy!_" Calvin answered. Susie covered her laughing mouth.

"Ah, Calvin." She sighed "Only _you_ could come up with something like that." Calvin couldn't help but grin.

"Yeah, that one was pretty good." He admitted.

"That 'one'? Did you come up with things like that?"

"… None worth mentioning." He replied.

"Oh? What about the Elixir of Kings, Calvin." Hobbes butted in "Remember the Elixir of Kings?"

Calvin looked away while rubbing the back of his neck. "Oh… y-yeah… that." He mumbled.

"Oh, the Elixir of Kings. What's that?" Susie asked.

"I-it's… really stupid, it's –"

"Oh come on, let's hear it." Susie insisted. Calvin looked about.

"_Well, it's – it's really just…_ it's Kool-Aid."

"_K__OOL_–AID?" Susie let out another fit of laughter, promptly joined by Hobbes. Calvin watched this for a moment, shrugged and joined the laughing.

* * *

"Excuse me," a young third year said to Calvin in the hall.

"What'cha need, bud?" He asked the boy.

"You're muggle born, right?" The boy asked.

"Last time I checked."

"Think you could help me with my Muggle Studies homework? Just a few explanations is all I need. Please?"

"… Sure, I guess." Calvin shrugged.

"Great. So then, what is the purpose of a rubber duck?"

"A rubber duck." Calvin stroked his chin. "Oh, oh, oh… Muggles float rubber ducks in their bathtubs to test for alligators."

"Really, alligators?" The boy asked, wide eyed.

"Really, alligators!" Calvin answered. "After filling their tub, muggles put their rubber ducks in the water and if they don't get eaten, the water is safe to bathe in."

"But… why would alligators be in muggle bathtubs in the first place?"

"Well y'see, sometimes muggles try to keep baby gators as pets. But then, they get too big and vicious, so they get flushed down the toilets." Calvin explained.

"Wait just one minute." A Gryffindor girl with freckles on her face and long, red hair walked up to the two of them. "If there were _really_ alligators in the muggles bathtubs, wouldn't they be able to _see_ them?"

"Not necessarily." Calvin said, matter-of-factly. "They have a habit of waiting in the pluming for the opportune moment. And anyway, muggle bathtubs (at least, the American ones) are so wide, and so deep that even if there was an alligator in it, they probably _wouldn't_ see it."

"So… just how big are we saying, exactly?" The boy asked.

"Well," Calvin began "y'ever been in the prefects bathroom? The bath they have in there is slightly _smaller_ than the average muggle bathtub."

The girl narrowed her eyes at him.

"What were you doing in the prefects bathroom?" She asked.

"Well, I hope that helps you with your homework. Right now, I have a, um… ice cream in the oven." Calvin quickly about faced and dashed off around the corner.

"Ruddy git!" The girl mumbled after he left

* * *

Calvin pressed his wand the small object on the floor, causing a sharp, white glow to emit from its tip. He lifted it and placed it in an other area.

"Okay, I got it this time." He declared.

"That's what you said _last_ time." Hobbes remarked. "And the fur on my tail still hasn't grown back, completely."

"Ah, show some backbone!" An irritated Calvin replied, lifting his wand again. He closed up the area and turned the object over. After conjuring a small, shining disk, he opened a compartment on the object and placed the disk in. He pushed a button and… waited.

"Hey, hey, it works! Hey Luna, check this out!"

"What is it?" Luna came over to see what her friend was so excited about.

"This Luna, is a compact disk player."

"Isn't this what muggles call 'technology'?"

"Pretty spiffy, eh?" Chimed Hobbes.

"Don't muggle devices short out on Hogwarts grounds?" She queried.

"Ordinarily yes, but I've modified this one to run on magic so I can listen whenever I feel like it."

"Listen?" Luna asked. She turned the cd player over in various ways, not hearing anything. "Are you certain it is working properly?"

"Oh, right!" Calvin nearly slapped himself. "Here, you gotta put these in your ears." He removed the headphones from his ears and placed them around Luna's head. The boy and tiger watched anxiously for Luna's reaction. They settled for watching her head tilt and her eyebrow raise.

"A curious music. What is it?" She asked

"Well, here." Hobbes handed her the disk case. Luna looked at the cover of the case. On it, was a strangely dressed man on a paved field with his hands raised into the air.

"Is this figure of great importance to you?" She asked

"Well, how do you mean?" Calvin was unsure of what she was asking "I listen to this fairly frequently, if that's what you're asking."

"I see." She observed the case again. "Then, is this one of the household deities that muggles have?" Calvin and Hobbes both looked at her, blank faced.

"'Household deities' wha-_no_… that's Weird Al Yankovic. He's not – he's… he's… well yes, actually. Yes he is… Yes, that's Weird Al Yankovic the… Norse god of Laughter."

* * *

"And what, exactly, is an airplane?" The third year boy was hounding Calvin for answers again.

"Airplanes are gigantic birds that roar like lions." Calvin explained.

"Wow." Said the boy in awe.

"Yeah, thousands of years ago, muggles domesticated these birds to be used as transportation."

"That's unbelievable!" The boy exclaimed.

"I know." Calvin said "If you think that's hot stuff, wait till you hear about helicopters."

"Ooh, do tell me about those. I could get extra credit for this."

"Well, helicopters, or _choppers_ as some call them, are giant insects that serve the same purpose as airplanes. They're related to… dragonflies, I think. And as such, they can be quite vicious when provoked – or even when not provoked." The boy simply looked at him, slack jawed.

"W-why are they called '_choppers_'?" He asked, finding his voice at last.

"Because, if they aren't properly restrained, they could _chop your face off!_" All color left the boys face. Calvin, upon seeing this, walked away wearing a sly smirk.

* * *

"Hey Mitchell," Calvin pulled his head off of the page in his book.

"Zzz… Wha-oh, hey Fred. How's it goin', George?"

"_I'm_ George. He's Fred." One of the twins said.

"Well whoever you are, how's it goin'?"

"Not bad." One of them sat down next to Calvin. "We just had an interesting conversation with our sister."

"Apparently, someone was trying to convince this boy that alligators live in the muggle sewer systems." The other sat on the other side of Calvin.

"Boy, the things some kids come up with, huh?" Calvin picked his book up, again.

"So, what is it you're up to, mate?" George asked.

"Well, right now, I'm trying to do my Charms homework. I can't really figure this book out, though."

"Oh, you hear that Fred? He can't figure his book out."

"What's the matter Cal, don't muggles ever use books?" Inwardly, Calvin grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

"Actually," He started "We don't really use books too much. Only those who are old-fashioned… or poor."

"Is that so?" Said George.

"Then, how do you do your _learning_?" Fred added.

"Learning? Learning… hmm… Well, for learning we have these large, plastic boxes that, when activated, glow with an other-worldly light. Now, on these boxes, appear pictures, moving pictures, and sounds. And it's from these that we muggles gain all of our knowledge."

"_Wicked_." Fred and George said in unison.

"It is, isn't it?" Calvin said "The two warring factions of these glowing knowledge-boxes are the televisions and computers…"

* * *

"Okay, I know you're making this one up." The third year told Calvin.

"It's true!" Calvin insisted. "Muggles totally _do_ have a form of Avada Kedavra."

"Nah-ah."

"Yeah-hah."

"Then explain _how_ they do it." The boy demanded.

"Well, first I'll tell you that not everyone can do it. Some of the inexperienced can only cause their victims great pain, but not kill them. And even if it is done correctly, there is a chance (However small) that the victim can be saved. But nobody, and I mean nobody can do it without a wand." The boy looked skeptical.

"No one can do any kind of magic without a wand." He stated.

"Ah, but this is a very special kind of wand. It's only purpose is to do the above mentioned form of killing." The boy looked at him.

"What is this wand you speak of?" Calvin leaned in close to the boys face.

"It's called a '_gun'_…"


	8. Makin' the Grade

**Note: **I do not own the song that will be performed in this chapter.

"So tell me about your classes," Susie stretched in her seat. "what were they like?"

"Well, the classes at Hogwarts are just like classes at normal schools… except, y'know, they have magic." Calvin shrugged.

"I mean what kind of classes did you take? What were they like? Who were your teachers?" Calvin scratched his head, contemplating.

"Well, let's see…" He began counting off on his fingers. "There's Charms taught by Professor Flitwick. He's a tiny little man, ol' Flitwick, pretty easy going, head of Ravenclaw house. Then, there's History of Magic; the only class taught by a ghost. –"

"Really? Cool!" Said a perked up Susie.

"Yeah, but that's about all that was cool about it."

"What do you mean?"

"He means it was an incredibly boring class taught by an incredibly boring teacher." Hobbes answered for Calvin.

"Oh, how boring?"

"Well, let me put it this way; It's so boring that Professor Binns supposedly got up to teach one day and left his body behind!"

Calvin wasn't quite sure how to take Susie's expression, so he just continued.

"We also had Herbology, taught by Professor Sprout; head of Hufflepuff. Then, there was Transfiguration taught by the head of Gryffindor house, Professor McGonagall –"

"Oh, Professor McGonagall. She's the one who told you that you were a wizard, right?"

"That's right."

"And the one who turned into a cat?"

"The same."

"So, you said you wanted to learn to do that. Did you?"

"Ummm,…" Calvin rubbed the back of his neck "_yes_."

"Can I see?"

Calvin rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly while casting a nervous glance at Hobbes.

"Think I should?" he said to Hobbes.

"You might as well."

"You sure about that?"

"Sure, why not?"

"I dunno, it… might _scare _her."

"Oh, come one!" Susie butted in. "Show me. I promise I won't freak out!" She gazed at Calvin with a look of hopeful excitement shining in her eyes. Calvin moved his eyes from one side of the room to the other, still looking doubtful and uncertain of the effect this would have on her. Finally, he sighed as he climbed out of his chair with a defeated "_Okay_."

Calvin planted his feet firmly on the carpeted floor while he stretched his arms out. He then stretched both his legs and returned to standing straight. He then began leaning forward. As he was leaning, Susie began noticing that his skin was turning a dark yellow shade – a color like that of ancient parchment – and it seemed to be getting dryer. She also observed that his face and hands were elongating. Susie gave a yelp of startled shock. She had now known why Calvin was afraid of scaring her, for instead of the small, fluffy cat she was expecting, there was a three foot tall lizard gazing at her.

"Oh… a… dinosaur." She spoke in mock calmness as the reptilian face before her slowly became human again. "Well, that's very,… uh, nice?"

"Sorry I scared you." Calvin chuckled slyly.

"You didn't _scare_ me," Susie lied "I was just… surprised. I mean, You said that McGonagall woman turned into a _cat_, so I figured that –"

"–That I'd turn into a fluffy little pussy cat too?"

"Well," Susie stuttered "Yeah."

"Not so." Calvin said, matter-of-factly "An Animagus can turn into any kind animal."

"Oh," Susie mused "So then, you can turn into any other animal too?"

"Yes." Calvin nodded his head. "_Wait_, NO! No, an Animagus can only become _one_ animal. What I'm saying is that one animal can be anything at all."

"So you chose to be a dinosaur because…?"

"I didn't _choose_ anything." Calvin slumped back into his seat. "It just... _happened_ that that was my animal."

"Oh." Susie said "That's... odd."

"Believe me." Calvin said. "Nobody was more surprised than I was. But then, after the initial shock wore away, it didn't seem all that inconceivable. Biologically, there's really no difference between modern animals and dinosaurs… except that the latter is extinct. So, if people could turn into cats and dogs and rats and um, deer, why couldn't one become a dinosaur?"

"Ah" Susie contemplated this. "So what kind of dinosaur is that?"

"A deinonycus."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Cool." Susie mused. "Well, go on." she turned back to Calvin. "What other classes were there?"

"Hmmm…" Calvin rested his chin into his hand in contemplation. "I did… pretty well in Potions, considering the _**Ogre**_ _that was teaching it!_" Susie was slightly taken aback at this.

"_They had an ogre teaching a class!_"

"Wha – _NO!_ Not a _literal_ ogre." Calvin quickly assured her "Actually, I think an ogre might have been an improvement… The mans name was Severus Snape,…" He said with a hint of venom in his voice. "… Head of Slytherin House."

"Oh." Susie sighed as if that explained everything. Which, in a way, it did.

* * *

"There will be no foolish wand waving _or_ silly incantations in this class!" The Potions Master stormed into the room, closing the door behind him with a resounding _slam_ on Calvin's first day of class. He marched himself up to the front of his desk an turned to face his new, intimidated, pupils.

"Now, I will tell you all right now that potion making is a difficult subject to comprehend. I expect very few of you – if any – to fully appreciate what there is to be learned here. For instance," His eyes swept the room, scanning the student body menacingly. "can anyone tell me the purpose of a bezore and where to find one?"

Calvin looked around at the class. Not a single hand went up. He couldn't tell if this was because nobody in the class knew the answer, or because they were all too frightened of Snape to answer.

"No one?" Snape curled his lip, indignantly. "Let's try again then, shall we? What would I have if I added a powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

Calvin glanced around again. Still, not one hand was raised.

"I see." Snape remarked, darkly. "Then, can someone at least tell me the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

At this, Calvin sat upright. He had remembered reading something like this before. He looked around himself, anxiously. Nobody else raised their hands. He simply couldn't believe that he was the only one who knew the answer (Or perhaps not the only one, but everyone else either didn't know the answer or were too fearful to respond.) Slowly, silently, Calvin found that he was raising his hand. Snape looked at Calvin with his dark, dreadful eyes and Calvin felt his innards quivering. NO! He was not going to show fear! He knew this is what Snape wanted, to inspire dread and nervousness in those he taught. And Calvin was not going to give him that satisfaction. When he spoke, it would be with courage and confidence.

"Well… Mr. Mitchell, isn't it?" Said Snape as he strode up to Calvin's desk.

"Yes." Said Calvin, surprising calmness filling his voice.

"And you can tell us the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane, can you?"

"Yes."

"Then, just what is it?"

"The difference between monkshood and wolfsbane," Calvin went on, conversationally "is the same as the difference between the puma and cougar… Which is to say that there _is_ no difference. Monkshood and wolfsbane are two different names for the same plant, just as puma and cougar are different names for the same cat."

Calvin mustered all of his will power not flinch at the sight of Snape's sneer.

"That is correct." Snape said in a disappointed voice. Relief swarmed over Calvin. "Now, can you tell me what other name it goes by?" Snape moved himself closer to Calvin.

"Well, they have several other names… Mountain lion, Florida panther, Deer tiger, Catamou –"

"_The plant,_ Mitchell, the plant!"

"… Oh." Calvin placed his hands together and smiled sheepishly at the professor. "I don't know."

"… I see." Snape snarled quietly and turned away from Calvin. "Five points from Ravenclaw."

"_WHAT!_" Calvin practically leaped out of his chair with indignation. "Hey, that's not fair! I –"

But apparently, Snape didn't care if it was fair or not, because he added. "Ten points from Ravenclaw." Calvin was completely blown away by this. Still, he had a feeling that Snape wanted him to put up an argument.

"Ah, well." He tried to convince himself "At least it's only ten points."

"That's ten points in addition to your first five." Snape turned back to him. "That's _fifteen_ points, Mitchell." He added in a smooth, mocking tone, a small smile playing across his lips.

"HEY! I answered that one question! How can you deduct points for –"

"If you continue to make a fuss, Mr. Mitchell, it will be a _hundred_ and fifteen points. Now, I suggest you sit down and pay attention." Snape sneered at Calvin as he turned back to the front of the class.

Calvin slumped back into his chair, propping up his slumped face with his fist on his desk. "_Mumble grumble Tyrannical dictator!_" He muttered, irately towards Snape's retreating back. Suddenly, something caught his attention that made him sit upright again.

Snape turned to the class and instructed them to open their books begin copying down the text. However, the class did not seem to comprehend what he had said since they all continued gazing at him, uncertainty clearly plastered on all of their faces.

"Um, Sir?" A Hufflepuff girl raised her hand, timidly. "Professor, I don't think any of us speak German."

Snape began asking her what speaking German had to do with anything. But as he was in the process of speaking, he noticed that something about the words he was saying didn't sound quite right.

After a few more attempts at speech, his language still didn't sound like English.

He examined his garments to find that he was no longer in his black robes, but now wore what appeared to be a military coat. Upon looking at his arm, he found a black symbol resembling a twisted cross. With a flip of his wand, he produced a mirror and was rather displeased with what he saw in its reflective surface. His once tattered, greasy hair that came down to his shoulders was now much shorter and parted down the middle. What's more, he now sported a very short, black mustache no longer than the width of his nose.

* * *

"Oh my _gosh_!" Susie burst out laughing. "You turned him into _Hitler?_"

"Unintentionally." Calvin said as he smiled devilishly.

"Oh my…" Susie wiped the tears from her eyes. "So what did he do about it?" She asked, trying to restrain her laughter.

"Well I'm not in his house, so he had to take me in to professor Flitwick; let him deal with me."

"Okay, so what did Flitwick say when Snape told him about it?"

"What?"

"I said 'What did Flitwi –"

"No, that's what Flitwick said, 'What'?"

"Huh?" Susie looked at him questioningly. "He _said_ 'What'? Why would he say that?"

"Well remember, Snape was still speaking German at this time." Said Hobbes.

"Ah, so you got off Scott free that time, huh?"

"Well, Snape did eventually have to write it down."

"Oh." Susie reclined back to her seat. "What happened then?"

"I got off Scott free."

"Really!"

"Like I said, Flitwick's pretty easy going. He realized I didn't actually _mean_ to do that to Snape…"

"Sweet." Susie smiled at Calvin, quite impressed. "So, you said you actually did pretty well in that class?"

"Actually, yes. First impressions are quite important, you see. After my first encounter with ol' Snape, I was instantly determined to get the best grades possible! Not out of an actual _desire_ for achievement, but so I could _rub it in his greasy face!_" He made a gesture of moving his hand back and forth in the air as he spoke. Grinning smugly, he leaned back into his seat. "Of course, I was only one of many who sought to cheeze him off."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's not real popular. I often heard him muttering something about one '_Potter'_ in particular."

"Hmmm…" Susie smiled at him. "So, what was your favorite class at Hogwarts?"

"Oh, no question on that one. Care of Magical Creatures taught by professor Rubeus Hagrid."

"Oh,… that's an… odd name."

"Well, he's an odd person." Hobbes said.

"Oh come on! He's not that odd, just… um, well… maybe he is."

"How is he odd?" Susie leaned forward with interest.

"Well for one thing, he's _BIG_." Calvin threw his hands out to give a general idea of size. "His head would just nearly touch the ceiling of this room."

"… Wow." Was all Susie managed to say.

"Yeah, he kinda has that effect on people… I've never asked him, but I suspect he must have giant blood in him."

"Wow." Susie said again. "So, is he a good teacher?"

"Well _I_ thought so, but I was about the only Ravenclaw who did. Even Luna seemed to think he was less then competent."

"Aw, how come?"

"Well,… let's just say his subject matter wasn't exactly about fluffy household pets."

"What _did_ it include, then?"

"Things like hippogriffs, flobberworms, thestrils, blast ended skrewts and other fun stuff like that."

Susie could tell by Calvin's tone of voice that he was not being sarcastic. She sighed inwardly. _Only Calvin_, she thought, _would think something with a name like 'blast ended_ _skrewts' would be 'fun'._

"But it's like Hagrid himself said," Calvin went on, pulling Susie back to the present. "The trick to any beast is to know how to _calm_ him. Hagrid knew what he was doing. If anyone got hurt in his class, it was because they didn't listen to him."

He sighed deeply. "He was a great guy, really. It's because of him that I'm where I am today."

"How's that?" Susie probed him. "From the letters I got from you periodically, you said you were working in a pet shop."

Calvin shot her a grin that she was all too familiar with. "I can assure you," He said to her "the Magic Menagerie _is_ a pet shop."

"… Ah." Sighed Susie. "So then, what was the _worst_ class you t–"

"_Divinations_." The boy and tiger said, unanimously.

"You didn't seem to give that much thought." Susie said to them.

"Didn't need to." Calvin said. "It's a total no brainer."

"What is 'divinations', anyway?"

"Oh, palm reading, crystal gazing and other future telling junk like that."

"Hmmm. So, just what was wrong with it?"

"Well," Calvin scratched his head. "I suppose there are _some_ people who have this alleged 'gift', but for the majority, Divinations is a complete waste of time! Hardly anyone has this so called 'gift'. Not even the teacher has it."

"Seriously?" Susie said, wide eyed.

"Yeah." Calvin scoffed. "She may have been a descendent of some great seer, but professor Trelawney herself was an absolute fraud!"

* * *

"_You_ see anything?" Calvin drowsily said across the table to Hobbes.

"Nope." Hobbes said, unhappily. "Unless there's a full moon out tonight, I don't think this hunk 'a glass is telling us anything." He tapped his knuckles against the crystal ball Calvin was supposed to be gazing through. Calvin sat up in a huff.

"I'm telling ya man, this ball is bogus! This whole class is bogus!"

"Well," Hobbes leaned back. "At least you can take comfort in the fact that you're not alone. Almost everyone in the class is having difficulty seeing anything."

"Small comfort." Calvin moaned as he sank back onto the table. "Wait," He bolted up again. "everyone in the whole class?"

"Yeah, there's been like only two (or possibly three) people who actually _have_ seen anything. But everyone else is getting really frustrated."

"Re-e-e-e-ally?" Calvin grinned devilishly as he rubbed his hands together. "Then perhaps we should do our part to ease the tensions a bit." And with that, he dashed off to the boys dormitory.

"Uh oh." Hobbes moaned.

* * *

It was evening as hoards of Ravenclaws began congregating into the common room after dinner. Amid all the cacophony of evening talking and chatter, a lone voice could be heard above the others.

"Friends, Ravenclaws, schoolmates; Lend me your ears!"

All heads that could hear this turned to an area of the common room that had been made to look like some kind of stage. Tossed all about the stage were brightly colored pillows, potted ferns and Persian carpets. And there, directly at center stage with a blue Ravenclaw bed sheet wrapped around his head in a mock turban, stood Calvin. Standing directly to his left – looking very much like he would rather be somewhere else – was Hobbes, who had another bed sheet wrapped around his head.

"Hi, how's it goin'? Nice to see y'all." Calvin began as more and more students turned their attention to this spectacle. "So then, how many of you are taking Divinations this year?"

The congregation remained motionless. Several heads moved about in a rather confused manner.

"Come on, don't be timid." Calvin said in a coaxing way. "Who all is taking divinations? Put your hand up! That's it…" A few people began raising their hands.

"Good, good,… now how many of you aren't getting any results from your 'readings'?"

A few more hands were raised.

"That's it! Are you getting frustrated?"

There was a murmur of agreement.

"Are you irritated?"

"… yeah?"

"Flustered?"

"Yeah."

"Bamboozled?"

"Yeah!"

"Befuddled?"

"Yeah!"

"Dumbfounded?"

"YEAH!"

"Do you think the whole subject is bogus, hog wash and rubbish?"

"YEAH!"

"Well then,… kick back, relax and let my associate –" He gestured to Hobbes.

"_Hello_.." Hobbes said, sheepishly while giving a slight wave.

"– and me ease you frustrations with our very special Calvin and Hobbes presentation of Weird Al Yankovic's 'Your Horoscope For Today."

All the lights dimmed. Within a moment, there was the sound of some kind of percussion instrument. As the music began, the area was filled with lights, lights of nearly every color imaginable. Lights that took on the shapes of stars, moons galaxies, and other celestial bodies that began shimmering and swirling through the air all about the room.

Amid all the astronomical frenzy, a large blue shape like two wavy lines – one on top of the other – appeared. At this, Hobbes called out "_Aquarius!_"

Immediately, Calvin produced a microphone that had a miniature crystal ball instead of a speaker and began to sing.

"There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus. Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack–A–Mole seventeen hours a day."

"_Pisces!_"

"Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus.

You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say."

"_Aries!_"

"The look on your face will be priceless when you _find that forty pound watermelon in your colon._

Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep."

"_Taurus!_"

"You will never find true happiness – what you gonna do, cry about it?

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep."

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay."

"_That's your horoscope for today!"_

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay."

"_That's your horoscope for today!_

"_Gemini!_"

"Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence.

Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest."

"_Cancer!_"

"The position of Jupiter says that you should _spend the rest of the week face down in the mud!_

Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your drivers test."

"_Leo!_"

"Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, _oh no!_

Eat a bucket of tuna flavored – pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quick."

"_Virgo!_"

"All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent – _except for you!_

Expect a big surprise today _when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick!_"

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay.

"_That's your horoscope for today!"_

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay

"_That's your horoscope for today!"_

Calvin now made his way up to the edge of the stage, right to the dancing audience. He bent over to them and – in a softer voice – sang.

"Now, you may find it inconceivable, or at the very least, a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true!

Where was I?"

"Libra!"

"A big promotion is just around the corner _for someone much more talented than you!_

Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week."

"_Scorpio!_"

"Get ready for an unexpected trip _when you fall screaming from an open window_.

Work a little bit harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak!"

"_Sagittarius!_"

"All your friends are laughing behind your back… _**kill them**_.

Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den.

"_Capricorn!_"

"The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying.

If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never, never, never, never, never leave my house again!"

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay.

"_That's your horoscope for today!"_

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay.

"_That's your horoscope for today!"_

"That's your horoscope for today. (That's your horoscope for today.) Yay yay yay yay yay

"_That's your horoscope for today!_

As a finale, Calvin alone sang

"That's your horoscope for today… Yay yay yay yay yay.

"_That's your horoscope for today!" _

There was a great uproar of applause. Calvin and Hobbes bowed graciously before the adoring masses

"Thank you, thank you, what a beautiful audience! You're too kind. We're here 'till Thursday! _(Try the __mutton_.)"


	9. Tri Wiz Tor

Susie applauded energetically to Calvin's performance.

"Bravo." She managed to breath out as Calvin and Hobbes both made respectable, little bows. "Ah… Sounds like you two were a real hit!"

"I guess." Calvin said as he slid back into his seat. "Though not everyone was particularly pleased with our little scene."

"Like who?"

"Well Padma Pattil, I know for a fact, was actually good at Divinations. And she thought our making fun of it was in ill humor. (Or maybe she took offense at the horoscope that was predicted for her.)"

"Oh? What was her sign?"

"I dunno, never bothered to find out. But anyway you slice it, she just needs to learn to let things go! Like her experience at the Yule Ball, I think she might still be brooding about that." Susie cocked her head at him.

"What's the 'Yule Ball'?"

"Huh? Oh, the Yule Ball is part of this big, superfluous event that took place in our third year called the TriWizard Tournament!"

"Oh, do tell me about that. It sounds quite interesting."

"You wanna hear about that, huh?" Calvin scratched his head. "Well, okay." He paused as if contemplating where to begin. "The TriWizard Tournament is an age old competition between three wizarding schools –"

"Wait, there's more than just Hogwarts?" Susie interjected. Calvin and Hobbes both looked at her.

"Well yeah." Calvin answered. "There's billions of people on this earth and millions of them are wizards. And they're all spread out over all the continents. There's no way Hogwarts could teach them all!"

"Oh."

"So, the TriWizard Tournament is held between the three European wizarding schools –"

"Actually, I think Durmstrang is located somewhere in Russia, which is part of Asia." Hobbes butted in.

"Wha-a-a-**atever**!" Calvin said, discontentedly rolling his eyes. "so yeah, Durmstrang is one of the schools, and the other is the French academy, Beauxbatons. So they both brought groups of their students down to Hogwarts to participate in this event.

"When everyone had gathered together, Dumbledore presented us all to the Goblet of Fire. –"

"What's that?"

"It's this big, wooden cup that has blue fire in it. It's what anyone who wanted to enter the contest had to put their names into."

"Did you try to put your name in?" Susie asked. Calvin gave a swift scoff.

"Oh sure! Me, a measly thirteen year old, try to get into a dangerous, life-threatening competition. People have _died_ in this event, for crying out loud! I'm not one to risk my neck if I don't have to!"

"Yeah? What about all those sledding disasters!"

"_Quiet Hobbes,…_"

"Hmmm, I guess the Sorting Hat was right when it said you weren't brave enough for Gryffindore." Susie mused.

"Oh? Well, maybe it _is_ my lack of Gryffindore courage; _OR_ it could be my Ravenclaw wisdom influencing me. And anyway, they ruled that only people upwards of seventeen years of age could place their names in the goblet."

"Ha! When have you ever held regards for rules!" Susie chuckled. Calvin paused slightly.

"Since I wasn't a whiny six year old anymore. (And considering what happened to Fred and George…)"

"What happened to Fred and George?" Susie became curious.

"_This_ happened." Calvin flicked his wand, and in seconds, a small, white rectangle came fluttering to his outstretched hand. "Mind you, they were only sixteen when this was taken." He said as he tossed the photograph to Susie.

Susie unfolded the photo and instantly burst into laughter when she saw the image of the two boys sporting long, white beards with matching hair.

"So you see why I opted not to?" Calvin remarked. "The white thing isn't really my style."

"But you've got to admit," Hobbes added. "Fred and George can actually pull it off."

"Rather. So then, on a later night, it was announced who the champions would be."

"Ooh, this is a good part!" Hobbes started bouncing excitedly. "Tell her what happened! Tell her about –"

"_I'M GETTING TO IT!_" Calvin blurted out. "So anyway, the goblet decided which person would represent each school. It was really cool, 'cause the flames turned red and shot up these big tongues of fire and spat out the papers that had the names on 'em and… Anyway, the Beauxbatons champion was this Fleur Delacour." He said with a slight waver of something awful in his voice.

"Did you not like this Delacour person?" Susie asked, tentatively. Calvin shuttered.

"I don't know what, but there's something about her that makes guys just want to stop and stare at her. It creeped me out, so just tried to avoid her. And, uh… the Durmstrang champion was one Victor Krum. Some heavily built, fancy shmancy, Quidditch star."

"Quidditch?" Susie asked, interested.

"Ah Quidditch, it's the wizards national sport." Calvin said. "Played on broomsticks." He added.

"Did you ever get into that?"

"Come on Susie, you know how I feel about sports. I'd just rather do my own thing. I didn't even watch the school matches. (Except when Ravenclaw played. I figured I should at least show some support for my house team.)"

"Oh, did you ever have a broom then?"

"Nah, too normal."

"Isn't this a bit off topic?" Hobbes butted in.

"Oh right, where were we?"

"Hogwarts champion." Hobbes reminded him.

"Right. The Hogwarts champion was Cedric Diggory. And (_this is where it got interesting_.) A _fourth_ paper shot out from the goblet!"

"… And I'm guessing that doesn't usually happen." Asked Susie.

"Apparently not. Just about all of everyone was taken aback by it."

"Well go on then, whose name was on the paper." Goaded an excited Susie. Calvin paused for a dramatic effect.

"… _Harry Potter!_"

Susie sat dumbfounded, unsure of what to make of this startling information. "And he wasn't seventeen, was he?"

"Just a year above me." Calvin answered. "So, he'd be about fourteen or so."

"Wow… How did he get his name into the goblet, then?"

"Well that's the question of the night, i'n it? Nobody seemed to know exactly how it happened. In the end, they had to let him compete in the three challenges."

"huh," Susie grunted. "So what were these challenges? What were they like?"

"Well…"

* * *

The sun gleamed brightly on the great stone arena as students and teachers swarmed into the many stands that surrounded the pit.

"Aha! Perfect seats." Calvin exclaimed as Hobbes and he stole away two empty chairs that were positioned close to the front.

"So… that's a big pit." Hobbes observed "Lotta rocks, wonder what they're gonna have to do?"

"I dunno," Calvin said "probably have to create a stone bridge in under a minute, or turn them into statues or something like tha – _HOLY SUGAR BOMBS!_"

Hobbes directed his attention to where Calvin was looking. To his amazement – and horror – he witnessed no fewer then ten wizards leading an enormous blue-gray dragon (With quite a bit of difficulty) into the stony pit. His mouth dropped open.

"… That? They're gonna have to fight _that!_"

"And you know what the odd thing is?" Calvin said, regaining his composure. "A couple of months ago, I thought I actually _wanted_ to get in this thing."

"They're going to die, aren't they?" Hobbes asked, unable to take his sight off of the monster that was thrashing madly against its handlers.

"Yep." Calvin responded.

* * *

After a few seemingly short minutes, a whistle sounded and a very unwell looking Cedric entered the arena. He was met with several cheers and excitement from the crowd, along with a boisterous shout of "_KILL HIM!_" from Calvin.

"Calvin," Hobbes said. "you do know that dragon is female, right?"

"I was talking to the dragon, Hobbes." Answered Calvin, in a sarcastic manner. Hobbes laughed, but still held a bit of concern that his friend wasn't being sarcastic.

"Oooh, narrow miss there, very narrow." Came Ludo Bagman's commentary as one of the Swedish Short-Snout's clawed forearms came within mere inches of Diggory. Spectators gasped and cheered as Cedric made a daring leap over the dragons tail and rolling as he hit the ground.

"He's taking risks, this one!"

"He's nuts is what he is!" Calvin added in his own commentary.

"Shhh."

"Well he is! Really, I'm surprised he's survived this long."

"Oh, check that out." Hobbes pointed down to Cedric. Calvin looked to see one of the boulders in the pit was pulsating and shifting; changing its shape.

"_Clever_ move" Bagman said as the dog that had once been a rock began leading the dragon away from Cedric. "Pity it didn't work!" Bagman added when the giant reptile changed its mind as Cedric got too close to reaching the golden egg. But that didn't dampen Cedric's determination – even if he was on fire – he still managed to get the egg.

The roar from the crowd of spectators was deafening.

* * *

After Diggory, a Welsh Green was lead into the arena. It was time for Fleur Delacour to take her turn.

"Oh,… this is gonna be Sa–_Weet!_" Calvin mused, thinking about classic fairy tales dragons and damsels in distress.

"Oh I'm not sure that was wise." Bagman commented when Fleur had managed to situate herself between the dragon's shoulder blades. She began to wave her wand around from behind the dragons head.

"Hey, look at that!" Calvin shouted "Look Hobbes, she's putting it to sleep! See, it's getting all drowsy and its head is drooping and tipping over and – Hobbes? Hobbes!" Calvin repeatedly nudged his friend who had been slowly dropping over. "Wake up, ya throw rug!"

"I–I'm awake, I'm just resting my, my WHOA." Calvin saw the dragon completely topple over as Fleur was almost shaken off of it.

"Oh… nearly!"

However, Fleur did manage to get safely to the ground and began making her way to the nest to get her golden egg.

"Careful now." Said Bagman

She was getting closer. Inch by inch, step by step she got closer to the eggs. Only when a tremendous sound came from her dragon, did she pause. The great rumble she heard was an inhale of dragon snoring; and the exhale brought with it jets of flame from the monsters nostrils. This would not be something to worry about had the flames not shot out in Fleur's general direction. But unfortunately, they did and Fleur's skirt was caught alight. But it was nothing a bit of water wouldn't help as she extinguished the fire with her wand.

"Good lord, I thought she'd had it then!" Exclaimed Bagman.

"I hardly think that's funny!" Hobbes said to his friend who was cracking up beside him.

* * *

A second round of cheers sounded when Fleur had gotten her egg. And Fleur left the arena looking quite relieved (and quite shaken.)

"Ooh, now that one's a beauty." Said Hobbes, referring to the regal looking red dragon that was being brought into the arena.

"Yeah, see how much of a beauty it is when it gets cheezed off!" Grumbled Calvin.

A third whistle blew and the heavily built Victor Krum entered the fray.

Calvin couldn't help but be awed by the way that Krum had boldly strode up to his dragon, showing no sign of fear or weakness of any kind.

"Very daring" Yelled Bagman as Krum shot the beast with a spell Calvin couldn't identify which hit her square in the eye. The dragon emitted a terrible, blood curdling, shrieking roar.

"That's some nerve he's showing" Said Bagman, but Calvin wasn't quite listening. He was more interested in the dragon which was now ambling backwards in a drunken like manner. And with a great crunch, one of the scaly feet had landed where it shouldn't have.

"Hope 'ol Krummy likes his eggs scrambled, huh?" Said Calvin to Hobbes.

"And – yes, he's got the egg!"

* * *

"So then; three down, one to go." Hobbes mused.

"Yeah, wonder what other lizard they have in store for – **Oh**… my… goodness!"

Calvin stared in wild wonder at the last dragon to be brought in. A beast that looked like it had come straight out of a nightmare. He knew it from his books as the Hungarian Horn Tail. It had looked fascinating on the large screen in the room of requirement, but to see its living, breathing form only a few feet away inspired a very different emotion.

"That is one nasty looking bugger." Was all he could say.

"Yeah, who spit in her soup?" Hobbes replied. "Isn't this Potter guy the youngest of the champions?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"And he has to go up against _that_ monstrosity?"

"Yeah," Calvin stroked his chin. "You'd think there'd be rules against that sort of thing."

The whistle sounded off again and everyone's attention was turned to the black haired young man who had stepped into the pit.

"_That's him?_" Calvin gave a whispered yell. "That's the clown that everyone keeps whispering about?"

"Always thought he'd be taller." Hobbes said.

Only a few seconds into the fight, Harry had pointed his wand into the air and cast a spell. Shortly afterwards, a broomstick came flying over surprised heads as it made its way to its summoner who mounted it and took off.

"Can he do that?" Hobbes said in Calvin's ear.

"Apparently… they haven't tried to stop him. Why's everybody gasping? What happened?"

"Ooh, he got cut! See his shoulder, there!"

Calvin looked at the champion mounted on his broom. He noticed a long red scratch on his shoulder. Undaunted, Harry still flew about getting closer and closer to the dragon. But not too close. He flew left and right, to and fro, dodging teeth and flames alike until finally, the dragon rose off its feet to attack the nuisance, giving Harry a brief window of opportunity to fly in and grab the egg.

"Well, that was unexpectedly quick." Calvin said, a little disappointedly.

"And not a single person died." Said Hobbes.

"Yeah,… well there's still two more challenges to go."

* * *

"Well don't stop, Calvin." Susie said. "What were the next challenges like?"

"Well the next challenge didn't take place until the next year. So –"

"So wait, wouldn't the Yule Ball have come before that?"

"Yes."

"Oh! Tell me about that! What was it like?"

* * *

"Why are we doing this, again?" Hobbes grumbled as he trudged down the corridor behind Calvin.

"_Because…"_ Calvin said back to him "_I want to see what all the hype's about."_

"You could have just _asked_ somebody to go to the ball."

"_Third_ year, Hobbes! You have to be fourth year to go without being asked, remember?"

"Well, you certainly could have made more of an effort to get somebody to ask you to go!"

"Oh yeah, sure. I can just picture it… 'Hello, I'm just a measly third year but I really want to go to the Yule Ball. Would you ask me to go please'?"

"Not many girls would respond positively to that." Said a voice in front of them.

"_Whoa!"_ Upon seeing this new apparition, Calvin leaped in the air, landing in Hobbes's arms. "Oh, it's you!"

Even before seeing her distinctive face, Calvin could see the holiday wreath around her waist where a belt would normally be, along with holly berries and leaves hanging from her ears and a spell of sorts that made snow fall above her head.

"Sheesh Luna, don't sneak up on people like that!" Said a flustered Calvin, after which, a disgruntled Hobbes promptly dropped him onto the floor.

"So you two are heading to the Yule Ball?" Luna asked as she helped Calvin onto his feet.

"Uh, well we…"

"We sure are!" Calvin said. "How 'bout you?"

"Oh no." She said. "Don't you know what all that dancing does to people?"

"… apparently not." Calvin answered.

"It causes unhealthy amounts of blood to flow to the brain, resulting in weakness of the muscles and other body parts to occur in their 60's instead of their 90's."

"--Nobody invited you either, huh?"

"… No."

"Well, we're not exactly going _to_ the Ball." Hobbes put in.

"Oh, then just where _are_ you going?"

"Well we're going to the, uh,… well we're –"

"We're going to spy on the Ball!" Calvin declared. "Wanna come?"

* * *

"So it looks like you got to go with a girl after all, huh?" Hobbes playfully elbowed Calvin while winking at him

"Can it, fur ball. I'm tying to get a good view." Calvin looked out from their hiding place in the upper part of the Great Hall. He gazed out at the sea of people below him, students and teachers alike, all anxiously awaiting for the ball to begin.

"What a nice pair of omniculars." Luna said to Calvin "Where did you get them?"

"Huh? Oh!--umm… a… _Classified!_"

"Hey, there's the champions." Hobbes relieved Calvin of the omniculars. "I must say, that Potter guy doesn't look particularly happy. He keeps looking over at Diggory's date. Say, isn't that Chang? She's in our house, isn't she? And whoa! Check out that arm candy Krum's got with him."

"Let me see." Calvin took the omniculars back. He looked through them at the girl in blue with light brown hair put up in a fancy bun who was sitting with the Durmstrang champion. "Oh yeah, look at her. Can you say 'Future trophy wife'?--Did I say something funny?" Calvin looked over to Luna who was clutching her sides in a fit of laughter.

"_Future trophy wife!_" She managed to gasp out. "Oh, that was wonderful, cause it's so,… so –" She burst forth laughing again. Calvin cast glances here and there and about, quite uncomfortable with this awkward situation.

"Okay Luna, so it was a little funny, but -- come now, you're making a scene here -- really, it wasn't _that_ funny, it -- seriously Luna, you're gonna give away our position -- Luna! -- _for crying out_ -- Luna! -- … _Aquamenti!_" A small jet of water shot from his wand tip, hitting Luna square in the face. The laughter quickly subsided and a dripping Luna stood to face Calvin.

"My, that was refreshing. Thank you."

"… You're… welcome." Calvin said in bewilderment.

"Aww, how come we never get to eat like that?" Hobbes was looking through the omniculars to the tables where the multitude was now eating.

"What are you talking about? We have feasts every flippin' day!"

"Yeah, but not like that. They're making special orders and it's all festive 'n stuff."

"Special orders, eh?" Calvin leaned forward a bit.

"What is that?" Luna asked.

"_Nothing!_" Calvin jolted, quickly hiding something behind his back.

"Yeah, what was that?" Hobbes prodded, looking behind Calvin's back.

"Oh, okay." Calvin revealed what appeared to be a long, fleshy cord. "It's some prototype for something Fred and George were working on, called… Extendable Ears or something."

"What's it do?" Luna took the rope and put it up to her ear. Suddenly, her eyes went wide and she dropped herself lower.

"Well?" Hobbes looked at her.

"Interesting. I can hear what people down below are saying."

"Spiffy! So, anything juicy?" Calvin rubbed his hands.

"They're only talking." Luna answered. "There's no juice involved."

"What? Oh, I mean are they saying anything worth hearing. Like anything scandalous, embarrassing, laughable, mockable or otherwise news worthy?"

"No, but the girl with Victor Krum is teaching him how to say her name."

"Oh, and what is it?"

"… Herm-own-ninny."

"Herm-own-ninny?" Hobbes looked questioningly. "Are you sure?"

"That's what he keeps saying."

* * *

Within a few moments, the floor was cleared and several instruments appeared on the stage where a group of wizards who had just entered the Great Hall walked up to.

"Hey," Said Calvin. "it's that wizard band the um, the a…" he snapped his fingers, trying to recall the name. "The… The Twisted Sisters! That's it!" Luna grinned at him.

"I believe they're called The _Weird_ Sisters."

"_Pfft!_ Weird _Sisters!_" Hobbes commented. "Why are they the weird _sisters?_ They're all guys!"

"Sounds twisted to me." Calvin replied.

The bodies in the crowd began to pair up and fill the floor of the hall as the band began playing a slow tune. Luna swayed back and forth on her feet while she listened to the melody. Calvin merely sat listening to the music. It sounded okay as far as he was concerned, but he couldn't really get into it.

"Come on…" He moaned. "Play something with a beat to it!"

Seconds after the words left his mouth, the Weird Sisters struck up a new song that had not just a beat, but a rockin' beat! This left Calvin staring for a moment.

"Whoa… Hey, see if you can make them play the Hamster Dance next." Hobbes said to him. Calvin stared up at Hobbes who chuckled at his expression.

As the music shot up to where the three renegades were hiding, Calvin noticed Hobbes bouncing to the beat of the song. A few seconds more and he was a dancing fool. Had he been in the crowd below, he surely would have been the star of the scene; but he wasn't. Calvin watched his friend for a time before noticing that his own feet were moving. He quickly joined in with the tiger, bouncing, twisting, shaking and grooving to the music.

They eventually ran out of steam and decided to have a little rest. Luna gazed at them admirably.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" She asked.

"From jumping on the parents bed!" Calvin answered.

"Dancing for Dummies." Said Hobbes.

"Seriously?" Calvin asked.

"Oh sure. Your mom's got it stashed in her closet, somewhere."

"Whoa wait a minute, you've actually read that?"

"Hey, back in the states, you were at school all the time. I had to do something to entertain myself."

"So you spent your time reading 'Dancing for Dummies'?"

"Yeah,… and memorized the Phantom of the Opera."

"The book or the musical?"

"… Both."

* * *

"Now aren't you glad you came?" Calvin asked Hobbes as the three of them sat around a table back in the Ravenclaw common room.

"Eh, it was okay." Hobbes took a swig from his butter beer.

"well, I had a great time." Luna said to Calvin. "Thank you for letting me come." She gave Calvin a friendly hug.

"Aw c'mon," Calvin started to blush. "It's Christmas after all. And what are friends for?" He raised his butter beer.

"Here, here." Hobbes added. They all clinked their bottles for a toast.

"Merry Christmas, guys."

They all heard the common room door open and in walked a figure with its head facing downward.

"Hey Pattil!" Calvin greeted. "How'd the dance go?--So until later then,… with the talking."

He watched as Padma skulked right past them and up to the girls dormitory.

"… Bah Humbug." He returned to his butter beer.

* * *

"So that was the Yule Ball. Sorry I couldn't really go into much more detail."

"It's okay." Susie answered. "So come on, there's still two more challenges."

"Right, so… what was the next challenge, again?"

"The lake."

"Oh _riiiiiiiiight_…"

* * *

Calvin stared intently at the waters smooth surface.

"So they're going to go into the lake. Doesn't sound like much fun for us."

"How's that?" Calvin asked Hobbes.

"Well, we're not going to be able to see what's going on. We'll just be sitting out here without knowing what they're doing."

"Well, I'm working on a solution to that if you'd shut your trap for a second--Ah ha!" He flicked his wand and a small, dark something shot out of the water to his outstretched hand.

"You're going to share that fish, right?" The sight of something edible caused Hobbes to completely forget what he was saying. He hungrily eyed the wriggling fish clutched in Calvin's hand.

"It's not for eating!" Calvin put his wand tip between the fishes eyes and mumbled something.

"Well what is it for, then?"

Calvin placed his wand between his own eyes and mumbled something again. He then tossed the fish back into the water where it hastily swam off. Hobbes watched it swim away until it was completely out of sight. He moaned, forlornly.

"Okay, it works. Good." Calvin had his eyes closed and seemed to be testing something. "C'mere, Hobbes." He gestured.

"What was that about?" Hobbes asked as Calvin placed his wand between his eyes now.

"That little ictheoid is going to give us a fish eyes view of this competition."

"… Huh?"

"I put a spell on it. We just have to close our eyes and anything it sees, we'll see."

Somewhere behind them, a whistle sounded, followed by four loud splashes.

"Show time!" Calvin closed his eyes. Hobbes looked a little unsure, but shrugged and followed his lead.

"Whoa…" Calvin watched in amazement as the champions worked their various tactics to survive the lakes waters.

"Oh, now that's impressive." He mentioned regarding Krum's transformation. "Well… almost impressive." He added when the transformation only went halfway.

"_Just when you thought it was safe to go into the water_…" He chuckled as the shark-man swam away.

One seat over, Hobbes wasn't having quite the same enjoyment Calvin was.

"… I… think I may have a bad connection or something. I –"

"Wow, are you seeing this, Hobbes?"

"No, I'm seeing the inside of my eyelids." Hobbes snapped at him. "That's what I'm trying to tell you, it's not working!"

"Nonsense, it works fine!"

"Not for me, it's not."

"Whoa, was that a giant squid?"

"Calvin, I can't see anything!"

"What would a giant squid be doing in a fresh water loch?"

"Calvin –"

"Oh my!"

"It's not –"

"Beauty Queen just got snatched!"

"Calvin! I--aw, forget it." And with that, Hobbes crossed his arms and turned his back feeling quite put off. (Which subsided when a Ravenclaw girl asked if she could pet his soft fur.)

* * *

Through the fishes perspective, Calvin saw four people tied to a statue. All around this statue were several structures filled with merpeople.

Calvin thought to investigate the odd buildings and their inhabitants when something in the distance seemed to draw the mers attention. A dark shape was looming closer to the village and they were all intent on seeing this new arrival. Calvin could just barely make out the shape when the fish he was viewing through was jerked around. For a split second, Calvin saw the face of a rather wild looking mermaid; followed by the many pointed teeth in her mouth; and then darkness.

Calvin's eyes popped open accompanied by a startled yelp from his mouth. He turned around to see several pairs of eyes looking at him quizzically.

"There was a… um,… crab!" He sheepishly explained.

"What?" Vincent asked, stupidly.

"_Not You!"_

"Oh yeah… _that's the spot_…" Hobbes merrily kicked his back leg as the Ravenclaw girl scratched him behind his ear.

Calvin stared dumbfounded at his friends behavior. "… _Incredible_…" He glared.

* * *

"So in the end, Diggory came out with his hostage first. One minute _after_ the hour limit. Fleur was snatched by water demons and ended up forfeiting. Krum was next and Potter ended up dead last."

"_But_," Hobbes added. "Dumbledore had a brief meeting with the chieftainess of the mers. Apparently, Potter was the first one to get there. He was last to surface because he wanted to make sure all four hostages made it to safety. So the judges tied him to first place with Diggory, due to his 'moral fiber', as Dumbledore put it."

"Hmph, '_moral fiber_' my eye! I still say he was being dense!"

"Right, right." Susie butted in "So then, what was the last challenge?"

"Last challenge, ummm…" Calvin scratched his head suddenly sober as if recalling a painful memory. "The last challenge was a hedge maze."

"And they had to navigate their way through it, right?"

"I guess… 'Course, we were all seated outside of the maze, so we couldn't really see what was going on in there."

"Huh." Susie gazed at Calvin. "And there weren't any… birds or anything you could use for that spell you did during the second challenge?"

"No, not really. All I know is that both Fleur and Krum had to be rescued."

"Ah," She sighed. "But what about the other two? They came out all right, right?"

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances. "Uh, Susie… remember earlier when I said that people have died in this contest?"

Susie threw her hands to her mouth to cover her sudden gasp. "You, you don't mean…?"

"Yeah…" They both nodded sadly. "All of a sudden, Potter just appears at the front of the maze clutching Diggory's lifeless body."

"Oh my, you mean he… he, he" She made stabbing gestures to her chest to somehow express what she couldn't bring herself to say.

"I'd say probably not.

"At the end-of-year feast, Dumbledore made a bit of a commemoration for him. According to him, (And I guess he got the news from Potter) Diggory was murdered by Voldemort."

"But how…?"

"No one's really sure." Calvin shrugged. "But as you can probably guess, Ol' Ced was the first casualty of the war started anew."

"Oh… that's awful." Susie looked down, sadly.

"Yeah." Hobbes said "It's just like that old adage 'War is H–


	10. Order and Chaos

**Dedication** I would like to take this opportunity to dedicate the following chapter to one of the most dedicated fans of this story. Here's to _Ellenlome_ for providing me with such a deliciously twisted idea.

* * *

"Can't believe he's actually dead." Hobbes watched as several people carried Cedric Diggory's body away.

"Hey, if not tonight, it'd only be later." Calvin gave a quick glance in the general direction of the body and looked back at the ground. Hobbes glanced back at him.

"You sure can be pretty heartless sometimes."

"Hey, it's not like I _knew _the guy!" Calvin snapped, defensively.

Hobbes sighed exasperatedly. "Oh well… As the saying goes, 'every dark cloud has a silver lining.' It may take some looking, but we could probably find the one that goes to this affaire."

"Heh, _good luck!_" Calvin kicked an inoffensive rock out of his way as he walked off. Hobbes gingerly followed his friend while looking about his surroundings.

"Why look, Calvin--" Hobbes suddenly said, looking out at the masses. "It's our good friend Percival. Why don't we go say hello to him, huh?"

Calvin turned to face his friend. "… Who?"

* * *

"Who?" Susie asked

"Percy Weasly." Calvin answered her "Fred and George's older brother. He was there through my first two years of Hogwarts, then moved on to work at the… ministry I think."

"Ah, another Weasly" She smiled. "Sounds like fun."

"Oh yeah, he was _loads_ of fun!" Hobbes rubbed his paws together while baring a smile that showed several teeth. "But not that way. I mean, you could tell that the twins and he were related by looking at them (they all had red hair and similar facial features,) but by the way they acted, you couldn't even tell that they were from the same _planet!_"

"Yeah," Calvin added. "Fred and George are two fun guys, but Percy,… _OI!_ He was always neat as a pin, painstakingly groomed, always bustling about with self importance and always being so 'proper'."

"Absolute Nazi," Hobbes put in. "Always making sure everyone follows the rules! Bah,… he thinks he's all that just because he was a prefect, then Head Boy."

"Yeah." Calvin agreed "I could tell he was a total stiff right from the moment I first met him…"

* * *

Percy marched about the ground floor of the castle. His mind was weighed down by the seemingly ever increasing danger that surrounded Hogwarts these days. In an instance, an odd noise caught his attention. A sort of whistling above him; like something rapidly descending from the air.

Steeling himself, he took hold of his wand, prepared for anything that he may have to face. However, he wasn't _quite_ prepared for what transpired.

A dark figure struck the ground mere inches away from him, rolled a couple of times and crouched. Percy was both relieved and annoyed that it was only a student. A first year by the looks of him, a Ravenclaw with spiky, blond hair. Percy was about to tell him off for the reckless stunt he had just pulled, when he noticed the odd way he was holding his wand. He held it in both hands straight in front of him. He also turned it to his left and right as if anticipating unseen dangers.

After a few seconds, the student confidently rose, twirling his wand in his right hand then twirling it the other way before sticking it into his pant pocket. What on Earth was this boy doing? Finally, the boy began speaking

"The dauntless Spaceman Spiff has successfully landed on the distant planet, Klommdak-5. Our hero scans the planet surface for signs of alien life."

"_Excuse me_…" Percy interrupted.

"_Zounds!_" Calvin exclaimed "An alien has discovered him!"

"What were you doing?! Don't you realize that dropping out of the air like that could hurt someone? Well?!"

"Spiff eases his defenses ever so slightly. Other than threatening snarls, this creature does not seem dangerous. Spiff tries to determine this beings species…"

"I'll have you know that _I_ am a school prefect. I'll also have you know that such reckless behavior is a violation of school protocol."

"… It is a drone of the Weezlok beings!"

"-- _I beg your pardon_." Percy said, taken aback. "Alright, funny man. if you're going to be disrespectful, I suppose a word with your head of house is in order. Now let's see -- Ah, Ravenclaw, eh? Then come with me to Professor Flitwick's office."

"_Great moons of Neptune!_ The drone has revealed its diabolical nature! Seizing our hero in its claw like appendage, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff is hauled away to be taken to the drone's superior."

"_Don't_ call me that again or so help me…"

"By his cunning and wit, our hero has discovered that the Weezlok is agitated by disturbances in its routine." Calvin declared, in an air of triumph.

"You've got that right!" Percy snapped, indignantly. "And if I hear one more syllable out of you -- HEY!" Calvin had jumped up and brushed his free hand through Percy's perfectly groomed hair. This caused Percy to lose his grip on Calvin's other hand. Calvin then seized the hem of Percy's robes and threw them over the prefect's head. Calvin dashed away triumphantly calling-

"His plan succeeded, the Weezlok thwarted, Spaceman Spiff makes a daring escape!"

Percy finally managed to get his robes off of himself, swearing loudly. "How can a boy with such short legs run so fast?!"

* * *

"Wow," Susie mused. "That's quite an ordeal for a first encounter."

"Yep." Calvin agreed "And it was such great fun, we simply _had_ to do it again!"

"Although," Hobbes interrupted "The next time we met him was quite by accident."

* * *

"Are you sure this is the right way?" Hobbes looked uncertainly down the dark corridor.

"Well if not, we'll find out soon enough." Calvin tugged his friend along.

"I'm not quite sure I like that concept."

"_Shhh._ I think I hear voices!" They both strained their ears and listened intently. They indeed heard voices; engaged in a conversation of sorts.

"I assure you, Mr. Finch-Fletchley, I know Mr. Potter quite well. And the idea that _he's_ the one responsible for all the attacks is ludicrous at best."

A Hufflepuff boy was walking down the corridor accompanied by a ghost. Calvin recognized the ghost as Nearly-Headless Nick, the Gryffindor house ghost.

"S'up Dawgs?!" Calvin greeted them.

"Dogs?" Nick questioned. "I'm sorry, but I do not believe there are any canines in this vicinity."

"No, I'm talking about y -- _oh never mind._"

"So," Hobbes spoke up "you guys just passing through?"

"Oh yes, Mr. Finch-Fletchly and I were just having a lovely conversation, weren't we?"

"Uh… sure" Justin Finch-Fletchly confirmed uneasily as they all passed each other.

"Right--well, see ya 'round I g--HEY!" Calvin's last words were cut off when Hobbes roughly gabbed and shoved him into a nearby cranny in the wall.

"_Hobbes, what are you doing??_"

"_Shhhhh._"

"No seriously, what's going on?! Why did you--" He was once again cut off; this time by a soft _thud_ sound. He was suddenly gripped with fear as a sound like hissing met his ears. He looked to Hobbes and saw him growling with his claws extended and teeth bared. Calvin could swear he felt his blood turn to ice as the hissing became louder, indicating whatever was making it was coming closer.

Then it abruptly stopped.

The duo would never know that both of their lives had been saved because while they were both squirming about their hiding place, they had inadvertently managed to cast a shadow on the wall that looked convincingly like a strutting rooster.

"Oh man." Was all Calvin could say when he saw the scene before him; Justin Finch-Fletchly was on the floor, stiff as a board. On his face was an expression of absolute terror. Nearby, Nearly-Headless Nick was floating motionless in the air, head askew, with a similar expression on his face. "Oh man!" Calvin repeated.

"I vote we make tracks." Hobbes said.

"I concur."

And make tracks they did. They ran as fast as their feet could carry them, neither one thinking about where they were going or where they were. All they could think of was getting as far from that awful scene as possible.

"Hey you!" Called a familiar voice "What are you running for?! What's the meaning of th--"

"GET DOWN!"

The boy and tiger both leapt on Percy, bringing him to the floor. They then scrambled to get to a secure area.

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" Percy snapped once they let go of him.

"_It's in the halls!_" Exclaimed Calvin.

"What's in the halls?"

"Something."

"… _Something?_" Percy was incredulous.

"A hissing something." Hobbes confirmed "It dropped a guy out cold!… _and a ghost_"

"I'll bet it was imps!" Calvin went about excitedly. "Don't you know imps can strip the flesh off a cow in fifteen seconds!"

"… I think you might be referring to piranhas." Percy was getting exasperated by these two annoyances.

"_THAT'S RIGHT, THEY BOTH CAN!!_" Calvin was becoming more hyper by the second. He whipped out his wand. "We'll need a battle stratagem, Admiral! You take the bow, I'll man the stern, I tell you those desperadoes won't know what hit them!!"

"I've had enough of this, Mitchell!--That's right, I know your name now. And if you think you can get to me with any more of you funny business, you--"

"ATTACK! ATTACK! THERE'S BEEN ANOTHER ATTACK!" Peeves came screeching through the air around them "NO MORTAL OR GHOST IS SAFE! ATTACK!"

Percy turned to Calvin. "We will finish this later." He said. "Count on it!" He then walked off in the direction Peeves was going.

"Do you find it in the least insulting that he listens to the poltergeist, but not to us?" Hobbes asked his friend. Calvin thought a moment.

"Eh, not really. C'mon, let's go."

* * *

"I think _I'd _be insulted by that." Susie said.

"That's 'cause you care so much." Calvin countered. "But yeah, that's how tensions between 'ol Perce and me got started. Of course, by second year, I started going out of my way to freak him out."

* * *

Percy ascended the staircase on his way to his room. He was feeling particularly happy thoughts that evening--most of them involving one Penelope Clearwater. One of his favorites of these fantasies involved her with a rather, uh,… _interesting_ outfit. But his dreams came crashing down around him when at the top of the stairs stood his currently least favorite person.

Calvin Mitchell stood right at the top of the stairs facing a blank wall. His left hand was outstretched, straight as an arrow and slightly elevated. He began speaking (in what Percy assumed was supposed to be an important sounding voice.)

"_Hail Caesar, Emperor of Rome; Master of the world and granter of all that is good. Hear the pleas of thy subjects and relinquish thy blessings upon thy faithful…" _

Percy was positively baffled by this, for lack of a better word, nut case. What confounded him most was that no one else seemed to share his point of view in this matter. Even Penelope (Who was in the same house as Calvin and interacted with him more than Percy) usually chose to describe him as 'funny'.

Well 'funny' or not, he was still blocking the way. Percy, in a tired state of mind, chose to take a page out of what he thought must have been Calvin's book and tried to push his way past him. Calvin simply stumbled a bit, turned to glare at Percy and with a grunt, clapped his left hand to his chest and returned it to its previous position.

"_Hail Caesar, Emperor of Rome; Master of the world and granter of all that is good. Hear the pleas of thy subjects and relinquish thy blessings upon thy faithful…" _

Percy thought perhaps, just maybe, a more proper approach would see him through.

"Excuse me…"

"You dare interrupt a prayer to his majesty _a second time?!_" He seized the prefects robes and thrust him to the floor. Percy, being fit and healthy but not particularly strong or resistant, went down surprisingly easily. (The fact the Calvin spent much of his childhood wrestling with a tiger also helped in this regard.) "Kneel before your Emperor! Apologize for your arrogance!"

Percy was incredulous. "There's no one there!" He spat. "You are talking to an empty wall!"

"Fool! Can you not recognize the face of your king? Your master and ruler of all?! Apologize for your stupidity!"

"NO! This is MADNESS! I refuse to apologize when there's nothing there!" Percy could swear he saw steam billow from Calvin's ears.

"BLAGGARD! You shall pay dearly for this heresy!" He pulled the prefect to his feet again. "Thou shalt be fed to the LIONS! And after they have had their way with you, thou shalt be FLOGGED!"

"… If I've been fed to the lions, how could you flog me afterwards?"

"SILENCE, TRAITOR! After you have been flogged A SECOND TIME, thou shalt be fed to the CHICKENS!! And after a stoning, thou shalt be hanged by thine own _small__intestine_!"

"… _Alright, you've just crossed the line from weird to positively REVOLTING!_ Now if you would kindly get out of my way, I've duties to attend to. _GOOD EVENING!_"

Percy stomped away. Calvin watched him for a bit, then turned back to the wall, clapped his left hand to his chest and raised it to its former position.

"_Hail Caesar, Emperor of Rome;…"_

* * *

Percy was enjoying the warm, Saturday sun. He sat against the trunk of an old tree, holding Penelope's hand and gazing across the landscape.

'_Just perfect.'_ He thought to himself. '_A perfect day with the perfect amount of light and perfect temperature… and the perfect woman to share it with.'_ He sighed, contently. '_Could this get any better?'_ He wouldn't find out if it could be better, but an all too familiar voice told him it could get worse.

"Kick."

"Stroke."

"Kick."

"Stroke."

"Kick."

"Stroke."

A most peculiar sight met their eyes. A floating desk, with a blond haired boy and a tiger sitting on top came meandering by them. Calvin had an old umbrella in his hands while Hobbes wielded a walking cane. They would stick these utensils into the ground beneath them and push back like oars to propel themselves forward. While doing this, Calvin would call out "kick" while Hobbes would respond with "stroke".

"Top 'o the morning to ye!" Calvin called to them. (Despite the fact that it was now evening.)

"And just what do you think you two are doing?" Percy barked at them.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at each other with expressions befitting those who had been asked a stupid question.

"We're paddling by on a floating desk propelled by an umbrella and a walking stick." Calvin answered. "What's it look like?"

Percy could only stare at them, mouth agape. "Well,… where did you… _get _this… desk, from?"

"Wouldn't you and professor McGonagall _both_ like to know." Calvin sneered down at him. Then they both went off again, calling "kick", "stroke", "kick", "stroke", leaving Percy wide eyed, slack jawed and dumbfounded.

* * *

Percy strolled up one of the many winding staircases up to the seventh floor. As he reached the top, he stopped suddenly. He wasn't sure why, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't quite right.

He looked to his right; everything seemed fine. He glanced to the left; nothing out of order there. He looked behind him; nothing. Finally, he looked up.

Calvin Mitchell was _standing_ on the wall directly above him! He looked down on him wearing a wide, tooth baring grin on his face with a slightly manic gleam in his eyes.

He just stood there, stock still. He did not move a muscle, just stood and glowered down.

After several uncomfortably silent seconds, he finally said "Just keep walking, Weasly."

And keep walking he did.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Hobbes gave one last attempt at talking Calvin out of something that would surely be a big mistake.

"Would you relax already?" Calvin impatiently exclaimed. "It's a great idea! Besides, with my skills and my _highly advanced brain_, it'll be a snap!"

Hobbes, along with several other bystanders, were looking rather perplexed now. Which was due to the fact that when Calvin had said 'highly advanced brain' he had tapped his wand to his head. This wouldn't usually cause much concern, except that the first time he tapped it, his hair had changed from its normal light blond color to a deep, royal blue. The second time, it turned a vivid, neon sign orange. And the third time, plaid.

"Well, let's get on with it, Hobbes. Boy I tell ya, this is gonna one sweet shenanigan, it--Why is everybody staring?… Did I forget to get changed out of my pajamas again?"

"Ummm," Hobbes stuttered. "Well, you should probably have a look." He directed Calvin to the nearest reflective surface.

"AUGH!!!" Exclaimed Calvin when he saw his now plaid hair. "What happened to my head?! I look like – Like I – Like…"

"Like you made a wig out of a kilt." Suggested Hobbes, who was now quite enjoying the situation.

"_Can it, Hobbes!_"

And so, forgetting what he had planned to do at that time, Calvin spent the rest of the day trying to make his hair yellow again. (Which produced many interesting results) He managed to make it lime green, purple, sky blue (Including clouds), lobster red, rainbow, pink polka dotted, glow-in-the-dark and a chicken. He also managed to make it white and then black. Or almost; he still had a white stripe straight down the middle of his head. (Which Hobbes found most entertaining.)

"You look like Pepe Le'Phew!" He laughed.

"Oh, you're a riot.--um hi?" He added when he saw the girl suddenly in front of him.

"Hi." The girl replied. "I'm Lavender Brown."

"_Lavender Brown_…" He shook her hand. "What a colorful name."

"Yeah, well… I saw your hair and I--"

"You thought you'd laugh it up in my face, did you?"

"What? No!" Lavender was looking deeply offended now. "I was wondering if you could do something like that to my hair."

"Oh." Calvin felt a bit shameful now.

"You're about as good as getting the ladies as Pepe Le'Phew, too." Hobbes chuckled.

"_I said, Can it!_ Look, I appreciate the fact that you like this… '_skill'_, but I don't even know how I did this to _my_ hair!" He jabbed his head with his wand again and his hair took on the appearance, feel and smell of grass.

"Oh," Said a forlorn Lavender as she turned away "Well if you really can't do it, then…"

Calvin sighed deeply "Well,… I suppose I could try." He took out his wand and tapped it to her head. "Huh, that's odd." He said when nothing happened. "Well, if at first you don't succeed and all that–" He took several more jabs at her, each one yielding no result.

"Okay, I think I know what to do now." He held his wand aloft, concentrating very hard on what he wanted to happen, he concentrated on Lavender's hair and what he wanted to happen to it and he thought about how close it was to lunch.

"Are you going to do anything?!" An impatient Hobbes asked. This startled Calvin, making him fire off the spell before he was ready. Not only that, he completely missed Lavender's head.

"MITCHELL!!"

"Oh great!" Calvin sighed as he heard that all-too-familiar voice "Yeah, whaddaya want, flat foot--mama _mia!_"

This was a rather astute statement to make, because when Percy Weasly appeared on the scene, his hair looked exactly like tomato sauce covered spaghetti. (Complete with meat balls.)

"I assume this is your doing, Mitchell!" He pointed to his spaghetti hair.

"Yeah, and just what makes you assume that?!"

"Considering that you seem to have someone's front lawn on your head, it's not that difficult an assessment to make."

"Okay,… so maybe I am sort of responsible."

"Well I am not amused!"

"Bud, I am _not_ here for your amusement!"

"_Understatement of the decade_." Hobbes mumbled, incoherently.

* * *

And so, Calvin received detention.

Pleased to finally have this annoyance in his power, Percy made Calvin do lines for all the 'outrageous, defiant crimes' he had perpetrated.

_I will not turn the Head Boy's hair into spaghetti, I will not turn the Head Boy's hair into spaghetti…_

_I will not talk back to the prefects, I will not talk back to the prefects…_

_I will not tell the Head Boy to apologize to blank walls, I will not tell the Head Boy to apologize to blank walls…_

_I must not freak people out, I must not freak people out…_

_I will not glower down at people while standing on walls, I will not glower down at people while standing on walls…_

_I will not hide snakes in the Head Boy's socks, I will not hide snakes in the Head Boy's socks…_

_I will finish what I sta–_

"What's this about snakes?"

"Darn! I knew there was something I'd gotten away with."

* * *

Susie burst out laughing again. "Oh Calvin, you really are evil!"

"Why, thank you. 'Course, that's not even the real beauty of it."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I lied. There were no snakes." Susie began her laughing anew. "Yep," Calvin continued. "from what I hear, Percy spent the rest of that evening carefully scrutinizing each and every one of his socks – and a few of his other possessions – earnestly searching for some marauding serpents."

"Which, of course, weren't there." Hobbes added, slyly. "It's the simple things in life that give you pleasure." He sighed.

"Yeah, simple things. Like that one time when Percy came out of an apparently good snog session, I showed up and without saying a word, walked up to him, sniffed his robes and walked away."

"Was that before or after the time you started talking to him and walked away in mid-sentence?" Hobbes asked.

"A… little bit after, I think."

* * *

Percy couldn't believe that this had happened. Someone was dead. An upstanding, innocent young man had been taken long before his time. The thought was quite overbearing. He walked off on his own to gather his thoughts when suddenly, he heard a rustling sound nearby.

An exceptionally large imp leapt out of the bushes at him. It crouched, brandishing its sharp claws in front of it and snarling to reveal its pointed teeth.

"Evening, mister Mitchell." Percy growled in an impatient tone. "Come out at last, have you? Yes I thought I might have to endure some amusing antic of yours sometime during the course of this tournament. However, I would think that even _you_ might show a little more reverence in light of what has happened here. Don't you even realize that someone has died?"

"Yeah, I kinda figured that when a dead body came out of the maze." Came a voice from behind.

Percy whipped around to see Calvin standing behind him. He wore a look that mingled puzzlement with mild amusement.

"What--oh, I thought you were" He gestured to the imp who was still snarling and glaring daggers at him "But then who is--oh I get it, its your pet tiger, what's his name? Humphrey? Or Homer or…?"

"_Hobbes!_" Came an irate voice from the bushes. Percy strode over to the bushes and brushed the foliage away. There sat Hobbes, wearing a very guilty, sheepish grin.

"But if you're here, then who _is_ in the…" He grabbed the imps head and violently pulled the mask away revealing… Calvin!

"Evening, mister Weasly." Calvin grinned up at Percy, quite enjoying the way his mouth opened and closed yet made no noise except the occasional gagging sound.

"Alright," Percy finally regained his composure. "then who is _that_?!" He gestured over to the other Calvin, only he was no longer there. In his place stood an imp, fiercer and more wild looking than Calvin's disguise.

The imp leapt about madly, swiping its dangerous claws and needle-like teeth, all the while making threatening, impish growls and whoops and snarls and hisses.

Percy stumbled backwards a bit and dashed off, muttering something that included the words 'escaped from the hedges'.

"Freeze." Calvin pointed his wand at the imp, which froze instantly.

"You'd think a Hogwarts graduate would have noticed that that 'imp' was slightly transparent." Hobbes observed. "We ought to write the school governors about that!"

"I tell ya, Hobbes." Calvin flicked his wand and the apparition he had conjured vanished in a whiff of vapor. "Either this is getting easier, of he's just getting more gullible."

* * *

Percy came quick as a flash back to the scene with Cornelius Fudge puffing behind him.

"You're certain of this, Weasly?" Fudge demanded.

"Oh yes sir, biggest imp I've ever seen! Claws like daggers, evil gleam in its eye, bad breath, it--"

They came to the place where the imp had been, only they did not find anything of the sort there. What they did see was Calvin Mitchell with a group of three younger boys gathered around him. He appeared to be leading them in, of all things, song. Calvin would sing a line of song, which the boys would then repeat back to him. It went something like;

"The prettiest girl"

"The prettiest girl"

"I ever saw"

"I ever saw"

"Was sippin' Ci–"

"Was sippin' Ci–"

"–Der through a straw."

"–Der through a straw."

"_The prettiest girl I ever saw… was sippin' Ci–diy–diyder through a_--Oh, why Minister of Magic sir, what a surprise."

"What's going on here?" Fudge demanded. "What's all this?"

"Well I was just teachin' the young'uns here a little ditty I learned during my brief stint in the cub scouts. Lovely little program, the cub scouts, learn all sorts of interesting stuff."

"Ahem; Well, mister Weasly here has just informed me that there was an imp in this vicinity."

Calvin thought a bit "… I think we would've seen an imp if it was around. Right guys?"

"I haven't seen one."

"No sir."

"What's an imp?"

With an impatient cough, Fudge turned to Percy with an unflattering expression. "Well mister Weasly, I have to speak with Dumbledore right now concerning the Diggory boy. But we will discus this behavior of yours soon enough." And he strode away.

"But Minister!" Percy called after him "There was _something_ there earlier! Ask Mitchell! It's all his doing, he probably planned the whole thing!!"

"Let it go, Perce. A retarded chimpanzee could tell he's not listening." Percy turned around to see Calvin standing behind him, looking smug while Hobbes passed out a gold galleon to each of the three boys.

"You little prat!" Percy snarled, glaring sinisterly at Calvin. "You can't make me look like a fool like that!"

"Really Percy, why would I need to make you look like a fool when you do such a bang-up job on your own?"

"You insolent whelp! You're barking mad! _A raving lunatic!_"

"Complements shall avail you nothing." Calvin said, his voice obnoxiously calm.

"I promise you Mitchell, you will regret this night."

* * *

"–So he stormed away and I never saw hide nor hair of him again!" Calvin finished dramatically.

"Wow" Susie mused. "You have no idea what happened to him?"

"Well last I heard from Fred and George, he seceded from his family."

To say that Susie was surprised by this would be an understatement.

"_WHAT?!"_

"Uh huh, yeah, all through the following year there was a huge disagreement between the teachers at Hogwarts and the Ministry."

"A disagreement? About what?"

"Well remember Old V had come back to power the night of that challenge." Said Hobbes.

"Yeah, Dumbledore and the others tried to tell the ministry that; but did they listen? Noooo-oooo. They were all far too comfortable thinking that he was safely and forever dead!"

"Anyway," Hobbes went on "Percy's entire family stood firmly behind Dumbledore while Percy himself sided with the Ministry. Apparently, he completely turned away anyone who believed Dumbledore."

"_Idiot!_" Calvin grumbled. Susie was incredulous.

"_That's stupid!_" She yelled "Your family's the most important thing anyone can have! If you turn them away, what have you got left?! Besides that, if some power hungry, genocidal megalomaniac is on the loose, you'd want to have all the protection you can get! Why on Earth would people willingly go into denial about something that could very well be the end of them?!"

"Ignorance is bliss?" Calvin shrugged.

"Not only that," Added Hobbes "I've also noticed that most ignorance is self-induced."

"Ah yes," Calvin sighed, placing his hands behind his head and leaning back into his seat "I seem to recall that following year was quite epic…"


	11. Hurting People and Their Feelings

"Well, here we are Hobbes," Calvin glanced around the familiar common room. "Year four."

"Hump Year!" Hobbes exclaimed, jumping onto one of his favorite couches.

"Hey, yeah…" Calvin mused. "heh heh; Hard to believe we're almost halfway through our magical training, huh? Hey Luna!"

"Hello." She absently said in her usual, dreamy voice.

"Hey, sorry we missed you on the train, we just–"

"Oh it's alright, I met some wonderful new people."

"Really, like who?"

"Well,… like Ginny Weasly, Neville Longbottom,… Oh and Harry Potter!" Calvin looked dumbfounded. "We had a wonderful time. That Neville boy brought out this little cactus plant that sprayed green goo all over us, and this red haired prefect boy said the funniest thing–" But Calvin wasn't quite listening anymore.

_Sheesh, am I the only one at Hogwarts who doesn't know this Harry Potter guy personally?!_ He thought to himself.

"–like a baboons _backside!!!_" Luna finished in a fit of laughter that Calvin and Hobbes had both become accustomed to. Calvin and Hobbes both applauded courteously.

"_What's she talking about?"_ Calvin whispered to Hobbes.

"_I don't know, just keep clapping." _

The cheerful noise subsided when a new form appeared through the doorway.

"Well, someone looks a bit more cheerful then is considered healthy." Said Calvin to the new arrival.

"Careful Calvin," Padma Patil warned, though smiling none the less. "I'll have you know I'm a prefect now. So any of your lip just might get you in a spot of trouble." She brandished a badge with a large P over a soaring eagle. She held it out so everyone could get a good look at it.

"Hmm, fancy." Was all Calvin said.

"It does seem a bit superfluous, doesn't it?" Luna added in her dreamy voice.

"Oh come now," Hobbes put in "that's no way to show support for our classmate, is it?" He glanced at his companions who said nothing and looked as though they'd rather be somewhere else. He coughed quietly. "Right, so… who else has been made prefect, then?"

Padma smiled again, glad that _someone_ appreciated her new position. "Well, Anthony Goldstein is the new boy prefect for Ravenclaw. Um,… Hufflepuff now has Ernie Macmillan and Hannah Abbott. The Gryffindore prefects are Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly--"

"Isn't that the sod you went to the Yule Ball with?" Calvin interrupted from his reclined position on the couch. The hue of Padma's skin began to deepen at these words.

"_I'll thank you not to bring that up again._" She said through clenched teeth.

_Yep, musta been him!_ Thought Calvin to himself; he knew better than to say it out loud.

"And I'd say that Dumbledore must have had a brief instance of insanity when he picked the Slytherin prefects. He picked this absolute _slut_ named Pansy Parkinson and a pompous, arrogant prat by the name of Draco Malfoy."

At these words, Calvin sprung up with a look of absolute glee on his face. "Oh, oh, OH! This is fantastic, _FANTASTIC!_" And with a noise that sounded like '_Kapwing'_, he rushed off leaving three very confused faces in his wake.

* * *

And so it happened that one busy Monday morning found a great commotion in the Slytherin common room. Students of all ages, faces, sizes and genders were huddled around one of the walls of the room. They were all jumping about, twisting, contorting and squeezing very intently to get a look at something that was placed there. Naturally, all this hubbub attracted the attention of the new prefects.

"Make way, move aside. _Prefect_ coming through. Out of my way. _Move!_" Malfoy bellowed over the ruckus of the crowd. "What is everyone looking a--" He stopped suddenly. There on the wall was a large piece of parchment depicting himself and Pansy Parkinson. The drawings, though very well drawn, did not depict them in a pleasant manner.

The Malfoy in the picture was sporting webbed feet and a duck's bill; while Pansy's ears were larger than normal and she had long, hairy arms and a second pair of hands where her feet should be. (One of which was clutching a banana.) Every so often, the Malfoy in the picture would say 'Quack, quack, quack!' while the Pansy would respond with 'Ooh, ooh, ooh, _AH_, ooh, EEEE, _EEEEEE!_'

Anger was clearly and cleanly etched on the features of Malfoy's face. This changed to an expression of shock and then pure fury when his eyes traced their way up to the top of the page where there was written, in large, bold letters

**CONGRATULATIONS new PREFECTS**

**DRAKE-O and PANZEE**

"Draco, do something about this!" Pansy demanded.

It took Malfoy a couple of seconds to remember what was going on, his anger was so great. When he did return to his senses, he roughly seized the parchment and tore it from the wall. But before he could enjoy his victory, he realized that he only held a tiny scrap of paper in his hand while the rest remained stubbornly where it was.

He made another grab for it; which yielded similar results. Again and again grabbed, ripped and tore at the offensive poster, each time tearing off nothing larger than a knut. Finally, in desperation, Malfoy thrust his wand at the horrible paper as a great, red jet of fire erupted from the tip, blasting the parchment. Malfoy rejoiced as the quacks and screams the picture let out in agony. He bore a tired, yet victorious smile as the paper blackened and withered to dust.

Until it revealed a second picture, identical to the first, underneath it.

All the muscles in Malfoy's face, particularly his mouth, seemed to lose power. The Malfoy in the picture let out a series of quacks that sounded an awful lot like 'Nyah, na nah nah _NYAAAAH NYAH!_' while the Pansy stuck her thumbs in her ears, wriggled her fingers and blew a raspberry at him.

"_Alright, who did this?!?!"_ Malfoy bellowed, his face turning red. "I want names! Who's responsible?!"

"You,… you don't like it?" came a very timid voice from somewhere in the crowd. Malfoy looked around to find a remarkably small first year boy who was looking up at him in wide-eyed terror.

"_YOU!_" He snarled. "You're responsible for this?!?!" He grabbed the boy's shirt, roughly. "What do you have to say for yourself?! _WELL?!?!_"

"He,… he… he said that,… _that you'd like it_." The small boy whimpered.

"WHO?! Who gave this to you?! Give me his name!!"

The boy started crying now. He blubbered uncontrollably and mumbled something unintelligible.

"_What was that?!_" Malfoy snarled, dangerously.

"He, he said his name was S–Sp–Spiff S–Sp–Sp–Spaceman… of the Tau'ri."

* * *

Within minutes, Malfoy had cornered a seventh year Ravenclaw young man with short, jet black hair, sky blue eyes and a muscular build.

"Alright, the jig is up!" Malfoy declared, pointing an angry finger at the young man.

"Jig? Up? I wouldn't know, I don't dance." The Ravenclaw responded, earning a few chuckles from those around him.

"Oh yes, you're very funny! Yes I know all about your little joke, Mr. _Spiff Spaceman!_"

"… What in the Sam Hills are you blathering about?!"

"Oh don't even try that! You know perfectly well what I'm talking about! Your little masterpiece! Some kid put up a drawing in the Slytherin common room that was given to him by someone with _your exact description!!_"

"You're barking mad!!" The Ravenclaw shot back. "I've never given anything to anyone! I don't even draw, you idiot!!"

"And now, you insult my intelligence?!"

"Oh, I'll insult more than that!"

"You see this badge?! _I_ am a _prefect_! Now, confess what you did and _maybe_ your punishment will be a little less steep!–"

"Boy, Malfoy sure is reading _him_ the Riot Act." Observed Hobbes from his hiding place.

Calvin grinned, wolfishly. "And _you_ said swiping the Polyjuice Potion was a waste of time!"

* * *

"Polyjuice Potion?!" Susie blinked. "What's that?"

"Oh that's a potion that allows the drinker to take on the appearance of somebody else." Said Calvin.

"It looks frighteningly uncomfortable." Hobbes added.

"Well, there's a reason for that, Hobbes… _**It is!**_"

"Wow," Susie mused. "I can't even imagine how Malfoy reacted when he found out it was you who did it." Calvin gave another devilish grin

"Well,… it went something like this…"

* * *

"_MITCHELL!_" Malfoy snarled as he laid eyes on his enemy.

"Weasel Boy!" An unfazed Calvin opened arms in a hug-like manner as if he was greeting a long unseen friend, rather than a sworn nemesis.

"You think you're right clever, don't you?!" Malfoy continued as Pansy, Crabb and Goyle filed in behind him.

"I do tend to think that way, yeah."

"well, you're in it now."

Calvin looked a bit confused at this statement. "… '_it_'?"

"Yes!" Pansy spoke up now. "We know what you did last week!"

"_I saw that movie!_" Calvin exclaimed. "The acting was _eh_, but the special effects were awesome! I gave it a thumbs up!" Now it was the four Slytherins who looked confused. Draco was the first to snap back to reality.

"We know about your drawing, Mitchell!" He was going to tell him that he was in serious trouble, but Calvin cut him off.

"Oh, right… Yeah, the drawing. Well I suppose a quick look couldn't hurt. I Guess could show it to you." And out of his satchel he produced a piece of parchment. He turned it over to reveal a picture depicting a dragon and a tyrannosaurus sword fighting.

"Now as I was saying, It's not quite finished; still a work in progress. But I haven't decided yet if it will be for sale when it _is _finished." Calvin rolled the parchment up again and returned it to his satchel.

"_You little vermin!_" Pansy shrieked. "We know you put the picture in our common room!"

"No, it's still in my pack, see?"

Malfoy swung Calvin around to face him. "We know that you drew a picture of Pansy and I and gave it to an unsuspecting first year to put in our common room."

"That should be Pansy and _me_," Calvin corrected him "not _I_."

"I'll say _I _if I bloody _want_ to!" Malfoy snarled. "You drew that picture! Do you deny it?"

"Deny what?"

"That you drew the picture!"

"What picture?"

"The one that was in our common room!"

"I wouldn't know _what's_ in the Slytherin common room. Being a Ravenclaw, I've never been in there, myself."

"Come off it!" Malfoy was beginning to get red now. "Just admit that you made that filthy picture of Pansy and I – er, _ME…_ and this will all be over with."

"Now see, if someone were to put a picture of me in my common room, I'd think of it as a _compliment_."

"A picture of you with _Duck feet?!?!_" Malfoy was reaching a danger point now.

"Oh come now, we should all just learn to laugh at ourselves." Calvin caught a reflection of himself in the glass of a nearby cabinet. He pointed to it and, tossing his head back, let out a loud, brief and slightly manic laugh.

"What is the commotion here?" All five turned to see professor McGonagall looking at them sternly. Calvin took the opportunity of stunned silence to speak up before the Slytherins could.

"Well Prof, I was on my way to Charms class when these guys showed up wanting to see this picture I'd drawn. I mean, it's great 'n all that my work is appreciated, but I really _do _have to be in that class."

McGonagall's expression seemed to stiffen as she turned to the four Slytherins. "Well Mr. Mitchell, you best be running along now. As for you four, I had better not hear tales of you holding up students for their classes. Especially you two Mr. Malfoy; Miss Parkinson. You are school prefects, you should know better…"

The sounds of Malfoy making a stuttering, feeble attempt at explaining himself faded from Calvin's ears as he walked away with a smug smile planted firmly on his face.

_Boy genius: two. Stupid Snakes: zilch!_ He thought to himself.

* * *

Laughter resounded from Susie once again. "Man, that was real smooth."

"Yeah, smooth… not to mention lucky."

"Lucky?"

"Uh huh," Calvin nodded. "Lucky it was McGonagall that caught us instead of someone like Snape."

"Or _Umbridge!_" Hobbes added.

"Umbridge, _yesssss._" Calvin hissed venomously, shutting his eyes.

"Umbridge? Umbridge who?"

"Ah, she was our Defense against the Dark Arts tyrant -- er, '_teacher'_ during fourth year. She was a squat old prune with the face of a toad!"

"Except I'm pretty sure toads have better complexions." Said Hobbes.

"True."

"… You said 'Tyrant'." Susie noticed "Why?"

Calvin shrugged "Ah, Umbridge was part of that Ministry lot. Y'know, those dolts who decided to remain in their self-induced state of blissful ignorance about Voldemort coming back to power." Susie gestured for him to continue. "Anyway, she 'n them were quite displeased with the way things were being done at Hogwarts,"

"You mean, telling students the truth and letting them know what they're up against?"

"Yep. So she was put in Hogwarts to bring the entire school – bit by bit – under her own control."

* * *

"Good afternoon, class." Umbridge said in her poisonously sweet voice as her pupils began to fill their seats.

"Good afternoon." Came a few scattered, muffled responses.

"Tut tut," Umbridge responded in her sickeningly false cheeriness. "That won't do at all! When I say 'Good afternoon, class', I expect a tad bit more enthusiasm. Let's try again, shall we? Good afternoon, class!"

"Good afternoon, professor Umbridge!"

Calvin had not responded either time. "_I'll be having a good afternoon when I don't have THAT sitting in my line of vision!"_ He grimly muttered to himself, staring squarely at Umbridge's wrinkled face.

"Wands away, quills out!" The professor chimed. Ignoring the audible groans that followed this statement, she produced her own wand and tapped the blackboard.

_**Defense Against the Dark Arts**_

_**A Return to Basic Principles**_

Read the words that appeared.

"well now, it appears your instruction in this area has been greatly fragmented and butchered." She said to her – less than cheerful – class. "I mean really, teachers being changed every year and most of them without the slightest idea of Ministry approved teaching methods…"

Umbridge could drone on all she wanted as far as Calvin was concerned. He doubted anything she was saying could really be of much worth.

He presently slipped into a wonderful daydream that involved the black lake, an oncoming thunderstorm, a bound and gagged Umbridge, a catapult, a starving, rabid moose and a duck decoy.

"… In your copy of _Defensive Magical Theory_ by Wilbert Slinkhard. There will be _no_ need to talk." Was the last thing Calvin heard. He looked around, haphazardly to see a few students looking at their books with glazed looks in their eyes. He pulled his own copy out and since he didn't know (or care, really) what he was supposed to be reading, he just looked at the page while his brain moved on to more interesting things.

He was ungracefully snapped back to the present by the sound of an anxious voice.

"I repeat," Umbridge was saying "Any rumor about dark wizards coming back from the dead are all _lies!_ They are tales spun to frighten you all into radical and paranoid behavior."

"_What's going on?"_ Calvin whispered to Luna.

"Oh someone brought up the subject of when they can use defensive magic and that sort lead to the subject of Voldemort coming back."

"_Really?!_" Calvin got his all-too-familiar look on his face.

"It is absolutely outside the realm of possibility that any such wizard could return from the grave! – Yes, you have a question?" She noticed Calvin's hand in the air.

"Hypothetically." Calvin answered.

Umbridge seemed to regard him for a moment. "What is your name?"

"Calvin Mitchell."

"Well, Mr. Mitchell, what is your question?"

"Yes, you say that this, uh, certain dark wizard has absolutely no way of coming back to life once dead. But suppose – just suppose – he wasn't actually _dead_."

"Poppycock!" Umbridge retorted. "Of course he's dead!"

"Yes, but from what I understand, he was a _very_ powerful wizard when he was at large. It seems to me that someone like him would probably make some attempt to prevent himself from dying."

"Do not be _stupid_, Mr. Mitchell!" Umbridge yelled. She regained her composure and her false sweetness of voice. "It is absolutely impossible, I repeat, _IMPOSSIBLE_ for anyone – even a dark wizard – to prevent themselves from dying."

Calvin grinned slyly. "Not even with, oh say a… Horcrux?"

Silence filled the room; all eyes were on Calvin. Most of the students looked at him with looks of puzzlement, obviously not knowing what a horcrux was. Umbridge, however, looked extremely pale. Her great eyes bulged even wider (If that was possible)

"I wonder" She said, all pretend sweetness completely gone from her voice. "How it is you even know about horcruxes, seeing as they are a _banned_ subject at Hogwarts!"

"Well," Calvin leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head, and rested his feet on his desktop. "I _am_ a genius!"

* * *

"Man" Susie said "You sure seem to have acquired a knack for knowing things you're not supposed to."

"Yeah, and not necessarily things I'm not supposed to know, but things most people don't know. Like, I'll wager not many people – even the other faculty – know that professor Flitwick is part goblin."

"Really?" Susie inquired.

"He sure is." Hobbes confirmed.

"Huh, and just how did you find that out?"

"Oh just… y'know."

* * *

"Hey Hobbes!" Calvin chuckled from the small, purple book he held. "Hobbes, Flitwick still sleeps with a teddy bear!"

* * *

"Hmmm, so just how _did_ you learn about horcruxes?" Susie asked.

"Ah, _that_ story goes all the way back to the middle of first year. Let's see… Hobbes and I were in the school library –"

"_YOU_ were in a library?!" Susie blurted.

"Um,… yes."

She leaned closer, looking at him quizzically. "… On _purpose?!_"

"Well, what can I say? The library at Hogwarts is a bit more… interesting than other ones. Isn't that right, Hobbes?"

The tiger winced as if recalling a particularly bad memory.

"As I was saying; we had – a – _procured _a signature for the restricted section, therein receiving a book entitled _Magick Moste Evile…"_

* * *

"Huh. Hey Hobbes, listen to this." Calvin looked down intently at the aged parchment in his hands.

"C'mere, listen. 'Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction.'… Well that's stupid! If you're not gonna talk about it, why bring it up in the first place?!"

"Go figure." Hobbes said, though lacking in enthusiasm. He checked the position of the sun through the nearby window. "Well it's getting kinda late. If you wanna get that -- that whatever it was in Lockhart's desk, then –"

"After this new information?" He glared at his friend, snapping the book shut. "No my curiosity is piqued; I'm gonna find out what horcruxes are!"

And so he set out on a determined course to solve this elusive mystery. Whenever he could find the time, he could be found in the library or similar searching for the answer.

Hobbes was only too glad that this did not evolve into an obsession for his friend. Still, he was a bit puzzled by Calvin's behavior. He knew full and well that Calvin was prone to losing interest if something sounded like unnecessary work. And then he remembered an instance with a particular snake and it reminded him that Calvin was a curious and determined youth and when something caught his interest, it would stay his interest. With a low sigh, he remembered that it was he who had said that 'if no one makes you do it, it counts as fun'.

So Calvin continued his search through second year and into his third.

"Whoa! Hey Hobbes, check this out."

"You found something about horcruxes?" Asked Hobbes leaning back in his chair, his eyes closed.

"Actually, no."

"Is it about food, then?"

"… Of course not!"

"Then what makes you think I'd be interested?" He asked, not even moving.

"Oh just listen. 'Of all the magical creatures that roam the Earth, none are more baffling than the Furry.

"'The word "Furry" is a name given to an animal (cat, horse, bear, alligator etc.) that has the ability of speech and other human characteristics.'" Hobbes began to stir at this.

Calvin continued "'Furries have been known to stand and walk erect on their hind legs and in some cases, have been known to have opposable thumbs.'" Hobbes looked down at his own thumbs, now fully aroused.

"'Furries are highly intelligent, with intelligent quotients as high, at least, as any human.

"'one peculiar trait of the furry is that they are born from regular, non speaking, animals.' Whoa! Hobbes, is that true?"

"Yeah." Hobbes's eyes went wide with realization "(1)My mom and my sister -- at the zoo -- back in the states! They're both normal tigers."

Calvin could only stare at his friend. He had never heard Hobbes say anything about any family. "Wait, you have a mom -- and a _sister_ -- in a zoo? Is that why you're always so angsty about zoos? Because they're in there?"

"Well… I can only speak from my own experience…"

"You mean _you_ were in a zoo?!"

"I was born there." He said nonchalantly. "But I decided not to stay there."

"Wow." Calvin could only look at his friend, unsure of how to feel about all this."

"So…" Said Hobbes, looking to change the conversation. "What else does this book say?"

"Huh? Oh! 'Another curious trait of the Furry is that non-magical people, muggles and the like, are incapable of seeing them in their true form. Any muggle looking at a furry would see only a typical, non speaking animal; or in some instances, some form of inanimate object in the shape of the particular animal.

"'But what has confounded researchers more than anything is the fact that furries are impervious to any and all forms of magic.'…"

"Impervious…" Said Hobbes in wonder.

"It means you're not affected by it."

"_I know what it means!_"

"That's right."

"What?"

"Remember a few months back? During that last Tri Wizard Challenge? Remember the spell I used with that fish -- it worked on me but you couldn't see anything?"

"… Oh _yeah!_" Hobbes bemused "Wow, impervious to magic. We may have to test that out more fully sometime."

"Wel'p, no time like the present." Said Calvin, bringing his wand out with a flourish. "Petrificus Totallus!" He could clearly see the petrifying charm hit Hobbes squarely in the chest. Yet the tiger still sat there as if nothing had happened.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Again it was as if Calvin had done nothing at all.

"Stupify!"

"Expelliarmus!"

"Silencio!"

"Rickashempra!" It was true, absolutely nothing Calvin threw at Hobbes had any sort of effect on the tiger.

"Well, I'd say that confirms that!" Calvin said, satisfactorily.

"Uh, Calvin…?" A nervous and wide eyed Hobbes said. Calvin looked down the table to see what Hobbes had seen to cause such nervousness in his voice.

He saw that his last spell had only been _partially_ directed at Hobbes. Consequently, it hit a nearby candlestick and sent it flying backward down the table where it landed amid some loose papers.

"… Whoops." Was all he could say as the tiny flame grew stronger.

"_Honestly Madam Pince, it was a simple mistake! Really, I -- Hey you should be careful where you're throwing those! I didn't mean for -- It wasn't my intention -- Madam Pince, isn't that fragile?! I won't -- Hey watch it! Don't you think you're over reacting a bit?! I seriously didn't mean for that to -- Alright we're leaving! You don't have to -- I'm quite capable of walking on my own! Alright, I get the message! I can tell when I'm not -- AAARG!_"

The boy and tiger ducked out of the library before a thunderous mass of jinxes and cursings that charged after them.

"I swear Hobbes," Calvin said when they were a good distance away after catching his breath. "librarians can be such _crabs!_"

"Except I doubt they taste as good as crabs." Hobbes rubbed his stomach.

Calvin looked at him, incredulous. "… I don't even know how to respond to that."

* * *

"So what about the horcruxes?" Susie asked. "When did you actually find out about them?"

Calvin rubbed the back of his neck. He looked… uncomfortable to say the least; as if recalling a memory he'd rather have forgotten. She noticed that Hobbes had actually winced.

"Well…" Calvin began. "Near the end of that following summer, Hobbes and I were at Diagon Alley getting our supplies for the following year.

"We happened to find our way into a neighboring street called Knockturn Alley -- a place I do not recommend visiting, incidentally. All sorts of dark and creepy and… kinda disturbing things there. -- Anyway, in this street there was a shop baring the moniker 'Borgin and Burkes'. Well, against Hobbes's better judgement, we went in –"

"What about _your_ 'better judgement'?" Susie asked.

"Oh,… he's been MIA for a while now. Nice guy, really, wonder whatever happened to 'im.

"Anyhoo, after I convinced the shop keeper that I was just looking around, I found -- in the very back of the shop, under a whole lot of junk -- a ratty old piece of parchment. It was aged and worn, crumpled, torn, moth eaten, ripped, burned and -- possibly bloodstained. I doubt that even the shop owner knew he still had it.

He inhaled deeply "So… that old paper had had a lot of stuff written on it. One being the description of what a horcrux is. It didn't say anything about how one is made, just what it is. But that didn't really matter. I got the information I wanted to know… And after the _livid _descriptions of it, that was _ALL_ I wanted to know!"

Susie was quiet -- for a time. "But,… what exactly _are_ horcruxes?" She said at last.

"You don't wanna know." Calvin replied, shaking his head.

"Oh come on, can't you tell me?"

"Susie!" A voice sounded -- it was Hobbes "Trust me on this one. You _DO NOT_ want to know!" His expression was hard and his voice was edged. Susie felt it best to just let the subject drop.

"Alright," She said. "So, how did Umbridge react when you mentioned them?"

"Ah, she riddled it off as pure nonsense. Said that horcruxes hadn't been used in over a century and that no one even _knew_ how to make them anyway." He said. "… And then she gave me detention."

* * *

Hobbes's ears picked up at the sound of the common room door opening. Looking up from his seat on the couch, he saw the familiar form of his best friend walking in. "Hey buddy, how'd that detention go?"

"_I hate that woman!"_ Calvin snarled as he threw his sack to the floor and slumped into his chair violently.

_Well, doesn't beat about the bush, does he?_ Thought Hobbes. "C'mon Calvin, how bad could it have be -- is that blood?"

As Hobbes was saying the words 'how bad', Calvin had lifted his right hand up to reveal a great red mess on the back. As he looked closer, he could just barely make out that there were words written there.

_I must not stick my nose where it doesn't belong_

"Yowza," Hobbes said "These words are _carved_ into your skin? She _made_ you do that?!"

"Yeah!" Calvin growled. "Said she was gonna have me do 'lines'! She just failed to mention that the quill she had me use was gonna write them in my own _blood_!"

"Why would she do that?!" Hobbes was beginning to snarl himself, now.

Calvin shrugged. "She did say that it might 'improve my way of thinking'."

"And has it?"

"Well, if by 'improve my way of thinking' she meant 'inventing creative ways of committing homicide' then yes. Yes it has."

* * *

"Oh my _gosh!_" Susie practically yelled. "Your own _blood_?! She actually did that?!?!"

"Yep."

"Is that even _legal_?!?!"

"Probably not."

"… That _horrible woman!! _I haven't even met her and I already _hate_ her!"

"She has that effect on people." Hobbes observed.

"Yeah" Calvin agreed. "She puts the 'suck' in 'succubus'! Oh -- that was good! I have to write that one down!"

"How could Dumbledore have let her teach there?" Susie demanded.

"Well, it wasn't exactly Dumbledore's decision." Answered Hobbes. (Calvin was too busy with copying down his frankly _fantastic_ insult.)

"Wha -- what do you mean?"

"Dumbledore couldn't find a replacement after the last Defense teacher." Said Calvin, now finished writing. "So the Ministry appointed Umbridge to teach."

"… Oh."

"Man I thought she was bad from the off, but who could've foreseen the kind of trouble she'd cause!

"First she won't teach the stuff we need to know, then she disbands all teams and clubs! Any knowledge or item she thought the students or anyone might use against the ministry was disposed of."

"What a control freak!" Susie snapped bitterly.

"You think _that_ was bad," Calvin continued "she had an absolute _field day_ when she found out about Hobbes!"

* * *

"Rook to B-4" Calvin said.

The two friends were in the Room of Requirement once again. Today, they were engaged in a game of chess. However this was not a normal game of chess, for instead of the usual pieces, there were thirty two dinosaurs on a gigantic board. Hobbes was commanding the herbivore army which had an iguanodon for a king, a parasaurolophus as queen, two stegosauruses serving as bishops, triceratopses for knights, wooly mammoths for rooks and eight protoceratopses in the role of pawns. Calvin had, at his command, the carnivore army which had a tyrannosaurus naturally filling the role of king with an allosaurus as queen. The bishops were a pair of ceratosauruses, two saber-toothed tigers were knights, with two carnotauruses for rooks and eight velociraptors as pawns.

This game was also unique in that when one piece moved to a square occupied by another piece, an epic battle would ensue in which it was possible that the piece attacking _or_ the piece defending would win. Or it would occur that both pieces would end up dying; (Or possibly any piece around them) which made it -- in Calvin's opinion -- the way chess was meant to be played.

Calvin looked over to Hobbes, smoothly. "Your move." He said.

"Hmmm,… Pawn to B-4" Hobbes answered. Calvin gaped in shock! That rook had been crucial to his winning strategy. In grim acceptance, he flopped his head onto his chest. He didn't know _where _Hobbes had learned to play like this! On the other hand, it was kind of funny to see a tiny protoceratops seize a carnotaurus by the toe, pull it's entire foot out from underneath it and start beating it to death with its crested head.

"Ah well, I suppose that could've been a worse catastrophe." Calvin sighed. "Yeah, I can still make a comeback!"

"That's checkmate." Hobbes informed him.

"I -- uh, ummm…" Calvin stared blankly at the board searching for some small hope that Hobbes was incorrect. This, however, was not to be the case. "Awww, cheesecake! Well, I've had enough. Let's call it a night."

"But it's the middle of the afternoon."

"Whatever, let's split!"

They left the room and made their way back to the Ravenclaw common room. It was a Saturday, so Calvin wasn't too worried about having to explain himself to any teachers they might come across. However, that changed the moment he turned a sharp corner.

"Good day, Mr. Mitchell." Came Umbridge's sickeningly sweet voice, taking Calvin by surprise.

"_GAH!_ Whoa, Toad Face! -- d'I mean, uh" He plastered on a toothy and clearly artificial smile "Professor Umbridge, uh Ma'am… How are you today?"

"Very well, Mr. Mitchell." She narrowed her bulbous eyes at him "And just what would a young Ravenclaw like yourself be doing inside on a day like this? You ought to be outside enjoying the fresh air and--" Her voice dropped suddenly when Hobbes's orange form appeared from behind the corner.

Shocked by his sudden appearance, Umbridge stared at Hobbes. Hobbes stared back. Umbridge blinked. Hobbes waved his tail. Umbridge's jaw went slack. Hobbes's ear twitched. Calvin looked from the professor to Hobbes and back to the toad. He contemplated telling Hobbes to high tail it outta there and he doing likewise when Umbridge found her voice again.

"Mr. Mitchell," She said, coldly "**What is **_**that**_" Calvin detected large amounts of malice in ever syllable she spoke.

"This is,… a…"

"_I_ am a tiger, _Professor_!" Hobbes answered, now standing to his full height on two legs.

Umbridge simply couldn't comprehend that. Seeing a tiger in the castle was one thing, but hearing that same tiger speaking perfect English was just too much! Her eyes were wider than Calvin had ever seen them and her jaw had nearly fallen to the floor. Hobbes had noticed this too and it seemed to encourage him to egg her on.

"Ya know, _tiger?_… Panthera Tigris? Biggest of the great cats, Lord of the jungle? Helloooo… You sentient?" He waved his paw in front of her face. When she didn't respond to that, he couldn't resist the impulse to flick her in the forehead a few times.

Calvin pulled his friend away from Umbridge and turned to go, but Umbridge called out to him once more. "Mitchell, what is this, this… _beast_ doing in this school?!?!" She demanded of him.

"Well right now he's walking, if that's what you m--"

"Oh no, no, no Mr. Mitchell. I'm afraid it will have to go."

"Go?"

"Yes Mr. Mitchell," She said, throatily. "It is too dangerous to be kept around people."

"'it'? Now let's get one thing straight 'lady', he is not an 'IT', it's a 'HE', got that?!"

"Thirty points from Ravenclaw!" Umbridge declared. "Ten for being uncooperative, ten for talking back to a teacher and ten for having this _beast_ in the school in the first place!"

"I'm standing right here, you know." Said Hobbes.

"Really Mitchell," Umbridge continued, ignoring Hobbes's comment. "What on Earth would possess you to bring this wild animal here in the first place? A monster like this has no place in a school."

"Yes he does, McGonagall said so!"

"Well as the Hogwarts High Inquisitor, _I_ say that he is a danger that needs to be removed!"

Hobbes gave a clearly audible scoff that not even Umbridge could ignore. "_You _are going to remove _Me?!_" He calmly gazed at her.

"Indeed I _shall!_" Umbridge responded.

Hobbes closed the distance between the two of them and looked straight down at her miniscule form. "_**How?**_" He snarled.

"By physical force, if necessary!" Umbridge barked up at the imposing figure that towered over her.

"You have no idea how funny that statement is, coming from you." Laughed Hobbes. "But here's a little something for you to chew on. Tigers -- such as myself -- have been known to weigh upwards of five hundred pounds. In addition, tigers are among the strongest of all cats. And to top it all off, _I_ am impervious to magic! So if you think for one minute that I'm going to leave this school willingly,… _think again!_" He bared his teeth at her in his last statement, just to emphasize his point.

The spiky haired youth and his striped companion walked off on their way, leaving Umbridge to stew in her rage.

* * *

"So that put Umbridge on a new regime to have Hobbes removed from Hogwarts… It went about as well as you'd think it would."

"Oh yeah…" Susie chuckled. "I just got this picture in my mind of Umbridge holding onto Hobbes's legs, trying to pull him away and Hobbes holding on some wall and not budging!"

The three of them began laughing anew.

"Actually," Calvin said as the laughter died down. "it was Umbridge, Filch and a couple of Slytherins."

Susie guffawed. "You mean that actually happened?!"

"Oh yeah! That _and_ Hobbes was holding on with _one hand!_"

"Wow, that was really something!" Susie couldn't help but look at Hobbes in awe.

"Ah, no, nah it wasn't _that_ big a something…" Hobbes at the moment, was feeling very glad that tigers don't blush.

"Oh come on Hobbes, give yourself some credit. _Ooh_, and there was also this one time…"

* * *

She had it this time! She had finally devised a way to get rid of that monster. It had occurred to her that while magic couldn't affect him directly, it would certainly affect things _around_ him!

On she strolled down the stone steps of the castle. Reaching a landing, she paused. She just needed a moment to bask in the sheer _brilliance _of her plan, her _perfect_ little plan.

The previous day, she had her ally, Filch tie an enormous side of beef to the low hanging branch of a tree. Afterwards, she cast her spell. All that was left was to wait. Surely the unthinking brute would bite without caution; and then he would be snared!

Presently she skipped down the stairway, humming merrily to herself. Soon, very soon she would have one less thorn in her side. She strode out into the great hall; it had been nearly twenty four hours since her trap was laid; out through the oaken front doors; surely he would have bitten by now; and onto the castle grounds.

She marched herself off to the tree where the trap was positioned as quickly as her hard old legs would carry her. Now she would have that brute shipped off to a zoo where monsters like him belonged! Although,… the idea of having him skinned had appealed to her. He _would_ make a handsome throw rug; or a _luscious_ fur coat. The tree loomed ever closer. This was it! Her eyes gazed upon the bundle of tight cords at the foot of the tree, activated to catch and bind anything that crept into the perimeter, just like she designed them to. _YES_, she had him now! Her precious tiger coat was almost in reach!

She gazed down at the mess of ropes ecstatically! But… something was wrong. This mass was far too small to be that brute. She glanced closer and found to her embarrassment, it was a copy of the Monster Book of Monsters! She stood up and found something else amiss; the large cut of beef was gone, vanished without a trace!

"Lose something, professor?" asked a young student behind her.

"What?" Umbridge asked. "Oh, no, no dear child. I just, just -- what is that you are eating?!"

"I, uh… think he called it a -- a hamburger."

"… _HE?_"

"Yeah, it's ground up beef on a sesame seed bun. Some blonde haired Ravenclaw and his tiger are selling them down by the lake. They're pretty good if you want -- Um professor? Are, are you alright, you look kinda flushed there uh -- ah, I'll just be -- going -- then."

The student ran off, quick as a flash. Umbridge was not really aware of it, though.

The next thing anyone heard was the sound of a book exploding.

Umbridge was furious! Not only had her perfect little plan gone to waste, but that wretched boy was making a _profit_ off of it! If this day could get worse, she didn't want to find out how.

Unfortunately, she would find out when she returned to her office to find a note from that horrible child stating that she owed him a new copy of the Monster Book of Monsters. She was so angry she could rip her hair out! (Which she did.)

* * *

Susie was on the floor from laughing so hard. "Oh… _man!_" She said when she regained herself. "I'm surprised you weren't expelled for that!"

"_Frankly, so am I_." Calvin mumbled absently. "I think after that one, she might have given up on Hobbes. Of course, she had other fish to fry."

"Two of the biggest of which were Fred and George." Hobbes added.

* * *

All across the school grounds, on that lazy afternoon, a loud voice could be heard calling from the shores of the lake.

"HAAAAAM-BUR-_GEEEEEEEERRRRRRRS!_" Proclaimed Calvin's voice.

"Come _oooon_, people! Come _oooon_, squid! Gather 'round for a taste sense sensation to rock the very fibers of your digestive track! I'm talkin' Hamburgers, king of all the sandwiches! You do _not_ want to miss out on this experience; your taste buds will dance and sing and possibly do the Conga! But don't take _my_ word for it, step right up and indulge yourself in the combination of delicious meats mingled with fine breads! Add melted cheese to create a flavor taste that'll _send you to the MOON!_ Order now for an authentic American dining-like experience! Taste one out today!!"

People swarmed around their small stand hollering out orders faster than the duo could fill them. Amid the crowd, Calvin was somehow able to identify the two almost clone like figures. "Hey Gred, how's it goin' Feorge?"

"Great." They answered simultaneously. "How much are these… things you're selling?" one of them asked.

"Whoa for you guys, it's on the house!" Calvin said with a mock bow.

"Wicked."

"Really, it's the least we can do after you helped me with my little masterpiece." Calvin assured them. "I mean, making it so the picture duplicates itself if someone tries to burn it; Sheer genius!

"So seriously, how's it goin'?" he asked as he continued to hand out burgers to their customers.

"Actually, we've sort of come to get your input on something." Said Fred.

"How can we help?" Asked Hobbes as he handed passed a hamburger to the awaiting tentacle.

"It's like this," George began. "Umbridge is going too far!"

"She's gotten too big for her pantyhose."

"She's already banned all clubs and teams."

"And several other things."

"But after banning us from Quidditch,"

"We've decided it's time to take matters into our own hands."

"That's why we come to you."

"Me?" Calvin was almost speechless.

"Yeah," Said George. "You've gotten a few shots in on her."

"Well, I -- "

"Oh come on Calvin, give yourself some credit! So where do we come in?"

"Well we just need a bit of a brainstorming session to come up with something really--"

"Oh… _storm?_ There's something." Calvin motioned for them to lean in closer. "You guys still have that barrage of homemade fireworks?"

* * *

"Okay, I gotta know this! What were the fireworks for?"

"Well a few months after that, their entire stockpile was set off in the middle of the day!"

"You can imagine the chaos that ensued." Said Hobbes.

"Oh, I can." Susie laughed. "And that was all your idea, was it?"

"Nah, _my_ idea was to set 'em off in her bed. Fred and George though, like to think big!"

"Yeah," Hobbes agreed. "why let Umbridge have all the madness when _everyone_ can enjoy the mayhem?"

"Too right!"

"Oh… man!" Susie chuckled "How much of that did she take before she lost her marbles?"

"Quite a bit, surprisingly." Calvin admitted. "But with resistances like Fred and George, the D.A. and myself, it was only a matter of time before--"

"Huh? D.A? What's that?"

"Uh,… the D.A? Well, Dumbledore's Army was a small underground defense resistance club -- thing."

"Ah. I suppose you were in on that, too."

"No." Calvin said glumly. "Unfortunately, I hadn't heard about it until it was too late."

"Oh," Susie fell back in her seat. "I figured that you would've been one of the _first_ ones to join--"

"Oh don't get me wrong," Calvin interrupted. "I'd never pass up an opportunity to stick it to Umbridge, but I somehow missed the announcement and I guess the members were told to tell absolutely no one… And Luna apparently interpreted that to include me."

"I suppose it's ironic." Said Hobbes absently.

"What do you mean, Hobbes?" Susie asked.

"Well… Umbridge shows up to suppress all the students abilities 'n stuff. But it ends up encouraging them to work harder and actually brings out the more brilliant works!"

"Boy I'll say!" Calvin leaned back in his seat. "She seriously helped to improve my drawing skills…"

* * *

"Let's see here." Hobbes fiddled with the stack of parchment Calvin had just finished with. "We got Umbridge being chased by velociraptors. Umbridge being chased by a great white shark. Umbridge being eaten by a dragon. Umbridge being pulled to the bottom of the ocean by an octopus. Umbridge being dissected by aliens. Umbridge as a toad. Umbridge as a toad meets Mr. Alligator. Umbridge being chased by wild boars. Umbridge in a boxing ring with a seriously ticked off kangaroo. Umbridge at the running of the bulls. Umbridge about to be shot out of a cannon that is facing precariously close to a brick wall. Umbridge with her head in a guillotine that is being operated by an adorable bunny rabbit. Uh… ummm. I don't get this one. Looks like that old luggage commercial with the gorilla and the suitcase. What's that got to do with abusing Umbridge?"

"Well you see," Calvin stated. "Umbridge is inside the suitcase."

"… Ah, Right! Got it. So we also have Umbridge and the remarkably fast steamroller. Umbridge being carried off by a really big vulture. Umbridge being hurled into the vacuum of space. Umbridge who made the mistake of taking the elephants last peanut. Umbridge meets an overly protective mamma bear… _ooh_,… did _not_ need to see that one! Umbridge being chased by a rhinoceros. A -- um, large barrel with several holes in it about to plummet over the side of a waterfall with presumably sharp rocks at the bottom. I assume Umbridge is in the barrel then?"

He flipped over the next page that depicted (2)a cartoonish rabbit smiling happily and holding out its paws which had a sword laid across them. On either side of the rabbit there were carrots that had faces expressing shocked horror on them.

"Okay don't tell me, let me guess this one uh…… Umbridge and… some other person have been turned into carrots and the rabbit is about to hack them both to pieces!"

"No." Calvin said, absently.

"Okay,… then the rabbit has already used his sword to kill Umbridge and the carrots are gasping at the horror he's committed!"

"Nah."

"Okay then, I give up. What _does_ this have to do with abusing Umbridge?"

"Nothing." Calvin lazily answered. Hobbes looked at him incredulously. "I just felt like drawing that one."

"… Okay then, Umbridge on the surface of the sun… Now really Calvin, who would want Umbridge's head mounted on their wall??"

"Don't forget the novelty chair made out of her bones." Said Calvin.

"!… Okay, that is just disturbing!" Said Hobbes, dropping the papers back on the table.

"Well c'mon then, which do you think is best?"

"… Well I'm kinda partial to the anaconda."

"Hmmm, I was leaning more toward the piranhas. That… or the wolverine. I'm just not certain which would be the _more painful way to die!!_"

"The most painful way to die is by accidentally eating the Peruvian rock crab larvae. They'll eat you from the inside-out you know."

"_Whoa!_… Geeze Luna, you gotta stop sneaking up on people like that!"

If Luna had heard Calvin's remark, she wasn't letting on. She merely stood next to him and gazed down at the drawings on the table.

"These are lovely drawings." She said, pulling the wolverine drawing closer. "It looks just like professor Umbridge… and she's playing with a chipmunk."

Calvin was flabbergasted. "_Does it really look like a chipmunk?_"

"No! Not at all, it…it -- well… yes, now that you mention it, it does… Sort of."

"Well, looky what we got here!" The three of them looked up to see none other than Crabb standing before them.

"Well, if it isn't the witless wonder." Calvin said smugly. "Odd for you to be out 'n about all by your onesy. Just where is your mob boss, Malfoy?"

"Uh… in the bathroom." He answered stupidly. Be began thinking very hard. He knew he had come out here for a reason, now what was it? He happened to glance down at the table and at all came back to him. "Ah-_ha_, what's this?" He said, gesturing to Calvin's pictures. "Looks like sabotage!… You're plotting against the headmistress!"

"That's true Vincent, how 'bout that?"

"Ummmm…" Crabb's entire thought process was gone… again.

_Pfft. His train of thought must still be loading at the station. _Thought Calvin to himself. _Whoa, Déjà vu. _

"Uh… Well I'll just have to dock some points, then."

"_You can't do that!_" Calvin and Hobbes both yelled.

"Oh no? Know what this is?" He indicated the silver I on his robes.

"… I is for idiot?" Hobbes suggested.

"_I _am on the Inquisitorial squad!" He proclaimed, proudly. "It's a small group of students, loyal to the Headmistress and the ministry, appointed by the headmistress herself and given power to give and take points."

"You must be vary proud of yourself." Said Calvin, gathering his papers to together. "That'd be pretty impressive, _if I CARED!_"

"Ya darn right it's impressive." Said Crabbe, smiling broadly. "Right then… so uh,… what was I doing?"

"You were about to award us points for our good behavior." Said Calvin, sensing an opportunity.

"… Really?"

"Of course." Luna chimed in. "It's not like we've done anything distasteful."

"Right, a… distasteful -- yeah, yeah right! Okay then, that's ten for you, ten for you and uh, ten for you! Now don't make me have to come back here again!" And he stomped off in his own self importance, leaving Calvin, Hobbes and Luna to congratulate themselves and chuckle mercilessly at his expense.

* * *

"Hard to believe a dope like him ever got accepted to Hogwarts in the first place." Said Susie.

"Yep, he did. But how he managed to stay for so long is an even greater mystery." Said Calvin.

"Now what ever became of Umbridge, anyway?"

"Well Hobbes and I prepared a plethora of wonderful traps booby-traps for her -- which we never got to see come to fruitation."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"A few days after that incident," Said Hobbes. "Umbridge was seen prodding two students out to the forbidden forest."

"And when she was eventually brought back, she was in a state of mental trauma!" Added Calvin.

* * *

"Ah well, another year down." Calvin sighed as he and his tiger made their way down the stone steps of the castle.

"Time just goes by so fast, doesn't it?" Hobbes added. "Still, we've had some laughs this year, didn't we?"

"Oh-ho-ho yeah. Did you see Umbridge's face when Peeves chased after her with that stick?!"

"Hoo yeah!"

The two friend continued recounting their joyful pranks and misdeeds throughout the year all the way down the stairs. As they came to the ground floor landing, something stirred in Hobbes's memory.

"Calvin,… you did remember to disarm the booby-traps, right?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I disarmed them! Whaddaya take me for--"

Somewhere in the background, there was the sound of a large spring followed by the sound of a loud _splat _and several screams.

"What was that?" Hobbes asked.

"… Probably nothing. Let's mosey on this way, shall we?"

* * *

A/N

(1)Here, Hobbes is making a reference to another of my fics. A Friendship Dawns, which tells my take on how Hobbes met Calvin.

(2)This is a picture my little brother drew once.


	12. Umbridge's long night

"So you're telling me that's it?" Susie asked, skeptically. "Umbridge just tromped off into the woods and came back completely wacko?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all." Calvin answered her.

"Really?"

"Yeah... _wacko_ would suggest that she then engaged in head banging, jabbering, twitching, talking to herself, bouncing off the walls and other activities often associated with insanity. She merely came back _traumatized,_ spending her time laying in her bed appearing dead to all who were concerned."

"Unless you made a sudden noise." Interjected Hobbes. "Then she bolted upright and nervously looked all around before falling back down."

"Ah," Susie rested her elbow on the arm of her chair, propping her face up. "So what happened to her? Doesn't anybody know?"

"No." Calvin shrugged. "Professor Dumbledore was the one who brought her back, he was probably the only witness to the event."

"... No he wasn't." Said Hobbes.

"He wasn't?"

"Nope."

"There was another witness?"

"Yep."

"Really?"

"Really, really!"

"Who?"

"Me."

"YOU?"

"Uh-huh..."

"You saw what happened to Umbridge that night? Why didn't you tell me?" Calvin raved.

"Calvin,..." a quiet voice said. It was Susie's. "I'm sure what Hobbes has to say would make a very interesting story." She turned her attention to the tiger. "If you would be willing to share it."

Hobbes scratched his ear for a bit, then consented. "Well, it went like this..."

* * *

It had been a relatively quiet day, which struck Hobbes as ironic considering the great commotion that had transpired the previous night which resulted in professor Hagrid's departure from the castle. As he gazed at the fiery rays of the setting sun, Hobbes sincerely hoped that the Care of Magical Creatures instructor would be alright. But as he continued his gaze, something out of the ordinary – witch was really saying something for this place – caught his eye.

"Calvin!" Calvin was presently in the middle of another one of his fantasies when he was unceremoniously yanked back to reality by his friend.

"_The ferocious dragon, terror of the countryside, swoops down toward the tiny village below. Spreading fear and destruction wherever he goes, the terrible beast of nightmares prepares to – WHA_! WHAT, what? What is it?"

"Look up there!" Said Hobbes, pointing toward the sky. "What are those things?"

Calvin scrutinized the area Hobbes had indicated, but still... "What things?"

"Those big, black horse things up in the sky! Don't you see them?"

"... Horse things... in the _sky_?"

"They're like wingy horse things! With... y'know, wings 'n,... stuff."

"Wings 'n... oh, are you talking about pegasids?"

"No, no, no! Pegasids have feathered wings. These things have... bat like wings." Hobbes stole another glance at the strange creatures, which were now growing smaller as they flew into the distance.

"Bat like wings..." Calvin mused. "I've never heard of such a thing. Hmmm... I'd say this deserves an investigation." And with that he strode back toward the castle. No doubt, Hobbes was sure, to the common room where his books were kept to look up whatever information he could scrounge up about those creatures.

"Yeah," Hobbes mumbled. "You do that." While studying out of books was probably the safer way to go about this, Hobbes decided that more information could be had from the source. He was certain those creatures had come from the Forbidden Forest, so off he went.

* * *

"The forest?" Calvin asked. "That's where you disappeared to?"

"Yes." Answered Hobbes. "Now, as I was saying..."

* * *

To say the Black Forest was spooky would be an understatement. Even though Hobbes was far more familiar with these deciduous flora than the lush, dark jungles of his own nativity, the twisted trunks and gnarled branches of this old forest seemed to cast a shroud of dark, ominous foreboding upon any who wandered into it. And the thick, ethereal fog that perpetually haunted this place was doing nothing to ease his nerves.

Presently, he thought to whistle a tune as a means of calming himself. But this proved fruitless as after a few bars, his voice ran dry. Not only that, but the sound of his whistle had attracted the attention of one of the forest's denizens.

His first realization was a change of scent in the air. Then a _snap_ and a _rustle_; and at once, Hobbes gained a healthy respect of what Calvin must have endured all those times he had come home from school.

There he lay, unable to move with the hard earth beneath him and his attacker directly on top of him. Right from the get-go he could tell his attacker was feline. From the feel of the paws that held him down, to the harsh growling above him, all indications of a cat.

By chance, he managed to catch a glimpse of the aggressors tail as it swished back and forth behind him. It was unmarked, its only distinguishing characteristic being the large tuft of dark fur at the end; the unmistakable tail of a lion. Now that he had identified his assaulter, that left the task of getting him to let off. But this posed a problem. Talking to him was out of the question as Hobbes had long forgotten the feral speech of his ancestors.

* * *

"Wait." Calvin interrupted. "Are you telling me you've been speaking English so long that you've forgotten how to speak cat?"

"... uh, essentially."

"But how?" Susie asked. "I mean, you have made primal noises before, right? You've made growls and roars, haven't you?"

"Well,... yes." Hobbes stalled. "But,... usually that's just making noise. I mean, a lot of animal language isn't verbal and that which is, I wouldn't know what it meant."

"_Pfft._ Not know what it meant!" Calvin chuckled.

"Oh sure." Hobbes replied. "Sort of like what you did with that one Beauxbatons girl in third year. Remember that, Calvin?"

"Reeeeealy?" Susie flashed Calvin a devilish grin.

"Eh," Calvin shrugged, sheepishly. "So I thought 'La tortue dans votre chaussure est sur le feu' was a compliment."

Susie nearly fell out of her chair, laughing.

"What?" Calvin asked.

"Well keep going, Hobbes." Said Susie as she regained her composure. "What happened next?"

"Well... in a feat of cunning and strength, I managed to flip over, causing the attacker to flip over too; thereby pinninghimto the ground! And it was then that I learned an important fact about him."

"What?" Susie inquired.

"Well..."

* * *

With a growl and a grunt from the lion, Hobbes wasted no time in pinning his oppressor with the same force he had been dealt.

It had never been his intention to retaliate to his attacker, just hold him down and somehow escape. However, in that one instance Hobbes made a startling revelation. This lion had no mane. There was only one reason Hobbes knew of for a lion not to have a mane and that was if the lion was _female_. But what really caught his attention was her bright, shining eyes. They were round and jade, the kind one could simply immerse themselves in.

But he didn't have time to, since a well placed kick to the gut sent him flying into the foliage.

"... _Okay, that hurt._" He managed to grunt as he picked himself off the forest floor. He turned to face the lion, but found that she didn't seem to be up to fighting anymore. Instead, she looked at him quizzically, as if in awe.

Several pregnant moments passed like this, until. "... You speak as the humans." Of all the things Hobbes was expecting, this wasn't one of them.

"Um... yes. Mind telling me why you ambushed me?"

"Sorry." She answered, seeming a bit more relaxed now. "You were invading my territory... I didn't know you were, y'know,... like me, or else I would've behaved a little more respectively."

"Ah... well if I knew this was someone's territory, I would've gone around it."

"Hm. So, d'you have a name, stranger?"

"What–OH! I'm Hobbes. What about you? What's your name?" He extended his hand for a shake, but it then occurred to him that just because furries could talk didn't necessarily mean they could stand. But to his pleasant surprise, she rose on her back legs and gingerly shook his outstretched hand.

"My name is Ursula." She said. Ursula. The name intrigued Hobbes. Never before had he heard a name that sounded so simultaneously odd and melodious. And with that, he had forgotten why he was there in the first place.

"Wow. So,... what, you live out here, then?"

"Pretty much." She sighed. "It's just about the only place I've really been able to call home."

"Oh surely you could find a more..." He glanced around at the fiendish trees surrounding them, groping for the right word. "_pleasant_ place to live."

"No..." She responded. "no. This old forest may be bleak and dreary. Certainly not picturesque. But it has been kind to me. The deer and other creatures that make there home here have provided me with food and there is shelter to be had where one can find it. What more do I need for survival?"

Hobbes made to reply, but a sudden thundering cut him off. Turning, he saw several dark shapes zooming by.

"What the...?"

"Centaurs." Ursula answered. "They've been antsy for several months now. But something's got them really riled up tonight. They were making an incredible din over it only moments ago."

"Really?" He began wandering off in the direction the centaurs had run off in.

"You intend to follow them?"

"... Why not?"

* * *

Following the centaurs wasn't too difficult a task. In fact, the rather large pathway of trampled earth and severed undergrowth, along with the not too distant sound of shouting voices made it quite easy.

Soon enough, the sounds of shouting voices and stamping hooves grew louder as the two cats approached a small clearing. Hobbes could make out the shapes of the centaurs clearly now. They were all gathered in a large group clustered together. Some were shaking their fists and some pawed the ground; all of them were laughing and braying as they tossed around a large object Hobbes couldn't make out.

"Wonder what they're doing." Hobbes muttered to himself. "Is this some kind of game? Or a party?"

"Unlikely." Ursula answered. "Centaurs are not well known for their revelry."

"Hmm... Well, there's one way to find out."

"No don't—"

"Nice place!" Hobbes boldly strode out to where he would clearly be seen. "Hope we're not intruding."

He was answered with several arrows pointing in his direction.

"Heh,... pointies." He gave a drawn out, humorless laugh. The kind of dry chuckle people make when they know they're in mortal peril.

"Would you mind pointing those somewhere else." Ursula came up to stand behind Hobbes. "You could put someone's eye out with those."

"What is your business here?" A dark, fierce looking centaur demanded of them.

"This isn't _your_ forest." Replied Ursula. "We don't have to answer to _you_!" She was rewarded for her boldness by having the arrows point at her instead.

"Whoa, whoa! Hey now fellas, let's not do anything we may regret later." Hobbes frantically intervened, jumping in front of his new found friend. "We were just out for a... stroll... and we... wanted to see what all this commotion was about."

"Has the phrase, 'curiosity killed the cat' never crossed your mind?"

"Y-yeah... I've never been fond of that expression."

"Let them go, Bane." Said another centaur to the wild, black one. "They have done no offense to us." The other centaurs laxed their bows a bit, but the one called Bane was not so easily swayed.

"No offense? Did you not hear what the tawny one said?"

"What? That you could put someone's eye out with those arrows?"

Bane focused his withering gaze on back on Ursula, his carved out scowl becoming ever more prominent. "I asked what you were doing here. You showed us great disrespect in answering."

"Hey! All I said was this forest doesn't belong to you. And it doesn't; you share this land with hundreds of other creatures. It is not strictly _yours_."

"Be that as it may, you were still disrespectful."

"Well, you weren't exactly _Mr. Manners_ yourself." She drew closer to the imposing figure, crossing her arms and meeting his mad gaze with a wild one of her own. "You could've asked nicely like, 'would you please explain why you're intruding on our little gathering' or something. But no, you were all '_WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE'?_"

Hobbes had to suppress a laugh after hearing Ursula deepen her voice to mimic Bane's harsh tone. The disgruntled centaur looked as though he wanted to argue, but could make no point. Eventually, he too lowered his bow.

"So then..." Hobbes started. "It looks like you guys have a lot on your plates. So we'll just mosey on and you can all get back to your festivities, or whatever." He tugged at Ursula's arm as to leave the centaurs, when...

"Who's out there? Is that someone from the castle? _Help me!_ These, these... _BEASTS_ have abducted me and put me through unspeakable tortures! HELP! Get me down!"

The two cats snapped their heads around to the suspended object in the midst of the clearing which was the source of the commotion.

"Is that,... is that a _human?_" Ursula asked, incredulous. "You actually kidnapped a human and tortured it? I mean, I knew the humans were being sort of antagonistic toward you, but to actually – what?"

Hobbes had nudged her into silence. Something about the strange captive's voice had stirred something in him. He strode forward slightly to get a better view of the object hanging from the tree. And sure enough, it was a human, a rather small one at that. It was tied by a strong rope and trussed up, feet first, like some grotesque Christmas tree ornament. But what really sparked his interest was the identity of the captive.

"Well snag my stripes!" The tiger exclaimed in perverse glee. The human in question was none other than the obnoxious and disliked impostor headmistress, Dolores Umbridge.

"Hello? Are you still there?" Umbridge frantically called. "What are you waiting for? Hurry up and untie me, would you! I –" She ended her cries as she felt a hand on her inverted head. Ah, surely now she would be set right. Now those monsters would pay for what they had done to her. Now they would learn that the ministry was not to be trifled with. The hand that held her slowly turned her around to face her rescuer. She was met by a rather large grin made up of – were those _FANGS?_ She glance upward and saw, to her horror...

"How's it goin', _TOAD FACE?_" Hobbes growled.

"YOU? You came to save me?" Umbridge's voice was reduced to a barely audible squeal. Her face had lost all the color it had gained from being upside down for so long.

"Not as such." Hobbes's toothy smile never faltered. "I was just out 'n about with my new friend, here," He gestured to Ursula who gave a small wave. "and we decided to see what all this commotion was about."

"Oh great." Umbridge sneered, never taking her eyes off of Ursula. "Another filthy beast to run amok in the wizarding world. Oh what is this world coming to?"

"_You have a problem with beasts?_" Ursula snarled, bringing her face dangerously close to Umbridge's.

"Yeah she has a problem." Said Hobbes quite calmly. "Heck yeah she has a problem with it; don't you, Do-do? You just can't stand the idea that certain animals are able to walk and talk like you. Hmm? That scares you, doesn't it Dolores? Eh? Scares the living daylights out of you, doesn't it?"

Umbridge was twitching violently. Her great, bulbous eyes shifted from Hobbes to Ursula and back again over and over. Finally... "It's not right!" She yelled "Animals aren't supposed to be able to do that! It's unnatural! Unnatural, I say!"

"Unnatural?" and now Hobbes gave a genuine laugh. "You're a _witch_, you withered old gargoyle! You cast spells, you make things disappear, you break the laws of physics on a regular basis. Almost everything you do is 'unnatural'!"

"I don't need to take this!" Umbridge fumed. "I don't need some wild monstrosity with delusions of humanity lecturing me on what's right or not."

"Nice to see this whole ordeal hasn't made you lose any of your old charm." Said Hobbes, sarcastically. "But seriously, if I really was the way you so politely described me, rest assured, I would have eaten you a long time ago."

"It's not too late for that." Ursula suggested.

"As soon as I get get down from here, I'll have you both skinned!"

"Has she always been this polite?" Ursula asked.

"I figure she must've been born this way." Hobbes answered as he started climbing up the tree she hung from. "And I don't know whatever else these gentlemen" He waved a hand around to the centaurs "did to you, Umbridge. But whatever it was, I'm sure you deserved it."

"Then why are you cutting me down?" the professor asked, uncertainly. The rope gave way and she descended gracelessly to the earth with a loud _plunk_ followed by an insincere sounding 'oops' from Hobbes.

"Because," The tiger landed lightly beside her. "Maybe deep down I believe that suffering on this scale is overbearing and just too much." He grabbed her by the collar and roughly set her on her feet. "On the other hand," He extended the claws of his free hand and pointed them directly at Umbridge's throat. "_maybe I just wanna do the honors myself!_"

Umbridge gulped. The sight of those dreadful claws was giving her a panic attack. Hobbes seemed to notice this and continued. "However, I consider myself to be a good individual so no deaths will happen this night on my account." He then thrust Umbridge to the floor again and then sat himself down, as leisurely as if it were a lounge chair, on Umbridge's back. "What I _am_ going to do is teach you a little lesson about being polite. Comfy?"

A strange grumbling sound came from Umbridge who's mouth was obscured by foliage of the forest floor.

"Good."

* * *

"So we stayed like that 'till the morning light, when..."

* * *

"And being polite also means never having to say 'Please don't tie me up and use me for a piñata'."

As Hobbes concluded this sentence, the sound of movement through the trees caught everyone's attention. The tiger jerked back in surprise as the buzz of an arrow whizzed past his ear. What surprised him more was that the same arrow suddenly stopped in mid-air and dropped to the ground.

Hobbes could swear he felt the air thicken as all the surrounding centaurs tensed in anticipation for whoever had cast the spell to show themselves. The dark figure shrouded amid the trees stepped forward into the clearing; a stray beam of light from the well risen sun fell across the newcomer, illuminating the aged, weathered face of...

"_WAA_-" Hobbes scrambled to his feet. "D'uh, ah Professor Dumbledore! Um, your honor!" He gave the professor an uncertain salute. He wasn't sure why, he just felt he should display some gesture of respect to the Headmaster.

"Good day to you... Hobbes, isn't it?" Dumbledore responded.

"Why are you here, Dumbledore?" One of the centaurs demanded. "Come to acquire more centaurs to do your human bidding?"

"Ah," Dumbledore sighed, without a hint of contention in his voice or features. "As I have said before, Firenze agreed to teach at my school by his own choice. That, I believe, is what caused all of you to exclude him from the herd. At any rate, I am not here to recruit more of you to come work for me. I have simply come to retrieve my Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. I heard that she was last seen in this vicinity."

"Here she is." Said Ursula, pulling Umbridge upward. Dumbledore strode over, glancing the squat witch over head to toe.

"... She does seem a bit worse for wear," He said at length. "though still alive."

"Unfortunately." Hobbes grumbled. This didn't go unnoticed by Dumbledore.

"Unfortunately?" He responded. "Who's to say that her survival is something to mourn? Is it up to you to decide who is and is not worthy of life?" He hadn't said it accusingly. Merely, Hobbes assumed, as something to think about. Dumbledore proceeded. "All life is precious. And it is for the preservation of such life that one must always fight. Who knows; given a second chance, anyone who acts as a hinder to goodness could become it's greatest arbiter." He took a deep breath. His countenance seemed to harbor a deep sorrow now; a great ordeal only known to himself. "Though it seems a shame that it often takes a great calamity for one to reevaluate their priorities in life.

"Well, I believe it is time we returned to the castle." He pulled Umbridge from Ursula's grasp, guiding her along out of the forest. Umbridge, eyes bloodshot and slack jawed, moved along as if in a daze. The centaurs, whether intimidated by Dumbledore's prowess or because his words had stirred something in them Hobbes would never know; but at any rate, made no attempts to impede them.

Hobbes looked from the centaurs to the two humans and back. "Well, so long guys!" He said to the centaurs "It's been real!" He made to follow Dumbledore and Umbridge when he found himself facing two bright green eyes.

"... I..." Ursula mulled around, unsure of what to say. "... You... will come back again sometime? Won't you?" She looked at him imploringly. "It... I've never really realized how... lonesome it is around here."

Hobbes's answer came without hesitation. "Sure! Of course I'll come by again! I'll... Well actually,... Why don't you come with me?"

"Come... up to the castle?"

"Yeah, c'mon!" He said, pulling her along. "There's someone I want you to meet!"

* * *

"And I assume that someone was..."

"Yours truly!" Calvin jabbed his thumb to his chest.

"Oh, how exciting!" Susie grinned. "You got to meet somebody new! I bet that was a fun experience."

"Oh, yeah... We got along swell."

* * *

"_HOBBES!_" Calvin had been searching the whole castle over, trying to locate his wayward friend. He was having little success, though. "Come on, Hobbes! Show yourself! Where are you, ya mangy- _OOF!_" He had been struck from behind. The weight of the aggressor and the speed of the strike sent them both rolling down the corridor. Calvin struggled and fought to get Hobbes off of him, but then made a startling discovery. "Hey! Get off me, you murderous – Whoa,..." After all his eight years of knowing Hobbes, if there was one thing Calvin knew about him, it was that he definitely had stripes. But this feline most definitely didn't. "... You're not Hobbes."

"You're right!" The lion said to someone Calvin couldn't see. "That was fun!"

"Isn't it, though?" Hobbes stepped into view and helped Calvin to his feet. "Hey Cal, How'd your little research session go?"

Calvin's eyes never left the newcomer. "Great. Those things you saw, apparently, they're called thestrals and... _Hobbes, who is this?_"

"Oh. Calvin, this is Ursula. Ursula, Calvin."

"Pleased to meet you, Calvin." Ursula stretched out her hand, which Calvin shook... stiffly.

"Howdaya do. _Hobbes, you never told me there was another cat around here._"

"Hey, I just met her last night!"

"Hmm,... So," He turned back to Ursula with a big, artificial looking smile plastered on his face. "Where're ya from?"

Ursula sat on her haunches and gave a slight cough, as one often does when beginning a tale. "I was born from a pair of feral lions belonging to wealthy man licensed to keep and breed exotic fauna.

"The man was kind and treated us well. My parents, along with the other animals he raised, were quite content with their lot in life. But as I grew older, I gained a strange feeling; a sense that I didn't quite fit in with the others. Whenever I tried communicating with them, it seemed as though they couldn't understand me.

"In time, I realized that the words I spoke sounded exactly like what the man spoke. So one day, I tried to speak to him; that, perhaps, he might be able to help me. Or at the very least, to understand me." She heaved a deep sigh. "But he just looked at me the same way he ever had. As if I was still just another one of his pets.

"So, after a while, I hopped the fence and made my way through the countryside. Unsure of where to go, I just kept on wandering; taking whatever food I could get and avoiding contact with humans. One day, I spotted a great, red train rumbling along. I had been tired from walking so long, so not caring where it took me, I stole aboard and it brought me here. I've been living in the forest ever since."

* * *

"Oh..." Susie sighed. "How sad."

"Yeah," Calvin nodded. "I'll admit I was a little apprehensive about her at first, but things worked out between us eventually. After Hobbes's excitement over meeting her wore off a bit."

"Huh?"

"Well, Hobbes was so psyched about making a new friend that was closer to his own species... (_Not to mention, female_.) that he started spending the majority of his time with her. I was, y'know, starting to feel sort of like a third wheel."

"Well," Susie responded, calmly. "haven't you ever heard of tricycles?"

Calvin narrowed his eyes at her. "I'm not even going to dignify that with a grin." He told her.

"Well, it's just like what old Shakespeare said" Hobbes piped in. "_'All swells that ends in a well.'_... Or something like that. You know what I mean."

"Rather." Susie replied. "So... what exactly happened to Ursula? Is she still around? You still friends?"

As if in answer to her question, a loud, moaning growl – sounding like it came from the upstairs – reverberated through the house. Immediately, Hobbes gave a hasty "Better see to that.", bounded over the back of his seat and dashed away. Both humans turned in time to see him miss the staircase in his haste and collide with the nearest wall. He then bounced off that wall and proceeded up the stairs.

"What's happening?" Susie asked.

"Probably nothing." Calvin answered, looking frustrated. "Only time will tell."


	13. Calvin gets Slugged

Time flew by -as it so often does- and before he knew it, Calvin found himself in his fifth year of magical training.

It happened as he strolled down the school corridors one Saturday afternoon. While he strode along, minding his own business and singing to himself one of his favorite songs, - A little diddy entitled "White and Nerdy" - He heard a voice calling for him. Looking around, his eyes fell on a lone girl standing in a secluded corner. Wearily, he glanced around to see if there was anyone else she might have been calling for. Seeing no one, he looked at her questioningly while pointing to himself.

"Yes, you." She responded, beckoning him forward. He obliged, uncertainly.

"These are troubling times." She airily said as he came closer. "I'm sure you've realized that the Dark Lord is at large once more."

"... Well, it's kinda hard to miss." Calvin answered. The girl smiled a small, tantalizing smile. She looked at him with dark, almond shaped eyes and drew herself closer. Had the temperature just risen?

"I've seen what you can do." She said, simply. "You are an extraordinary wizard. Men twice your age haven't done some of the things I've seen you do."

Calvin was slightly taken aback by this. "Uh huh... Well, as much as I enjoy a good ego rubbing, what does that have to do with the dark lord, eh?" He looked at her more thoroughly, now. He supposed her angular face could be considered pretty; and her long umber hair and light frame made for an overall graceful figure. But the way those dark eyes seemed to pierce into him was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable.

"I'm telling you this because it's only a matter of time before the Dark Lord seizes control of the wizarding world. Those who are smart will follow him. While those who aren't will... well, I don't think I have to tell you." Certain of what he would see, Calvin glanced down at the satchel that lay at the girls feet. Sure enough, right on the side of the bag was a green shield embellished by a silver serpent.

She continued. "It seems a shame that someone with such amazing magical talent should be consigned to such a fate that the Dark Lord will unleash upon those who are against him." She came closer now, a hungry look in her eyes. "This is your big chance! The Dark Lord can always use more supporters. And he rewards those who serve him faithfully."

"Yeah, uh... doesn't your 'dark lord' have some pretty strong opinions _against_ Muggle-borns?"

"You... needn't tell him that." She said in her smooth, sultry voice. "Do you think all of the Death Eaters are pure blood? Heavens, no. There simply aren't enough pure bloods alive. Most are only half blood claiming to be pure blood... Nobody would have to know." Her last statement almost sounded like a plea, Calvin thought. It was at this moment that Calvin looked at her that something seemed to change. Her skin shined a little less and those great, sensual eyes seemed to lose their luster. Had she really undergone a physical change, or had she merely lost her appeal in Calvin's eyes.

"Well, believe it or not, there was a time – long ago – when I might have taken you up on that offer. But times change, and the people change with them. I know what the Death Eaters do. I know what they're all about. And that is _NOT_ the way _I_ roll! I'll have you know that I will _die_ before joining they're ranks."

She stood back a bit, those terrible eyes wide with surprise. She quickly regained composure. "If you don't join the Death Eaters, you _will_ die! The Dark Lord does not look kindly upon... _your_ lot."

"Ooh, the dark lord! I tell ya what, there've been plenty like him and they've all met up with similar fates. Let's have a look, shall we..." Calvin pulled out an imaginary book and thumbed through it's nonexistent pages.

"Aha!" He smacked his finger on a page that wasn't there. "Julius Caesar! In approximately..." He pushed several of his fingers up and down a few times, trying to think of the date. "... a very long time ago, he instigated a civil war throughout all of Rome gaining absolute control over the entire Roman Empire. But, as a result, he was stabbed in the back – quite literally – by his own best friend."

He flipped through the pretend pages again. "Oh, Adolf Hitler! _He_ started World War two _and_ killed concourses of Jews who hadn't done anything wrong. That lead to him committing suicide.

"And let's not forget the wizarding world's very own Grindelwald. He made an attempt to bring muggles under the wizard's control and now, thanks to none other than Dumbledore, he's rotting away in some forsaken old tower.

"Then of course, there's my personal favorite; an ancient Pharaoh who bent concourses of Israelites to slavery for generations. Consequently, the entire land of Egypt was scourged by no fewer than ten plagues until the Hebrews were set free!" He finished his speech with a smug flourish.

"Is there a _point_ to all this?" She asked with a sour expression.

"Just that history has a tendency to not shine so brightly on oppressors and tyrants. I promise you, one day your 'dark lord' will get his! And then where will those Death Eaters be? Hmm? What will they do when their precious Voldemort has made his last stand?!"

"How dare you!" She snarled, venomously. "You _dare_ call the master _by NAME?!_"

"Yes I dare!" Calvin growled as he loomed dangerously over her. "And just what are _YOU _going to do about it?!"

* * *

"I must say, I am a tad disappointed in you, miss Reeves." Severus Snape glared down his hooked nose at his pupil. "You know very well that spell casting in the hallways and _fighting_ is strictly prohibited."

"But professor!" The erratic girl, who's name Calvin recently learned was Natalie Reeves, pleaded with her head of house. (Or, she tried to; since every time she opened her mouth, a river of saliva poured out of it.) "It was all that little tramp's doing! Just look what he _did_ to me!" She gestured to her hand which she couldn't separate from her hair which had somehow been turned into spider webs.

"_Daz a filty lie!_"Snarled Calvin through his canines, which had been magically enlarged until they resembled smilodon fangs. "_Ithur faul entiley! Fee thdarded da whole thig!_" His two arms were crossed firmly across his chest while his newly acquired third arm pointed an accusing finger at her from where it sat nestled between his shoulder blades.

"Be that as it may," Professor Flitwick spoke up. "You were still seen engaging in physical violence. How do you plead?" Asked the vertically challenged professor to his pupil.

"Im naugh thorry a'hall." Calvin grumbled.

"I see... Horace, you caught them in the act of fighting, you say?"

"Oh yes, Filius." Professor Slughorn's hefty voice responded while keeping Natalie on her feet. (She had been hit by something that caused her feet to lose their friction, thus making everywhere she went like standing on freshly Zambonied ice.) "Found the two of them going at each other like two wolves over a piece of meat."

* * *

"Wait," Susie said. "Who's professor Slughorn?" 

"Well in fifth year, old Snape got his dream job as the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. That left an open space for a new potions master." Calvin replied.

"Ah, so what was this Slughorn guy like?"

"Hmm," Calvin pondered. "Well, try to envision a bipedal walrus... without tusks."

"I mean, as a teacher. Was he any good?"

"Oh sure! He was plenty good. A decent person... considering he was head of Slytherin. I'll tell ya what though, he was a whole lot more easy going then Snape ever was."

* * *

"So we add the infusion of Grendel root to achieve the desired result." Slughorn looked around at his anxious class. "Are there any questions?... Yes,... Mr. Mitchell."

"Yeah, if you have a bullfrog that's female, does that make it a cowfrog?" Laughter resounded throughout the classroom at Calvin's question; even Slughorn let out a few chuckles.

"Very clever, lad. Not what I meant, of course, but still..."

"And in a similar vein; if a sea cow is male, is it then a sea bull?"

* * *

"Old Sevy would never have let me get away with that in _his_ class."Said Calvin. "I can just imagine him... '_Mitchell!_" He said, twisting his face into a perfect imitation of Snape's famous sneer. "You are in this classroom to learn how to produce potions! _Not_ so you can perform stand-up comedy!'"

"Well go on!" Susie encouraged them. "What happened next?"

"Well naturally, we were both punished accordingly... But what's really interesting is what happened _after_ that little encounter..."

* * *

The once more two-armed Calvin walked out of the hospital wing, feeling his teeth which had been shrunk back to their normal size. He jolted slightly as he turned the corner. He had not expected professor Slughorn to be standing right there.

"Ah, just the lad I was looking for." The extra large instructor said, exuberantly.

"Uh,... me, sir?"

"Yes, m'boy! Come closer. Listen, I didn't want to say this in front of Filius – might of thought I approved of violence and all, – but that was some excellent spell work you did back there."

"Are you gonna try and recruit me to join the Death Eaters too?" Calvin snapped.

"I – what? _Merlin's Beard, NO!_" He quickly regained his composure. "I just, well I can tell that you have a great talent, boy. I have a certain knack for identifying students who will go far, and I've not been wrong yet! What is your name, lad?"

"...C-Calvin... Calvin Mitchell."

"Mitchell, Mitchell... Hmm..." He pondered over the name for a time. "Oho! Would you, by chance, be related to Reginald Mitchell, the great broom maker?"

"Not likely." Calvin's answer was soft, yet definite. "I'm muggle-born, you see."

"Oh..." Slughorn looked as though he had suffered a heavy blow. "Well, I've picked out plenty of muggle-borns as well. Lily Evens, Dirk Cresswell, and recently, the Granger girl. And I must say I've not been disappointed.

"You are quite an amazing young fellow. Tell me, what was that animal you turned into while you and Miss Reeves were... uh, antagonizing each other?"

"What? The deinonycus?"

"Deinonycus..." Slughorn seemed to chew on the word, testing it out. "Extraordinary! In all my years, I've never seen such a creature."

"And you never will." Calvin replied. "Deinonycus are dinosaurs; they're extinct."

"Extinct, eh?... And you are still able to turn into one. Incredible, simply incredible. Tell me, how did you first accomplish this?"

Calvin thought for a moment, weighing his options. On the one hand, telling the professor where he had been could lead to serious repercussions. On the other hand, Slughorn seemed too astounded in Calvin's accomplishments to care. "Well,... a while back when I was getting supplies for a new semester, I was wandering around and somehow found myself in knockturn Alley.

"The people that lurk around that place really weren't the type I prefer to be around. They seemed to take an interest in me, though – and not in a good way. So when they all got a little too close for comfort, I changed. I had been trying to get it right for a long time before that incident, but I guess fear is often a better motivator."

"... Astonishing." Was Slughorn's reply.

"Yes. And it taught me a valuable lesson, too."

"And what's that, lad?"

"That when a group of seedy looking characters see a mild mannered boy spontaneously transmogrify into a three foot tall lizard with toenails of death, they're prone to giving him lots of space."

"Fascinating!" Slughorn boomed. "Such talent, such skill! You simply must have magical blood somewhere up in your family tree."

"Nah, I'm quite certain I don't."

Unknown to either of them however, Calvin was a direct descendant of the sorceress, Circe.

Circe lead her life in a strange land known as Aeaea, enticing wayfaring men and lost sailors, by her lustrous charms, to her palace where she would then turn them into wild beasts. That is, until that one crew. Most of the men were the loud, boisterous type who greedily accepted her feast with no fear of consequences, thereby falling into her snare. Only one, Eurylochus by name, sensed danger at her invitation, thus he returned with the news to his captain.

Odysseus, king of Ithaca, was the captain who came for those sailors. By his cunning and might, he overpowered the enchantress, earning the release of his men and winning the love of Circe. From their love were three sons born. And from the lineage of her youngest son, Telegonus, who ruled over the Tyrsenoi came, centuries later with much inbreeding with mundane, unmagical people, one Calvin Mitchell.

Calvin Mitchell had made his living as a clown in the circus. Making a fool of one's self, being the butt of every joke and being pelted by popcorn every night might strike most as a less than savory lifestyle, but making people smile was his passion.

After the circus ran out of business, the natural course for an out-of-work clown would be a career in politics. Instead, he entered the field of demolitions to fulfill his second passion: blowing stuff up. He knocked down old houses and leveled many a building. He decimated the old to make way for the new.

His career ended permanently when he accidentally blew himself up.

Calvin had raised two sons of his own before his untimely demise; the elder of the two had been named Edward while the second was named Maxwell. Of the two, Edward had taken his father's death the hardest. And so when he and his wife, Daphne Riddle, had been blessed with their own son, he was christened Calvin Mitchell after his grandfather. With his birth, Edward secretly prayed that Calvin would be just like his namesake. (And unknown to him, he got exactly what he wished for.)

It is good that Calvin didn't know about this ancestry. If he ever found out that he was descended from royalty, he and everyone around him would be crushed under the weight of his ego.

"Well," Slughorn proceeded. "magical lineage or not, you are still a gifted individual. And as such, I was wondering if you would care to join me and a few of my other favored students for a little... get together we have now and then." He gazed down at the bushy headed youth, eagerly awaiting his answer.

* * *

"And that's how I joined the Slug Club!"

Susie made an odd sound somewhere between a snort and a chuckle. "The _what_?!"

"The Slug Club." Calvin answered. "A group of Slughorn's students who he thought were great and cool and... stuff."

"Ah."

"Yeah, it was... basically an excuse to have our own little party every once in a while."

"Oh... so what was it like?"

"Eh,... it was okay."

* * *

"For the last time, Luna," Said Calvin as he strode into the room he had been told to come to. "tribbles aren't real! They were made up for a t.v. show, they -- _Holy sugar bombs, what is that?!_" He stared, wide-eyed at a tiny pink ball of fluff squirming around someone's opened palm.

"This is a pygmy puff." Answered the girl who held it. "A miniature puffskein. Isn't he just adorable?"

"Miniature... puffs – _OH_,... right. 'Cause I thought it... it – bares a striking resemblance to -- it looks like... it – oh never mind." He waved goodbye to Luna and sat himself in a chair next to the girl.

"You Weasleys come up with some pretty strange stuff." He said, observing the pygmy puff. The girl looked at him in surprise.

"How did you know I was a Weasley?" She asked.

Calvin looked at her with an expression of one who'd been asked something stupid as he observed her freckled face and flaming hair. "... Educated guess." He told her, flatly.

"Well, Ginny, your family does tend to stick out a bit." Another girl with bushels of curly brown hair pulled herself out of her book to comment. "Oh," She started as Calvin turned to face her. "I'm Hermione Granger. Who might you be?"

"Ah," Calvin adopted a deeper, more sultry voice. "I am Wile E. Coyote: _Super Genius_!" This was responded by stares and blank expressions. "Or... I might be Calvin Mitchell: Super Genius."

"Ah, welcome! Welcome one and all!" Boomed Slughorn as he entered the room. "Well, I see you're all taking the time to greet our newest participant." He beamed as he strode toward Calvin and pulled him up from his seat. "For those of you who haven't formally met, allow me to introduce Calvin Mitchell." He turned Calvin all around for everyone to see. Calvin began to feel less like a party goer and more like some sort of trophy. Slughorn continued. "This talented young fellow has demonstrated excellent magical prowess! I have personally seen him perform spells well beyond the skill of the average fifth year; not to mention, he can certainly hold his own during a fight."

"He doesn't look so tough." Some black boy snorted. "I bet I could take him."

"Wanna find out?" Calvin snapped at him with a contemptuous look.

Slughorn chuckled, heartily. "Best watch yourself, Blaise. Calvin, here, is an Animagus capable of turning into a dany-nunkerus!"

"Deinonycus." Calvin corrected the professor.

"Er, right! Dy-nono... um, what he said; a frankly ghastly reptile with – as he put it – toenails of death."

"You're joking, right?" the boy named Blaise said in a clearly spiteful tone. "No such animal exists!"

"Shows what you know." The girl Calvin had just met... Hermione he was pretty sure her name was said. "Deinonycus _did_ exist at one time. But they became extinct millions of years ago." The look of baffled annoyance Blaise gave her seemed to satisfy Hermione as well as Calvin. That didn't put an end to his rant, though.

"Well,... if they are extinct, as you say, then how would he even be able to turn into – t, to... –" He was cut short by the sudden and unanticipated appearance of a reptilian face much closer to his own than he would prefer and glaring at him maliciously.

Calvin had everyone's full attention now. All ceased what they were currently doing to look at this grizzly, monstrous, yet graceful beast. Blaise – to Calvin's pleasure – was petrified under his saurian gaze so that Calvin decided to have a bit more fun with him. He raised one scaly foot to show the Slytherin prat his awesome sickle-like claw. He placed it right between Blaise's eyes, so he wouldn't miss it.

_If I live to be a thousand, I'll never forget that look_. Was Calvin's thought at the sight of Blaise's expression. Closely followed by _I should show this to Malfoy next time I see him! _

"Alright, Calvin, alright, very impressive." Slaughorn obviously wanted him to settle down before anything serious happened. "Why don't you take your seat now, there's a good lad. Yes, take your seat and we can get things underway."

Calvin looked 'round at the porcine instructor, tapping his claw against the stone floor in annoyance. Blaise visibly relaxed as Calvin turned. That ended when the scaly monster whipped his head around again, giving him a scathing look. Calvin then returned to his awaiting chair, regaining human form as he went.

It was obvious that the other party goers were impressed by his little display, particularly the two Gryffindore girls. (But that might have been because he had shown a Slytherin a thing or two.)

"Alright everyone, I've had several delicious dishes prepared for tonight." As Slughorn spoke, several plates and platters piled high with mouthwatering food appeared around the room. "_Bon Appetite!_" He exclaimed, seizing a large piece of pheasant and a goblet of mead.

"Alright, _Mexican food!_" Cried Calvin as he grabbed for the nearest plate.

* * *

"So that's basically the Slug Club in a nutshell." Said Calvin. "He pulled us all together, played some music, gave us food and drink and just basically let us socialize."

"Sounds like fun." Susie mused.

"Yeah. And there were other events or ideas he came up with. Like this one time..."

* * *

"Hey... Calvin!" Hobbes bounded up to the common room door as the familiar figure of his best friend meandered in. Then he noticed something must be up. Calvin was walking as if in a daze, his arms swung at his sides like dead weights, his eyes were wide and his mouth hung open limply. "Uh... so, how was your little party,... thing?"

"He wants me to sing." The boy mumbled.

"E-excuse me?"

"Slughorn wants everyone to demonstrate a non-magical talent next time the Slug Club gets together... And Flitwick told him about our little horoscope shenanigan back in third year so... now he wants to hear me sing."

"Oh, what fun!" Hobbes exclaimed.

"No, not fun!" Calvin retorted.

"Huh? Why not?"

"That was just a one time ordeal! We did that to ease the tension that was accumulating from that stupid class! I don't know any songs that would be appropriate for this situation! What could I -- _W, what are you wearing?_" Calvin looked at the tiger's neck 'round which Hobbes had tied a bright red neckerchief.

"What? Oh, this? Well some girl just decided she didn't want it anymore and well... um... Ursula thought it would look nice on me." He said, kind of weakly.

"Oh, _Ursula_ said. Hmph, figures. Why don't you just marry her and be done with it?!"

"... Animals don't '_marry_'." Hobbes said, incredulously. "We '_mate_'!"

"Uh huh. Well getting back to the matter at hand, What am I gonna do?!"

_Hmmm_, Hobbes paced about, stroking his chin. "Well, Weird Al got you into this... maybe... Weird Al could got you out of it. Just sing another one of his songs; I mean, mostly everyone liked our last performance so another rendition could work just as well. Whatayah think?" Calvin wasn't paying attention, though. When Hobbes turned to face him, he was staring blankly at the neckerchief Hobbes had on. "_Calvin!_"

"Huh, what? -- Oh, sorry; with that scarf on, I keep expecting you to point your finger in the air and say _'They're Gr-r-r-reat!'_"

"... Oi." Hobbes massaged his temples, frustrated. "Well, I was saying you could sing another of Weird Al's songs for Slughorn and them."

"Nah, that won't work."

"Why not?"

"Consider the audience, Hobbes. These are wizards we're talking about. Most, if not all of Weird Al's songs are directed toward muggles."

"Well let's see..." Hobbes pondered. "What about 'the Hardware Store'?"

"I'm pretty sure wizards don't have any concept about hardware stores." Calvin answered. "Besides, I always get tongue tied at the part where it lists all the stuff in the store."

"Okay... how 'bout 'Jurassic Park'?"

"Cloning and dinosaurs, Hobbes. More muggle science. It'll blow right over their heads."

"'Amish Paradise'?"

"They'll probably think 'Amish' is some kind of disease."

"Okay, what about 'Albuquerque'? I'll bet they know what Albuquerque is!"

"True, but 'Albuquerque' is awfully long. And it's not really a song, so much as one long monologue. Plus, the only two instances that involve actual singing have to do with airplanes and telephones. So, 'Albuquerque' wouldn't be our best bet, either. Hey did you see that?"

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"That box. Sitting on that table, there. It, it sort of, uh, flickered... I guess you could call it when I said Albuquerque. _There it goes again!_"

Hobbes looked around at the box. Sure enough, the box would seem to disappear and return instantaneously. Like it was trying to go somewhere but was anchored in place; it was sort of like looking through a strobe light. Calvin brought his wand out, pointed it directly at the box and said again "Albuquerque." Again, the box attempted its vanishing act without success. Although, this time it stayed gone for longer stretches of time, it still ended up back on the table where it sat still and solid.

"Huh." Calvin examined his wand tip. "I knew that couldn't be a normal word."

"Alright, getting back to the matter at hand. Did he say you _have_ to sing? I mean, you could always demonstrate another of your talents."

"Like what Hobbes? What other talents do I have at my disposal?"

"Well,... you _do_ do a world class Donald Duck impression."

"Hmmm," Calvin pondered. "Interesting notion... Yeah, I could see that working. 'Cept I see a couple of flaws in your little idea. First of all, they're not going to know who Donald Duck _is_ and secondly, that's _you_ who does that!"

"... Oh yeah..." Hobbes stroked his chin in reminiscence.

"Great!" Calvin moped. "Now I'm further up the river and still without a paddle."

"_Well,_" Hobbes strode up, applying his afore mentioned Donald Duck impression. "_You could always apply that old black magic rhythm_."

"... Huh?" Calvin was perplexed and more than a little weirded out.

"_You know, get down 'an funky with your bad self! Boogey!_"

"Uh... Oh! Are you saying I should dance?!" Hobbes draped his striped arm around Calvin's shoulder in a reassuring manner; much in the way a con artist would.

"_Yoooou got it! Shake what your mama gave ya! Dazzle them with your real smooth moves! Knock 'em to the floor! Flex in time 'an let 'em shine then leave 'em gaping for more! What do you think?_"

Calvin's mouth was agape in bewilderment. "... I think Walt Disney just turned over in his cryo-chamber."

Whatever else he intended to say was cut off by a low rumbling sound. The boy and tiger turned their heads toward the majestic statue of their house's founder, Rowena Ravenclaw, where the sound seemed to originate from. The statue, however, remained still and silent. The rumbling growl sounded a second time; it certainly sounded like it came from that area. Calvin turned his head slightly to notice one of the common rooms large, squashy blue armchairs in which Ursula was sleeping.

The two made their way over to the sleeping feline and what Calvin saw surprised him. Ursula's head rested squarely on the floor while her body snaked up and over the seat of the chair leaving her tail to hang limply over the arm rest.

Calvin guffawed. "How can you cats sleep like that?" He asked, incredulously. "That can't possibly be comfortable."

"Hmph!" Hobbes grunted. "The mark of a great cat is when they can sleep in _any_ position." He looked back on her sleeping form. He liked watching her sleep, she always looked so serene; like nothing in the world was wrong. "Dream away, my sweet." He whispered. "Dream away." Then, a little more loudly, "Dream away... _dream away_... weem away, a_weeeem_-away. Aweemaway,... aweemaway, aweemaway, aweemaway..."

Calvin quickly heard what Hobbes was doing. Looking around again, he saw Ursula still sleeping the night away. He dawned a clever smirk at the indication. It wasn't long before he joined in, singing...

"In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight..." Of course, Calvin couldn't just sing an ordinary song any _ordinary_ way. So, after the second verse ended, he added "_Normally, you wouldn't wake a sleeping lion surrounded by poisonous spiders! But here, on the Crocodile Huntah, I'm gonna wake 'im up and shove my head right down 'is throat!.. Now, my wife's being eaten by a crocodile right now, but join us next time on CROCODILE HUNTAH!_"

Now normally, when two people are singing a song in one's general vicinity, one might find it difficult to sleep. And Ursula was no exception. "Hey, do you mind? I'm trying to get some shut-eye!" She said, groggily. "Guys?... Seriously guys, this is no time for karaoke!... Hey, here's an idea! How 'bout we actually let the lion sleep?!... Guys?!... Alright, that's it. _The lion kills tonight_!"

* * *

Calvin spat his toothpaste into the sink, wincing slightly in the areas where Ursula had made her more prominent points. Warily, he shambled away towards the door.

"So, you don't think you'll be using that song, then?" Asked Hobbes from where he stood by the sinks.

"Nah, too many – _ow_ – bad vibes from that one."

"Well, that still leaves you without a plan."

"True... But, there's still a while before the next Slug Club gathering, so... I might be able to figure something out by then."

"... Okay, see you in the morning, then."

"'Night." Calvin replied. Hobbes watched as his friend shuffled his way up to the boys dormitories. The tiger made to follow him when something caught his attention. In the mirror, he saw the red neckerchief was still wrapped around him. He hummed slightly as he felt the fabric between his fingers, then looked to see his full reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Wary and a little bashful, he glanced around to make certain there was no one around. Feeling confident that he was alone, he thrust his finger into the air, exclaiming "_They're Gr-r-r-r-reat!_"

* * *

Well time chugged along on its merry little way and before Calvin could say "The next Slug meeting is right around the corner.", the next Slug meeting... _was_ right around the corner.

As Slughorn had promised, each and every one of his guests were made to demonstrate a non-magical talent. The first victim he pulled up was none other than Blaise. Calvin was pleased at this. He thought for certain that this pure blood twerp wouldn't know non-magical talent if it was dancing naked right in front of his face. But to his surprise, and horror, Blaise dramatically recited a little renowned balled illustrating events of the Goblin Wars.

"Now, I'm really down!" Calvin grumbled to himself.

The other events zipped by. Ginny Weasley performed a dance routine. This surprised everyone in the room, particularly Hermione who had known Ginny for ages and hadn't known of this skill. As for Hermione herself, she brought out a strange device that only Calvin knew to be a violin and played a stirring rendition of _Swan Lake_.

_Funny,_ Calvin thought. _I would have thought of her as more of a clarinet player._

The great lummox, Cormac McLaggen, on the other hand hadn't come up with a viable talent. And so, in a last ditch effort, he tried emulating Blaise's idea by dramatizing some of his more astounding Quidditch plays. This did not go over so well. McLaggen resumed his seat obviously furious that they all hadn't applauded him with much vigor.

_Well, now__** I**__ feel better._ Thought Calvin.

"Hey..." Said Calvin, waving feebly as he came up for his part. "So I was pondering for a song to sing for you all tonight. As you all have probably surmised, I am a muggle-born and therefore, most songs that I'm familiar with would probably make low to no sense to you. So I wanted to find something appropriate to this audience; something that you all could find a sense of familiarity to... but you'll have to stick with what I came up with instead.

"The other day I managed to catch a glimpse of professor Dumbledore, and inspiration hit me like a flaming claymore shot out of an elephant's trunk! Dumbledore is really old. I mean really, reeeeally old, like older than all of us put together! And yet... he's still going on like a maniac! And that's not all, he's a confoundingly brilliant man; one who's done things most of us could only dream of doing.

"So this song here's to Dumbledore, an inspiration to us all!... Oh, and before you ask; no, it's profoundly unlikely that Dumbledore has done _any_ of the following things. This song, like everything else I do, is not to be taken seriously."

With that, Calvin turned around to face the wall. Music began playing from somewhere and after the musical introduction, Calvin turned back around. Nearly everyone laughed at the long, silver beard he now sported. He began singing "_I was born a hundred thousand years ago! And there's nothin' in this world that I don't know! There ain't no place I haven't been, 'Round the world and back again, And I'll __**curse **__the man who say's it isn't so!_"

In one fluid motion, Calvin yanked his robe off revealing a bag like suit that appeared to be made of orange leopard skin accented by a blue necktie that also appeared to be made of some kind of fur. He continued "_In the dawn of civilization, I recall... My cave had bear-skin carpets wall to wall! We were quite the social group! I was friends with Ally Oop And a charming fellow named Neanderthal!_"

He then took off the caveman garb to show some sort of tunic made of animal skin, singing "_I knew Adam and Eve before they knew the score! Twas __**I **__designed the fig leaves that they wore! And behind the bush was kneelin' Saw the apple they was peelin' And I swear that I'm the chap who ate the core!_

"_I was born a hundred thousand years ago! And there's nothin' in this world that I don't know! There ain't no place I haven't been, 'Round the world and back again. And I'll __**curse**__ the man who say's it isn't so!_"

He made a clothes change yet again, this time donning a white loincloth and a white headdress to match. "_I sailed the Cleopatra down the Nile. Yes, we dated on and off for quite a while... And to entertain the kiddies, I built all the pyramiddies, And __represented __**Caesar**__ at his trial!_... and speaking of Caesar."

He now donned a toga as he sang "_I saw Julius Caesar cross the Rubicon!... In fact, I built the bridge he crossed it on!... I saw Hannibal at home And I saw Nero burning Rome! Why, I even saw the fall of Babylon!_ All together, now..."

And, to his pleasant surprise, most of the audience actually joined him in singing the chorus. "_I was born a hundred thousand years ago! And there's nothin' in this world that I don't know! There ain't no place I haven't been, 'Round the world and back again. And I'll __**curse**__ the man who say's it isn't so!_"

For his next costume change, Calvin threw on a sailors ensemble. "_I'll tell you how America came to be... I sailed with Columbus 'cross the sea! He got sick the day we landed And went back home empty handed. And by rights, the whole darn place belongs to ME!_"

"Man, this whole song is a crock!" Blaise commented to himself, which didn't go unnoticed by Calvin. He leaped in front of the black Slytherin jerk, singing

"_Now, you may not believe my story is true... But what difference does that really make to you?... I've been feeding you this line Just to whittle away the time And now, I'm going to stop because I'M THROUGH!_

"_I was born a hundred thousand years ago! And there's nothin' in this world that I don't know! There ain't no place I haven't been, 'Round the world and back again. And I'll __**curse**__ the man who say's it isn't so! No, there's no place I haven't been, 'Round the world and back again! And I'll __**curse**__ the man who say's – it – is – not – soooooooo!" _

"Oho, jolly good show there, Calvin." Applauded Slughorn. "Expertly executed with a rather catchy tune, if I do say so, myself."

"Thanks, professor." Calvin took his seat again, exhilarated, yet relieved that the ordeal was over.

"That was very clever, Calvin." Hermione said as he sat back down. "Did you come up with that all on your own?"

"Why, thank you (1) 'Mione. Actually, that's an old folk song back where I'm from."

"... Excuse me?" Hermione seemed a bit perplexed. "What did you just call me?"

"What? 'Mione'?... I dunno, seemed appropriate."

"... Odd." Hermione mused. "No one's ever called me that before..."

"Yeah well,... nicknames, just another side effect of knowing people."

"I see... don't ever call me that again.

* * *

"Then, of course, Slughorn once threw a Christmas party... Which was like..."

* * *

Music was the first indication that Calvin had reached Slughorn's festivities. Sounds boisterous chatter and frivolous merry-making accumulated in the boy's eardrums. As he reached the office opening, Calvin ruefully thought back to the time when Hobbes had declined his invitation to attend. He and Ursula had instead decided to have their own quieter Christmas celebration. Calvin thought he really _should_ be happy that his oldest friend had found someone special, but on the other hand that still left him both without a date _and_ without so much as a friend to accompany him.

He laid all that aside in favor of a happy face as he strode through the doorway.

People were everywhere, wall to wall, hanging out, gossiping away and just having a grand old time. Calvin hugged the walls mostly. Occasionally he would chat with somebody or snag a pasty from a passing platter being carried around by a house elf, but he was never really big on fraternizing with so many people. It didn't help when he suddenly found himself rounded on by a rather large and burly individual.

"Have you seen Hermione?" Cormac McLaggen demanded.

"Eh? What?"

"Hermione! Hermione Granger! Have you seen her?"

Calvin thought for a bit "Ah, the _Grangericus Hermionious_, a docile creature native to the librarian grasslands of –"

"_Don't get smart!_" snapped McLaggen, seizing Calvin by the shirt. "Have you seen her, or have you not?"

"How should I know where she is?!" Calvin pushed McLaggen off of him. "She came with _you_, didn't she?"

McLaggen let out a sort of grunt like sound, seemingly regretting his lose of temper. "I had her right under the mistletoe." he confessed. "I was going in for it when she suddenly stammered something I couldn't understand and dashed off."

"I see," said Calvin "and why do you suppose that is?" McLaggen shrugged. "Well think back, did you say or... _do_ anything that some might consider... unsavory?" Secretly, Calvin thought he knew why Hermione ditched him.

"No, I was just telling her about some of my better saves in Quidditch! How I once nabbed the Quaffle with my finger tips, how I caught it just in the nick of time then launched it so far that my teams chasers were able to score almost instantly!"

Calvin knew he would have to interrupt, before he fell asleep on his feet. "So what did you say about _her?_"

"Nothing," Cormac answered, dully. "she doesn't play Quidditch."

Calvin looked incredulous. "Gee, it's a wonder you don't get invited to more parties."

"I know!" answered McLaggen, obviously missing the sarcasm.

"... Well it's no wonder Hermione split, you hulking, egotistical _goon!_"

"_What_? What did you say to me?!"

Calvin began waving his arms around and beating his chest like some absurd primate. "**UGGUH WONGA! ME CORMAC MCLAGGEN! ME QUIDDITCH STAR! ME BIG COOL!**"

"... _Son of a_..." McLaggen threw a punch at Calvin. If there was one up side to growing up around Moe, it was that Calvin had learned the tell-tale signs of when someone was about to swing. Calvin easily dodged the blow, causing McLaggen to plummet to the floor.

"Ooh, better put some ice on that, champ!"

McLaggen shot up again, ready to have another go. "You insufferable little Cretan! I'll teach you to mock me, I am a robust athlete! A stud! I –"

"No... what you are is a prime example as to why giraffes and howler monkeys shouldn't mate." McLaggen looked stunned, like he didn't comprehend what had just been said. "And while the gravity of that statement sinks in, I'll be leaving to answer the call of the wild."

* * *

Even after five semesters in this castle, it was still easy for someone to lose their way around the many floors and forests of stairways. Somehow, (He hadn't quite been paying attention.) Calvin managed to find himself on the seventh floor. He didn't have a clue as to where any bathrooms on this floor might be; really, the only time he came up here was to play in the – of course! He may not know where the bathrooms were, but there was, conveniently enough, a room that took the form of whatever a person needed. He quickly turned on his heel and made off to the Room of Requirement.

At the familiar stretch of stone wall, Calvin passed by once, twice, three times and there – a simple wooden door appeared where once was none. But as he opened it, there sounded a loud _smack_ followed by a grumbling swear.

"Why, if it isn't Ferret McWeaslebreath." said Calvin as he shone the light from his wand tip into Draco Malfoy's disheveled face. "Didn't see ya, there."

Malfoy gave a rude snarl as he continued to massage his nose.

"And just _what_ are you doing out of bed, _pray-tell_?" Calvin inquired. At that moment, Malfoy looked more wild and dangerous than Hobbes, or even Ursula ever had.

"It's no concern of yours what _I'm_ doing, _Mitchell!_ What are _you_ doing out of bed?!"

"Well, I _was_ about to use the privy before you dropped by for this delightful conversation."

"Really?" Malfoy snapped, nastily "And why does that give _you_ permission to wander the castle at night?"

"Well you see, I just came from Slughorn's Christmas party."

"Christmas party?"

"Uh huh, yeah. He's got this whole big shindig going on. Lots of important and influential blokes attending... Come to think of it, how is it that such a _'fine'_ and _'upstanding'_ individual such as yourself didn't merit an invitation?"

As Calvin moved closer to Malfoy, his wand light gave him a clearer view his hated rival, revealed something quite disturbing. Malfoy was sickeningly thin, like a walking bag of bones. His skin was paler than a ghost and dark circlets had been woven under his eyes.

"Good gravy! What have you been doing to yourself, Malfoy? You don't look so good!... Not that you've ever looked good, but you look worse than usual."

"_I told you, it's none of your business what I do with my time!_" Malfoy growled. "_And I look fine, just fine!_"

"Yeah, if your Animagus form is a raccoon. It's down-right unhealthy I say! – Ooh, why don't we ask Mr. Filch what he thinks?"

"I don't think Filch would appreciate us disturbing him." Malfoy grumbled.

"Oh, we don't have to disturb him, he's coming this way."

The expression on Malfoy's face was priceless. He wheeled around to see the unmistakable form of Argus Filch shambling along in the distance. He immediately tried to make a break for it but wound up running strait into Calvin who hadn't moved from his spot.

"Get out of the way!" Malfoy demanded.

"_Or you'll __**what**_"

"Or I'll unscrew your head and use it for a Quaffle!"

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes!"

"Well if you're going to be threatening people, Filch really ought to know about _that_!" Calvin flashed a toothy, devilish grin.

"No, no. Don't say anything! Don't say –"

Too late. "_OH, MISTER FILCH!_"

If Filch hadn't been aware of the two boys presence before then, he certainly was now. He came jogging up, huffing and wheezing like an old jackal.

"Well, well" he growled, smiling fiendishly. "Two students about the corridors when they should be in their common rooms. Oh yes, we _are_ in trouble now, aren't we?"

"Actually, Mr. Filch, I was attending Slughorn's party. I simply stepped out to use the bathroom when I ran into Angry Weasel, here." Calvin jabbed his thumb at Malfoy. Filch's expression stiffened.

"Ah yes, I recall Horace's little get-together. I also know that if you were really invited, you would have been issued an invitation." Calvin fished a piece of paper out of his pants pocket and handed it over to the rag-tag caretaker. Filch snatched it up, searching the parchment all over for some form of forgery. Finding none, he handed it back to Calvin, sighing grimly. "All right, I suppose you're clear. But that still doesn't excuse you, Malfoy."

"I-I... uh..." Calvin simply loved seeing Malfoy falter under pressure. "I... was invited to Slughorn's party too. Uh-I was just late in getting there."

"Well, you should have an invitation as well, then." Filch sneered, a hard gleam in his eyes.

"I... well, I... left... it in the... common room?"

"Hmmm, if that's really the case, then Slughorn will certainly vouch for you. Come with me." He seized Malfoy roughly by the ear and dragged him along. Filch seemed to find a new spring in his step as he pulled Malfoy to certain humiliation.

As they limped past, Calvin stuck his arm up in the air waving his fingers gingerly at their retreating figures, an overly smug grin plastered on his face. Malfoy caught this and narrowed his eyes to venomous, angry slits, muttering "**Smile while you can.**" To which Calvin replied.

"**Don't worry, I will.**"

* * *

A/N: (1) What _I_ wanna know is who started all this _'Mione'_ business?! I mean, not once in the Harry Potter books has Hermione _ever _been referred to as 'Mione. Not _once!_ Yet somebody decides they would be clever or something and decided to call her 'Mione, and now _everybody's_ following it like doctrine!

Well, now that that's out of my system... this story's getting narrowed down towards the end now. From here on out, we'll be seeing a little less humor and a little more action. Once again, I apologize for the tremendous lack of updates on this story. Anyway,

Confucius say: Fortune smiles upon those who leave reviews.


	14. The year of Hell

"Things were looking pretty good for the rest of the year..." said Calvin. "I mean, the O.W.Ls were no picnic, but everything else was going relatively smoothly." he paused to release a heavy sigh. "Nobody could have foreseen the disaster that was about to transpire."

Susie's great, chocolate eyes, once shining with unexpressed laughter, melted into soft pools of sympathy. "What happened?" she whispered anxiously.

Calvin faced her and as she looked into his crystal blue eyes, Susie could practically feel the change that came over them. Like the harshness of reality had forced itself upon them, aging them. "Death Eaters invaded the castle one night." he said, heavily. "Dumbledore was killed."

Susie gasped.

"By Snape."

"Snape?"

"Yeah."

"But,... but why?" Susie was incredulous as always whenever she heard of such atrocity. "Dumbledore trusted Snape, didn't he?! He gave him privileges and freedom when others would have scorned him, didn't he?! How could he have done something so terrible?! How can – How can you sit there so calmly?!"

"... It's like this," Calvin said after a moment. "The way I understand it, Dumbledore had been dying all through that year. He had collaborated with Snape to end his suffering at the right time before the other Death Eaters could."

Susie stood there, unsure of how to respond. "So,... Snape was..."

"A double agent, yeah."

"So he was really on the good side, after all?"

"It would seem that way. But Dumbledore's death came as a heavy blow to everyone. And that caused a snowball effect that led us right into the year of Hell."

"Excuse me?" Susie coughed. "The year of Hell?!"

Calvin nodded "Yep, the year of Hell... and yes, it was every bit as messed up as it sounds..."

* * *

The sky was overcast. Gray, miserable clouds converged on every space of sky available, casting a pall of gloom over all.

Hobbes gazed out the window into the gray. A copy of the Daily Prophet sat open faced by his side. Once again – he had lost track of how many times – he skimmed through the articles printed on the page... Pius Thicknesse had been established as Minister of Magic... Muggle-born register rounding up muggle-borns to punish them for crimes impossible to commit... and finally, Severus Snape was being considered for Headmaster of Hogwarts... Nope, still the same dismal information. Hobbes savagely threw the paper to the floor and returned to the window.

The sky was still overcast.

_Funny,_ he mused, _even the heavens seemed to be mourning the state of the world._

He turned at the sound of the bedroom door opening. A small rucksack was walking into the room, seemingly on its own accord. Hobbes was puzzled by this. He was even more puzzled by the sight of two familiar, dirty red sneakers sticking out of the sacks opening.

The sack walked along, like absolutely nothing at all was out of the ordinary. And it kept on walking straight into the wall at the other end of the room. Shaking a bit, the sack turned and continued walking. This time it walked right into Hobbes, thereby tipping back and falling over onto its back.

Hobbes grabbed the squirming rucksack and gave it a shake. The shoes extended into a pair of legs. A second shake and Calvin's entire form fell out onto the floor.

"Thanks, man." Calvin said, rather nonchalantly for someone who had just been discovered inside a rucksack that was too small to hold him.

"Uh..." Hobbes looked at the rucksack, then at Calvin, then back at the sack. "... I'm debating whether of not I want to hear the explanation to this."

"Oh, that's just an Undetectable Extension Charm." He responded, dusting himself off. "Came across it in a book once, thought I'd give it a shot! Anyway, I'm gonna need it back."

"Huh," Hobbes tossed the sack back to Calvin who took it and went to his chest of drawers. "So by 'Extension', you mean its inside gets bigger while the outside remains the same?"

"Yes, it's bigger on the inside than on the outside... - _and if you make so much as ONE reference to the TARDIS, I swear I'll stuff YOU into it!_"

"Uh-huh, so why are you bringing it out again, now?"

"You've read the papers," Calvin said as he poured his clothes into the sack. "you know what state the world is in."

"I'm assuming you're referring to this 'muggle-born register'?"

"Exactly. That, and they've made it mandatory that everyone _has_ to attend Hogwarts now."

"Wait a minute," Hobbes interjected. "Is that... bad?"

"Yeah, that's bad!" Calvin exclaimed as he pulled away from his drawers. "It means Hogwarts is in the hands of the enemy! Especially if they put Count Sharkula in the Highseat! We can't go back there now... Well, they won't be able to do anything to you, obviously; but _I'll_ be butchered alive!"

"Right, so we're..."

"So, we're hittin' the road!" Calvin proclaimed as he dropped the sack on the floor and began piling other items hodge-podge into it. " Gonna have an adventure, live off the land, get up-close and personal with the British Isles!"

Hobbes wasn't sure this was the best course of action, but Calvin's little 'adventures' did turn out alright in the end... well, they didn't end badly... well, they didn't end in a major catastrophe.

He turned to grab Calvin's collection of Captain Napalm issues.

"Leave them." Calvin said.

"What?"

"We're not taking the comic books." Calvin reiterated. "They won't be much use to us on this trip."

The air caught in Hobbes's throat. "You, you're serious about this?" He asked.

"Dead serious." Calvin responded. He paused a bit, then added. "We'll leave them in a safe. Don't want anything happening to 'em while we're away."

Hobbes breathed a sigh of relief. The Apocalypse wasn't happening, after all. "So what have you told your parents about this?"

"About what?"

"About you, us not going back to school and living of the land and all that!"

Calvin thought a moment and responded "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Which was just another way of saying 'I don't know'.

* * *

Calvin sat hunkered down by the roots of an old tree. As the last rays of the day faded, he contemplated the way things stood.

He was now – for all intents and purposes – a fugitive. The Hogwarts Express had left for the new term that very morning; taking new and old students to the ransacked shell of what had once been the greatest wizard school on earth to poison their minds with the corrupt ideals of the Death Eaters who were now running things.

And now, he, Hobbes and Ursula were wandering aimlessly about the land, camping out on the edge of the muggle world living off the granola bars and jerky they had packed and whatever game the two cats could catch.

The game, in and of itself, would also be a problem. Calvin was still under age so he couldn't use magic to cook the meat and was lousy at building fires the conventional way. Hobbes was no better at fire making, so the only one who really benefited from the hunts was Ursula who grew up on raw meat.

Calvin stared into the trees his companions disappeared into. He hoped they would get back already, it was kinda creepy sitting out here all alone. On an impulse, he got up and strode into the thicket. After a few paces, he thought better of it and made to walk back to their campsite. It was then that fate decided to throw him a curve ball.

His foot caught on an upturned root and he fell face forward. Dusting himself off, he gave himself a once over the assess the damage – no harm done but... he cursed inwardly; he had dropped his wand. If you have ever had to grope around for a long skinny piece of wood among a forest floor that's littered with hundreds of other sticks after sunset, than you can appreciate just how frustrating this was for Calvin. After a minute or so of grumbling, scratching and thrashing, Calvin finally lost his nerve and called out "Lumos!"

The end of his wand lit up, but no sooner had he satisfactorily snatched it up then a series of _pops_ were heard and a voice demanded "Oi, you there! On your feet!"

Calvin rose to face the motley crew before him. They all looked as if they were barely out of school themselves and they looked as if they they had all been mud wrestling with each other before showing up there.

"Evening gents," he tried to say casually. "need something?"

"You know who we are?" The biggest and ugliest of them demanded.

"Why, don't you?"

"Don't get smart, twerp! Do you know who we are?!"

"Well, I'm guessing you're not Santa's elves."

"Terrific," the goon rolled his eyes "a comedian. Listen up, we're snatchers. Do you know what we do?"

"Well let's see." he squinted at them all. "You, I'm guessing, play amateur Quidditch every now and again, you strike me as a musician, you attend ballets, you kick puppies and I'm sensing that you enjoy knitting and crosshatching."

"NO!" the leader roared. "We _catch_ people – bad people who do thing they ain't 'sposed tah!"

"Oh. Well, jolly good show, old bean. Keep up the good work."

"We're here now because the magical trace informed us that underage magic transpired in this vicinity."

"Really?" Calvin feigned surprise as he looked at his lighted wand. "Oh, that." he extinguished the light. "There, all better."

The look the snatcher gave him told him quite plainly that it was not all better. "Who are you?" He demanded.

"Fine, thanks." Calvin said. "A little hungry, but -"

"Not _how_ are you! _Who_ are you?!"

Calvin nearly gave them his name before realizing that probably wasn't the best course of action. So it came out "C - Allll... Burton."

"_Albertson?_" the goon inquired, That wasn't at all what Calvin had said, but oh well.

"... Yeeess..." Calvin responded, his eyes darting back and forth rapidly. "Jonas Albertson."

The lead snatcher moved his ugly mug right up to Calvin's face, carefully scrutinizing him. "You don't look like a Jonas." he stated.

"Well,... you don't look like a Walter."

"_I'm not a Walter!_" he snarled. For a moment it seemed as if he was about to strike Calvin, but then he took a deep breath and regained his composure. "Alright, Mr. _Albertson_, why aren't you at school?"

"Huh?"

"Why aren't you at school?!" the snatcher roared, his face flushing a brilliant red. "The Hogwarts Express left at precisely eleven this morning. You should have been on it! Why weren't you?"

"You'll not get anymore outta me." he said defiantly. "I plead the fifth!"

The snatchers all looked at each other. Their eyes seemed to communicate some unspoken agreement. Their leader turned back to Calvin. "Well if that be the case, we'll just have to take you in for questioning." The snatchers all moved forward, advancing like a pack of hyenas on a wounded gazelle.

"H,hey fellas" Calvin moved backward into a tall tree. "Are you sure you really wanna do this?"

"Oh, we're quite sure,... Mudblood!" The thug replied, with a savage smile. "Hand over your wand!"

"No, you can't have my wand." Calvin quickly hid his wand behind his back. "I won't let you!"

"Tough!" growled the snatcher as he wrestled the wand out of Calvin's grip. He threw Calvin into the hands of two of his cohorts. "Let's go!"

The snatchers spun on the spot with their captive disappearing into the compressing black, unaware of the silver mist traveling off into the night.

* * *

Luna climbed the constantly altering staircases to Ravenclaw tower. The climb went more slowly this year, the change in the atmosphere around Hogwarts seemed an ill omen to the course fate was taking. Although seeing Neville and Ginny – the only two of her friends who had returned this year – was always heartwarming, it did little to ease her sense of discourse and impending dread.

She picked her pace up again, nearly everyone was passing her by on their way to the dorms. As she rounded a corner, something quite unusual occurred.

Out from the wall, a great silver mist appeared. It glided up to Luna, gaining the form of a large, reptilian shape. The deinonycus patronus opened its mouth and, in Calvin's voice, said "Snatchers have come. I've been taken!"

Luna gaped, misty eyed, at the spot as the last silver vapors dissipated... Calvin had been taken. Luna didn't know what snatchers were, (She suspected they might be related to knargles, though.) but if her friend was in their clutches, he was surely in great peril. She would have to help him, but how? She surely wouldn't be allowed to leave the school. How could she possibly... Of course! Calvin had used a patronus to call for help, maybe, just maybe there was someone outside who was willing and able to help him.

She crept to a small corner where unwanted eyes would be less likely to intrude. Concentrating on her happiest thought, on what she needed accomplished, she spoke the charm. "Expecto Patron –" A hand suddenly grasped her shoulder, causing her wand hand to jerk upward.

"Luna!"

"... Oh. Hello, Neville."

Neville's face was anxious as he looked around for any unwanted listeners. "Luna, have you got a moment?"

"Of course, Neville. What is it?"

"Listen," he whispered. "Ginny had an idea. Remember on the train when she told us Dumbledore left Harry the sword of Gryffindore, but the ministry refused to give it to him?"

"Yes."

"Well,... we have a plan. It's going to be really risky and if we're caught, we'll probably be facing expulsion... But, if you're interested..." He only had to look at her bright, opulent eyes for a mere moment before she exclaimed "Yes! I will help you!"

* * *

In his six years spent as a wizard, Calvin had often wondered what the Ministry of Magic was like on the inside. (Much in the same way he used to contemplate the interior of the Oval Office.) Now that he was inside the ministry, he could think of seventy five and a half places he would much rather be.

Darkness and repression seemed to seep from the very walls of the building; walls that reached up for miles and miles. Surely that was designed to give the alleged guilty a sense of inferiority. Death Eaters swarmed all over the place – he could tell who they were by their lofty stances and heads held high in the very image of haughtiness.

The gang of snatchers moved along, their prey in tow. As he was being pulled forward, Calvin couldn't help but look at what was coming ahead. A great, jet black statue rose up to meet them at the center of the atrium. An imposing wizard and witch carved with what he supposed were supposed to be faces of great beauty were seated pompously upon two ornate thrones. At the base of the statue were carved the words "**Magic is Might**".

"_Somebody's got a high opinion of their race_." Calvin muttered grimly to no one in particular. As they got closer, the form was thrown into a relief and Calvin was able to see what he took to be thrones in greater detail. They were bodies. The two figures were seated upon thousands of bodies, men, women and children; all of them stark naked with faces distorted into hideous masks. What was the point of that? It didn't make any sense! What was it supposed to... supposed to... _Magic is Might_. The words rang in his head like a tolling bell. Muggles, they were supposed to be muggles; twisted and deformed, supporting the weight of the glamorous witch and wizard.

Calvin looked at the statue with a new revulsion. "That is wrong on more levels than I can count!" he seethed, disgustedly.

The snatchers continued pulling Calvin along. Calvin, still brooding over the statue's horrible image, was only barely aware of his feet moving forward.

He then overheard some stray voices coming from the side. Turning his head, he saw a wizard with his robes pulled away while a witch looked at his leg intently. He was more than a little weirded out by this, but then he saw that the wizard had a rather large injury on his knee; the witch must have been healing the wound.

"That should hold for a moment," the witch was saying. "but we may have to put a bandage on it."

_A bandage on his knee._ Calvin thought to himself. _Oh, a bandage on his knee! Bandage – oh! A band-o... on the knee... I come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee – ..._ _**OH NO!**_

That song. Calvin used to love that song when he was a kid; he would listen to it day after day, again and again and again. But then he grew older and the more he listened to it, the more annoying he found it. But every now and again, that song would find its way into his thought process and once there, it would stay there for hours on end.

So absorbed by the song playing in his head was he, that he hadn't really registered the the drop in temperature until he abruptly stopped moving; in fact, he wasn't even aware he _was_ moving until he had stopped. He looked up to see where he was – then he wished he hadn't. They were in a long corridor of stone – it reminded him a lot of a dungeon. There were several other people in the hall as well; some were alone, others had family members comforting them and they all wore expressions of worry and anxiety. He also saw that the place was swarming with dementors. The great shadowy forms floated there like the image death itself. They made barely any movement, but Calvin could practically feel them itching to make a grab at someone.

"Now you just sit tight." the lead snatcher said as he threw Calvin aside. "The inspection will begin shortly. Oh, and don't try any funny business or our – ah, security system" – he pointed his thumb at the dementors – "will make quick work of you." he chuckled then, a sound very much like a pig grunting. "C'mon mates, let's go get paid!"

Calvin slumped down the wall. To his left sat a dark haired witch in plain looking robes. It was clear from her expression that she had been crying. Tears leaked out of her lids which threatened to break out into full blown sobs.

The sight of the woman's tears led to another mental chorus of _Oh Susannah, oh don't you cry for me_ which Calvin quickly stifled.

"Man alive!" he grumbled "How long am I gonna be stuck here?"

In response, the single door in the hallway opened and a sing-song voice called out "First interrogation; Jonas Albertson."

"... Not very long, I guess." He got up and slowly trudged his way into the room. He was met with a sickening surprise as he turned to face his prosecutor. "... Aw, crimony!" he exclaimed as he laid eyes on the face of Dolores Umbridge.

Umbridge, after the mild surprise of seeing who stood before her, stretched her face into a perverse smile. "Well;" she said in her sickeningly sweet voice that made Calvin want to sock her in the teeth. "My, my. It seems that justice has finally caught up with you, hasn't it?"

"_Pfft, justice_. You wouldn't know justice if it bit you in the face!"

Umbridge's smile never faltered. "Oh, we'll see about that, Mr. Mitchell – oh sorry, Mr. _Albertson_. Sit down."

Glaring daggers at her, Calvin turned and made his way to the only chair in the room. No sooner had he seated himself than huge manacles on chains snapped themselves to his wrists and ankles.

At that moment, the door burst open and a dark, hairy, slightly damp man stormed into the room. "Sorry I'm late." he said, adjusting his composure. "My office was raining."

_Raining in an office_. chuckled Calvin inwardly. _It rained all night the day I left; the weather, it was dry – NO, STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!_

"It's quite alright, Yaxley." Umbridge responded. "We're just getting started." she gestured to the seat on her left. The man,Yaxley, took a look at Calvin and, sneering, took his seat.

"So, who do we have here?" he asked.

Umbridge grinned her sickening grin again. "In his questionnaire, he claimed to be one _Jonas Albertson._ However, his real name is Calvin Mitchell and I know for a fact that he is _muggle born!_" Yaxley looked at Calvin again with a far greater interest. "Now, down to business." Umbridge went on. "You are Calvin Amadeus Mitchell, are you not?"

"Yeah, I think we already established that, Dr. Obvious."

"Son of Edward and Daphne Mitchell. Extended family includes one uncle. Is that correct?"

"Whadda you think?" Calvin sneered. Umbridge continued.

"A wand was confiscated from you this day. A rather unusual wand at that. Mafalda..."

Calvin turned in surprise. He hadn't noticed the second witch in the room. She was a little petite apparition with wisping gray hair. Her face was bloodless and the expression she wore was one of nervous concern – almost as if she was worried about Calvin; like she knew him. But Calvin was absolutely positive he had never seen her before in his life.

When Umbridge called her name, she snapped back to attention. "Y,yes, Dolores?"

"The wand, Mafalda. Give me his wand!" After a bit of groping about, Mafalda finally handed the appropriate wand to Umbridge. "Ah yes. One full foot of walnut wood with a core of griffin talon. Very unusual indeed. From which witch or wizard did you steal it from?"

"Dude, I paid seven galleons for that wand. I'd hardly call that a steal!"

Umbridge grimaced a bit. This wasn't going right at all. "Nevertheless, you must have stolen it from someone, or else you wouldn't be able to use magic –"

"Now see, right there your logic is flawed. If people could just steal magic away, there wouldn't be any squibs, now would there?"

"You are trying my patience, Mitchell!" Umbridge fumed.

"Aw, put a Band-Aid on it!" _A banjo on my knee – grrrrr!_

"I will ask one-more-time; from whom did you steal your wand?!"

"You dare to insult my honor? I'll have you know I have never stolen anything in my life! – Well, I may have stolen a few baked goods. But I've never even stolen a kiss! Though I occasionally steal the spotlight..."

"Has he always been like this?" Yaxley whispered to Umbridge.

"Oh, he's been much worse." Umbridge responded.

"Well, we'll see if we can encourage a little more cooperation." said Yaxley, brandishing his wand. "_CRUCIO!_"

Excruciating pain surged through Calvin's body, compressing bludgeons embalmed in the very fires of Hell rocked him to his core. He nearly cried out in agony, so great was his pain; but no, he wouldn't! He'd have to be strong, he would not give them the satisfaction of his screams. Then as quickly as it had come, it subsided. He was left panting in the seat of the cold, hard chair.

"It would be in your best interest" Yaxley was saying "to be a little more truthful... Or, if you'd rather continue being difficult, I assure you I have no qualms with cruciating you again."

"Really?" Calvin seethed. "Well, why don't you make this a lot easier for all of us and just Avada Kedavra me right here and now?!"

"If you continue to be an annoyance, I just might."

"But be warned!" Calvin said, suddenly "You are just as every bit mortal as I am! One day you're gonna get yours and when that day comes, I'll be there – along with all the others you've undoubtedly killed – and we'll be there to _kick your butt_ through all eternity!"

"Getting back on task..." Umbridge intervened. "I'm asking for the final time, who did you steal this wand from?"

"And, for the final time, I didn't! The wand chooses the wizard – that's what the man said – and for some unknown reason, that wand chose me."

"No," Umbridge said, obnoxiously calmly. "no, I don't think it did."

"Well with all due respect, you're an idiot!"

"... It could not have chosen you," stated Umbridge, a trace of venom leaking into her voice. "because wands only choose witches or wizards. You have no close relatives who are wizards, no magical talent anywhere on your family tree – therefore, you cannot be a wizard."

To her surprise, a fiendish smile spread across Calvin's face. "You're right," He breathed. "I am no wizard!"

With a resounding CRACK, his arms raised, severing the shackles that bound them. With a second chorus of rending metal, he brought his feet up to the seat, flipped onto the chairs high back and leaped across the distance of the room front flipping over and over until he landed catlike – decked out in a completely black skintight outfit that covered his entire body and head with only his icy blue eyes shining through – atop the desk in front of Umbridge and Yaxley's dumbfounded faces.

"I am _NINJA!_" the apparition seethed before producing a long curved sword. Before Umbridge or Yaxley could react, he spun on the spot with his katana held aloft and the two headless corpses slumped down backwards.

Putting the sword away, he gracefully leaped over the face of a horror-stricken Mafalda, pushed off the far wall high into the air and with a blood-lusted roar, kicked into the door – taking it completely out of its frame and crashing into the corridor beyond.

The accused in the hallway all looked up nervously at the imposing figure standing before them. He spoke, saying "Todays interrogations have been canceled. You are all advised to return to your families and get as far away from the Ministry as possible. If any of you have ever considered traveling abroad, now would be the time to do it!" He led them down the hallway straight to the atrium when their progress was impeded by a single Ministry official.

"Hold on a moment," he said. "Where do you lot think you're going?"

"Ummm..." Calvin thought. "We just finished the, uh, register-thing today and we've all been cleared."

"... That was awfully quick. Didn't the register start only a couple of minutes ago?"

"Uh,... yeah, they were really efficient today."

"That's highly unusual." said the official. "I'll have to double check with Yaxley about it."

"Um..." Calvin delivered a swift kick to the mans groin. As he keeled over in pain, he delivered two consecutive blows to the head, knocking him to the floor unconscious.

Of course, the sounds of someone getting clobbered was bound to attract attention. So when Calvin looked up, a swarm of dark robed figures was converging on their location. He turned to the pack of refugees behind him. "Get to the fire places!" He barked "Move it, move it, _move it!_" When the last one was out of his sight, Calvin turned to see that he was surrounded. "Okay guys," he said to the figures. "we can do this the easy way," he clapped his fist into his palm "or the hard way!" Someone shot a spell at him, which he sidestepped. "Looks like it's gonna be the hard way." he said.

He spun around in a great back blur, and before anyone could blink, several people were crying out in pain with shurikens protruding from their bodies. At that, an all out brawl ensued: ministry wizards fired spells left and right which ended up hitting their colleagues mostly. Calvin, meanwhile, bobbed and dodged all his adversary's feeble attempts to hit him while landing several kicks and punches on anyone unfortunate enough to get too close to him.

When the numbers had thinned a bit, Calvin produced a bo staff. This staff he swung about, striking many with its long reach. In one feat of astounding prowess, he planted one end of the staff on the floor, poll vaulting himself straight up. The ministry workers could only watch in amazement for a split second before he brought himself crashing down on them then swinging the staff to smite some others he hadn't landed on.

At one point, the staff was unfortunately on the receiving end of a rather nasty severing charm. Calvin gazed in dismay at the two halves of his staff. "My favorite staff." he moaned. Seeing the perpetrator who did it, Calving walloped him in the head with one half of the staff while the other half struck him in a more sensitive area.

"HA!" Calvin exclaimed as he continued devastating the remaining forces. "Hyah, yow! Hai hah heeyow! Hoi! Olé! And now, _Matrix style! Huoyaaaah_!" Time seemed to slow as Calvin leaped into a horizontal twirl with stunning spells criss-crossing beneath him. As this happened, one daring ministry puppet jumped up after him hoping he might gain some advantage on him. Calvin kicked him in the chest. Time sped up again as Calvin's foot made contact with the man which sent him reeling backwards right into that horrible statue which, against all likely hood, crumbled to rubble at the force of the impact.

A new figure strolled out into the atrium, hoping to find the source of all the commotion. What Pius Thicknesse found was a disaster area. Bodies of the dead and injured littered the floor, blood was splattered everywhere and the statue – that grand and glorious statue depicting the superiority of wizards over those wretched muggles – had been reduced to a disorderly heap of black stone.

"What has happened here?!" he cried. "Who is responsible for this?!"

To his surprise, a tall, menacing figure clad entirely in black dropped seemingly from nowhere in front of him. "I happened here!" the figure exclaimed. "Thanks for the question, _**'Minister'**_. I look forward to killing you soon! _HIYA!!_"

* * *

"... What is he doing?" Yaxley asked Umbridge.

"I,... I have no idea." Umbridge replied. They both looked back at their prey; Calvin was just sitting there with his eyes closed and that obnoxious smile spread across his face. Neither prosecutor knew why he sat so calmly, saying nothing and barely moving, but not even the dementors seemed to be afflicting him in the least – and that made them nervous.

"Excuse me!" Yaxley seethed, trying to get some response. Calvin didn't react. "HEY!" he yelled.

Calvin stirred at that. "Hee-hee, died first. – Whoa, what –**Oh,**... I'm back here."

"Welcome back." said Umbridge, snidely. "Now that you're here, shall we continue?"

"Yeah, whatever." Calvin grumbled. "Where were we?"

"We were just stating that you cannot possibly be a wizard, Mr. Mitchell."

"Is that so?" Calvin snarled. "Well, if I'm not a wizard, explain to me how I am able to do this!" As they all watched, Calvin shape-shifted into a deinonycus. Umbridge's eyes widened in surprise, Yaxley's face melted into a grimacing sneer, Mafalda looked paler than ever but didn't really show any surprise.

The dinosaur glared back at them savagely. His giant claws tapped angrily against the stone floor as a reptilian hiss leaked from between all of his serrated teeth. In the blink of an eye, he was Calvin again. "How do ya like them apples, huh? I'd like to see some run-of-the-mill muggle pull that off!"

"Obviously, that is a talent you acquired from whoever's magic you stole." Umbridge muttered darkly.

"Y'know, for someone who tried so hard to deny Voldemort's return to power, you seem to be having _pret_ty good time under his regime." said Calvin. Umbridge fumed at his remark.

"We've indulged this one long enough." Yaxley spat. "this court finds the defendant guilty! You will be taken to Azkaban at once."

"Guilty of what?!" Calvin screamed. "Of existing?! You have no right to do this – absolutely no right! You think your precious magic makes you so special, like you're some superior being but you're not! You're just human – we're all human, we're all the same, whether people realize it or not and we should all be treated the same regardless of who we are or where we come from or whether we can use magic or not!"

"Hm, amusing!" said Yaxley, pompously. "But you see, we _are_ different! We are wizards. We have power the muggle filth do not have. And that power, by right, makes us superior to the other rabble that populate the world. The muggles are an inferior, insignificant breed. They do not possess the abilities we do. As such, they are no better than the mangy beast of the field."

"And you know what the sad truth is?" said Calvin. "I often wish I was an animal. I've found time and time again that animals have much better qualities than humans. Animals aren't judgmental or critical, they just try and stay out of each others way. And when animals do kill, it's for one of two reasons: either to eat or to keep from being eaten. Animals know nothing of anger, hatred or malice; they only destroy life in oder to sustain life."

a slapping sound was coming from somewhere. Calvin looked over to Umbridge to see that she was clapping her hands together. "What a touching and heart-felt performance." she said, mockingly. "But I'm afraid it will avail you nothing. Your sentence still stands, a lifetime in Azkaban. Or, if you resist, you will suffer the dementor's kiss, in which case you will go to Azkaban as a guard. Either way, you can kiss your freedom goodbye."

"Is that so?" Calvin snarled. "Well _YOU_ can kiss _MY_ –"

But at that moment, a brilliant white light flooded the room, startling everyone with its blinding rays. When the light subsided, the chair was empty. Calvin Mitchell was gone.


	15. Friends in High Places

"GONE!" Umbridge screamed, her bulbous eyes stared in shock at the empty chair. "He's gone, the little weasel just up and vanished! I had him – had him right where I wanted him _and he slipped through my fingers._"

Yaxley scoured the room, his expression sour. The Mudblood couldn't have Apparated, the entire Ministry was covered with spells to prevent that. And yet, everything he tried – every spell and charm used for revealing hidden entities confirmed that there were only three living beings in the room. Finally, he sent word to search the premises for an escaped suspect.

Umbridge was still bemoaning the loss of her prisoner when Mafalda caught her attention. "Er, Dolores,... there seems to be something on your face."

"What?!" Umbridge snapped her head around to Mafalda. The force of the motion sent a piece of paper flapping about. She pulled the paper off her face; it appeared to be some kind of note, which read. "To Mr. Yaxley, Miss Mafalda and the Ungodly Abomination. (AKA: Losers) I know you all had your hearts set on carting me off to Azkaban, however, fate has seen fit to throw me a get-out-of-jail-free card and – circumstances being what they are – I've decided to take it. So I sincerely hope that you will always remember this as the day you _almost_ incarcerated Calvin Mitchell." Umbridge stared at the offensive parchment for a second before crumpling it up and throwing it aside unceremoniously. "I really hate him." She grumbled.

"Now, now, Dolores." said Yaxley confidently. "Let's not get uptight about this. After all, he won't get far without this!" He brandished Calvin's wand which, with a slight flick, exploded with a resounding squawk. There, where the wand had just been, was an erect rubber chicken who's neck flopped over feebly. On the chicken's breast was a large maroon W, next to which were the words _easley izard eases _stacked atop each other.

Then Yaxley saw the chicken's beak which had some sort of rolled up parchment in it. Unraveled, the roll read _Oh please, did you honestly think I'd be stupid enough to surrender my REAL wand?!_

Yaxley threw the rubber chicken against the wall. "Well played, Mitchell." he said in a bitter tone "Well played."

* * *

"Hey!" Calvin demanded. "What the crap is goin' on here?!" he glared up at the three prosecutors who sat staring back; oddly, not one of them were moving. "I'm still here, y'know!" he tried again, the figures still remained stationary. "Hellooooo... somebody care to explain this?... Huh, anyone?... _Stop ignoring me!!_"

At length, he would have to concede that they were incapable of hearing him. The three of them merely sat staring forward wearing expressions of confusion at the the strange light that had appeared. Turning his head, he could see that even the dementors had been rendered immobile.

Calvin became fed up. So, concentrating on his arms, he caused them to change to his animagus form. One thing he had noticed in his previous stint as a deinonycus was that their wrists were quite a bit slimmer than human ones. So by causing only his arms to change, he was able to slip them out from the manacles that bound him. Once his arms were free, it was only a matter of fishing out his wand and casting a spell that set his feet free as well.

"Woops, look what I did." he said boldly to the unmoving figures. They still didn't respond. Perplexed, Calvin strode up to the very front of the balustrade, right up to Umbridge's wrinkled mug.

Her face showed the same smug, dominating presence Calvin had come to associate with her; there was no loss of intelligence in her eyes, yet she made not one move as Calvin approached her. He waved his hand in front of her face, no response. He made faces and blew raspberries at her, she didn't flinch. He turned away then quickly spun back yelling a loud _WHOA!_ In her face, it rendered the same result.

Obviously, something beyond either of them was transpiring here. Why was he free to move while everyone else had been immobilized? Immobilized, say they really were immobilized, weren't they? That would mean that they'd be unable to respond to any of his actions.

He pondered this thought with a fiendish expression. He curled his fingers one by one into a fist, taking aim at Umbridge's face, he swung back and...

"If you are going to come, we don't have all day." The voice caught Calvin off guard. His swing missed Umbridge entirely, causing him to fall square on his face. He quickly turned to where the voice had come from. There in the middle of the room stood a creature about three feet tall with a mass of short tentacles where feet would normally be and a single eye in the middle of its face. It had no arms and its body was clad in a sort of silver sleeve as well as a long pointed cap on its head, both of which were embellished with a five pointed star.

"What the... Galaxoid?" Calvin stammered.

"It is good to see you again, Supreme Earth Potentate." the alien responded.

* * *

"Okay, I know you're making this up!" Susie exclaimed.

"_I am not_." Calvin said in a hurt voice "This really happened, I level with you one hundred percent!"

"Yeah, right! You're telling me that just as you're about to be taken away to prison, time froze and an alien appeared to you?!"

"Truth is stranger than fiction." said Calvin, smugly.

Susie gave a slight chuckle, rolling her eyes. "Whatever you say, Calvin; I hardly believe in extra-terrestrials."

"True." Calvin mused. "But on the other hand, when you came over this evening, you didn't believe in wizards either."

Susie looked down to see that the seat she sat in was levitating. "Touché." she said. "Alright, so what happened next?"

* * *

Calvin stared fixedly at the creature. It was – without question – the very same alien who had landed in Calvin's backyard ten years earlier with which Calvin had struck a bargain to sell the Earth for fifty alien tree leaves. (You would have to be there to understand the circumstances.)

"Galaxoid..." Calvin stammered. "um... what are you doing here?"

"Rescuing you, of course." the little alien stated, nonplussed.

"Really?" Calvin was intrigued. "So, I'm guessing you also have something to do with this." he gestured toward the three unmoving figures.

"Oh that. That is simply the result of a temporal displacement array."

"Ah. Knew it had to be something like that." Calvin stated, though he really didn't.

"Well," Galaxoid went on. "if you are ready to go, our spaceship is standing by."

"Wait, wait, wait just a moment." Calvin said, eagerly. He grabbed a piece of paper from off the balustrade, hastily wrote his note of farewell then licked the parchment and stuck it onto Umbridge's fat forehead. For a brief moment, he played again with the idea of slugging Umbridge but then dismissed it.

"Okay, let's go." he said.

Galaxoid touched a tentacle to the star embellishing the sleeve the alien wore. "Two to beam up, Scotty!"

* * *

The next thing Calvin knew was first, it got real hot, then, he seemed to explode from the inside out; he then had a feeling of weightlessness, and then, an electric jolt rocked him to the core. And then, it all stopped. He looked around him; the room he was in was pretty dark lit all around by soft toned, neon like lights of various colors. There was a large, round disk of white light which he was currently standing on.

As he got familiar with his surroundings, he realized he was trembling all over from head to toe.

Beaming up, he decided, was definitely not his new favorite pastime.

"It does take some getting used to." Galaxoid said, seeming to read Calvin's thoughts. "And now, if you'll follow me..."

Calvin followed the alien out through the only door of the room, down a long corridor lit by white lights in the ceiling every few feet. At length, they reached the end of the corridor where a single door stood. The door opened as they approached, revealing a second alien. This new appearance looked almost exactly like Galaxoid – except where the former wore stars, this one wore crescent moons and a very cross expression.

"Galaxoid, for the love of Kreshnal, stop calling me _SCOTTY!_"

"Nebular!" Calvin exclaimed. "How's it goin' there, buddy?"

"I am well, Calvin Mitchell." Nebular said, being fumbled out of his tirade by Calvin's greeting.

"Great! So is this your cockpit, then? Whoa!" Calvin rushed passed the aliens into the awaiting room. A long, blank, silver dashboard curved about the front of the cockpit. In the middle of this dashboard, sat another white disk of light; this one, however, emitted a holographic projection of the planet Earth. On the image, right over the United Kingdom, a little yellow dot stood blinking. Calvin surmised that this was an indicator of where on the planet their ship was positioned.

Looking out the ship's wide viewing port, Calvin saw the buildings and streets of London. Cars drove by and pedestrians walked about as if it was common place for an alien spacecraft to be sitting parked on the streets like an everyday, run-of-the-mill vehicle.

This perplexed Calvin.

"So, um..." he began. "this may seem like a stupid question, but why don't any of the humans notice a giant spaceship in the middle of London?"

"Naturally," Galaxoid stated "all our vessels come with the most advanced form of cloaking technology."

"In addition," Nebular chimed in. "we also come equipped with the latest in optic camouflage." As the aliens spoke, Calvin noticed that they seemed to be getting taller. Looking down, he saw that part of the floor was rising. Galaxoid and Nebular were seated in what Calvin assumed were chairs of some sort. They looked like the bottom halves of those plastic Easter eggs his mom always got floating in the air.

In another second, the blank silver dashboard was alight with electric red lights forming strange outlines and intricate designs.

Calvin assumed these must have been the controls.

His assumption was confirmed when Galaxoid touched the space within one of the outlines and the engines hummed to life.

"Are you ready to depart?" Galaxoid asked Calvin.

"You bet!" he said. "Let's hit the road!... er, sky .. or whatever."

another light was touched and Calvin was propelled straight out the open door and straight down the corridor. _"ow"_ he mumbled, feebly.

"Nebular," Galaxoid snapped "didn't you check to make sure his safety reflectors were activated?!"

"I... assumed they were." Nebular responded.

"How could they be? He doesn't know anything about how this ship works!"

"And am _I_ supposed to do it _for_ him, then?!"

"_Am I supposed to do it_ – Of COURSE you're supposed to do it for him!"

When Calvin managed to clamor back into the cockpit, Galaxoid and Nebular were still having their shouting match; though by now, they had traveled off the subject of Calvin's well being and had delved into matters so trivial, Calvin didn't even want to know what they meant.

"Jeez, you guys," he said. "you two are acting like an old, married couple."

"_Hmph, funny thing about that_." grumbled Nebular.

Calvin's eyes went wide. "Wait,... you don't mean..."

"Yes." Galaxoid cut in. "One hundred and thirty two cycles it's been; and you know, he still forgets our anniversary."

"_That only happened ONCE!_ Confound it woman, stop digging up the past, let it _go_ already!"

"_What, 'woman'?_... Oooooh" Calvin sighed "_I was about to say_ – Whoa wait a minute! Back up. Are you saying that Galaxoid is... _female?_"

"Of course..." Galaxoid turned to face him. "Could you not tell?"

"Well yeah!... I mean _nooooo_ – I mean, um... it's kinda hard to – how should I put this? – it's difficult for me to... I mean you guys are... so... see, the thing is... it's just, it's... Uuuuummm... Sooooooo, how did you know I was in trouble?"

"Ah!" spoke Nebular. "That is a most curious tale. It begins when we were coming into a high orbit around the planet.

"All of a sudden, this strange, white... mist comes shooting up right at us."

"Naturally, we assumed we were under attack." added Galaxoid.

"Naturally! So we set up all our defenses – all our shields, every force field – as you Earthlings say, the whole enchilada! But you know what? That mist, it just slipped right through them all."

"Like they weren't there." Galaxoid emphasized.

"Now this is were it gets really curious." Nebular continued. "Once the mist entered the cabin, it shaped itself into the form of a Lepus Europaeus."

Calvin was confused. "A what?" he asked, blankly.

"A Lepus Europaeus." Nebular repeated.

"... What is that? Some sort of foreign cheese product?"

Galaxoid sighed, exasperatedly. "Show him, Nebular."

Nebular touched a couple of light controls and the holographic image of the Earth disappeared and was immediately replaced by a new image.

"Oh," Calvin said. "it's a rabbit. Why don't you just _say_ rabbit?"

"Anyway," Nebular continued, "this apparition opened its mouth and said, in an airy, dream like voice, 'friend Calvin Mitchell has been captured. Any who can, please help.'"

"Ah," Calvin smiled to himself; it seemed his patronus had gotten through after all. He had never seen Luna cast a patronus before, but the way Nebular described the voice, it would almost certainly have to be hers. Good 'ol Luna, he knew he could count on her; though how her patronus had managed to fly all the way into outer space was still a mystery.

"and we had a scan of your DNA from when we first met, so it was a relatively simple task of tracking down your whereabouts."

"Wait, you _scanned_ me?" Calvin was perplexed... and a little weirded out.

"That is standard procedure when making first contact with an alien race." Galaxoid explained.

"Hmm, I guess that makes sense... in a weird way. So that's it, then? That's how you found me?"

"Essentially." Galaxoid stated. "But it begs the question: Why, exactly, were you captured in the first place?"

"Well, were kinda at, y'know, war."

"_WAR?!_" the two aliens said in amazement.

"Uh huh, yeah this seriously bad dude named Volemort got a little too big for his britches and he – did you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"... It sounded like a couple of popping sounds... sort of like somebody..." Cautiously, Calvin crept to the door of the cabin. Peering out, he saw two men standing at the end of the hall who hadn't been there previously.

"There!" one of the men yelled, brandishing his wand.

"Yikes!" Calvin exclaimed as he ducked his head inside mere seconds before the spell sailed trough the air where his head had just been. "Close the door!" he shouted.

"Close the door!" Galaxoid repeated.

"Closing." Nebular stated.

The two Death Eaters charged forward, determined to apprehend the one who had violated the taboo on their lord's name. They were rewarded for their determination by taking a metal door to the face.

"That's gonna leave a bruise." one of them said, massaging his forehead.

They both turned around at hearing a strange whizzing sound behind them. Floating in the air was a strange metal sphere. It was silver in color save for a fine black line separating the bottom third of the device – which seemed to be spinning – from the rest of it. And in the middle of the sphere was a bright, circular red light beneath which was a smaller blue light.

The device sat there, bobbing about like a buoy in the water turning to face each of the trespassers in turn.

"You should know that where we come from, stowaways are never – under any circumstance – tolerated." Nebular's voice emanated from the sphere, addressing the two Death Eaters "I do not know how the two of you got on this vessel, but it would be in your best interest to leave the way you came!"

"We are here to apprehend that fugitive you are harboring." the larger and hardier of the Death Eaters stated. "He violated the taboo placed upon the name of the Dark Lord. Turn him over, and we'll be on our way."

"Or you could get off this ship now and save yourselves a lot of frustration." Nebular countered.

"In the name of the Dark Lord Voldemort, we demand that you turn the fugitive over to us!"

"We do not know your Dark Lord, nor will we allow you to take the boy."

"Either you turn him over, or we'll come in there and take him by _force!_"

"I'd like to see you try."

"Alright, I will!" He spun on the spot and disapparated. In a split second, he reappeared pressed hard against the door that separated them from Calvin and the aliens. He tried again with similar results. He backed up a bit and tried again... and again... and again. He rubbed his jaw for hitting it into the door so many times.

"Are you going to try that again?" Nebular's voice asked from the device.

"... Probably."

"Well for your information, the door you are trying to break through has shields installed to prevent molecular transport from passing through.

"And even if you were able to penetrate our shield, this cockpit has a vast array of weapons all activated. The instant you were to set foot in here, they would all lock on to your position and you would instantly be blasted to smithereens."

"Ha!" Calvin's voice called out. "Y'hear that, _losers!_Try and take me now; I _dare_ ya! Neener, neener, neener..."

"_Listen, I'll handle this. Go stare at the lights or something._"

"You can't stay in there forever, we can wait."

"Ah, but you can't stay _out there_ forever either. And we can wait too."

"Be reasonable." the Death Eater pleaded. "The kid you're protecting is a criminal. Let us have him so justice can be dealt to him.

"Intriguing." Nebular mused. "The way I understand it is that he is a fugitive from a corrupt government. I, for one, feel much more just in keeping him safe from the likes of you."

By now, the Death Eater's temper was at an end. Roaring in fury, he pounded his fist against the door.

"Forget about bringing him in! As soon as I get through this door, I'm going to kill each and every one of you! Ya hear me?! I'll kill you all!!"

"Is that a fact?" Nebular said, ever so calmly. "In that case, I feel no qualms whatsoever about doing this." An electric blue beam shot out from the blue light set in the sphere, hitting the Death Eater square in the back causing him to topple over backwards, laying motionless.

The second Death Eater stared wide eyed and open mouthed at what had befallen his comrade. Then the spherical device rounded on him. "Would you like to comment on this?!" it demanded.

"Uuuummm..." the Death Eater stalled, his eyes darting about. "... He... got what he deserved?"

"That's right! Now for the final time, _GET_ – _OFF_ – _THIS_ – _SHIP!_"

The Death Eater did not hesitate to comply.

* * *

"So now we have a dead Death Eater in our midst." Calvin said, observing the motionless body on the floor.

"No." said Galaxoid "He is merely unconscious. We will revive him in time.

"Of course by then, we will have decided what to do with him." Nebular added.

"We could always toss him overboard!" said Calvin, fiendishly.

"That would kill him!!" Nebular gasped.

"How long would he stay in this condition?" Calvin nudged the man with his foot.

"Until we revived him." Galaxoid responded.

"Which means he would be unconscious when he died – so he wouldn't feel a thing!"

"I am not at all comfortable with the idea of deliberately taking another's life." Nebular protested.

"What? You, yourself once threatened to wage war with us!" countered Calvin.

"It is possible to wage war without killing." answered Nebular, stubbornly.

"Yeah, maybe in La-la Land or wherever you guys come from."

"Roswell." said Galaxoid.

Calvin looked at her quizzically. "You guys came from New Mexico?"

"No, Roswell is the name of our planet. It's not our fault you people gave a place on your planet the exact same name."

"Well," Nebular cut in. "I think we ought to return this man to his home."

"If we do that, he'll continue to go on being a sadistic murdering nut-case!"

"Good point." said Galaxoid.

"Alright, so we modify his memory and give him a new lifestyle; How do think he would do as a Scandinavian fishmonger?"

"Or wait, how about a Scottish-born rodeo clown in Arizona?"

"That has possibilities. What do you think?"

"Don't look at me, I'm still voting we chuck him out the window."

"Well," Galaxoid went on. "I suppose we'll have to figure out the specifics when we do the procedure."

"_**Yeah.**_" Calvin grumbled. "... Say, if the three of us standing here, deliberating on this man's fate, then... who's piloting the ship?"

The two alien's eyes went wide for a second before they both scrambled back to their chairs incredibly fast for two people with no legs.

"So," Galaxoid said as she returned to her seat. "If we're going to modify his memory, you know what that means."

"I believe I do." Nebular answered.

"Nebular, set course for... the Lab."

* * *

"And here we are!" Galaxoid exuberantly proclaimed some time later.

"Zzzzz... – Huh, wha – ?"

"We've arrived, Calvin Mitchell." Nebular explained. "There, see?"

Calvin looked out the windshield in the direction Nebular pointed. There, nestled among the clouds, was a structure that resembled a giant, silver gyro-top spinning around completely unconcerned with the world around it.

"Cool." Calvin breathed. "So... what is this place, exactly?"

"As we said before, this is one of our research facilities."

"I see. So what do you do here?"

"What do people do in laboratories? We research, we experiment, we uncover the secrets of the universe and what makes things work the way they do. We do it all in the name of science!"

"Alright, I get it already. Sheesh..." Calvin's eyes caught sight of the holographic globe and the position of the yellow dot on it. "That's interesting..." He said.

"Forgive me, but what is interesting?" Nebular asked.

"Well, if I'm reading this map right, your little research facility is right smack-dab in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle."

The two aliens turned to face him with expressions that clearly stated "_Huh?_"

"The Bermuda Triangle." Calvin explained. "It's this weird anomaly where a lot of strange things have happened.

"Ship's captains have reported compasses doing weird things, instruments going haywire, abnormal weather patterns; an entire squadron of warplanes up 'n disappeared inside the Triangle! And you guys went and built your lab... right... in the... middle... of it."

"Yes, well... science has it's price." Galaxoid stated.

"... _Riiiiight. _So you say this is just one of your labs, right? So you have more of 'em?"

"Affirmative." Nebular answered "We have several stations set up all across the galaxy."

"Really. Any others in this solar system?"

"Only one other." Nebular pointed to the holograph which zoomed out to display the entire solar system "And it's right here on Roxtraal."

"That's Jupiter." Calvin corrected.

"A sissy human word, if I ever heard one."

"Uh,... _right._"

"Anyway, it's located right around here." Nebular indicated the place on the holographic image. Calvin took a closer look.

"What the – you guys built a lab in Jupiter's red spot?! Didn't you realize you were building it inside a gigantic storm?!"

"Well, it wasn't there when we built it."

Calvin took a moment to process this new information. "I need to sit down." he finally said.

"Hold that thought." said Galaxoid. All of a sudden, Calvin once again felt the unnerving, explosive feeling as the entire ship was beamed into the laboratory. "Okay, now you can sit down."

* * *

"That sounds really uncomfortable." Susie said.

"Uuuuh – _yeah!_" Calvin responded.

"Just how many times were you teleported, exactly?"

"More than I would have liked."

"There weren't any adverse effects, were there?" she asked, concerned.

"Well, it sure changed the way I look at microwaves."

"I see... So what did you finally do with the Death Eater? Did you modify his memory?"

"Oh sure! The entire operation went off without a hitch. When we dropped him off, he had a new identity of and a new profession of sculpting coconuts."

What Calvin didn't know was that, in a spout of irony, he was killed two weeks later during a Death Eater raid.

"So what did you do next?"

"Well obviously, our next course of action was to find Hobbes and Ursula..."

* * *

"Now you're sure you can locate Hobbes?" Calvin asked the aliens, uncertainly.

"Absolutely." Nebular answered. "He was with you when we first met, so when we scanned your DNA, we also scanned his as well."

"So it is just a matter of tracking his whereabouts in the same manner we tracked yours." Galaxoid elaborated.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting _bang _like cannon fire rocked through the cabin. "What was that?" Calvin found it difficult to keep the worry out of his voice.

"Our engine ruptured." Galaxoid said.

Calvin stared at her, incredulous. "You're taking this remarkably calmly." he stated.

"There is no need to be concerned, Calvin Mitchell. Our vessel has several engines for this exact purpose. So if one engine fails, we can still remain in airborne." No sooner had she spoken then a second explosion sounded. Then another, and another.

"Just how many engines does this ship _have_?" Calvin asked.

"At the moment, none."

"Typical." Nebular grumbled. "Always the day _after_ the warranty expires."

"Um, _can we be concerned now?_"

"Yes, Calvin Mitchell. Now we may be concerned."

* * *

Three minutes and one spectacular crash-landing later, Calvin pulled himself from the wrecked spacecraft, dazed and more then slightly confused.

"Are you unhurt, Calvin Mitchell?" a concerned Galaxoid inquired.

"I'm fine." Calvin said as he shakily pulled himself up and nearly toppled over. "Absolutely peachy! Never been better – well, I probably have been better but I'm fine. I really am, why do you all keep looking at me?"

"I cannot find Nebular." the little alien stated. "I've searched all over the crash site. He's nowhere to be found."

"We should split up." Calvin slurred. "We'll cover more ground that way."

"... Yes, yes I believe that would be the best course of action."

"Right! So... three of you go that way and the other three go... the other way; and the rest of you, come with me!" Calvin started meandering off, lumbering about like a drunken orangutan with a concussion.

"... on second thought, maybe we shouldn't split up." Galaxoid stated.

* * *

"It's no use, Galaxoid." Calvin said after some time. "We've been searching all day, Nebular's nowhere to be found."

"Are you certain? By my calculations, we've only been searching for five minutes." said Galaxoid.

"Really? Seems like six."

"I must admit, though, I am getting concerned. Suppose he's injured, What will we do?"

"I don't know! Let me think of something." He roughly shoved his hands into his pockets where one of them made contact with his wand. "... Hmm, I wonder..." He pulled out his wand and, with a flourish, bellowed "_Accio Nebular_!"

Nothing happened.

"Have you any other ideas?" Galaxoid asked, a little franticly.

"Well, that was a bit of a long shot." Calvin tried to console her. " I mean, that spell is really for summoning inanimate objects, it was really unlikely that it would summon a living organism. But it was worth a tr –" Something large, and not too light spontaneously walloped Calvin in the back of his head ,knocking him over, then toppled to the ground.

"Nebular!" Galaxoid exclaimed, dashing over to her mate and cloistering him in a tight embrace – well, as much of an embrace as someone without arms can accomplish. "Where have you been?!" She demanded facing him squarely in the eye. "We've been looking all over for you!"

"I was out scouting around the area to determine where we are."

It's hard to say exactly how Nebular expected Galaxoid to respond to this answer; but launching into a tirade probably wasn't how.

"WHAT?! _'Scouting around'_?! _What do you mean_ 'SCOUTING AROUND?! Didn't you think to check with either of us before wandering off? Didn't it even occur to you that we might be worried?!"

"Uh... yes, in retrospect, that probably would have been the better course of action."

"'PROBABLY'?! There's no _'probably'_ about it! Do you have any idea what your absence put us through?! What you put _ME_ through?!"

"I'm fine, thanks. No need to concern yourselves with little ol' me." Calvin grumbled with bitter sarcasm as he once again pulled himself onto his feet.

Either the aliens hadn't heard him, or they ignored him. "Well, I hope you at least discovered something _useful_ on your little outing!" Galaxoid seethed.

"Indeed I have!" Nebular responded. "Through my reconnaissance, I have determined our current location. And we are in –"

"Florida." said Calvin, massaging his head where Nebular had landed on him.

Nebular looked at him in astonishment. "That's right. How did you know?"

"Oh, simple deduction, really... I knew we had to be somewhere in close proximity to the Bermuda Triangle and one of the points of the Triangle is Miami. Aside from that, there's the humidity in this area, the scent of oranges in the air, oh, and that sign over there says seventy miles to Tallahassee."

"Er, right." Nebular seemed to blush slightly. "Well, now that we've established our location, I suppose we ought to figure a way back to the station."

Calvin gave a tremendous yawn. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but _I'm_ tired." he took a long look at the darkening sky toward the horizon of the setting sun. "Whatever our next course of action, I'm sure it can wait until morning."

With that, he hunkered down on the earthy floor and barely registered one of his companions saying 'Goodnight' before drifting off into deep slumber.


	16. Moving Forward, Looking Back

Nebular stretched out as he awoke the next morning, refreshed and ready to take on the day. Turning, he caught sight of Calvin crouching no more than three feet away from him.

"Good morning, Calvin Mitchell." he greeted. Calvin didn't respond. "What is to be our course of action today?" he tried again, still no response; Calvin simply sat there, stone faced with a hard expression on his face. "Is – is anything the matter?"

Calvin didn't move for a long time; when he finally spoke, there was a bitter edge to his voice. "It would appear that our descent from the sky last night attracted some undesirable attention."

Nebular looked at him, perplexed. "Listen." Calvin said to him. So Nebular did listen and what he heard filled him with grief.

Several voices – human voices – were talking not too far away. Some of them spoke worriedly, some excitedly and others simply amusedly. But they were all mumbling in low whispers.

"They found your spaceship." Calvin stated, sourly. _Of course they found it._ He berated himself. You'd have to be blind _and_ deaf to have missed the crash that transpired last night. And if they _were_ noticed, then of _course_ some dunderheads would come to investigate. Calvin took a moment to curse humanity's naturally curious nature then went back to kicking himself.

How could he have been so careless? He saw for himself that the vessels cloaking technology had failed after the crash; he looked right at it and saw it sitting there plain as day – a great, silver beast laying wounded and beaten in dirt – but he had been so flipped out from the crash that it hadn't registered properly.

Now they were caught. He knew it was only a matter of time before the intruders came around and discover them. He knew that if these people were to discover real, live aliens in their midst, the government would haul them away to perform experiments on them to find out what exactly they were. And if Galaxoid and Nebular were taken away, how would the other aliens retaliate? Would they interpret it as a declaration of war? One way or another, Calvin had to do something. His mind raced furiously; what _could_ he do?

"Nebular, I have an idea." he told the little alien. "Now, you and Galaxoid are gonna have to do _exactly_ as I say..."

* * *

The small crowd gathered around the broken spacecraft chattered excitedly to each other in muted undertones. Many exclamations were thrown about from the onlookers.

"Cool!"

"Weird."

"What is it?"

"Do you think it's real?"

"I dare ya to touch it."

"Where did it come from."

"We oughtta call Ripley's!"

"That thing might be dangerous. We should call the police!"

"No, we should call the FBI!"

"Maybe we'll get to meet Mulder and Scully!"

"Hey guys,... I think you should see this."

Tentatively, the crowd gathered to where one wiry, pale young man stood looking beyond a patch of shrubbery. As they looked past the leafy greens, the crowd took a collective gasp. Two little monsters were plodding about right out in the open. Nobody in the crowd had ever see anything like these abominations before; but one thing was certain, they did _not _come from God's green earth.

"That's it! I'm calling the Feds!" one man stated, aggressively. He whipped out his cell phone and began dialing. He didn't get halfway through when a voice cried out.

"And, _cut!_" The creatures stopped moving abruptly as a tall, spiky haired youth strolled out onto the scene just as casually as you please. "Alright. That was a good take, absolutely perfect. But next time, I wanna see a little more oomph! Y'know? More emotion in the dialog! A bigger sense of futility and hopelessness at the predicament. Alright, let's pack –" Calvin looked at the crowd as if he had only just noticed them. "Oh, hi... Um, could you all back off a bit? We're trying to film, here."

"Wha – what's going on here?" the wiry young man asked.

"What's it look like?" Calvin answered. "We're making a film."

"A film?" the crowd moved further into the clearing as two more young men came into view; one of them held a camcorder in his hand while the other was fiddling with some strange box-shaped remote control devise.

"Yeah." Calvin said. "Kinda cliché sci fi stuff – a couple of aliens crash land on Earth and they have to figure out how to get back to their home world while remaining undiscovered by the humans."

"Oh, you mean like for You Tube, or something?"

"Uh yeah,... You Tube, right."

"But, the aliens..." Someone in the crowd said. "Are you telling me they're..."

"Animatronic." Calvin responded. "Animated completely from yonder remote control. Hey Joe, why don't we give 'em a little demonstration... say, have the one with the star make an about-face and wave to the crowd." Immediately after he spoke, the boy with the remote turned a few dials and the one alien turned around and moved one of its tentacles in a motion that was most definitely a wave.

"Wow, that's... very realistic."

"I try." Calvin said.

"But, the spaceship!" the man with the cell phone protested. "What about that?!"

"Oh ya like it? I've been working on that for months."

"So,... it's just a prop?"

"Yep."

"Uh, well it... looks... very realistic. I could almost swear it was real."

"Hey thanks! That's about the best compliment a guy could get!"

"Now wait a minute!..." someone shoved their way to the front of the crowd. "What about the crash?!"

"What crash?"

"The crash that happened last night! I definitely saw something otherworldly fall from the sky yesterday evening!"

"Oh, that... well you remember the ship? Yes, well we didn't build it in it's crashed state."

"So wait," the wiry youth said. "You built a full scale spacecraft – then purposely crashed it?!"

"Well yeah, none of us are particularly skilled with computer graphics and the best way to get a convincing shot of a broken spaceship – sans CG – is to actually crash one."

The boy looked at Calvin incredulously. "... Who are you?" he asked.

"Just a guy who's really into cinematography."

"... Okay, cool... So, when will this film of yours be finished?"

"Well it's hard to say. Y'know, we're all doing this in our spare time and we all have different schedules; so finding a time that everyone can make it to is kinda difficult."

"I see, well d'you mind if we watch you film?"

"I'm afraid we're finished for the day. And even if we did continue filming, I'd rather not have people watching. No offense, I just concentrate better without an audience."

"... Uh, okay... so,... later, I guess."

And with that, the group disbanded with much grumbling and disappointed murmurs.

"... Okay, they're gone." Calvin said. Galaxoid and Nebular both slumped forward heaving relieved sighs from holding still so long.

"We are fortunate that your clever rouse convinced those onlookers." Nebular said to Calvin

Calvin snorted. "We're fortunate that we were discovered by a bunch of morons!" he growled as he waved his wand over the two other boys who changed back into shrubberies.

* * *

"Hey, hold on a second!" Susie snapped suddenly.

"What?" Calvin asked.

"You – you had been using magic!" she sounded almost accusing.

"Uh... _yeah!_ That's what wizards do."

"Yes but,... isn't that how you were caught in the first place? From using magic underage?"

Calvin shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe their jurisdiction doesn't reach to the states, maybe the American wizards have different standards about underage magic. At any rate it doesn't matter much, since I was seventeen when this took place."

Susie stared at him, mouth agape. "Whatayou mean you were _seventeen?!_ Just the day before you got caught because you were underage! Are you telling me you aged two weeks in one day?!"

"Yes, didn't I tell you this?"

"_No!_"

"Oh, guess I didn't. Well, remember that temporal displacement field that allowed me to escape in the first place?" Susie nodded her ascent. "Well, while the Death Eater was having his life rearranged, Galaxoid set up one of those fields around one particular room which I stayed in. See, while you're in the displacement field, you continue aging the way you normally would. So while two hours went by outside the room, I had aged two weeks – therefor, a fully fledged wizard."

"Wow," Susie mused. "... Why _didn't_ you mention it earlier?"

Calvin shrugged "It seemed trivial and I wanted to get to the exciting stuff, I guess."

* * *

"Alright," Calvin turned about, suddenly business like. "now we have two major problems facing us. First, we have to do something with _that_" he pointed toward the downed spacecraft. "so it doesn't attract any more attention. Second, we have to figure out a way to get back to Great Brittan."

Galaxoid pressed the star on her sleeve and several electric lights shot from all over the ship. In a spectacle he would not soon forget, Calvin saw the alien vessel implode on itself leaving nothing behind, save a few bits of metallic gravel. "One down." Galaxoid said, cheekily.

"I really liked that ship." Nebular moped.

"Oh, grow up!"

"Uh... Ooookayyy..." Calvin looked away, trying with all his effort to forget what he had just seen. It was then that his stomach gave a loud and unceremonious growl. "Oi," he moaned. "Okay, you two stay here. I'm gonna see if I can swindle us some breakfast." and he strolled off into the underbrush.

It might have been an hour that the aliens waited for Calvin to return. They turned suddenly at the sound of movement through the forest. "Have you found sustenance?" Nebular asked as Calvin walked into the clearing.

"Well, I was able to scrape a few oranges." Calvin replied tossing one to each of his companions. The two aliens went after the fruits with gusto.

"Mmph." Galaxoid winced. "I find it hard to believe you Earthlings eat these things. They taste awfully... odd."

"Well, you _are_ supposed to take the peel _off_ first." Calvin explained.

"Oh,... yes, that must be it."

"I like the peel." Nebular said. "It's chewy."

"Uh huh." Calvin and Galaxoid both looked at him with looks of uncertainty. "Hey guys," Calvin said. "Hypothetical question: Suppose someone – _who will remain unnamed_ – saw somebody throwing a, an... item... into the garbage, and decided it was an item he could use so he took it. Would you consider that... bad?"

The aliens thought for a moment. "Well, if it was thrown away, the owner obviously had no use for it." Galaxoid answered.

"It isn't stealing if nobody wants it." Nebular amended.

"Oh, good!" Calvin produced two objects from behind his back and laid them on the forest floor.

Galaxoid looked at the objects, uncertainly. "Um, exactly what are these?" she asked.

"_This_" Calvin pointed his wand and the two items moved together, fusing into a single piece. "is a surfboard."

"I see, and what is its purpose?"

"Usually, it's a way for people to waste time in the ocean. But _this_ one is going to get us out of here."

"And how is it going to do that?"

"Simple." Calvin answered. With a swish and a flick and a _'Wingardium Leviosa'_, the surfboard rose into the air. "Hey, it worked." Calvin exclaimed as he hopped onto it. "Get on guys."

"I don't want to get on _that!_" Nebular protested. "You just pulled it out of the _garbage!_"

"Alright, you big baby! Scurgify!" Trillions of sud bubbles exploded from his wand tip, swarming over the board and leaving it sparkling. "There, all clean! Now will you get on!"

* * *

It was a pleasant day on the beach. The sun was bright and shining, the waves swelled and billowed in boisterous content. All around locals and tourists alike frolicked in the sands, played in the surf, soaked up the sun and generally enjoyed themselves.

But amid all the merriment, if the people would listen carefully, they could almost swear that a whispering voice was emanating from some unseen source. If they paid particular attention, they'd almost be certain it sounded like it was arguing with someone – or some_thing_. Indeed, if they were paying attention, they'd almost be able to hear the first voice saying that there wasn't enough room and then hear a second voice respond that the first voice should scootch over just a _smidgen_ because it was uncomfortable. The first voice would then repeat that there wasn't enough room to move over _to_. And then they would here a third voice telling the first two to shut up because there were people around and they might be overheard.

They were a fair distance out to sea before Calvin decided they were far enough away that he could lift the Disillusionment Charm that concealed the aliens and himself.

"Are we allowed to speak now?" Nebular asked, disgruntled.

"Yes," Calvin said. "I thing we should be out of hearing range for anyone other than Superman."

"Good. Galaxoid, move over."

"_No!_"

"Just a tad?"

"_Absolutely not!_"

"_Hey_, don't make me turn this board around!"

"Well, _he_ started it."

"I don't care _who_ started it! _I'll_ finish it!"

They blew along for a long long time. Calvin was constantly battling to keep concentrating on keeping the surfboard aloft. Aside from that, there was the constant boredom that even his erratic imagination couldn't battle and a scorching dryness in his throat begging to be quenched.

"This is so darn boring!" he said aloud. "I just wish something would happen."

Unfortunately, he hadn't recalled the wisdom of being careful what one wishes for.

A strong gust of wind came out of nowhere hitting the small party fast and hard, knocking them clean out of the air and plummeting into the Atlantic Ocean.

"Well, that was refreshing." Calvin said sardonically after he came gasping up for air. "Guys?" he looked around, not hearing a response from either of his companions. "Nebular?" he asked, hesitantly. "Galaxoid?" he looked around again, in desperation this time. The aliens weren't anywhere to be found. Hoping – praying he was wrong, Calvin plunged under the waves once more. He cast his eyes about, searching desperately for his friends.

After no fewer than three scans of the immediate area, he still hadn't found them. Then finally, he spied two dark, squid-like shapes far beneath him – and sinking further.

Calvin returned to the surface for a fresh lungful of air and immediately dived down again, keeping his eyes on the two shadows. He dived down; further and further, determined to reach them, forcing himself forward. But he couldn't help notice that no matter how far down he went, they weren't getting any closer. It was then that the awful truth pressed on him like the oppressive murk – they were sinking too fast. He wouldn't reach them in time.

Nearby, a dolphin swam along lazily, without a care. Once Calvin saw it, he didn't have to think. He knew instinctively that this would be the only chance any of them had for survival. Pointing his wand, he mentally screamed _IMPERIO!_

The dolphin paused for a moment, then changed its course; swimming toward the floundering aliens with blinding speed. It had reached the aliens, snapped up a tentacle from each of them in its beak, then turned and swam upward before Calvin could even blink. Calvin reached out his free hand and snagged the dolphins dorsal fin, hitching a ride as it passed.

They rocketed toward the sky – to sweet, sweet air. It was quite an unusual sight, were there any to see it – the dolphin, its tail pumping with furious determination, the two aliens, trailing helplessly from its mouth and the teen aged boy clinging vice-like to its back. With one last great surge, they breached the surface, arching over the glistening waves in a spectacle that National Geographic would have paid through the nose to have a photo of.

Calvin detached himself from the frisking dolphin after splashing down into the water again. He retrieved the aliens from the sea mammals mouth, placing them on the floating board. Galaxoid coughed and hacked, spitting water out of her mouth while Nebular's eye spun dizzyingly. Once he was certain the aliens were no longer in danger, he turned to the dolphin, releasing his hold on its mind.

The dolphin chirped happily and put on a happy display of affection before going about an its merry way.

Calvin felt content to watch the cheery dolphin swim off gracefully before turning back to his companions. "Are you two all right?" he asked.

"We are unharmed." Nebular replied.

Calvin sighed. "Why didn't you guys tell me you couldn't swim?"

"Well, we don't need to. We can walk right along the bottom."

"... **What?**"

"Yes, taking strolls along the ocean floor is a favorite pastime of ours back home."

"Whoa, waaaaiit a minute – are you telling me that you guys are _amphibious?_"

"Well,... yes I suppose so. It's just that – um,... is there anything wrong?"

The aliens watched in paralyzed silence as Calvin's skin tone flushed a brilliant shade of red. When he finally spoke, it was through tightly clenched teeth. "_Do you have any idea just how much anguish I went through right now? I went deeper into the ocean than anyone should ever have to go, I went without oxygen for an unhealthy amount of time, imagined all sorts of disastrous consequences of not reaching you, performed an __illegal __spell – all because I thought YOU TWO WERE DROWNING!!_"

The two aliens cringed under his withering gaze. "Do you two have any idea just how _ticked off_ I am with you right now?"

"Uh-h-h" Nebular stuttered. "I'm going to hazard a guess at _pretty._"

"_Yeah?_ Try _pretty darn!_" He pulled himself onto the surfboard. Galaxoid and Nebular quickly scurried to get out of his way. Calvin levitated the board into the air once again, informing the aliens that if either of them said anything it had better be because they were in imminent danger.

They rode along in silence – the aliens because they were too afraid to say anything, Calvin because he had some serious issues to contemplate.

The full realization of his actions had finally landed on him. He had performed an illegal spell – an _un_forgivable curse it was called. He recalled that the use of any of the three unforgivables would land the perpetrator a lifetime in Azkaban. On the other hand, he was a fugitive; so he would probably end up in prison anyway if he was caught. Of course, the good side would probably restore the ministry to its proper condition – but he reminded himself that that was a big _if_. Then again, if the ministry was restored and no one found out about it, he was certain there would still be the eternal consequence of his actions. But that couldn't be too bad – after all, he had used the curse to save two lives. (albeit two lives that _weren't_ in danger.) Still, it was the thought that counts – and he had used the spell with benign intents. Surely that ought to be enough to spare him from burning

Burning.

He _WAS_ burning!

In a flash, the electric fire he knew to be teleportation surged through him. The aliens on the station had detected their little party and had beamed them aboard.

Unfortunately for Calvin, the first law of physics – which states that objects in motion tend to stay in motion – came into play. He and the surfboard both plunged nosefirst into the opposing wall. Consequently, Calvin fell to the floor sputtering and swearing a number of profanities that would be better left unpublished.

"_Izzit too buch to azg for a liddle warnig bevore you do dat?!_" he demanded through the hands over his nose as he got back on his feet.

He looked angrily through his hands as one little alien approached him, mumbling in bizarre, gulping noises which Calvin had previously learned was their native language.

Nebular got to his feet, turning to Calvin. "He says that he apologizes for your incident."

_I'll bet he does._ Calvin thought bitterly. The alien continued his slurping speech.

"He says that if you'll follow him, he'll take you to have your nose repaired." Nebular continued.

"That's alright." said Calvin. "I'll take care of it." He flicked his wand at his nose. Immediately, the blood ceased flowing and his nose shaped itself into its proper shape. Calvin poked and prodded at his nose to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with it. Everything seemed in order.

He turned to see the little alien looking at him, his eye wide. After regaining his composure, he spoke something else.

Nebular translated. "He said he is pleased that your nose is no longer damaged. He would like to know if there is anything else he can do for you."

"Yeah. Tell him we need transport – and fast." Nebular turned to his colleague, relaying the message.

The alien turned around and scurried out of the room. Calvin and his friends were quick to follow.

They followed their guide down the corridors of the station. Passing by doorways with various activities going on inside them, past huge tanks with vile looking... items floating in them, moving through concourses of other aliens going about their duties and past a large, vertical, crevice-like structure where five airplanes known as TBM Avengers floated stacked over each other.

Finally, their guide brought them to a large door that opened at their approach.

"Excellent." Calvin said when he saw what was inside the door.

* * *

Daphne sat in her easy chair, reading the evening news and sipping at her coffee; quite content in the stillness of the evening. In the next room, Edward was busy typing something at his computer.

The Mitchells went about their activities, contently unaware about what was to transpire that night.

Mrs. Mitchell got up after hearing something strange from the living room. As she walked through the doorway, she had to quickly jump aside from the spell that was shot at her. Her husband dashed into the room after hearing her screams. Now it was his turn to dodge an incoming curse.

Several men, all dressed in black robes and wielding wands had invaded their home and were assaulting them. Edward quickly rushed to his wife, pulling her onto her feet and away from the intruders.

Spells fired at them from all directions as they fled. They quickly found their way impeded by the men suddenly appearing in front of them. Edward grabbed a nearby chair to fend off their attack – only to have it blown out of his hand by one spell and himself knocked off his feet with another.

Rough and ungentle hands grabbed Daphne and threw her toward the wall where Edward was recovering. The couple found themselves completely surrounded, wands pointing at them from every direction.

"Now then," a hoarse, gravely voice said to them. "You are Mr. And Mrs. Mitchell, yes?"

"Uh,... yes." Edward replied, nervously.

"Calvin Mitchell is your son?"

"Yes. Mind explaining what you're doing in our house?"

"_I'm asking the questions here!_" the man roared. "Now where is he?!"

"Where is who?" Daphne asked, timidly.

"Don't give me that! _You know who!_ Where are you hiding the mudblood felon? _Where is your son?!_"

"Please sir," Daphne pleaded. "Calvin is at school. We saw him off." For her boldness, the man slapped her across her face.

"Do you think I'm stupid?!" he demanded. "Do you think I'd be wasting my time here if your little brat was at the school?! Now, where is he?"

"If he isn't at school, we don't know where he is." Edward told him.

"_**Crucio-o-o-o!**_"

Edward doubled over in pain as the curse hit him. He writhed about like a burning serpent for a moment before the Death Eater relinquished his hold.

"Now there are two ways this can turn out." the Death Eater informed them. "On the one hand, you can refuse us the information we need; in which case, we will torture you until we no longer get enjoyment from it, then you will die in the most excruciatingly painful way possible. Or, you can cooperate with us, telling us where your son is; then we will kill you quite painlessly."

"Why are you doing this?" Daphne pleaded, her eyes leaking tears and blood trickling from her lip.

"Why? WHY?! Because your son is a fugitive! That's why!"

"I don't understand." Edward said. "What has he done?"

"Done?! He has used magic which, being the spawn of muggle swine, isn't possible. Also, he resisted arrest, disrespected authority, and escaped custody. For that, he must be punished."

"No!" Daphne gasped."

"Oh, yes!" the Death Eater grinned maliciously. "So then, where is he?"

"We haven't seen him."

"Crucio!"

"_Aaaagh!_"

"Where is your son?!"

"We don't know!"

"Crucio!... Last chance. **Where-is-he?**"

"We don't know! Honestly, we haven't seen him since the start of term."

The Death Eater strode up to Edward, pushing his ugly mug right up into his face. "... you really don't know his whereabouts?" Edward nodded in defeat. "Well, then. You are of no further use to us. _Avada_ –"

The Mitchells watched in astonishment as the Death Eater went ridged, wearing an expression of shock, then fell flat on his face. Everyone looked to the air behind him. There floated a bizarre metal sphere with a red light in its center, placed directly above a blue light.

The Death Eaters all took aim at the device, firing every spell the knew at it. The sphere bobbed and weaved through the air, a blue beam shooting out of it now and then, hitting the Death Eaters one by one, incapacitating them. Finally, only one Death Eater remained standing. He looked at the sphere as it turned to his direction. "Oh, not again!" he cried as he dashed away. He wasn't fast enough to escape the beam, though.

Edward and Daphne held each other, trembling head to toe as the device flew over to them, hovering directly in front of their faces. The couple held each other tighter as they prepared for the blue beam that would surely end their lives.

"Hey mom. Hi dad." the device said.

"What the –" Edward was astonished by the voice he heard. "... Calvin?"

"That's me."

The two astounded parents slowly got to their feet. Cautiously, they approached the unusual device.

"Is it,... is it really you?" Daphne asked.

"Yes mom. It's really me."

Calvin's mother stumbled back, unable to speak for her words were choked by emotion. His dad, on the other hand, burst forward with a haggard look of bewilderment plastered across his face.

"Good Lord!" he exclaimed, clutching the sphere in his hands. "I had a feeling that magic school was a bad idea. What have they done to you?!"

"Uh dad,... this is just a machine. I'm talking _through_ it – y'know, sort of like a walkie talkie – that flies... and shoots lasers."

"Oh." Edward let go of the strange device. "Well then, where _are_ you? Exactly?"

"Well, I'll show ya. Would you both step out the front door for a moment?"

Daphne looked over to her husband who gave her a confused shrug. Without knowing what else to do, the Mitchells followed the metal sphere as it zipped down the hallway to the door.

"Alright Calvin," Daphne said to the sphere after they had crossed the threshold. "We're outside, now, sweetie."

"Good, now look up."

The Mitchells did as they were instructed. Above them, they saw the English sky darkening toward evening – just like any other normal day. But then they heard a sound like the groaning of metal and moving gears and other mechanical devices. As they watched the sky, a great fissure opened and it spread wider, opening like an enormous mouth. Inside the opening, they saw what looked like the interior of some kind of machine. And at the front of the lowering ramp stood their son Calvin, his arms crossed over his chest looking down at his astonished parents. When the ramp came to a standstill, his mouth opened into a wide smile and he waved his fingers at them, jovially.

Upon seeing this spectacle, Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell promptly fainted.

* * *

Edward was first to regain consciousness. He squinted he bleary eyes at the unfamiliar surroundings he found himself in. He got to his feet to get a better look around. Everywhere he looked, he saw silver, metallic walls and a few white lights shining from the ceiling.

Nearby, Daphne was also climbing to her feet, looking around nervously. "Where,... where are we?" she asked.

"You are aboard a Roswellian Zark-class freighter ship." said a voice from behind. The couple turned around to find a very small alien in standing in the doorway. "My name is Nebular, and I will be your host through the duration of your stay."

"Ummm..." Edward looked at Nebular uncertainly. "What, exactly is going on?" he asked.

"Well you see, your son requested that we bring you on board so as to keep you safe from the –"

"Our son?!" Daphne burst out. "You mean Calvin's here?!"

"Well, uh yes, he is."

"Take us to him!" Daphne demanded. "Take us NOW!"

"... Very well. If you would follow me."

They followed the alien as he scrambled onward toward the front of the ship. As they reached the cockpit, they saw another little alien who must have been piloting the ship and standing behind it was their son.

"Calvin?"

"... Hey guys." said Calvin, turning towards them and grinning sheepishly.

"Calvin, uh what's going on?" his father asked.

"Well, remember back in Elementary school when I had to make that leaf collection and I told you aliens brought me leaves? Well,... they really did."

"But, back in the house..." his mother said. "Who were those men who attacked us?"

"Ah yes, you met our friendly, neighborhood Death Eaters. They're the flunkies of this one seriously bad dude who's got it in for everyone without magic. They all think that just because they can use magic, it makes them superior to everyone else. However, I was able to convince my friends here to bring you both on board. You'll be safe here, they'll never think of the possibility that you'd be on a spaceship."

"Us?" Daphne gasped. "But,... what about you? Aren't you staying too?"

Calvin was quiet for a moment. Then he bowed his head, saying softly "No. The wizarding world – _my_ world – is at war. I can't just hide in a spaceship hoping things get better. I've got to go out and _make_ things better. I can't stay with you."

"You intend to fight?!" Edward said, outraged "That's suicide! You'll get yourself killed!"

"Well," Calvin smiled in an attempt at nonchalance – and failed. "You're the one who was always wanting me to build character."

"Yes but I wanted you to build character through intensive labor and hard work – not going out and fighting some war!"

Calvin shrugged "Well, what part of fighting a war _isn't_ hard work?"

"Calvin Mitchell, we have located your Hobbes." said the alien at the controls.

"Great, Galaxoid. Hold 'er steady and prepare to beam down." Calvin strode to the middle of the room to what looked like some kind of surfboard somehow floating there and held still.

His mother sniffed. "Just – just promise us that you'll come back safely."

Calvin was quiet again. "... I'm sorry mom. I can't make that promise – but I will promise you that I will do everything in my power to stay alive. I'm afraid that's the best I can do."

"Teleportation is fully charged." Nebular said.

"Alright. Get ready..."

"God speed, Calvin Mitchell." Galaxoid said "... you humans _do_ say that, don't you?"

"Yeah, more or less."

"Calvin..." Calvin turned to his parents who were holding each other with tears streaming down their faces. "Calvin,... we love you." his mother told him.

He had to turn away then, mostly to hide the tears that were flowing out of his own eyes. "... I know." he breathed. If he was going to leave, it would have to be now. Any longer and his resolution would break. "Nebular, energize!"

Both parents watched in astonishment as a brilliant white light engulfed their son and then vanished leaving behind an empty cabin.

Galaxoid breathed deeply then turned to face the Mitchells "Well, it looks like we're going to be together for quite a while... Who's up for some charades?"

* * *

The stinging light dissipated, and a shaky Calvin awkwardly moved forward. "I am _never_ gonna get used to that." he said to himself. Then something heavy plowed into his back, rolled him along over the mossy earth and planted him flat on his face. "Or _that!_" he growled.

In one fluid movement, he was pulled up off the ground and was looking into the tawny face of Ursula. "I can't believe it!" she exclaimed, hugging him close. "You're back – and you're not dead! Oh, we were so worried! Hobbes and I thought we'd never see you again – _Ohmygosh_, Hobbes! HEY HOBBES!" she yelled. "HE'S BACK, I FOUND HIM! HE'S BACK! HE'S BACK!"

Calvin gazed over the crest of the hill to see his best friend in the world running over to where they stood. "Hey Hobbes!" he cried "Great to see ya again, buddy. I – **Ooooh no.**" He braced himself for impact as the tiger came barreling into him and the three tangled bodies rolled down over the side of the hill. When the rolling stopped, Calvin found himself clutched tightly to Hobbes who was giving him one fierce noogie.

"Welcome back buddy!" he said, holding Calvin out at arms length. "What happened?!" he asked. "We say your patronus go flying by and when we got back to the camp, you were gone!"

"Yeah, some snatchers caught me." he told them.

"Snatchers?" Ursula asked "What are those?"

"In this case, they were a group of morons. But I was caught and they took me to the Ministry of Magic where I was sentenced to a life in Azkaban."

Ursula gasped while Hobbes let out a low, rumbling growl at this news. "So how did you escape?"

"Well, you remember our old friends Galaxoid and Nebular?"

"Galaxoid and Nebular?!" Hobbes repeated.

"Who's Galaxoid and Nebular?" Ursula asked.

"Well they beamed me up to safety right at the last minute. And after a few detours, they helped me find you guys again."

"Hmmm..." Hobbes mused "I wonder if that has anything to do with..."

"What?" Calvin asked. "Anything to do with what?"

"Well..." Hobbes produced Calvin's rucksack and rummaged through it, pulling out a parchment. "We found these plastered on the walls just yesterday." he explained, opening it to Calvin.

On the parchment was a picture of Calvin looking arrogant and contemptuous. Over the picture were written the words **'Undesirable Number 2'**

"Oh man." Calvin said, taking the parchment from Hobbes.

"Yeah, I know."

"There is no way my ears are that big!"

Hobbes looked at him quizzically then sighed. "You really are a character, Calvin." he said, slapping his friend on the back.

"Don't I know it." Calvin replied with a soft punch to Hobbes' shoulder.

"Awww." Ursula sighed. "Isn't this precious? The dynamic duo back together again."

"I think you mis-counted, Urs." Calvin replied.

"Oh?"

"Yes. See, a duo consists of _two_ people. In case you haven't noticed, there are _three_ of us here."

"So what? We're more of a terrible trio?"

"No, not terrible – _per say_ – but we're something more... I dunno, noble I guess you could say. Something that stands for goodness and all that other idealistic stuff. We're more like... the Three Musketeers!"

"Three Caballeros!" Hobbes exclaimed.

"Three Blind Mice!" Ursula chimed. The other two looked at her, uncertainly. "What?" she asked.

Off in the distance, a rumbling could be heard. The trio looked to the horizon where dark clouds were gathering.

"Storm's brewing." Ursula said.

"Yep." Calvin answered.

"Looks like a big one, too." Hobbes added.

"So what do we do?" Ursula asked Calvin.

"... I guess we'll just have to weather it." he responded, moving forward.

"You sure about that?" Hobbes asked.

"No. But what other choice do we have?" And kept walking. Straight forward to the oncoming torrent. The two cats could do naught but follow him. Calvin knew this wasn't at all the best of choices, they would surely get soaked to the bone and they definitely would not be comfortable. But he also knew it would pass in time. Not even storms lasted forever; the sun would always come out again.


	17. The Good Samaritan

The forest was still. For miles around, the chattering of birds and the buzz of insects were the only sounds to be heard. Even the wind stayed at bay. The quiet and solitude were unexpectedly broken by the sound of branches sweeping aside and the woosh of air as the surfboard whizzed by.

The blond haired youth piloting the fiberglass anomaly cried out an exuberant "_YEEEE_HAAAAA!!!" as the wind rushed through his hair at high velocity, stinging his face and driving tears out of his eyes. This had always been his dream – whenever life seemed unfairly harsh, to escape into the clouds, unbound by gravity's grasp, to soar where only the eagles dared, to go _where_ he wanted _when_ he wanted. Freedom; that's what this was, absolute and total freedom. He laughed as he blew on by, riding the wind.

The tiger stationed directly behind him didn't share this view. "You must have hit your head when you decided to make this thing fly!" Hobbes shouted so Calvin could hear him over the roar of the gushing air.

"Oh lighten up, Hobbes" Calvin responded "try living a little."

"Maybe I would if that didn't involve such reckless and potentially life threatening antics!"

"I told you Hobbes, there isn't any danger here. The adhesive charm I applied works perfectly! There's absolutely no chance of falling off. It's perfectly safe!... Well, mostly safe.... Well, pretty safe."

"Maybe for you, but magic doesn't work on _us_! Remember?!"

"Oh toughen up! The way you're clinging to it, you're unlikely to fall off it either. I don't see what the big deal is, you _have_ flown before!"

"Yeah, on an _airplane_!!"

"Well despite your doubting Tomas attitude, flying is still statistically the safest way to travel!"

"Yeah? Well, ninety nine point nine percent of all statistics are wrong. Besides, when they're talking about flying safety, they're usually referring to aircrafts or things that are _designed_ to fly! Ursula, tell him how dangerous this is!"

"_WAHOOOOOO!!!_" the lioness hanging onto Hobbes hollered. "_This is so incredibly COOL! We need to do this WAY more often!_"

Hobbes turned his head forward again looking disgruntled and muttering something that sounded like _traitor_ under his breath.

Eventually, the skyboard – as Calvin had taken to calling it – dropped altitude, bringing the uncouth trio back to earth.

"Well," said Calvin, bringing out his rucksack and fishing through its contents. "I do believe it's time for lunch." He dug through the sack a bit longer until his whole arm was sunk up to his shoulder. His expression hardened. He pulled his arm out and looked into the sack. He looked deeper – and deeper – and deeper until his entire upper torso was plunged into it. He pulled out, his expression one of hard etched bewilderment. "Strange." he said to himself. "I could've sworn we had some food left.

He turned back to the awaiting cats "Well guys, looks like lunch is gonna have to be postponed. You know what that means."

The cats nodded, their faces determined.

"Right. So Hobbes, you take the southern wood –"

"That's west." Hobbes corrected him.

"– you take the western wood. Ursula, you head east."

"Aye-aye, Admiral!"

"Don't call me that. I'll go north. Any questions?" No one said anything. "Good. We'll meet back here when the sun is..." he fumbled a bit as he pointed to various points in the sky. "in the... general... _there_ area."

The three figures separated, each disappearing into the forest.

* * *

"Having become a full-fledged wizard," Calvin said. "I was now able to assist in our little hunting trips."

"Hmm," Susie mused, obviously aware of what Calvin was referring to. "a prehistoric terror stalking the woods of England. Sounds like fun."

"Yeah,... I kinda hate to admit it, but I think I sort of understand why Hobbes gets such a kick out of pouncing me all the time."

"You do?"

"Yes.... I must say that there's something perversely satisfying about chasing down some poor, helpless animal, sinking your teeth into its soft, juicy flesh, mangling its lifeless body and savoring its delicious meat. Like this one time..."

* * *

He grunted as he forced himself through the biting gale. All around him, snow blew everywhere. Into his face, his eyes, his clothes, freezing him to the core.

He called out, gasping, praying his two companions would hear him. They had to be around somewhere; Exhausted by his arduous trek, he sat himself on a conveniently low tree stump. He called out again.

Something sounded in the distance; had one of them heard his calls? Were they coming for him? Eagerly, he set his wand tip aglow. He cast the beam around his surroundings. No movement came from between the trees, no sound of greeting from the shadows. And then, movement!

He watched in disappointment as a single deer darted through his wand light. Was that it? Nothing else? He groaned inwardly as he prepared to extinguish his light – but then something else ran through his light.

In the split second it took the monster to cross through the beam, he saw a sight he would never forget. It could have been described as a sort of miniature dragon. It was definitely reptilian in appearance, with wicked hooked claws on its forelimbs and a long tail whipping behind it. Its pointed maw was open in a primeval snarl revealing a mouthful of blade-like teeth. Its eye glowed sinisterly as it reflected the wand light. But what caught his attention – and fear – most of all was the two monster claws on its feet that extended as the beast ran.

In a flash, the monster ran past, in hot pursuit of its prey. In mere seconds, both the deer and dragon had rushed into the forest, disappearing from view.

In another moment, a blood-chilling, reptilian screech resounded throughout the forest into the night air. There was one of two possibilities as to what that scream was. It was either the monster's death cry, or a roar of triumph. Since the animal it had been chasing was relatively defenseless, it was most likely the latter.

Ron Weasley swallowed hard. "_Bloody Hell._" he murmured. His search for Harry and Hermione could continue the next day. Right now, he had to get out of there before that thing came back.

* * *

"Your sure that guy was a wizard, though?" Susie asked, concern laced in her voice.

"Pretty sure, yeah."

"But the light, it could have just been a flashlight."

"No." Calvin answered. "I've seen flashlights and I've seen 'Lumos'. The lights are different to the knowledged observer."

"But just suppose – I mean, if he was a muggle, he could have reported –"

"Susie." Calvin put his hand up to silence her. "What do people do when they see something out of the ordinary that they _just_ can't explain? – They rationalize it away."

"I think you might be generalizing a bit, there." Susie replied.

"Oh yeah? Just tonight, when I told you I was a wizard, what'd you do? You convinced yourself you were dreaming."

He had her there.

* * *

"Did you catch anything?" Calvin asked as Hobbes sauntered into the clearing.

"Not a whole lot." the tiger answered. "I did manage to catch this turtle." he held out his spoils.

"That's not a real boast about your hunting prowess." Calvin remarked.

"Well what'd you catch?!" Hobbes demanded, tartly.

"Okay, so I wasn't much more successful. Just snapped up a squirrel I stumbled on."

"Yeah? Let's see it!"

"I ate it already."

"Ah-_HA!_ Bet you didn't _really_ catch one! You're just saying you did!"

Calvin belched – loudly. Hobbes (who was standing a little too close) took a whiff and shuddered. "Never mind." he muttered, covering his mouth. "So,... now what?"

"... I guess we'll just have to wait and see if Ursula had any better luck than we did."

They didn't have to wait long. In a few minutes, a huffing of heavy breathing and the rustling of branches caught their attention. From out of the forest, the dark shape of their companion appeared out of the foliage with a large goat or something slung over her shoulders.

"Good news, boys!" Ursula exclaimed as she strode into view. "Tonight, we eat!" and dropped her burden on the forest floor.

"All right! Way to go, Urs." Calvin got up and sidled over to the carcass that was waiting to be turned into a meal. "This sucker'll cook up good 'n juicy and – " he stopped abruptly when he got a good look at it. "Um,... what is it?"

The animal did have a rather goat like face, but that's where the similarities ended. The creature was roughly the size of a donkey – perhaps a little bigger – with a hefty chest and a slender torso. The body was covered with a coarse, blue-gray fur with lighter spots around the front of its body and a shaggy mane of the same color running down between its shoulders. Its slender, yet muscled, limbs ended in four dog-like paws. On its head were a pair of horns like those of a ram – only they were smaller in proportion to the head than a rams horns. And on the area directly above the creatures eyes was a second set of horns that pointed strait out, spreading in a narrow V shape; these second horns were long and twisted, like gigantic, rusted screws.

Ursula looked at the creature, a puzzled expression plastered on her features. "... I don't really know." she admitted.

"Oh well." Calvin shrugged, and started severing the carcass into portioned steaks with his wand.

"Check out those horns!" Hobbes exclaimed in bewilderment. "Whadda you suppose this thing is?"

"Good question." said Ursula. "One thing's for certain, it's certainly not defenseless. It used one of those horns gave me this." she turned to show her companions her left arm which had a long, red gash running along it.

"Ooh," Hobbes winced. "Are you okay? Maybe you should have that looked at."

"Hobbes, I'm fine. Really."

Calvin, in the mean time, had set up a fire and a crude grill which he had the animal's meat cooking on. He looked at the deceased creature as the steaks grilled. "Man, and I thought platypuses were the most bizarre animals on the face of the planet.

"Look at this thing, it's got, like, the head of a goat, legs of a dog, a short wolf like tail, horns of a sheep – "

"Not to mention those mondo spears sticking out of its head." added Hobbes. "Where d'you think it got those? The only other creature I know of with horns like that is the unicorn."

"Well, it's hardly a unicorn." Calvin stated. "I mean, it's got four of 'em!"

"Yeah." said Ursula. "So, it'd be more like a quadricorn."

"Or a quadriceratops." Added Calvin as he tossed the hot and ready steaks to the two felines. "Although," he mused, chewing on a thick cut of meat. "Hobbes has a point. We shouldn't rule out the possibility that it might be a relative of the unicorn."

"Well in that case, it makes my bringing it down that much sweeter!" Ursula snarled.

"... That's a bit harsh!" said an astounded Calvin.

"Well, what would you expect?" asked Hobbes. "Lions and unicorns are natural enemies. They have been since the dawn of time."

"HUH?" Calvin gasped. "Are you for real?!"

"Sure, everybody knows that."

"I didn't!"

"Well you ought to have. It's written in all sorts of literature, documentaries and stuff – even that nursery rhyme."

"What nursery rhyme?"

"You know, 'The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown. The lion beat the unicorn all about the town. Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown, some gave them plum cake then drummed them out of town'."

Calvin thought for a bit "... No, I've never heard of that – where did _you_ hear that?"

Hobbes's reply was cut off when a shrill scream sounded deep in the forest.

Immediately, they were all on there feet and prepared for anything that might come at them. More screaming was heard, along with movement and rustling – the sounds of a struggle. Tentatively, the three friends moved forward to investigate.

They reached the crest of a large hill that spread to a wide plane below them. In the field below, a group of people were moving about. There was one figure in particular that was quite smaller than the others – and the other figures were gravitating towards her and casting spells at her. It was from her that the screams were emanating.

"Well," said Hobbes. "I think we oughtta do something." He started running off toward the comotion when Calvin restrained him.

"Just a minute." he said, rummaging through his rucksack. He then pulled something out from its depths. "Fight smarter, not harder." he said.

* * *

The group of men surrounded their prey. The girl they had been pursuing had caused them quite a bit of trouble. She had run them through the entire forest causing no small amount of anguish for them. But now, they had her. She lay curled on the forest floor staring up at her captors like a frightened rabbit.

They moved in to finish the job when a vast shadow descended on all of them. The pursuers jumped back in surprise. Where had this darkness come from? What was it? Several of them tried casting Lumos – it had no effect. Some tried conjuring fire – nothing. As if the sudden and impossible darkness wasn't nerve racking enough, they then started hearing things – a sound of something moving through the brush and a beastly, growling sound that seemed to move about the darkness.

Hobbes and Ursula crept through the cloud of darkness growling and snarling as they stalked around the obviously terrified humans. Due to their unique physical capacities and their own unusual magical properties, they could see through the darkness – but not like they could see through normal darkness. More like how the average human can see at night. They moved through the cloud coming close to the humans, occasionally brushing up against them, which really scared them.

The terrified men jumped and shuddered as the eerie sounds continued stalking around them. Then something else cut through the shadow – a lowing sound, like a massive groaning specter. The haunting howl wisped around them, cutting them to the core and chilling their souls.

Calvin stood at a distance from the giant cloud of shadow. He held a couple of hollow tubes in the air. As the wind blew through the tubes, it caused an unearthly, haunting sound that spread out all around.

_Of all the different types of warfare, I thing psychological is the most fun._ Calvin thought to himself.

The men, convinced that they were being stalked by some pack of demons, hastily apparated away leaving the terrified girl to deal with whatever was out there.

Something touched her and she screamed aloud.

"Relax." said a calming voice. "You're in no danger."

"W-who, who are you?" she asked nervously.

"We're the guys who just saved your hide – you're welcome." said another voice.

"... W-what is this... stuff?"

"Peruvian instant darkness powder, savvy?" the first voice replied.

"You, you're not going to hurt me, are you?" she asked.

"Now why would we do that?"

"Okay..." she said nervously. "Um,... can you, uh, get rid of it? I'd kind of like to see again."

"Why certainly!" Calvin whisked his arm and the darkness faded away to be replaced by bright sunlight. He looked at the girl he had just saved, grinning widely. His grin dropped into a look of shock as he looked into the face of Natalie Reeves.

"_YOU?!_" they both said simultaneously pointing at each other with incredulous expressions.

"Well, this should prove interesting." Hobbes commented.

* * *

"Natalie Reeves?" Susie gaped, astonished. "Wasn't she the one who tried to –"

"Seduce me to the dark side?" Susie nodded. "Yep, that's her."

"I can't imagine that was much fun." she breathed, still taking in the improbability of it all.

"There's an understatement." Calvin replied.

* * *

The two humans looked at each other for a while, their incredulous expressions still plastered on their faces. Finally, Natalie broke the awkwardness saying "... What are you doing out here?"

"I'm looking for the lost city of Atlantis, _whadda you _think_ I'm doing out here?!_" Calvin snapped, his mood suddenly darkened by Natalie's appearance.

Natalie stiffened at Calvin's biting sarcasm. This wasn't helping her own dark mood. She huffed. "I see life on the run hasn't improved your atrocious behavior!"

"Did you honestly expect it to?"

"_Shut up, Hobbes!_ So just what are _you_ doing out here, _hmmm?_"

"That is none of your business!"

"Oh, but it's _your_ business to know what _I'm_ doing out here?!"

"I'll know your business if I wish to, you insolent trog!"

"Watch who you're calling a trog, trollop!"

"You URCHIN!"

"BANSHEE!" The rest of their conversation didn't go well.

As the sun slipped over the horizon, the small party returned to their campsite and their uneaten meal. Calvin led the way, trudging up the hill wearing a grimace that could turn a gorgon to stone. Hobbes came after him with Ursula right behind. At the very rear was Natalie who looked at the little settlement they had set up vehemently.

"You're actually staying here?!" she sneered. "It's appalling!"

"Well, nobody said _YOU _had to stay here!" Calvin snapped back. "In fact, nobody asked you to follow us in the first place! In fact, I seem to recall asking you to go away!"

"Well, I'm not going to go away! I've been out in this hideous wilderness for far too long –"

"So what, a day?" Calvin sneered at her

She glowered at him, her hands clenching into fists. "... Two days." she snarled through clenched teeth.

"Ooh, Two whole days!" Calvin jumped back in newly found mock respect. "That really put me in my place! Just makes all our troubles seem petty and insignificant, doesn't it? I mean, we've only been out here for, what, a week? Maybe three?"

"Four." Ursula responded.

"Four, really?"

"Yes. Four weeks, three days, twenty hours, nineteen minutes and –" she grabbed Calvin's arm and glanced at his watch before dropping it again. "ten second."

"My, that was unsettlingly specific." Calvin remarked, blankly.

Natalie groaned. "You can't possibly be planning to sleep here!" she gasped.

"If you don't like it, you're welcome to leave!" Calvin reminded her.

At that, she looked at him aghast which quickly turned to a sneer. She turned around away from him and slumped to the ground, her arms crossed. Calvin likewise turned his back on her and reignited the fire which had gone out. Hobbes and Ursula joined Calvin, taking up their discarded steaks and the trio continued to eat.

Calvin ate his steak, but found he couldn't really enjoy it. He found himself casting glances back at Natalie – she still sat ridged and forlorn, as still as a statue. The sight of her stirred an unfamiliar feeling in Calvin. The way she just sat there, gazing out into the forest gloom somehow made Calvin's heart bleed.

Calvin took another steak and made his way to where Natalie sat. "Here." he said, dropping the steak in her lap.

She looked at it as if it were a venomous spider. "What is it?" she asked tartly.

"It's food, eat it."

"Yes, but _what_ is it?!"

"Well, that's the sixty galleon question, isn't it. We're not sure exactly what it is, but it's perfectly edible – actually, it tastes a lot like turkey."

She looked at it uncertainly, then took a bite. She chewed and swallowed with a seemingly great difficulty. "It's underdone." she said, her expression sour.

That did it for Calvin. He didn't have to bring her that steak, he could easily have let her fend for herself. But he felt sympathetic towards her and brought the food to her just out of the goodness of his heart and he was repaid with bitter criticism. "Well if you don't like it, then you can do your _own_ cooking next time!" he growled.

"I don't do cooking." she stated, imperiously. "That's servants work."

Were someone standing next to Calvin, they could almost hear the warning sirens going off in his head. "Well maybe next time we catch a big meal, we'll just keep it all for ourselves and _you_ find _your own_ sustenance!"

She scoffed. "I don't see how even you can eat this rubbish! I mean, are you completely sure that it's even dead? This is, without doubt, the worst –"

"Reeves!" Calvin cut her off, looming over her as if to overwhelm her with his sheer mass. "Did you know that eagles have been known to eat snakes?"

"I fail to see what that has to do with any – th-thin-th-thing..." her eyes widened in shock as the implication of Calvin's words sank into her.

Calvin grinned at her – rather maliciously – and strutted away.

"Well, I s'pose we outta bunker down for the night." he said as he came back to where the two cats waited.

"Right," Hobbes replied, stretching and yawning. "I'll take the first shift." he said, plotting down and gazing into the night as lookout.

* * *

The night wore on. For Hobbes, it was uneventful and monotonous. More than once he caught himself dozing off – watchman was not a job he preferred, but in these perilous times, someone had to do it.

Then something at his side nudged him. "Hey!" said Ursula. "I've come to relieve you."

"Oh, great." Hobbes yawned. "Not a whole lot going on tonight."

"Yeah." Ursula agreed, looking up through the canopy to the silver moon. "It's so peaceful out – hard to imagine that there's a war going on."

Hobbes nodded his head silently, looking up at the sky with her. "Peaceful." he remarked. "... looking at the night sky is one of the few pleasures in the world one can really enjoy – I just hope that there are other nights like this that we can enjoy... and I hope we'll still be around to enjoy them."

Ursula pushed her shoulder over onto Hobbes, laying her head into the cuff of his neck. Subconsciously, Hobbes found himself leaning into her as well. Ursula nuzzled Hobbes, brushing her head through his fur working her way up to his head. There she licked Hobbes on the cheek – a way animals express affection towards each other, similar to human kissing.

Hobbes turned his head away then. "Hobbes? Hobbes what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just –"

"Was I too forward?" Ursula asked, her head bowed.

"What, no it wasn't that! That was really nice and I really enjoyed it."

"But..."

"But... now's not the time." the tiger replied simply.

"Now's not the time?!" Ursula repeated, one eyebrow raised in skepticism. "Hobbes, there's a war ravaging this world – we could all be wiped out at any time! If we share affection for each other, then we should savor as much time together as we can. After all," she moved gracefully up to Hobbes, looking at him with a glimmer in her eye. "we never know when our time could be cut short."

Hobbes' eyes darted around the area, looking guilty. "Okay," he admitted. "It's not just that. I feel..." he floundered a bit, trying to find the right way to put it. "I feel,... guilty."

"Guilty?" Ursula responded, her expression changing to one of surprise. "Why?"

"... Because of Calvin." Hobbes answered.

"Calvin? What's he have to do with this?"

"Because... well, we're together and we have each other, but who does Calvin have? Nobody; only Natalie – and you can imagine how well that would work out."

"Oh, good point."

"Good, but not compelling." The two felines yelped, turning around to see Calvin laying across a boulder, arms crossed and a smirk playing on his lips.

"AH! Uh, Calvin – we were just, um – that is, we just, er... wasn't your shift supposed to be in the morning?" Hobbes stammered.

"Yeah, well I couldn't sleep."

"How long were you sitting there?" Ursula asked, aghast.

"Long enough."

"Ooooh my..." Ursula turned away, looking guilty.

"Oh, relax." Calvin said, sauntering off his rock. "It's okay for you two to have feelings for each other. You like him, you like her – I'm cool with that. And like Ursula said, time is fleeting so best make the most of it while you can. So go ahead, it's okay to express affection to each other." he turned to walk away before snapping around and adding "Just don't get too comfortable together! We're having a hard enough time as it is, the last thing we need right now is more mouths to feed.... Oh and by the way, you two are doing an abysmal job as lookouts."

The cats looked at the young wizards retreating form then at each other. They raced together and clasped each other in tight embraces.

"Wasn't that nice of Calvin?" said Ursula, snuggling into Hobbes.

"Yeah, he has his moments." Hobbes added, purring contently.

Ursula inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her love. She felt at peace in his embrace – like all was well with the world. "You know Hobbes, I –" She noticed something off then. Hobbes' rhythmic purring had started to sound more like light snoring. She pulled away from him to have a good look at him. His head and upper frame hung limply in her arms – Hobbes was fast asleep.

She laid him gently on the forest floor, smiling ruefully. "Sleep tight, my love." she whispered and turned to her task of keeping watch.

* * *

Hobbes and Ursula both stirred as the sun crept over the eastern horizon. They found Calvin busily working around the carcass they had partially consumed the night before. As they came closer, they saw the animals meat had been completely dehydrated, and Calvin was tearing large slabs of meat off the creatures bones.

"Oh, you're up!" he said as they approached. "Here, make yourselves useful and cut these pieces of jerky into manageable slices." he gestured to the small pile he had accumulated. And so they did as they were asked. In a matter of minutes, they had gotten as much meat as possible severed from the animal, cut to pieces and placed in the gunnysack.

"So, what do we do with the rest of it?" Ursula asked.

"We'll leave it." Calvin answered. "Something will eat it." he pointed his wand and the animals head shot through the air – all its skin peeling away and its eyes and whatever else lay inside it dissipating – and landing in his outstretched hand. "I'm keeping the skull, though." he said as he stuffed it into his sack with everything else. "Wouldn't that look great mounted on the wall?"

Calvin looked around for a bit, something was off, he knew it, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Then it hit him – he hadn't seen or heard from Reeves at all this morning. Turning to where she had been sleeping, he found her still form right where she'd been sleeping. Actually – he couldn't believe it – she was _still_ sleeping. "Whoa, check it out." he said.

"She's still asleep?!" Ursula asked, incredulously.

"Totally zonked out." Calvin remarked.

"She's not waking up anytime soon, is she?" commented Hobbes.

Not waking up anytime soon, eh? Calvin grinned like a fiend. "Okay, all in favor of sneaking off before she wakes up, say aye!"

To Calvin's surprise, the vote was unanimous.

"Wait, you're both agreeing to this?"

"Are you arguing that we should disagree with your idea?" Hobbes asked.

"Well,... no, but – Hobbes, whenever I come up with ideas like this, you almost always appeal to your better nature and tell me not to do it!"

"Not this time! She's driving me up the wall – I'll be glad if I never have to see her again."

"Uh-huh,... Ursula, what about you?"

"She's a whiny little gnat." was all the lioness said.

"Okay... well, let's get going then." he had only said it as a joke – but if the cats were for it, who was he to disagree?

They slipped on the breeze through the trees, as quick as hawk and silent as a butterfly. Calvin grinned satisfactorily. They were finally free – he would never she that selfish, conceited brat again. He lent himself a victorious chuckle – then Ursula interrupted his reprieve.

"Calvin, I think you should see this."

Calvin looked back behind them to see none other than Natalie. She was running behind them, her face like a snarling coyote with fire in her eyes. She dodged and weaved around any foliage that got in her way, jumping over roots and debris, and she wasn't falling any further behind them – rather, she seemed to be gaining.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding!" Calvin moaned.

"CALVIN, LOOKOUT!!" called Hobbes.

"Huh – AAAAUGH!!!" Calvin took a branch straight to the face. Snarls and brambles tugged and scratched at the trio as they twisted and spiraled through the air. The skyboard broadsided into the trunk of a large tree sending its passengers flying into the air. Calvin landed face first into the dirt and went rolling several feet over and through the undergrowth before landing flat on his back.

Pain ran up and down Calvin's frame. He tried opening his eyes which seemed to somehow cause him even more pain. How was it possible for anything to hurt this badly? Maybe he was dead. Yes, he must have died just now – that would explain why the Devil was glaring down at him. Wait, that wasn't quite right. Now that his eyes were adjusting, he could see that that wasn't the Devil at all – even worse, it was Reeves!

She looked down on him with a sneer laced with acid. "So, you tried to leave without me, did you?"

Calvin got to his feet, glaring at Reeves. He spat a mouthful of leaves at her. "Yes I did!" he snapped. "We've all had it up to here with you! You've been grating on all our nerves from the moment we found you and we're all sick of it!"

Hobbes and Ursula came limping over to where they were, each holding themselves in obvious pain.

Natalie went livid. "You little rat! How dare you try and leave me behind! I ought to curse the pants off of you!"

"Yeah, well why don't you?" Calvin replied, brandishing his wand and dropping into a fighting stance. "C'mon Reeves, let's see if your fighting skills have improved since our lest encounter."

Natalie looked at the wand eyes wide – as if at any moment it would spring out and bite her. She took an involuntary step back.

"C'mon, wuss!" Calvin challenged, moving after her. "Show me what you got!"

Natalie kept looking at the wand. Her lip quivered, and she stuttered. "I, I... can't."

"What are you talking about? Of course you – " then it dawned on Calvin. His mouth spread into a wide, toothy grin. "You're under age, aren't you?"

She didn't say anything, but the way she looked at him, Calvin knew he was right. He laughed heartily. "Well that just changes everything around!" He flicked his wand and the skyboard flew towards him. "C'mon guys, let's go!"

"Wait!" Natalie called. The trio looked at her with dark glances. "Don't leave me." she protested. "Please don't leave."

"Why?!" Calvin snarled, scrutinizing her. "Why are you so intent on having us around?!"

"I, I..."

"You clearly don't like any of us and I think I've made it abundantly clear how I feel about you! So why are you doing this? One would think you'd be glad to be rid of us! Don't you have any family you could be pestering? Your parents or someone?"

Her face fell. "My parents... they aren't around anymore."

"Well aren't there other family members to take you in?!" Calvin practically shouted at her. "What about your Death Eater buddies? I'm sure there's plenty of them who'd love to take you in!"

Then Natalie did something none of them expected. She cried. Well, _cried_ is putting it mildly – she bawled her eyes out is what she did.

She slumped forward falling to her knees. She bunched up the front of Calvin's robes and sobbed into them.

Calvin looked down at her, the very picture of bamboozlement plastered on his face. He looked up to Hobbes and Ursula for support. The two cats only shrugged, being decidedly unhelpful.

Down below, Natalie's violent sobs continued to shake her frame. And Calvin could feel her tears soaking through his robes.

"He k-killed them-m." Natalie managed to choke out through her constant crying. "(sniff) the Dar-the Dark L-Lord. My p-parents always served him fa-faithfully! Never questioning, nev-er wavering (sob). Then one day – he gave them an important ta-ask and they, they made a mistake! Just one little mistake and (sniff) and he got mad and then he sent D-Death Eaters and – and... they killed them both!" she howled a deafening wail then, a sound that could break even the hardest of hearts. "And they – they tried to t-take me away!... But I escaped, and I r-ran. I'd been running for two days when they (sniff) they found m-me again. And then they caught me, and then someone came to my rescue, and then of all the miserable luck, it turned out to be _you!_" She pulled away from him then. She brought herself upright in an attempt to regain some of her lost dignity. "And I _am_ going to stay with you. Because as stupid and annoying as it is, right now, the three of you are all I have.... I don't want to be alone again."

Calvin deliberated for a moment. He knew what the right course of action would be, but that didn't make it any more pleasant. "... Alright, you can come with us."

"I – I can?!"

"_But_ – if you're gonna hang with us, then there are three rules you _must_ adhere to at all times!

"Number one: Contrary to what you may think of my kind, we are not your indentured servants. Therefore, you will pull you own weight around here! i.e, you will help carry the load, you will make your own bed, you will clean up your own messes, etcetera, etcetera.

Number two: You don't like me and I don't like you, but _I_ can do magic without getting caught, while you can't! So I suggest you do not trifle with me. Because, if you get on my nerves, I guarantee I _will_ curse the living tar out of you!

"And Number three... number three – number... three... is – quick Hobbes, give me a number three!"

"Uuummmm... don't do drugs?"

"And Number three: Don't do Drugs! Are we clear on that?!"

"... That last one doesn't make any sense."

"Never mind if it makes sense or not – do you understand?!"

She nodded feebly.

"Good. Will you abide by these rules?"

She nodded again.

"Alright. Now let's roll!" he looked at the board he carried, thinking for a bit. "I don't think the skyboard's gonna be able to carry four passengers." he announced as he began stuffing the board into his rucksack. "We're gonna have to walk!"

The tail end of the board disappeared into the sack. Calvin slung it over his shoulder and trudged off through the foliage. Ursula followed him, her head hung in disappointment. Hobbes stood glaring down at Natalie with a hard chiseled expression. Natalie looked up at Hobbes like a deer in the headlights. Hobbes then wrapped his arms around her, embracing her tight. "Thank you." he whispered before following his companions.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay. I was spontaneously jackhammered one night with inspiration for another story. One I needed to get as much completed and uploaded as possible before Halloween. But here's chapter eighteen for your viewing pleasure.

Originally, this chapter was going to be longer, but I figured you were all getting a little antsy over the long wait, so I decided to split it in two.

Oh, and to Gwen Gamgee – or Gwen Gamgee's sister or whichever one of you had the idea first, you might notice that I sort of used your idea of having Calvin meet Ron first – though probably not in the way you imagined.

Okay, we're in the home stretch! Just two more chapters and the epilogue and this story is over and out!


	18. Misery Loves Company

"So our miserable little party trudged forward for a time."Calvin's gaze wandered to the ceiling as he continued his tale. "It was only for a few months, but it seemed a lot longer."

"I'll bet." Susie agreed. "Being away from home so long, never knowing when you'll see your family again – it'll make any length of time seem to stretch for eternity."

"Huh? – oh yeah, that contributed to it, I'm sure, but what really made the trip seem like forever was Reeves!"

"Oh." sighed Susie. "Not much of a girl scout, is she?"

Calvin gave a short, exasperated laugh in reply. "She couldn't go for more than an hour without complaining!"

"Was she really that bad?"

"If you'd have been with her, you wouldn't ask."

"And did she honestly complain that much?" Susie inquired.

"I think her record was an about hour and a half without making a complaint – no, it was more like twenty, maybe twenty three minutes."

"How did you put up with it?"

"I ask myself that a lot." Calvin admitted, his tone contemplative. "I'll tell you, it wasn't easy. I did often have to remind her of the little, ah, _agreement_ we made."

* * *

"I'm tired!" Reeves called.

"That's too-dang-bad!!" Calvin snapped back. "We took a break thirty minutes ago! We keep moving!"

"I don't see how you can keep on going like this. I'm about ready to fall over."

"Well, you're a world-class wimp then! I'm not tired, nobody else is tired, isn't that right, guys?"

"I'm good." Ursula stated.

"Actually, I could use a –"

"See? Everybody else is good to go." Calvin declared.

"Well you're all a bunch of maniacs, then!" Reeves replied, acidly. She plopped herself on the ground, crossing her arms. "I, for one, am not going a step further without a proper rest!"

"Okay, bye!" Calvin turned and walked off, Hobbes and Ursula tailing behind him.

"... Hmmm... she isn't following us." Ursula observed after they had gone a number of paces.

"Good, maybe we're finally rid of her." Calvin grumbled.

"Calvin,... I think we should go back to her." Ursula said.

"_Whyyyy?_"

"Calvin, the girl is incapable of roughing it." the lioness stated. "You know she has no idea how to take care of herself in the wilderness and she can't use magic without getting caught! If we leave her, she'll likely die! Do you think you could handle the knowledge that someone died because of your negligence?"

"She has a point." Hobbes added.

"Oh, you're siding with her." said Calvin sarcastically. "_Who could've seen that coming!_"

"Calvin, please." Ursula pleaded, her great, green eyes gazing at him, penetrating his soul.

Calvin attempted to resist the urge to cave in from the look. He failed. "_Oh, for the love of..._" he growled, sinking his face into his hand as he started backtracking.

Reeves looked up to see the small party coming back in her direction. She watched their approach with imperious contempt. "I see you've come to your senses." she stated.

"_Shaddup!_" Calvin barked. "The only reason I'm back is because Ursula, for _some_ reason, felt sorry for you." he sat himself down on the ground, facing away from Reeves.

Reeves was surprised by this information. She looked around to Ursula who grinned slightly. Her gaze narrowed. "I don't need your sympathy." she said, bitterly.

The lioness sighed, rolling her eyes. "You know, people might not be so against you if you didn't view every action from them as hostility."

"Well, how would you have me view it?!" she snapped. "I know what you three think of me – I've seen those dirty looks you point my direction! Don't even pretend that you all wouldn't like to be rid of me."

"Well," Ursula countered. "If you were a bit more pleasant, maybe we would be less hostile toward you."

"She has a point." Hobbes said.

Reeves grunted indignantly at the tiger then turned around slumping her head onto her chest. "Just leave me alone." she seethed. The two cats looked at each other, then with a shrug and a sigh, they complied.

* * *

"Y'know, I sort of understand why she was so unhappy." said Susie. "She was rendered an orphan and attacked by a bunch of bad guys and the only company she has doesn't like her. She has no friends or family and she's adrift in a sea of contempt. That experience could turn anyone bitter."

"I didn't say I didn't understand why she was bitter." Calvin retorted. "I'm saying it was a royal pain in the rear to have to deal with her!"

"I can only imagine..." Susie sighed. "Did she ever lighten up?"

"No... – oh no wait,... wait, ummm......... oh no, no she didn't."

* * *

"So what exactly happened... that night the Death Eaters attacked?" Ursula asked as she sat herself next to Reeves sitting all forlorn on her own.

The young witch shot a dark look at her. "If your trying to devise a way to off me, you should try being a bit more subtle."

"Have you completely lost your entire ability to trust, here?" Ursula sighed. "Look Nat, you gotta stop reacting like everybody's out to get you. I just want to talk – is that okay with you?" Reeves didn't say anything – she stared strait forward, her face like carved stone.

Ursula paused a bit before continuing. "You can learn a lot about people from talking to them. You know, you might find you actually enjoy it." There was still no response. "Okay... how 'bout if I go first. Um... when I was born, I was raised by an elderly old man who liked to raise lions. As I grew older, I found that I had abilities unlike the other lions. So later, I ran away and ended up living in the forest around Hogwarts for most of my life. Then one night, Hobbes came into the forest and..." she cast a glance over to Hobbes who was having a discussion with Calvin who himself was playing with a yo-yo. "and then he introduced me to Calvin and things... sort of snowballed from there."

She looked down at Reeves who still refused to say a word.

"C'mon Nat," she coaxed. "I told my story, how 'bout you share yours?"

Reeves still made no motion to so much as recognize her presence. Ursula started another attempt to get a response when Hobbes suddenly appeared beside her. "Let it go." he said. "Sometimes you have to persevere through these sorts of things and other times..." he cast a glance at Reeves "you gotta learn when to give it up."

They both turned around to leave when suddenly... "It was an ambush."

"What?"

"The night the Death Eaters killed my – ... the night they attacked. I was petting my cat, Devil, when the door was suddenly blown out of its frame." Her body gave a slight heave. Hobbes and Ursula had the suspicion she had suppressed a sob. "And then they came storming in... we were all caught off guard... and they grabbed my parents and one of them started yelling about how they had failed the Dark Lord and that he had ordered their execution.... Then he killed them. Then he turned around to me and I ran. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I had to get as far away as possible – away from them. It wasn't long before I found myself in the forest... you know the rest."

"Wow." Ursula breathed.

"So, they killed off everyone in the house that night?" Hobbes asked.

"No, Devil lived on."

"Hey, you just made a palindrome!" exclaimed Calvin, who had joined the group without anyone noticing.

Reeves' face went livid. "I... _beg your pardon?!_"

Calvin tsked. "Relax, a palindrome is just a word that's spelled the same way backwards as it is forward. Y'know, like mom – or mum to you Brits. It's spelled m-u-m, but, if you turn it around, it's still spelled m-u-m.

"There's lots of small words that are palindromes, like dad, wow, pop, sis, boob, toot..."

"Or you can put together a group of words that collectively has letters that are in the same order back to front." Hobbes added.

"Yeah," said Calvin. "Like 'Rise to vote, sir'."

"Or 'Do geese see God'."

"'Do nine men interpret'..."

"... 'Nine men I nod!'"

"'Naomi I moan'."

"'A Toyota's a Toyota'."

"'A dog' – "

"'A panic' – "

"'_In a pagoda'!_" the boy and tiger exclaimed simultaneously.

Reeves looked at the two with a perplexed expression. "What are they talking about?" she asked.

"... I dunno." Ursula shrugged. "If it's important, we'll find out later."

"And... if it's not important?"

"Then it's not really worth knowing, is it?"

* * *

"Of course, now and then we did get _some_ use out of her."

* * *

Reeves ears picked up the sound of foliage moving aside. Turning, she saw the long, scaly tail of Calvin's animagus form slithering past the bushes. Curious as to why he was walking backwards, she went over to him – though not too close, she knew from experience that those claws were something to stay away from. As she got closer, she saw his raptor jaws clamped around the neck of a dead deer which he dragged through the snow behind him.

Once in the camp, Calvin dropped the body gracelessly on the floor and assumed his human form.

Ursula whistled appreciatively. "Impressive." she said. "This oughtta last us a while."

"Y'have any difficulty out there?" Hobbes asked.

"Naw." said Calvin nonchalantly. "I think some one might have seen me for a second but, no major drama."

"As a dinosaur, you mean?" Hobbes asked, concerned. "Shouldn't we be a little concerned about that?"

"Nah, he'll just think he'd had too much to drink."

"Alright, so when do we eat?" Reeves snapped.

"That depends." Calvin replied, bending over to pick up a pile of sticks.

"On what?!"

"On how long it takes you to cook it!" Calvin answered, depositing the load of twigs and branches into her arms.

Reeves was absolutely flabbergasted. "_Excuse me?!_" she exclaimed. "You can't honestly expect me to cook!"

"Actually, I can. And I do."

"But,... but why?"

"Reeves, do you remember what we agreed when we took you into our little group?"

"I recall it sounded something like you were going to pull your own weight."

"Thank you, Hobbes. We agreed that you'd do your own work while you're with us, so since Hobbes, Ursula and I provide the food, _you_ are gonna have to cook it... You do know haw to make fire the conventional way, yes?" he smiled at her condescendingly.

"I think so." she said, dropping her sticks to the forest floor. "Let's see, I... take this stick and beat you over the head with it until you make fire."

"_B-a-a-ah,_ wrong!" Calvin flicked his wand at Reeves. She yelped as the branch she held turned into a snake.

Calvin walked over to Reeves after she calmed down from her startle. "I'll give you a hint." he said, pressing two sticks into her hands. "... Friction."

She stared at him blankly. "... Friction? What is that supposed to mean?!"

"No more hints." he answered, strutting back to Hobbes and Ursula.

* * *

The three of them watched Reeves' feeble attempts at making fire for the better part of an hour. At first she didn't have a clue what she was doing. But after a while, she didn't have a clue what she was doing and she was swearing her head off. Several times she pleaded with Calvin to help her but he remained where he sat telling her that figuring it out for herself would be good for her.

At length, she managed to figure out Calvin's friction hint and began rubbing the two sticks together. And she was rewarded for her persistence with callused hands and high blood pressure.

"I think I've finally figured out why my dad always had me do all those chores." Calvin grinned. "It wasn't so _I_ could build character, it was so _he_ could be entertained." He got up and started moving toward Reeves.

"Had enough entertainment, have you?" Ursula asked.

"Are you kiddin'? I could watch this all day!... except, I'm hungry!"

Reeves rubbed her two branches together furiously, trying to force a spark out of them. The pieces of wood, however, remained heedless of her frustrations and produced nothing. As she sat there in misery, uttering curses about the wood, about Calvin, about the whole miserable trip and about the world in general, a long, black object was thrust into the pile of kindling. A number of clicks sounded followed by the crack and sizzle of a growing fire.

Reeves looked up at Calvin with venom in her gaze. "_You had that thing the whole time?!_" she demanded.

Calvin flipped the the object in his hand and innocently asked. "What, this? No, I just summoned this right now... It's funny, when the guys an' I started out on this trip, I hadn't thought to bring a lighter with us. We had enough granola and jerky to last us a while and it just didn't occur to me that we'd need to cook any food. And I was still sixteen back then, so I couldn't use magic without getting caught, so we went for a time without food! Boy, hindsight huh?" he handed the lighter to Reeves saying "You might want to keep this on hand."

He turned around and walked back to the cats. Then something that was not soft struck him in the head leaving a welt behind. He looked down and picked the lighter off of the ground. He looked back at Reeves who had her hands clenched at her side and and expression of spite on her face. He strode back to her saying. "I'll admit I deserved that, so I'm not gonna hold it against you." he handed it back to her and in a quiet, menacing tone added. "Just, don't do it again."

* * *

A while later, Reeves stomped her way to her three unfortunate companions carrying a large flat stone piled high with steaming, dripping meat. She handed a large slab of meat to each of them in turn, wearing an expression of contempt. Once they had all been served she trudged a pace or two away from them, seating herself on one of their makeshift chairs to eat her meal away from the inevitable and inane chatter that would soon proceed.

Calvin turned to her saying. "I seriously hope you aren't considering a career as a waitress." She responded by looking at him with her eyes narrowed, angrily. "And don't look at me like that... some girls can scrunch their faces up without making themselves look ugly, but you're not one of 'em!"

Hobbes swallowed his mouthful of hot venison, smacking his lips loudly. "I gotta say this isn't half bad."

"It _is_ good," Ursula concurred. "Could use a little salt, though."

Calvin perked up. "Ooh y'know what? I think I have some salt. Lemme check."

"Wait," Reeves interrupted. "You're saying you remembered salt for you journey but you didn't think to bring a lighter?"

"... Yes."

Reeves rolled her eyes, blowing her breath out exasperatedly.

"Let's see..." Calvin rummaged around in his rucksack for the salt. "That's... no wait that's... ah, here it is! Oh, no it isn't. Here's... er, I'll figure out what that is later...... Now here's something... what is it?" he pulled and yanked and eventually brought the object out of the depths of the sack. It was the skull from the unknown creature he had brought along. "Oh... it's this guy." he set it on the ground next to him and continued looking through the bag.

The next item he brought up was a yellow rubber duck. "Strange, I don't remember packing this." He squeezed the duck a couple times causing it to chirp happily before dropping it back into the sack.

He dipped his hand in again and pulled it out again trailing a purple bra with it. Hobbes looked at Calvin flabbergasted. Calvin looked at the bra thoroughly bamboozled. Reeves looked at Calvin first in shock, then outrage. "Hey, I've been looking for that!" she snarled, swiping it out of his hand. "Don't you dare touch my things again you little pervert!"

"Hey!" growled Calvin. "I'm no pervert! Just because _you_ misplaced your – "

"_I _didn't misplace anything! _Somebody_ absconded with it!"

"Well it sure as heck wasn't _me_!"

At that point, Ursula found something in the distance very interesting.

"Just see to it that I never catch you with any of my things again, lizard breath."

"Hey!... that's _Mr._ Lizard Breath to _you_, Missy!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin. "Seriously? That's the _best_ you could come up with?"

"Shut up!"

"Now, now, boys." Ursula chided. "Let's not get all worked up... Besides, she's just jealous that she doesn't have lizard breath."

"Where exactly did she get this 'lizard breath' from anyway?" Hobbes asked.

"Yeah, it makes, like, zero sense." Calvin added.

"I think... she might be referring to Calvin's animagus form." Ursula hypothesized. "The deinonycus does have a rather lizardish appearance."

"Yeah, well in that case, it'd be '_dino_ breath'!" said Hobbes.

"And anyway," Calvin added. "Science has shown that deinonycus had more in common with birds than lizards."

Ursula mused for a moment. "Hmm... so I wonder if that means they would actually _'taste like chicken'_."

"Well I hope you're not planning to find out any time soon." Calvin said, scooting away from her ever so slightly.

"Y'know," Hobbes said. "I once heard that someone had performed this experiment and concluded that animals that share common ancestors do tend to taste similar – and they confirmed that creatures like alligators and frogs actually _do_ taste like chicken!"

"Huh, so it's feasible that dromeosaurs would taste like chicken too."

"So what about the other dinosaurs?" Ursula asked. "What would they taste like, I wonder."

"Yeah." Calvin said, picking up the skull and musing at it. "I've often wondered, if humans and dinosaurs were to share the same time period, where there any dinosaurs that would be considered kosher?"

"I've often wondered, if an animal cracker is shaped like a pig, is it kosher?"

The three turned abruptly at a loud splatting sound. A few feet away, the crouched over form of Reeves pulled her face up off of the frigid ground. "Why me?!?!" she demanded, snow flying off her features. "Why, of all the miserable luck, did this have to happen to _ME?!_

"I lived such a comfortable life in one of the best wizarding families on Earth! We served the Dark Lord faithfully without any unfavorable circumstances! Now I'm condemned to meandering aimlessly about some God forsaken wilderness with Tweedledee, Tweedledum and the Mad Hatter!!!"

"Who, me?" asked Calvin, who was currently holding the skull atop his head.

* * *

"I find it hard to believe she never tried to murder you in your sleep." Susie laughed.

"I'm sure she thought about it considerably." Calvin replied. "Several times I noticed her muttering to herself and making gestures like she was trying to strangle something. But, as far as I know, she never attempted it."

"Why do you suppose that is?"

"Well funny you should ask, actually. 'Cause there's a really interesting story that might answer that..."

* * *

The group had been pressing forward for a long time. At length, they reached an open area in the forest where the sun broke through the canopy and lit the clearing bright. Calvin plopped his sack to the floor, telling everyone that they were taking a break. He sat himself on the forest floor and brought a water bottle out from the sack.

Reeves sat amid the roots of a tree with her back against the trunk, gazing into the distance without really focusing on anything.

Hobbes laid himself across the length of a large rock in the sun and contently dozed off into a catnap. Ursula rolled over onto her back in the soft grass with her head snuggled against Hobbes' side. Hobbes took a peek at her through one eye and sighed warmly. "Comfy?" he asked.

"Quite." Ursula purred. "You make a real cozy pillow, Sweet Stripes."

"Well, I'm glad you approve, Pooty Pie."

Calvin spluttered on his water. A great, gush erupted from his mouth sending drops in all directions. "_POOTY PIE_!?!?" he splurged, looking at them, his mouth agape in an incredulous guffaw. Reeves also turned to look at them, her expression bordering on queasy.

"Oh, you're such a darling." Ursula moved her head up and rubbed noses with Hobbes.

The two humans watched this display with revolted looks on their faces. "I think I'm going to be sick." Reeves said.

"I _know_ I'm gonna be." Calvin responded.

"Bitsy Pookums..." Hobbes said in a disgustingly sweet way.

"Yes, Snoogy Woogy?..." Ursula replied, matching his tone in every sickening way.

"_OKAY_, y'know what?!" Calvin pulled himself off the ground and started walking toward the infatuated felines. "Remember when I said it was okay to express affection to each other? I didn't mean it!" as he walked, Calvin's foot struck an odd object sticking out of the ground. He looked down to see what the thing was. "Hmm,... that's weird." he observed.

"What's weird?" Ursula asked.

"This... thing sticking out of the ground here."

"Oh wow!" Reeves exclaimed, sarcastically. "Something sticking out of the ground – in the middle of a forest, amid all sorts of rocks and tree roots! Who could ever fathom..."

"... If you'd care to observe, Reeves, this thing is neither root nor rock. Look at it, you can tell by its shape – it's too strait, too stiff and ridged – it obviously wasn't formed by nature."

"Looks like it's pretty big, too." said Hobbes, trying unsuccessfully to pry it out of the ground.

"What d'you think it is?!" Ursula asked, her eyes wide.

"One way to find out." Calvin whipped his wand out. With one flick, the soil covering the object blew away revealing a large, wooden box.

"Whoa," Hobbes mouthed. The three of them leaned over, peering with deep interest at the new discovery, even Reeves expressed some curiosity.

"Well that's... something." Ursula commented.

Whaddaya thinks in it?" Hobbes said, excitedly.

"I dunno." Calvin mused, stroking his chin. "Maybe it's something valuable..." his eyes lit up at the thought. "Like a robber's treasure, long forgotten."

"It's obviously been here a long time." Ursula observed. "Somebody didn't want it found, that's for sure."

"And why do people hide things that they don't want found? When it's _worth_ something!"

"Or, it could be something dangerous." Reeves stated matter-of-factly. "Not that any of you care about my opinion, but I think we should leave it."

"_Coward."_ someone muttered.

"She has a point, though."

Reeves looked down at Calvin. She wore an incredulous expression on her face. She never thought she'd ever hear Calvin, of all people, agree with her. "I... do?"

"Well, yeah. Like you said, we have no idea what's in this thing. For all we know, it could be a bomb." he ignored the look Reeves gave him (she obviously didn't have a clue what a bomb was.) "Still, it could be something worth evacuating, who knows, it could be a very... _rewarding_ experience."

"Are you really sure this is a good idea?" Ursula asked.

"Well,... survival instinct tells me to steer clear... but curiosity and greed have him out-voted two to one! So... _Alohamora!_" the old, tarnished lock rattled and clicked leaving the chest unbolted. Calvin pressed his hands against the lid and pushed up with all his might.

Nothing happened.

He pushed harder, huffing and heaving and straining his muscles to exhaustion until he was red in the face. "Geez, how long has this thing been down there?!" he wheezed after a while. "The hinges are rusted tight!"

"Here," Hobbes said. "let me have a crack at it."

"Well, good luck." Calvin moved aside.

Hobbes inhaled deeply and pushed up on the lid. After a full minute without any change, a loud creaking sound permeated the forest. Ever so slightly, the lid of the box slowly opened.

Then the lid was violently thrown back.

Everyone gasped in shock and disbelief. Standing inside the box, towering over them, stood a shaggy, brown bear.

Hobbes looked up at the monstrous beast, his eyes wide. He swallowed loudly.

"I told you we should've left it." Reeves muttered to Calvin.

The bear looked down at Hobbes and opened its mouth in a forceful, resonating roar. Hobbes ducked out of the way just as one of the bear's massive paws swiped at the air where he had just been. He scurried away closer to the trees. The bear roared thunderously and set down on all fours lumbering to where the tiger crouched fearfully.

"I don't get it." Reeves said. "How would a bear be able to survive in that trunk for so long?"

"Because it's not a bear." Calvin answered.

"What?"

"Think about it, we found it in an old, decaying trunk and it's fit and healthy? No, if it were a real bear – first off – it wouldn't even fit in that thing, secondly, it'd be long dead."

"What is it, then?"

"I'm about eighty percent sure it's a boggart."

The bear, meanwhile, had reached the tree where Hobbes cowered. It stood on its hind legs and reached its paw back to strike a fatal blow.

"HOBBES!!!" Ursula shrieked as she dived at the ground, placing herself between Hobbes and the monster.

As soon as Ursula stood before it, the bear vanished. In its place stood a man with a bright, shining rifle in his hands.

"I'm ninety five percent sure it's a boggart."

* * *

"Wait, what are boggarts?" Susie asked.

"Ah, boggarts are the most terrifying creatures on the face of the planet!"

"Really."

"Yeah, they're shape-shifters. They change themselves into whatever frightens you the most."

"Ah, so that's what makes them so – "

"Terrifying. Yeah."

"So Hobbes is afraid of... bears?"

"Hobbes is afraid of _grizzly_ bears! He doesn't have a problem with other bear species – just grizzlies... and that's a story that goes back to when he was a cub in the zoo."

"What happened?"

"Well, you've been to the zoo before, right? So you've noticed that the bear exhibit is right next door to the tiger exhibit.

"I guess what happened is that one day one of the bears threw a bit of a tantrum and Hobbes saw the whole thing. Being at a young and impressionable age, the experience obviously left it's mark on him."

"Oh." Susie sighed. "... So what about Ursula? Her biggest fear is... poachers?"

"I thought so too at first, but no it's not the poachers themselves. It's guns that scare her."

* * *

The boggart pointed its rifle at Ursula who had gone ridged from shock. Hobbes pulled her out of the way mere seconds before the gun emitted a fiery blast accompanied by a deafening _BANG_.

Calvin quickly took stock of the situation. He knew what he would have to do, but that didn't make it any more pleasant. "Hobbes, Ursula, this way! Lead the boggart over here!" The cats complied, charging forward to where the two humans stood, jumping every time a shot blared out.

Calvin brandished his wand, ready as he'd ever be to take on the monster. But just as the boggart approached, Reeves moved at the last second inadvertently coming between Calvin and the boggart. Turning around, Reeves found herself face to face with

Ursula's eyebrows raised in surprise, Hobbes did a double-take and Calvin's jaw swung open. Standing in front of Reeves was Calvin.

Reeves reeled back when she saw what stood before her, then she cursed under her breath; the only thing that could make the situation worse was the fact that Calvin and his pets had seen it.

The boggart Calvin pulled out its wand, glaring at Reeves like a savage, its teeth bared in a bestial snarl.

She had seen Calvin like that only once before – the day she had tried to recruit him to the Dark Lords way. She had thought her feminine charms would be enough to seduce any young wizard – after all, she turned many a head in the Slytherin dormitories – however, she had underestimated Calvin's intense dislike for Slytherins, and once he found out her intentions, he opposed her with all his effort. And then he dared call the Dark Lord by name, soiling the great and powerful name with his unworthy, mudblood lips.

"Yes I dare!" he had said. "And just what are you gonna do about it?!"

It was then that she brandished her wand and blasted Calvin off of his feet. The young wizard flew backward, landing hard on his face. Surely that would teach him a lesson.

But then, to her astonishment, Calvin stirred himself. He propped his body up with his hands and shakily pulled himself to his feet. There were scratch marks all along his front with several cuts and scrapes to go with them.

His ice-blue eyes stared at Reeves, narrowed dangerously with a glare like acid-lined daggers. Blood flowed freely from both nostrils staining his face with brilliant marks, like war paint. He smeared his left hand across his face, clearing the mess from his features. He looked at the blood on his hand for a brief moment before wiping it on the wall behind him.

He pulled out his own wand and strode toward Reeves saying "So, you wanna play rough, do 'ya? Okay, _let's – play – ROUGH!_"

And with that he jettisoned his own attack at her. What followed was a vicious battle between the two students. Reeves did her best in fight, landing a couple of good shots on her opponent, but Calvin's skills were superior. He barreled into her with the ferocity of a feral beast; combined with his logic and reasoning skills, this made for an unfavorable formula.

Even when she was fortunate enough to land a hit, it only ever seem to phase him for a brief moment, which only seemed to make him angrier, which in turn seemed to fuel his power.

Reeves had never seen anything like it before. The image of Calvin with that bestial snarl on his face still haunted her when she slept. Now and then she could even hear his shouts of outrage, his furious battle cries that thundered during that first duel.

All those thoughts surged over Reeves like a tidal wave as the boggart Calvin advanced on her.

Meanwhile, the real Calvin stared transfixed at his sudden doppelganger, his expression a bland stare. "... Huh." he finally said.

"Well that sure was... interesting." Hobbes commented.

"Yes, well enlightening as this all was, I think it's high time we got rid of it." Calvin stated. "And you know what that means."

Hobbes looked at him for a second before catching on. "Oh, right. Ursula, would you turn around for a bit?"

"Why?"

"Calvin's going to deal with the boggart."

"So... what, is his worst fear really that terrifying?"

"It's not for your benefit." Hobbes said simply as he turned her about.

Calvin, in the meantime plucked a rock from the forest floor and flung it at the boggart, who at that point had Reeves almost completely backed into a tree. "Hey, you poser!" the boggart turned its head. "Yeah, I'm talkin' t'you! You're wasting your time with the girl, she's a total and complete wuss! If you want some _real_ action, come over here!"

Calvin mentally prepared himself fro what was to come. He watched the boggart huff and fume, it's face flushing a deep salmon color. Then the color spread throughout the boggarts entire body while its body expanded, swelling like a balloon. It's mouth, formally in an enraged snarl, twisted up opening into a broad, disconcerting smile. It's eyes became black, empty holes, like the sockets of a doll; its ears spread flat and grew fan-like out of the sides of it's head while it's nose elongated, like a serpent sticking out of its face.

When it's transformation was complete, the boggart rose on its hind legs and bounded to where Calvin stood.

_Alright,_ Calvin thought to himself._ a boggarts weakness is laughter. So think of something funny, force it to assume a form you find comical._

The boggart was nearly on top of him when Calvin finally thrust his wand at it, bellowing "_Riddikulus!_"

Reeves pulled herself up, still shaking a bit from the ordeal. As she raised her head, she witnessed the strange, gigantic creature Calvin's fears had brought to reality swirl and shrink. When it stopped moving, there stood a large pink rabbit with a drum attached to is front and a pair of sticks in its paws.

The boggart moved forward, beating its drum as it went. Everyones eyes followed it as it went its way.

"Resourceful way of dealing with it." Ursula said, a slight grin playing on her lips.

"You think it'll keep going and going and going?" Hobbes asked.

"Let's hope it keeps going and going and going." Calvin replied. "In the meantime, let's the four of _us_ keep going and going and going!"

The rest were eager to comply.

They ran through the forest as if the Devil himself pursued them; no one gave any concern to their needs, no thought of their aching limbs or parched throats or gasping breath. The only thought that dominated their minds was the need to get away.

After a great while, they finally reached the point where they had to rest. They piled themselves on the forest floor, gasping and panting. "That – was outrageous." Calvin wheezed, pulling out a water bottle and taking a swig before passing it around.

"Next time we find a box buried in the forest," Hobbes said after taking his drink. "I vote we _not_ open it!"

"I gotta say though," Calvin said to Reeves as she seated herself. "That was very interesting, seeing the boggart scaring you."

She looked at him disdainfully. How dare he mock her after that whole ordeal. The urge to slap him entered her thoughts, but then they were followed by an idea she'd not thought of before.

She had often seen Calvin making remarks like that to Hobbes and Ursula. Neither of the cats had ever taken umbrage at his words – usually, they would respond in kind. Such jibes aimed at each other didn't seem to be detrimental to their relationships, on the contrary, they seemed to strengthen their ties.

Is that what he was doing? Was he attempting to make peace with her? To include her into his circle of friends? But that was impossible, he hated Slytherins simply for the fact that they were Slytherins. – no, that wasn't true, she realized. He hated the Slytherins for what they did and what they stood for, not for who they were, she had grown to realize that.

Several students (mostly Gryffindores) who had affronted Slytherins held severe grudges against them, so much that they developed a spite for the entire noble House. Calvin, however, didn't take that way. Sure he had a heated spite toward Draco Malfoy and his friends, but that was really instigated through their prejudice against mudbloods. Calvin usually left most people alone – only when you affronted him personally did he become your enemy.

That was one of the reasons she thought she could sway him to her side, a reason which proved futile. No, he surely wouldn't include her among his friends. Although, there was still that part of her, however small, that hoped that it could still happen. In the meantime, she thought it best to attempt some form of jibing back at him. "Oh please, it couldn't have been any worse than yours. From what I saw of that thing, it looked a bit goofy. What was it anyway? Some sort of acid monster?"

"Close." Hobbes muttered.

"And where did you even find one of those things? I've never seen or read anything about it in 'Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them'."

"No, it was from a movie." Calvin said. "There was this one part where a couple characters get drunk and this whole big scene follows with – well,... I'd rather not talk about it."

"I'm gonna have nightmares now, I just know it." Ursula said, glumly. Hobbes put an arm around her as to reassure her. It would've worked had he not still been shaking himself.

"Well, after an ordeal like that, I doubt any of us will have sweet dreams tonight." said Calvin

"And this place isn't helping matters." Reeves put in, looking around at the foreboding trees. "I swear, I feel like I've been tromping around the Tulgey Wood, or something."

"_LOOK OUT, IT'S THE JABBERWOCK!!!_" Ursula exclaimed.

"_WHAT?!_" Reeves spun around, aghast. Ursula then belted out laughing. She held her sides as she shook with every breath. She fell to the ground, still laughing away.

* * *

"Hey, I just thought of something." Susie interrupted. "Reeves was pure-blood, wasn't she?"

"Actually, I think both her parents were half-blood. If they were pure-bloods, I don't think 'ol Voldy would've gone and recklessly done them in."

"Alright, but she still had pure-blood beliefs regarding muggles, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, so how is it that she knew all these 'Alice in Wonderland' references?"

"Oh yeah. Apparently, Lewis Carrol was a wizard."

" – You're kidding."

"Nope, got his Chocolate Frog card 'an everything."

"Oh come on. I suppose next you'll be telling me that Chuck Norris is a – "

"I've got his card, too."

Susie's face fell to her hand. "... I guess I should've seen that coming." she paused for a moment, seeming to gather her thoughts together. "So what happened?" Calvin looked at her quizzically. "To Reeves." Susie clarified. "Did she ever change? Did you learn to get along? Where is she now?"

"Do you really wanna know?" Calvin asked. Susie nodded her consent. "Okay... here's what happened..."

* * *

They were tired. They had been walking who knew how long. As the sky burned scarlet with the suns retreat over the horizon, Calvin called for a break.

Everyone fell to the ground, glad to be off their feet. "We'll camp here tonight." Calvin announced.

"Here?" Reeves asked.

"Yes here! You got a problem with that?!"

"But,... the ground here is so,... so... hard."

"Reeves, it's the ground! It's _always_ hard!"

"But, but – it's"

Calvin put his hand up to silence her. "Reeves, just once, just, just for the _novelty_ of it, how 'bout we try to go through one evening, just one lousy evening _without complaining!_"

She slumped back, a hurt expression on her features. Calvin set about, getting his own sleeping area ready. "Sheesh, you think you're the _only_ one who's suffering? You think I _enjoy_ tromping around through the wilderness? You think I wouldn't rather be sleeping in a_ real_ bed? Well, as much as I enjoy playing in the dirt, I'd rather not sleep on it! I would much rather be sleeping in my own bed, or some luxurious hotel, or even – "

"Hogwarts." Ursula said.

"Oh yeah, I can't even begin to describe how much I'd rather be in my dorm back at Hogwarts – "

"No, it is Hogwarts!" Ursula interrupted. The others gathered around, curious. "See? That castle down there? It's Hogwarts!"

Calvin looked in awe at the sight before him. Down in the valley that spread before them, standing at the head of a sparkling great lake, loomed the dark silhouette of a building he would know anywhere. "Oh look at that, it totally is Hogwarts." He turned around, his hand to his head. "How on earth did we get back here?"

"Don't ask us!" Hobbes said. "We were following you."

That was true. Calvin had been leading the way for them all. But he had no planned course, he simply went by whatever way struck him as being best. And all his wandering had led him back to Hogwarts – like some sort of homing pigeon. "Well I must say I have mixed feelings here."

"How so?" Asked Hobbes.

"Well, on the one hand, I've never been happier to see Hogwarts, but with the Death Eaters running the show, it's the last place I wanna be right now."

"So what do we do?" asked Reeves.

Calvin thought that over a bit. "Well we can't stay here. That's a given. But since we're all so tired,..." He gave the castle one last, longing glance. "Like I said, we'll sleep here till morning, but we make tracks at first light! Get it?"

"Got it."

"Good."

And so they made camp for the night. For Calvin, it wasn't a restful night. He had a dream where he was a pig and he was crammed into tiny stalls with hundreds of other pigs. Then a group of men in elaborate appeal pulled him from his stall and chained him to a large wooden block. A black figure appeared who had skull for a head with a live snake slithering out between its jaws. It wielded an enormous, sparkling green ax which it raised over its head and swiped down.

Calvin jolted up from the floor. Around him, his companions were all awake and looking around nervously. It was soon obvious why.

A voice (which was no doubt what had woken them all) was speaking. It sounded close, had they been discovered? But no, there was no one around; the speaker had to be far away, it's voice amplified so all around could hear. And it was still speaking.

"Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you. I have great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood." the small party looked at each other, their faces pale and expressions anxious. "Give me Harry Potter," the voice continued "and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter, and I shall leave the school unharmed. Give me Harry Potter, and you will be rewarded.

"You have until midnight."

The silence that followed was deafening.

"... That was freaky." Hobbes said, at length.

"It, it's him!" Reeves chuckled. "The Dark Lord... is here!"

"Harry Potter." Calvin gulped. "Why's he after Harry Potter?"

"Don't you know?!" gasped Reeves. "Harry Potter is believed to be the only one who can defeat the Dark Lord! And now he's come to remove the threat."

"... You're really choked up about this, aren't you?" Calvin snapped at her, accusingly.

"I – " she stopped short. "I,... I don't know!... I don't know how I should feel."

"Well while you figure that out, we've got to do something." Ursula said, then turned to Calvin. "So, what should we do?"

"Wha – why are you asking me?" Calvin demanded.

"We need to know Calvin!" the lioness replied. "What are we to do? Should we fight?"

"How should I know?! Why do_ I_ have to be the _in charge person?!_" he tromped off away from them. Both cats knew better than to try and follow him.

_What am I supposed to do?_ Calvin thought angrily. _Why do they need me to make the decision, for crying out loud! They could easily go and fight if they wanted to! What time is it, anyway? Eleven thirty. Hmmm, if we left now, we could probably make it there before the fighting starts... of course, this isn't some playground fight, it's a real war against enemies trained to kill!... Man ALIVE I hate having to make this kind of decision!_

He looked out at the castle. Surely there were enough people there who would fight (and probably die) to stop Voldemort. On the other hand, one man could easily mean the difference between victory and defeat, but would that one man be him? Would anything he did in this fight make a lick of difference?

Hobbes and Ursula could make an impact on the outcome – a big one at that! Since they were immune to magic, they'd probably come out unscathed. But would he? Of course if he did perish, he would die a martyr; that ought to count for something. But then he'd _really_ rather not die at all. Sighing, he walked back to his companions. "Whadda you think?" he asked them.

"Whatever you decide, we'll be right behind you." Hobbes answered.

"But what do you think we should do?" Calvin pressed.

"Well I think we should fight!" Ursula chimed.

"Yeah, we need to do what we can to help the cause." Hobbes added.

"To do what's right." Ursula clarified.

"I see." Calvin said "... What do you think?" he turned to Reeves.

She looked back at him, her eyes wide. She looked confused, like she didn't know what to think. Sadly, her gaze dropped and she turned away from them.

"Right." Calvin grumbled. "... I sure hope this doesn't come back to bite me!" he took his rucksack and thrust its open mouth forward. The skyboard flew out of the sack and hovered a foot or two in front of them. "Saddle up, guys!" he said to the cats. "We're in for the fight of our lives.


	19. Darkness before Dawn

**IMPORTANT A\N: **As you all know, I have tried to stay true to the events that take place in the Harry Potter books with maybe a few unintended deviations here and there. However, in this chapter there is going to be one not only major, but deliberate change from the book. No offense to J.K. Rowling, this is just how _I_ think it should've happened. Also, you will find some text in this chapter that will sound oddly familiar – that it because it is lines taken directly from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows. Just thought say right here that I don't own these particular lines.

Any-dang-way...

* * *

The atmosphere in the castle was tense. Throughout the halls and corridors of Hogwarts, those who had come to fight for the defense of the school were anxious; pent up like coiled springs ready to be set loose the instant the fighting broke out.

One particular student's ears picked up at a sudden sound. A loud crash like the shattering of glass. Quietly, she crept around the corner where the sound had come from. Gazing around, she was surprised by what she saw.

Calvin leaped down from his skyboard, dusting himself off. _Flying through a window must've been one heck of a way to make an entrance,_ he thought to himself. _If nothing else, it must've gotten somebody's attention._ He stuffed the skyboard into his rucksack and motioned for Hobbes and Ursula to follow him. They crept along till they reached a turn in the hall where they ran into "_Luna!_" Calvin exclaimed.

He clasped the girl tightly around her waist, hugging her tightly. She returned the gesture, holding her first friend closely to her. Despite the dire situation at the moment, happy tears leaked from her eyes.

"It's so good to see you again!" Calvin breathed. Truer words he had never spoken.

"It's good to see you too." she responded. "I was worried that garblats might have gotten you." Calvin burst out in a fit of laughter. Anxious scared as he was about the impending battle, this was just what he needed after all that time away, that trademark Luna Lovegood lighthearted zaniness.

"So what happened to you?" Calvin asked excitedly. "Where did you go? Did you – "

"Guys, we can reminisce later." Hobbes interrupted. "If you'd care to notice, it's midnight!"

"And it sounds like the party's started." Ursula observed, listening near a staircase.

"Right, of course." Calvin said, separating from Luna. Suddenly, an idea struck him. "Say Luna, that chess set I always used to play with, is it still in the common room?"

"I... believe so,"

"Good. Accio chess set!"

"Ummm... how exactly are we going to fight an army of evil with an army of chess pieces?" Ursula asked as Calvin dropped the grumbling, indignant marble pieces onto the floor.

"You'll see." Hobbes answered.

"Alright guys, time for your makeovers!" Calvin said, pointing his wand at each piece in turn.

* * *

A pair of Death Eaters charged up the stairs. They charged through the corridor with furious determination to fulfill their master's orders. They turned a corner and stopped short. At the end of the hall, a couple of students stood surrounded by animated statues of monstrous, reptilian forms.

When Calvin saw the Death Eaters at the corner, looking very aghast at the sight that lay before them, he smiled broadly and in a friendly manner said. "Oh, hello.... Nice of you to join us this evening." he then looked behind him at his transfigured chess pieces, pointed his wand back at the Death Eaters and commanded "Sic." The chess pieces rushed to fulfill their command.

The course of action for the Death Eaters was clear. When there are thirty two giant monsters made entirely out of solid marble charging at you full steam ahead, there is only one thing to do – run. Well actually, there's two things – run and hope the things you're running from are slower than you. Unfortunately for these two Death Eaters, that was not the case.

A ceratosaurus clamped its jaws onto one Death Eater, crushing his bones and a stegosaurus swung its tail at the second Death Eater, impaling him on its marble thagomizers.

"Excellent!" Calvin declared. "Now troops, Hogwarts is under siege. You mission is simple, Attack anybody dressed like these two with all you got. Anybody else you do not attack, is that clear? All right, you have your orders. Dismissed!" The hallways rumbled and quaked as the monstrous forms stampeded toward the battle lines.

"And as for the rest of us," Calvin looked around at his friends expectant faces. "Let's join the party!" they all dashed off through the hallway, racing to the sounds of the fight. It wasn't at all difficult to get to the action – there were students, teachers, Death Eaters and even some things that weren't alive fighting all over the place. On every floor, stair and corridor an entire sea of bodies were engaged in a battle for survival.

Right off the bat, Hobbes hurled himself at a Death Eater who was attacking a very small student. The Death Eater never heard his approach, and never knew what hit him, and he would never hurt another person again.

Ursula, taking a cue from Hobbes, launched her own devastating attack on the Death Eaters; bouncing from one cloaked figure to another inflicting severe wounds on everyone she touched.

Calvin got his own share of the action, fighting off Death Eaters with gusto – usually on the offensive, striking from under cover – but often having to defend himself from their attacks as well.

How long had the fight gone on? Calvin couldn't tell – as if anyone could under such circumstances. At one point, he and Luna found themselves running along the hall of one of the upper levels when a large piece of the building suddenly broke off and plummeted directly to where they stood. Calvin – reacting to instinct more than actually thinking – rushed forward, rolling over the floor just seconds before the enormous chunk of castle crashed into the floor where they had been standing, taking the floor out underneath it.

Calvin looked at the huge gap that had appeared in the floor then looked across to where Luna stood. She looked a bit worse for wear, but more or less okay. "You all right?" he called.

"Yes." Luna answered. She observed the gap – it was too big to possibly jump over and there wasn't so much as a ledge to inch across. "What are we to do?" she asked.

Calvin pondered for a second. "... I guess we'll have to split up. No, don't argue." he could see that Luna was about to object "Just go! We'll meet up later!" _If we're lucky._ He added silently to himself.

He watched morosely as Luna turned and reluctantly ran the other way. He heaved a deep sigh; they had just been reunited for mere moments after months apart before being torn away once more. After this brief reunion it really hit home for Calvin just how much he missed her. The expression that you don't know what you've got till it's gone struck at him.

Calvin was pulled out of his reverie when a spell buzzed past his ear. Turning, he saw one large Death Eater pointing his wand at him. Infuriated, Calvin let go of all caution and reason and charged the Death Eater at full speed. The Death Eater kept firing spells at Calvin which he continually dodged and avoided. Each spell fired at Calvin made him all the more angry. As he ran, his teeth became more pointed and his nails sharpened into claws. Then as a full deinonycus, he leaped at the Death Eater, plunging them both into the wall – only, there wasn't wall behind them, but a window.

Calvin snarled at the Death Eater who looked back at him as if he was seeing the face of death itself. In an instance, Calvin noticed the rush of air around them. He took his eyes off his prey to see the flat and very hard ground coming closer to them at a speed he was not at all comfortable with. He cast one last nervous look at the Death Eater then turned and, using the Death Eaters body like a springboard, launched himself at the castle wall.

He plunged every one of his claws into the stones as they flew by, making a hideous shriek as they scraped through the wall. After some few seconds of sheer panic, Calvin felt the speed of his descent decreasing; though he knew better than to let his panic ease because of it. In an instant, he reached the floor with an unceremonious _wumph!_

He let himself rest for a moment. He knew there was a reason to get back up – a real good one, too, something very important, but it would have to wait – it hurt too much to get back up. After a time – he couldn't care less exactly how long – Calvin mustered all his physical might to pull himself up again. He changed back into a human and surveyed his surroundings. There were sounds from the battle resounding everywhere – shouts and blasts and explosions – no one seemed to be around his immediate position though.

A foot or so away from him he found the Death Eater he had fallen with. His landing hadn't been nearly as graceful.

Calvin crept around the perimeter of the castle, looking far an opportunity to strike at the invaders. Then he found the perfect targets. A group of Death Eaters huddled together – the way they were moving suggested they were making plans. Perfect, if he stuck them by surprise, he might be able to take most of them out before they could even figure out what was happening. Then he stepped on a twig that snapped unusually loud. Of course that caught their attention.

"Who's there?!" One of them demanded.

"_Oh, snap._" Calvin muttered to himself.

"Everyone on the offensive!" he heard the Death Eater command. In one movement, the Death Eaters raised their wands ready to fire. But before one of them could get a shot off, Calvin leaped from his hiding place firing every spell, curse and jinx he knew all hodge-podge every which-way like a loose cannon.

Several Death Eaters fell right at the beginning of the raging grease-fire of magic. The others were a bit luckier then their comrades and managed to avoid Calvin's onslaught. However, Calvin was attacking so rapidly and ferociously that the Death Eaters were having a hard time getting their own attacks in. Soon, the last two Death Eaters standing decided to take the risk and fired spells of their own at him.

That was a mistake.

Three spells collided in midair which resulted in a tremendous shockwave. Calvin was blown off his feet and tumbled backward several feet. One of the Death Eaters had been completely encased in ice and the second one had been transfigured into a bull.

"Oh, that's bad." Calvin said when he looked up to see the fuming bovine pawing the ground and snorting menacingly in his direction. Calvin took off running with the former human hot on his tails. "That's bad, really bad – that is very not good!" he huffed as he ran as fast as his legs could carry him. He was going really fast – faster than he ever would've thought possible. He also noticed that the ground looked further away than it should have.

It turned out that he hadn't been unaffected by that blast after all. A great pair of huge bat wings had sprouted out of his feet and he had unconsciously started flapping them. "Oh nice!" he exclaimed when he realized what was happening. "Very nice! Let's see el torro loco keep up with this!" he sped along through the air with the bull thundering after him.

Then suddenly his speed lessened and his altitude dropped. As he looked at his wings, he saw that they had taken the appearance of dried leaves. In an instance they crumpled and withered into dust. For the second time that night, Calvin fell to the ground rather indignantly.

Calvin pulled himself upward in time to see the former Death Eater about to plow into him. Just as he turned, bracing for impact, something tall and white came down onto the bull, crushing it beneath it's weight.

Calvin stared perplexed at the massive leg. He let his gaze travel up the leg to see the startling form of an allosaurus (the white queen from his transfigured chess set) gazing back at him. An atop the queen's back – just behind the bend of her neck – sat Luna.

Luna patted the marble beast on the side of her head like she was praising a dog for performing a trick. She sat on the allosaurus without so much as a saddle or reigns, and yet she sat confidently and so naturally like this was something she did everyday. The image was so absurd and at the same time so natural that Calvin chuckled in spite of the situations.

"Glad to see you're all right." she said absently.

"Luna, I can honestly say that I have _never_ been so happy to see somebody in my life!" Calvin replied, pulling himself to his feet. The allosaur lowered herself close to the ground to allow Calvin to climb up where he positioned himself directly in front of Luna. "Alight!" he said in a commanding voice. "It's time to kick some butt and chew bubblegum – 'an I'm all out of gum. Forward!"

The allosaur let out a low, rumbling growl and stalked through the battle field, trampling foes beneath her massive feet. From their elevated position, Calvin and Luna were in place to bombard assaulting Death Eaters with a cornucopia of spells before their enemies even knew where they were.

They rounded a corner of the castle where they saw two giants struggling against each other. As they got closer, Calvin could see that one of the giants was considerably smaller than the other. Instantly, memories of his past experiences with Moe cascaded over him and his heart went out to the smaller giant. Getting his mounts attention, Calvin whispered instructions to her. He then told Luna to hold tight to him as the allosaur stood completely upright sending the two humans sliding down her back and off the tip of her tail.

"What was the purpose of this?" Luna asked, curiously.

"Just watch." was all Calvin said. They both watched as the animated chess piece charged toward the two colossal fighters and then leaped onto the back of the big giant sinking all of her claws into his flesh and clamped her jaws around the back of his neck. The giant roared in agony at this new assailant. Seeing an opportunity, the little giant charged at his opponent, striking him in the chest and tackling him to the ground. "Shweet!" Calvin breathed at the spectacle.

Luna, however, wasn't watching. She had turned her attention to a point in the distance where a dark mass had gathered. "Oh!" she gasped and started running toward the darkness.

"Luna, wait! Where're you going?" Calvin demanded, holding onto her.

"Dementors!" she hastily explained. "There are friends over there! I have to help them!"

"Alright." Calvin nodded, understandingly. "Let's get going, then." he and she both ran to the area where the dementors had gathered. But then Calvin stumbled as a spell exploded right under his feet.

He pulled himself up to see another Death Eater prowling toward him, wand poised in an attack position. Calvin leaped aside as another curse flew toward him. Gritting his teeth, he returned fire.

Dodge – counter – sidestep – parry – block – jump – duck – fire. Calvin didn't know how long this fight had carried on, but both contenders were starting to feel the strain of their conflict.

"This would all be over a lot quicker if you'd stop moving around!" the Death Eater snarled, shooting another spell.

"Yeah, same goes to you!" Calvin replied, launching his own spell back at him. Battle resumed for moment when Calvin was caught off guard by a rumbling over the ground. He took his eyes off his opponent for a split second to see another giant charging at the castle wielding an enormous club.

The Death Eater capitalized on Calvin's error, firing a curse at him while he was distracted. Fortunately, Calvin realized it and jumped aside at the last second. _Un_fortunately, he landed badly and sprained his ankle, crumpling to the ground.

The Death Eater stood over Calvin triumphantly. "Show's over, you little brat!" he said with a malicious smile.

Calvin closed his eyes, bracing for what he knew was coming. He heard the Death Eater exclaim the killing curse, knew that this was how his life was to end. But then time passed – much more time than should have – and Calvin found himself still alive. Tentatively, he opened his eyes. And what he saw caused his breath to catch in his throat.

Natalie Reeves lay on the ground before him. Her form was crumpled and twisted at odd angles, her face looked at the heavens with eyes that no longer saw.

* * *

Susie's gasp was loud enough for the entire household to hear. "She – ... Natalie is – she's... _dead?_"

Calvin nodded his head silently, his expression solemn.

"But... I – I thought she had stayed behind. I thought she wasn't going to fight."

"Apparently, she had a change of heart." Calvin replied, his voice cracking.

Susie inhaled deeply, trying desperately to calm her nerves. "What – ... what did you do?"

* * *

Calvin looked down at the lifeless body before him, his mouth falling open. Ahead of him, the Death Eater scoffed indifferently.

"Idiot girl!" he sneered. "What's the big idea jumping in front of my killing curse like that?!" he kicked one of her feet, as if to emphasize his point.

When Calvin heard the Death Eaters words and saw the way Reeves' body was spread across the ground, the full realization of what happened came to him. Reeves hadn't been in the way, she had put herself between him and the curse. She had sacrificed herself to save him!

This knowledge combined with the Death Eater's mocking indifference caused a new fury to boil inside of him. Paying no heed to his complaining body, he leaped into the air, changing as he lunged at his enemy.

The Death Eater, seeing what was about to happen, drew his wand to fire another killing curse at Calvin.

He wasn't quite fast enough.

Calvin's saurian jaws slammed down on the Death Eaters hand, snapping his wand in two. With a swift twist of his raptor head, the Death Eater was rendered a lefty.

Calvin shoved the Death Eater to the ground and placed himself atop his chest, piercing him with his scythe-like claws. He growled at his foe, giving the Death Eater a full view of his mouth and all his terrifying teeth. Calvin could have killed him right then and there – and some would argue that he should have – but he stopped himself. Calvin wasn't like these people, he wasn't a murderer. But still, he was hurt and he was angry, he burned with an anger the intensity of which he had never felt before. So he wouldn't kill this man, but he was going to ensure that the remainder of his life would be spent in constant pain.

He drew his forearm back and swiped it downward, scratching long gashes along the Death Eaters face. He raked his giant claws across the mans body, cutting deep into his flesh. Again and again he struck the helpless Death Eater; kicking, scratching, lashing, biting and wailing a fearsome howl the whole while!

All of a sudden he stopped. Someone was talking near by – right next to them, from the sound of it. He turned to see who had appeared, only to find no one. The voice, wherever it was coming from, continued, saying "You have fought, valiantly. Lord Voldemort knows how to value bravery.

"Yet you have sustained heavy losses. If you continue to resist me, you will all die, one by one. I do not wish this to happen. Every drop of magical blood spilled is a loss and a waste.

"Lord Voldemort is merciful. I command my forces to retreat immediately.

"You have one hour. Dispose of your dead with dignity. Treat your injured."

Calvin tentatively stepped off the limp form, though still wary of any attacks the man might throw at him – however unlikely that might have been. Voldemorts voice continued its dark monologue. "I speak now, Harry Potter, directly to you. You have permitted your friends to die for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in the forbidden forest. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, not given yourself up, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Harry Potter, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour."

Calvin watched the wounded Death Eater weakly struggle to pull himself onto his feet. (or, at least, off of the ground.) Calvin watched the struggling man with contempt burning behind his eyes. "Scamper back to your master, you pathetic excuse of a human!" he said to him – only, he was still in his animagus form, so all that came out was a high-pitched, throaty growl. The Death Eater seemed to get the drift regardless.

When his opponent departed, Calvin turned slowly to Reeves corps, laying forlornly where she fell. "Why, Reeves?" he demanded, his voice weak and cracking. "Why did you do it?!" She made no response. And yet, as Calvin gazed upon the poor body, the wretched shrew who had caused him so much grief, he couldn't help but notice that she looked more serene now than he had ever seen her.

After a time, he heard the sound of footsteps approaching. Before he even turned, he knew it was Hobbes and Ursula. Although furries were impervious to magic, they were not invincible. They limped to where Calvin stood, each one supporting the other. Hobbes seemed to be favoring his right leg, his left eye was squinting and a great splotch of blood was smeared across his chin. Ursula had a notch taken out of her left ear, her tail was bent and she was holding her ribs, wincing as she went. Both cats looked to have several bruises all over themselves.

"Man, some night, huh?" Hobbes breathed.

"Yeah." Calvin grunted, not looking up.

"This is just outrageous!" Ursula said. "This fight's got everyone riled up. Even the giant squid's gotten a piece of – what's that? What're you looking at?" she gasped once she fully saw Reeves' body laying on the ground. She wrapped her arms around Hobbes, pulling him closer.

Hobbes' eyes widened at the sight of the body, dumbfounded at what he saw. "What happened?!" he croaked.

"I, I think she just took a bullet for me." Calvin answered, finding the strength to face them.

Ursula gulped, burying her face in Hobbes chest. "We – " Hobbes swallowed, trying to get the words out. "We should take her to the castle. They – " he sucked in a deep breath while fighting back tears. "They'll be able to bury her there."

"No." Calvin stated, heavily. The two cats looked at him in surprise. "No." he repeated. "We're going to bury her here. Right where she fell."

"... Are – are you sure you want to do this? Up at the castle they can – "

"_Yes, Hobbes!_" Calvin snapped, his voice coarse. "It's just... it's something I have to do."

Hobbes nodded, understandingly. "Alright." he said.

Calvin smiled a weak, sad little smile, appreciative of Hobbes and his understanding ways. "Right.... which way's east?"

Hobbes pointed out the direction. Calvin turned Reeves' body to face the east, laying her in the supine position. He laid her hands crossed over her chest and closed her eyes and mouth. He stepped back, taking in one last look at her still and peaceful form.

Sighing deeply, he pointed his wand at her body. Immediately, the body started undulating – as if she were merely stirring from a deep sleep. But then the soil she laid on began rolling out from under her in large waves. Slowly, the lifeless body sank into the earth while the turning, rolling soil fell back in on top of her, finally compacting into a tightly packed grave.

Calvin picked a twig off of the ground and transfigured it into a cross. He planted the marker at the head of the grave, hearing it thud into the ground with a grim finality. "Goodbye... Natalie." he choked out, gruffly.

The trio turned back toward the school silently and morosely. "What do you think will happen to her?" Ursula quietly asked.

"If there's any justice in this world, or the next, she'll be with her parents again." Calvin responded.

* * *

The Great Hall of Hogwarts was packed in a way Calvin had never seen before. Everywhere there were people cloistered together. Mourning, comforting, grieving and tending the wounded. Right down the center of the Hall was a row of tables that had dead bodies laid out over them.

One table had a group of people all with red hair clustered around the body that lay there. One person moved for a moment which allowed Calvin to see the body of one of the Weasley twins upon the table.

Calvin was aghast. This sight was too much for him. He knew the twins, they were his friends – and now one of their lives had been tragically cut short. This was far more than he could bare! Before either of the cats could stop him, he fled the hall – fled the vary castle.

Outside, Calvin planted his hand on the castle wall. His body trembled, convulsing with emotions – anger, grief, frustration and sorrow. Trembling with grief, he looked up at the sky. A bright star twinkled at him – though if he knew his astronomy, that wasn't a star but a planet – Mars, in fact._ Mars, the god of war_. Calvin thought bitterly.

"_WHY?!?!_" he roared to the sky, demanding someone to answer for the events of the night. "How could you let so many people die?! They didn't deserve any of this!! How can you justify taking them like that and letting the villains run free?!?! _WELL?!?!_" he couldn't help himself any more. He fell onto the wall and let his tears flow.

Calvin didn't cry easily. He could easily show his happiness or anger or other easy emotions, but he would never allow himself to cry. Only when he couldn't hold it back any longer would he let it come. And even then he hated for anyone to know about it.

And so he jumped when a hand touched him. "Calvin... are you alright?" Luna asked, concern flowing through her voice.

Calvin refused to turn around. "Please don't look at me." he choked. Luna's response was to pull him into an embrace. "No, don't – " he tried to say, but Luna held him tighter.

"It's going to be all right." she cooed, softly.

Calvin resisted the urge to scoff. "How can you possibly know that?!" he countered, his voice old and creaking.

"I don't, really." she admitted. "But it's better to think that way, don't you think?" Calvin made no reply. Luna continued, saying. "I know it's hard, and it seems unfair, but all those people aren't gone completely."

"What, is this some sort of zen _'as long as you remember them, then their still with you'_ kind of thing?!" Calvin croaked.

"Not at all." Luna replied. "I believe everything that lives has a spirit. And spirits aren't susceptible to the pains of mortality. Don't worry," she whispered into his ear. "We'll see them all again."

"It still hurts." Calvin said, bitterly.

"Of course it does. But it will pass... in time." Luna held her friend firmly as he let his emotions flow.

* * *

In time, Calvin was able to compose himself enough to return to the Great Hall along with Luna. Hobbes and Ursula quickly went to him, wrapping him in a tight embrace. No words were said – none needed to be – and Calvin was all the more grateful for it.

Together, the small group surveyed the damage caused from the events of the night. Aside from the tables where the dead lay, there were tables where the wounded were being treated. All around, families wept and comforted each other.

Even Hogwarts itself had sustained heavy damage. The mighty castle that had always seemed like an impervious stronghold to Calvin had pieces walls with bits and pieces blown out of them, staircases in shambles and deep scars through the stone structure. All around were chunks of masonry, splintered wood, desecrated suits of armor and pieces of statues – even chunks from Calvin's chess set he had sent to fight. He discovered that most of them had been destroyed in the fray – only a single bishop and a few pawns survived.

The friends clustered together in an empty corner of the Hall. They sat there in silence – each one consumed in their own thoughts and concerns of the situation. After what seemed forever, a call rang out through the Hall. "The Death Eaters are coming! Harry Potter is dead!"

* * *

"Well, I could seriously use a drink." Calvin said absently.

Susie stared agog as the young wizard flicked his wand, conjuring a can of soda from out of the air. She couldn't believe he'd have the audacity to just abruptly stop the story right at its most exciting point just because he felt thirsty. Well... actually she could believe it.

"Oh." Calvin jolted after a long pull from his can. "Did you want some?"

"How can you possibly be drinking at a time like this?!" Susie demanded, her breathing rapid and shallow.

"A time like what?" he asked, quizzically.

"You've gotten to the point where Harry Potter gets killed and the Death Eaters are storming the castle and – "

"Okay, If you're really so frantic for the conclusion..." he took another swig from his soda. "Sure you don't want any?"

"_Get on with it!"_ Susie snapped.

"_Alright_." Calvin replied, tartly. "So, Voldemort and his flunkies show up and he starts spouting out all about Harry Potter trying to sneak away and save himself. Nobody believed him, though." he added when he saw Susie's shocked expression. "Everyone kept calling his bluff and calling for Potter and shouting abuses at the Death Eaters and causing a general ruckus.

"What's really weird is that ol' Voldy kept putting silencing charms on the survivors, but for some reason, they just didn't hold."

"You mean,... his spells weren't working?"

"No, they worked. They just didn't last.

"Anyway, somebody decided to be reckless and charged at Voldemort."

"Really?" Susie gasped. "Who was it?"

"I dunno. I think his name was Neven, or something."

"What was he trying to accomplish?"

Calvin shrugged, making a _psht_ sound. "Maybe he thought he could take 'em by surprise and tackle Voldemort to death, or something. Well, as you can probably guess, it didn't quite work.

"After incapacitating him, Voldemort started going on about there being no more sortings or houses at Hogwarts – that everyone would wear the colors of Slytherin. And he decided to make an example of Neven by putting the Sorting Hat on him and setting it on fire."

Susie gasped audibly. Calvin glanced over to her to see she was holding herself and looking forward wide-eyed. "What – what happened next?"

"A lot of stuff happened next." Calvin answered. "The centaurs in the forest decided they wanted a piece of the action, that smallish giant appeared – which caused the big giants to go trampling after him, and then Neven pulls himself up and brings this sword out of nowhere and lunged at Voldemort with it."

"So, he killed him?" Susie said, eyes lightening.

"Nah, he missed. Nailed the snake, though."

"What snake?"

"Oh, Voldy had this huge snake draped over his shoulders during the whole ordeal. Neven's sword swinging decapitated it."

"He had a snake over his shoulders?"

"Yeah."

"Whoa, now that's what I'd call a boa." Susie snickered. Calvin looked at her incredulously. "Oh gosh," She sunk her face into her hand. "I can't believe I just said that!"

"Actually,... that was pretty good!" Calvin commented. "Now,... where was I?"

"Neven killed the snake." Susie reminded him.

"_Right!_ So after that, it was total anarchy!"

* * *

Calvin watched the scene unfolding as if in slow motion. After the huge serpent fell to the floor, every wizard present charged forward – swarming over one another like schools of piranha.

All around the outside were the pounding of centaurs hooves, the twang of bowstrings and the thundering of giants massive feet. The ensuing tumult was forcing the battling wizards back in through the shattered wall into the Great Hall.

Hobbes and Ursula jumped into the action clawing and mauling any Death Eater that got too close to them. Using their impressive feline strength, they seized Death Eaters and threw them aside like limp dolls. Calvin witnessed Hobbes clamp his jaws onto one Death Eaters leg with a disturbing _crunch_.

He hardly had time to process this, however, as he had his own fights to worry about. He ran about the ruined castle shooting spells at adversaries and ducking curses. At one time, he was blown back a ways and bumped into a solid body – at least, that's what it felt like. But when he turned around, there was nobody there.

As if there wasn't enough insanity going around, a loud explosion resounded and a new army – one comprised entirely of house elves wielding knives and other kitchen utensils stormed onto the scene and commenced stabbing and pricking at the startled Death Eaters. A sight Calvin would've found hysterical were the situation less dire.

Amidst the ensuing chaos, Calvin found Luna together with two other girls – Hermione and Ginny if he remembered correctly – and they were all battling together against the nastiest, scariest, most insane witch he had ever seen. She was outnumbered three to one, yet she seemed more than capable of taking them on. She swiped, jabbed and struck with her wand at her three opponents, fighting with the intensity of a cornered panther.

Before Calvin could even think about it, he found himself moving toward the fight – unsure of what to do but knowing he had to help somehow. Before he took even two steps, however, an enraged shout screamed from somewhere behind him and he found himself bowled over. Scrambling to his feet, he watched as the person who ran him over charged toward the brawling witches. Due to her vibrant red hair, Calvin surmised that it had to be one of the Weasleys – their mother most likely.

Quickly and stealthily, he crept after her and watched as she engaged the manic witch in combat. What followed was a sight he would not forget no matter how hard he tried. It was simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating – the crazed witch's wand sliced and jabbed through the air casting shots of light at her opponent aiming to kill; but the Weasley matriarch was equal to her and fought against her savagely, like a grizzly protecting her cub. "No!" Mrs. Weasley cried as a few students ran forward, trying to come to her aid. "Get back! _Get back!_ She is mine!"

Calvin made his way around the bystanders – being sure to give the two duelers a wide berth – and came to Luna's side. She flinched a bit when he touched her, but when she saw who it was she relaxed; well, as much as one can relax when in the middle of a giant battle.

"What will happen to your children when I've killed you?" the mad witch taunted as spells flew around her like angry hornets. "When Mummy's gone the same way as Freddie?"

"You – will – never – touch – our – children – again!" Mrs. Weasley howled in fury.

The mad witch erupted in a high-pitched cackle that sounded like the clucking of a deranged fowl. Mrs. Weasley made a move for a killing blow when her opponent – surprisingly lucid – made a quick strike with her wand. Mrs. Weasley gasped in surprise and clutched herself. She doubled over and convulsed in what was clearly excruciating pain. Though she was brought to the floor trembling for pain, no cry or breath of despair escaped her. Meanwhile, the witch who held her in the torture curse smiled widely, like a twisted, underground version of the Cheshire cat all the while laughing her evil, piercing cackle.

Everyone watching simultaneously moved to attack the witch, but a thunderous, bloodlusted roar resonated causing everyone to turn. The boy who had killed Voldemort's snake came galloping through the crowd – the very sword he had wielded earlier clutched tightly in his hand. He charged through the little arena sweeping the blade upward toward the evil witch.

She didn't even have time to gasp.

The tip of the sword plunged into her chest making a sickening sound. The witch dropped her wand, releasing Mrs. Weasly from her spell, and collapsed to her knees. She looked up the length of the blade up into the face of the boy who brought about her demise – his expression a chiseled mask of cold anger and just fury.

She continued laughing – very weakly now – never taking her eyes off his; her mouth hanging slack, her teeth stained with her own blood.

The boy clutched the hilt of the sword tighter. Leaning in close, he seethed "May your evil deeds speed you down to _hell!_" and with that, he twisted the sword, pulling it out. Silently, the witch fell to the earth, her life extinguished.

And then another furious scream filled the Hall. Calvin looked to see the awful sight of Voldemort pointing his wand at the boy who had felled his last, great supporter. Before anyone had a chance to react, a Shield Charm erupted from somewhere. Everyone looked around for the source of the spell when there was a disturbance in the air – like the movement of fabric – and Harry Potter stood in the middle of the battlefield.

Exclamations and murmurs escaped the lips of everyone present and were quickly stifled as Harry and Voldemort began to circle each other.

"I don't want anyone else to try to help," Harry said loudly, and in the total silence his voice carried like a trumpet call. "It's got to be like this. It's got to me."

Voldemort hissed.

"Potter doesn't mean that," he said, his red eyes wide. "That isn't how he works, is it? Who are you going to use as a shield today, Potter?"

"Nobody," said Harry simply. "There are no more Horcruxes. It's just you and me. Neither can live while the other survives, and one of us is about to leave for good..."

"One of us?" jeered Voldemort, and his whole body was taut and his red eyes stared, a snake that was about to strike. "You think it will be you, do you, the boy who survived by accident, and because Dumbledore was pulling the strings?"

"Accident was it, when my mother died to save me?" Asked Harry as he and Voldemort continued moving in their perfect circle. "Accident, when I decided to fight in that graveyard? Accident, that I didn't defend myself tonight, and still survived, and returned to fight again?"

"_Accidents!_" screamed Voldemort, and the crowd stood petrified, almost afraid to breath.

Calvin watched the exchange with rapt attention, his hand clutching his wand so tight that his nails were cutting into his skin. He watched and listened as the two combatants continued their counterpoints. He listened as Voldemort mockingly went one about love – Dumbeldore's favorite solution. (Whatever _that_ was supposed to mean.) And Harry countered, revealing Dumbledores plan. He spoke of how Dumbledore had planned his death, how Snape had been his confidant and and killed him as part of his master plan. He also spoke of wand lore, and something called the Elder Wand – the very wand Voldemort was wielding. Harry revealed how Dumbledore had planned to die the Elder Wands last, true master. But something had gone wrong. Someone had taken the wand from him unwillingly.

The Elder Wand had changed its allegiance to Draco Malfoy; and he hadn't even realized it.

This seemed of little consequence to Voldemort; he stated that he would deal with Malfoy in due time. But Potter wasn't finished. He told the tale of how he had had a skirmish with Malfoy, how he had overpowered him and took his wand from him. And so if what they believed about wand lore was true, it would mean that the true master of the Elder Wand was Harry Potter himself.

It was at that moment that the first light of morning spilled through the castles enchanted ceiling illuminating both combatants faces in a fiery blaze – just as both wizards aimed their spells at each other for the final blow.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

"_Expelliarmus!_"

The spells met in the dead center with a force like a bomb explosion. And the Elder Wand spun high into the air spinning toward the master it would not kill who caught it in his free hand with ease. And Voldemort fell backward, arms splayed, the slit pupils of the scarlet eyes rolling upward.

* * *

"And he died." Calvin took a long pull from his can, finishing off the last of his soda.

Susie looked forward, tense and slightly aghast. "That's it?" she asked, timidly.

"That's it!" Calvin answered, crunching his can in his fist.

Susie was still looking ahead, her expression relaying that she had a lot to say, but no idea how to say it. "That...... it's just,... it..... seems like a..... mundane way to end it."

"Well what'd you expect? That Voldy's body combusted in this colossal explosion that burst through the ceiling and up into the very heavens and when it dispersed, a pillar of light shown down on Harry Potter bathing him in an otherworldly, heroic aura?"

"Well,..." Susie pulled her legs up, hugging them to herself and grinning sheepishly. "kinda."

"Yeah, stuff like that only happens in fantasy novels!"

"But that's it? Seriously?! The villain was defeated, the reign of terror ended and all that happens is he falls over dead? That's all?"

Well no, that's not entirely all. We celebrated."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! We all had this real loud hootenanny! All of everyone was whoopin' and hollerin' and cheering their voices hoarse! The people who had been imperioused all came to, a new Minister of Magic was appointed and Potter was hailed as a hero! And... well, that pretty much leads to the here and now.

"So that really is all, then?" Susie sighed.

"Yep. That's the end of that tale." Calvin said as he stretched himself.

Susie sat up suddenly. "Hey what time is it?"

Calvin pulled out a gold watch from his pocket. "It's not late," he said, flipping it open. "It's only – e... leven fifty." he looked back up at Susie only to see that she seemed more interested in the watch he held than the actual time. Calvin remembered that it was quite unlikely that she had ever seen a watch that had stars spinning around its face rather than hands. "Nice, huh?" he said. "Luna gave it to me – apparently, it's tradition for a wizard to receive a watch when he comes of age."

"Wow!" Susie exclaimed. "That's really amazing!"

"Yeah, it's – " Whatever else Calvin had to say, it was cut off when an orange and black torpedo slammed into him with a resounding _thud._

"It's happened!!" Hobbes exclaimed, hugging Calvin in a bone crunching embrace. "C'mon, you gotta come see this!" In an instant, he let go of Calvin and dashed away up the stairs.

"What was that about?" Susie asked, watching the retreating tiger.

Calvin was clutching his sides, groaning slightly when his eyes shot open – full realization of what was going on occurring to him. "Oh – _oh!_ Hey c'mon, let's go see!"

He led the way up the stairs, down the hall and into a room with its door ajar. Susie followed, uncertain as to what this was all about, but following anyway if only to satisfy her curiosity.

She entered the room to see a large, tawny form (which obviously had to be Ursula.) sprawled out on the floor. Hobbes sat on the floor beside her, nuzzling her head with his and grinning a wide smile. She then looked down at the floor. "Oh." she gasped.

Laying across Ursula's belly, two tiny forms sat suckling. Susie knelt down on the floor to better see the cubs. They were such tiny things – so little and delicate. Their fur was still slick from being born, yet she still thought them to be beautiful.

"Hobbes, they're adorable." Susie said, beaming.

"Yeah. Nice work, buddy." Calvin added, punching Hobbes lightly on the shoulder wearing a grin of his own.

Hobbes smiled sheepishly. Meanwhile, Ursula was stirring. "Oh, hello." she said, seeing Susie looking at her litter so fondly. "I take it you must be Susie."

"Oh um, yes I am." Susie answered, slightly startled by Ursula addressing her.

"Well nice to meet you." she said, extending her paw which Susie accepted. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Good things, I hope?"

"Mostly. Of course, it did come from Calvin, so you can expect a fair bit of – er, elaboration."

Susie chuckled heartily and quickly delved into a rapid conversation with the lioness.

Calvin leaned back against the far wall. If there was one truth in the world, it's that all women – regardless of species – love to talk. And as they chatted and gossiped away, he thought back.

Remembering all the times he had had through the past years. There had been a lot of good times – of course, other times were not so good. But then again, they were two sides of the same coin; you couldn't have the good without the bad. It might not seem fair, but without the bad, you really can't appreciate the good. As he watched his friends newborn children, he was reminded that the difficult times in life are much like pregnancy; it causes immense pain and turmoil and unbelievable suffering, but then it passes. And in the end, it's all worth it.

His school years may be behind him, but that left space for a new chapter in Calvin's life. And good or ill, he would take what he was dealt.


	20. Epilogue: New Beginnings

And now, the conclusion of the Best Seven Years.

* * *

Steam billowed from around the great red engine. All around, families scurried to get their children on board before the train departed.

The young girl looked up at the train apprehensively. This train would lead her to her future – where she would hone her skills in the ways of magic, the idea was exhilarating and frightening all at once.

"Ready, Shannon?" her father asked behind her.

"... I, I think so." the girl responded nervously.

Calvin knelt down to look his daughter in her eyes. "Hey, it's gonna be alright. You'll be a fantastic witch."

"I won't be as great as you were, though." she replied timidly.

"Hey, don't worry about that!" Susie responded. "If you have even half of your dad's talent, you'll undoubtedly carve your own legacy. And no matter what, you'll make us both proud!" at hearing her mother's words, Shannon rushed into her parents, hugging them tightly. They held her close to them, ruffling hands through her hair and reassuring her.

"Hey!" the tender moment was broken up by a brisk shout. "Let's get moving! The train'll be leaving at any moment, there's no time to waste!"

Calvin rolled his eyes, sighing deeply. "Would you relax, Artemis? The Hogwarts Express isn't going to leave without anyone."

"Isn't it?!" the exasperated tigon asked. "It's already five minutes later than it was five minutes ago!"

"Seriously Mis, chill!"

"Do not tell me to chill, _Apollo!_" Artemis snapped tartly at her brother.

Apollo's reply was cut short with a gruff cough coming from the side. "Calm down kids, there's no need to get all wound up here – really, what would the headmistress think of you two showing all ragged and beaten on your first day on the job?" Hobbes said.

It was true, Apollo had recently been hired as the new caretaker of Hogwarts in the wake of Argus Filch's sudden retirement the previous summer. Hobbes and Ursula were thrilled with the news – then they heard that Artemis would also be joining the Hogwarts staff as an assistant to Professor Hagrid. Hobbes had shared a significant look with his mate and best friend then – having those two at Hogwarts at the same time was a surefire blueprint for disaster.

"Well that's not going to happen if we don't get on the train!" Artemis snapped back. "C'mon, let's go!"

Calvin sighed deeply. Giving his daughter one last pat on the shoulder, he ushered her onto the train with Apollo and Artemis following close behind.

The clock struck eleven and the train began it's voyage. Shannon looked out the window at her waving family. She kept her eyes on them until they and the station were completely out of sight.

Apollo stretched, running his paw through his short mane. Turning to Shannon he said "Why don't you go find a place to sit. I'm gonna go see if there's a bathroom on this thing."

Artemis rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "It didn't occur to you to go _before_ we left?!"

"_Can it!_" Apollo snapped.

Shannon quietly walked away shrugging her shoulders. It was going to be an interesting year.

At length she found a cabin with only a lone boy sitting in it. "Excuse me," she piped up. "is anyone sitting here?"

The boy looked up "Uh, no, you can sit here."

"Thanks." she said, seating herself on the bench across from him. "Hi," she said, extending her hand. "I'm Shannon Mitchell."

The boy accepted her hand saying "I'm James Potter."

* * *

Calvin stared at the fleeing form of the train, carrying his daughter away from him for the next six months. He pulled Susie closer to him as they shared their bitter-sweet moment.

"Ah," Hobbes breathed, his arm wrapped around Ursula as he following their gaze. "They grow up so fast, don't they?"

"Yeah." Calvin agreed.

After a few more moments of watching the train retreat into the distance, Ursula spoke up. "Well,... I suppose we ought to get going."

"Yes." Susie agreed "We really should – " she looked around, realizing something. "Where's Ryan?" she asked.

"He's right – " Calvin looked around the immediate area to see that his son wasn't around. "Oh, great." he grumbled. "Well, he _was_ just here a second ago, so he can't have gotten far."

The four of them split up to cover more ground. Calvin scoured the station, grumbling as he went. One of these days, he was gonna have to put a leash on that boy! Off-handed, he recalled something his father had said the first time this had happened – something to the tune of _'being a parent meant wanting to hug and strangle your child at the same time'._ And he sighed, figuring that this had to be his comeuppance for everything he had put his parents through.

As he turned a corner he saw him, standing next to another young boy and talking animatedly.

"There you are!" Calvin bellowed as he strode toward him. "What's the big idea? How many times do we have to tell you not to wander off like that?!"

Ryan turned sharply as his dad barked at him. "Oh, um... Look dad, I made a new friend!" he said gesturing to the boy.

"Good for you. Now let's go!" Calvin said, grabbing Ryan by the arm and pulling him away. "You do realize you just missed your sisters send off, Don't – " he stopped abruptly, sensing eyes on him. As he turned around, he saw the boy looking up at him wearing a look of awe. Feeling understandably awkward about the situation, he coughed nervously. "Er,... did you want something?" he asked the boy who didn't respond.

Then a new voice sounded in the distance. "Albus!" it said as a dark haired, bespectacled man appeared on the scene. "Albus – oh, there you are!" he said as he approached the boy and took his hand. "What were you doin– "

"Dad, look!" the boy cut his father off, gesturing towards Calvin. "Look dad, it's him!"

"Albus, it's not polite to point." the man said.

"No, dad!" Albus said, pulling out a book and showing the back cover to his dad. "It's him, look!" and the man took the book, observing the picture printed on its back cover – a picture depicting the very person his son had pointed to.

Looking up at Calvin, the man said "You're Calvin Mitchell?"

"Uh... yeah." Calvin answered guardedly.

"You wrote the Spaceman Spiff comic books?" the man pressed.

"Graphic novels if you please, but yes."

"Well, how about that." the man said smiling and stepping forward. "My son is quite a fan of your work. Oh, I'm Harry," he said extending his hand.

"Calvin – but you knew that already, didn't you?" Calvin responded, shaking Harry's hand. "So, your kid's read my books, huh?"

"Yeah. I've read a bit of 'em too. Their quite interesting."

At that moment, a woman came up to Harry carrying a small girl in her arm. "Ah, Ginny." Harry said as she approached. "C'mere, look who we just met. This is – "

"Calvin?" Ginny said, seeing Calvin for the first time. "Calvin Mitchell?"

Calvin's eyebrows rose as he recognized the person before him. "Ah, the Weaslett!" he exclaimed.

Harry looked from Ginny to Calvin, perplexity written all over his face. "Wait," he said. "you know him?"

"He was in the Slug Club." Ginny answered, her expression still baffled.

"... But, that was fifteen years ago." Harry said. "You still remember him after so long?"

"One does not easily forget about him." Ginny answered.

"You got that right, Weasley!" Calvin replied

"Actually, it's Potter now." Ginny smiled broadly, wrapping her free arm around her husband.

"Oh, Potter huh? Well that's – _whoa wait a minute!_" Calvin looked from Ginny to Harry and back and forth. "Potter... Potter, Harry.... wait. You're not _the_ Harry Potter, are you?"

"Er,.. yes." Harry said, a little bashfully.

Calvin barked out a laugh. "Well, this certainly has been an interesting morning, hasn't it?!"

Calvin heard rapid footsteps behind him and turned to see Susie running to where the small group stood. She swooped down grabbing Ryan in her arms and holding him tight. "Oh thank goodness you're alright." she said "Do you have any idea how worried we were?!" she reprimanded. "Don't ever do that again!!"

"Sorry mom." Ryan said, hugging her back. He was genuinely sorry for the distress he caused, but he just couldn't help himself.

"Alright, it's alright now, it's just good that we were able to – " she looked up, seeing the unfamiliar family standing around and quickly straightened up.

"Oh, see you made it." Calvin said. "Honey, these are the Potters."

They all regarded each other for a moment, then Ginny extended her hand. "Hi, I'm Ginny." she said.

"Susie." Susie replied, accepting her hand.

"And this is my husband, Harry."

"Harry?" Susie asked, turning to Calvin. "You mean this is – "

"Yeah."

* * *

After a time, Hobbes and Ursula joined them and the group all decided to go out for lunch. They sat about eating their meals and sharing stories throughout their time at Hogwarts and various details of their present activities.

"It's really incredible" Harry said. "after all the things we've both done at Hogwarts, that we never once met before now."

"No kidding." Calvin concurred. "It's almost as if someone wrote this big, elaborate story and then somebody else wrote this other story that coincided with the first story, only it was about different characters and it couldn't disrupt the flow of the first story!"

Everyone looked at Calvin incredulously. "I see what you mean by it not easy to forget him." Harry said after a moment.

"Well, Honey, we do have other places we need to go." Susie nudged Calvin.

"Ah yes." Calvin said, standing up. "Well, good day to you all. Nice meeting you. We'll probably never see each other again."

But it turns out they did see each other after that. And the two clans grew to be very close friends. But that is a tale for another time.

* * *

Well, I hope you've all enjoyed my story.

So this is how Calvin and Susie's relationship ends up – but, how did it begin? Hmmm...... Join me for the exciting prequel to _the Best Seven Years_, coming to FanFiction approximately whenever I feel like it.


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